Volume 3. Spiritual Struggle — Elder Paisios of Mount Athos

Seeing that sin “has become fashionable in our day,” the late Elder Paisios particularly emphasized the necessity of repentance and confession. The immense importance the Elder attached to repentance is evident from the last chapter of Volume II of his “Words.” “Repentance and confession,” the Elder told us, “are needed more than anything else today. They are necessary so that the devil may be deprived of the rights that people have given him. People give the devil rights, and as a result, he torments the world.”

With the help of Elder Paissios, many approached the Sacrament of Confession for the first time and transformed their lives. Now these people live as godly children of God and already experience heavenly joy in this life. “After all, people are very good!” Father Paissios joyfully shared with us. “Not once has it happened that I advised someone to go to confession and they did not do so.” Of course, this was also facilitated by the Elder’s great love, which transformed the soul of every person he came into contact with, turning it from barren loam into soil fit for cultivation.

This third volume of Elder Paisios’s “Words” is published with the blessing of the new ruling bishop of our diocese, His Eminence Metropolitan Nikodimos of Kassandria. This volume contains the Elder’s teachings, which can help a person tormented by sin to develop a healthy concern and begin the spiritual struggle to free himself from the sinful bonds that bind him. By living in repentance, a Christian will be able to cast off his old self—that “evil lodger living within us,” as the Elder put it. Father Paissios said that to expel this evil lodger, we must “demolish [his] house and begin to erect a new building—to build a new self.”

According to the teaching of the Holy Fathers, the beginning of sin is an evil thought. Therefore, we have placed the teachings on thoughts—selected from the Elder’s spiritual legacy—in the first part of this volume. “Thoughts,” the Elder said, “are an indicator of our spiritual state.” A good thought possesses great power—it spiritually transforms a person. Conversely, an evil thought torments a person. When a person casts out evil thoughts and cultivates good ones, his mind and heart are purified, and Divine Grace dwells within him.

The second part of the book explains that by enduring injustices and approaching them with a spiritual attitude, a person receives a great blessing from God. Often this truth is unknown even to spiritual people, who, in justifying themselves, go so far as to “compose their own gospel” and thus isolate themselves from God, because human righteousness has nothing in common with the spiritual life. If we wish to become one with Christ, we must partake of divine truth, “which embodies love, nobility, and self-sacrifice.”

The third part of the volume deals with sin. A person’s earthly life is turned into hellish torment by sin; however, through spiritual struggle, our life can become a paradise. If a person wishes to “emerge from the darkness of sin,” he must carefully examine his conscience—this “first divine law” given to him by God—and humbly acknowledge his mistakes and failings. This practice leads to “endless work of repentance” and brings divine consolation to the soul.

In the fourth part, Father Paisius denounces the satanic forces that operate in the world through their obedient instruments—sorcerers, psychics, clairvoyants, and other deluded individuals. The elder emphasizes that dark forces are powerless in and of themselves; however, they become destructive to a person if he has committed some grave sin and thereby granted them power over himself, and is thus subject to demonic influence. To free oneself from this influence, a person must identify the cause of the sin—that is, become aware of it, repent, go to confession, and become a conscious member of the Church.

The final, fifth part of the volume is devoted to the Sacrament of Confession. The Elder draws our attention to the fact that a Christian needs confession for the forgiveness of sins, and for safe spiritual growth, he needs a spiritual father. Father Paisius draws a clear distinction between the work of a psychiatrist and the ministry of a spiritual father (which are sometimes conflated today) and shares his own experience in ministering to people’s souls.

As in the previous volumes, Father Paisius briefly answers the questions posed to him. The Elder’s answers are not a systematic exposition of any particular topic and do not claim to be exhaustive. The purpose of his teachings lies elsewhere—in helping a person attain salvation. “The salvation of a person’s soul,” the Elder said, “is my consolation and joy.”

Seeing what can help his interlocutor in his spiritual struggle in each specific case, the Elder speaks to the person in accordance with their spiritual need, fortifying them with the necessary “spiritual vitamin.” Often, Father Paisius clarifies the meaning of his words with a fitting example. The Elder was convinced that positive examples are of immense benefit. “If I had the time, I would write about certain people who lived their lives honestly—about those young women and men, those fathers and mothers whose lives were marked by holiness,” he shared with us. “Such good examples expose those who have made sin fashionable. Exposing evil often serves no purpose. However, when we show what is good, evil is exposed of its own accord.”

As is well known, the questions Father Paissios answered were posed by nuns. Nevertheless, Father Paissios’s answers apply to anyone who is engaged in “the good work” or wishes to embark on this path. “Both monks and laypeople,” says the Elder in one of his letters, “are given the same commandments. And there is also only one Paradise [for all].” In addition, Father Paissios often noted that there are laypeople who lead a high spiritual life and perform subtle spiritual work upon themselves.

We thank all those who graciously agreed to read the manuscript of this volume and, through their advice, helped us complete the preparations for its publication.

“May the Good God enlighten us and grant us sincere repentance, so that we may all be deemed worthy of the good Paradise that He has prepared for us, as a Father who loves us tenderly,” said the Elder.

We pray that his words may come true. Amen.

February 11, 2001

The Week of the Prodigal Son

The Abbess of the Monastery of St. John the Theologian, the Apostle and Evangelist, Sister Philothea, with her sisters in Christ.

— Geronda, how do animals know that a certain person is kind?

— Animals have intuition. Therefore, if you love them, if you feel pain for them, they sense it. In Paradise, animals sensed the fragrance of Grace and served Adam. After the Fall, nature sighs along with man. Look at that poor little rabbit over there: he has a constantly frightened look in his eyes. Its little heart beats anxiously, thump-thump-thump. The poor thing can’t sleep at all! How this tiny, innocent creature suffers because of our sins! However, when a person returns to the state he was in before the Fall, animals once again approach him without fear.

Part 1.
On the Battle of Thoughts

“By seeing everything through good thoughts, a person is purified and receives God’s grace. But through evil, ‘wicked’ thoughts, a person condemns and unjustly offends others, hinders the coming of Divine Grace, after which the devil comes and torments him.”

Chapter 1.
On Thoughts, Good and Evil [1]

The Power of a Good Thought

— Geronda, in the Old Testament, in the Fourth Book of Maccabees, it says the following: “A godly thought is not the eradicator of passions, but their adversary.”[2] What does this mean?

— Look: passions are deeply rooted within us, but a godly, good thought helps us avoid falling into their slavery. When a person, by constantly incorporating good thoughts into their actions, makes their virtuous state firm and steadfast, [their] passions cease to act and it is as if they do not exist. In other words, a pious thought does not eradicate passions, but fights against them and can overcome them. The Fourth Book of Maccabees describes the [torments] endured by the seven holy youths, their mother Saint Solomonia, and their teacher Saint Eleazar, all of whom possessed pious thoughts. I believe the author of the [Holy Book] mentions this to clearly demonstrate the power of a good thought.[3]

A single good thought is equal in power to a vigil lasting many hours! It possesses great power. Today there are anti-missile systems that use laser beams to strike an enemy missile while it is still on the launch pad, preventing it from taking off. So it is with good thoughts: they prevent evil thoughts from taking off from the devil’s “airfields,” where they are based, and do not allow them to rise into the air. Therefore, as much as you can, try not to let the devil succeed in planting evil thoughts within you. Try to get ahead of him yourself and plant good thoughts within yourself, so that your heart may become a flower garden and your prayer may be accompanied by the divine fragrance of your heart.

If a person harbors—even a little—a “wrong,” that is, an evil, thought about someone, then no matter what spiritual feat he performs—fasting, vigil, or anything else—it will all come to naught. How will asceticism help him if he does not fight against evil thoughts but accepts them? Why does he not first cleanse the vessel of the dirty oil dregs, suitable only for soap, and only then pour pure oil into it? Why does he mix the pure with the impure and render the pure useless?

A single pure, good thought possesses greater power than any ascetic feat. For example, the devil has unleashed a barrage of impure thoughts against a young man. To rid himself of them, the young man keeps all-night vigils, fasts, and abstains from food and water for three days in a row. However, a single pure thought that he incorporates into his work possesses greater power than all his vigils and fasts, and provides him with more substantial help.

— Geronda, when you speak of a “pure thought,” do you give this word a narrow [ascetic] meaning, or do you use it more broadly?

— And broadly as well. Through good thoughts, a person is purified and receives Grace from God. And through “wicked” [unwholesome] thoughts, he condemns and unjustly accuses others. By doing so, he hinders the coming of Divine Grace. And then the devil comes and torments that person.

— So, Geronda, by condemning others, does a person give the devil the right to torment him?

— Yes. The whole foundation lies in good thoughts. It is precisely this that elevates a person and changes them for the better. One must reach a level where one sees everything clearly. This is what Christ meant when He said: “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with righteous judgment.”[4] And then a person enters a state where he sees everything not with human eyes, but with spiritual eyes. He finds justification for everything—in the good sense of the word.

We must be careful not to accept the devil’s deceitful messages. If we accept them, we will defile “the temple of the Holy Spirit,”[5] and God’s grace will depart from us, causing us to become [spiritually] blind. When the Holy Spirit sees our heart as blameless and pure, He comes and dwells within it. For the Holy Spirit loves spotless purity. That is why He appeared [at the Jordan] in the form of a dove.[6]

Thoughts “from the left” are the greatest illness

— Geronda, when I have to deal with some problem, I get very anxious and can’t sleep.

“Your main problem is that you have so many thoughts. If you didn’t have all those thoughts, you would be able to devote yourself much more fully to both obedience and your spiritual life.” But I’ll teach you one way to avoid having so many thoughts. Listen carefully. For example, if a thought about something you need to do tomorrow pops into your mind, tell that thought: “This isn’t for today. I’ll think about it tomorrow.” And when you have to make a decision, don’t torment yourself with thoughts about the best course of action, and don’t keep putting off the decision further and further. Choose something, take a decisive step, and leave the rest to God. Try to avoid being overly scrupulous or excessively meticulous, so as not to rack your brain. With love,[7] , do what you can. At the same time, act simply and with complete trust in God. By entrusting our future and our hope to God, we, in a sense, oblige Him to help us. Too many worries can render even a healthy person useless. If a sick and suffering person becomes distressed, they have an excuse. However, if someone who is healthy worries and suffers from “left-wing” thoughts, they might as well be put in a straitjacket! [Is it even conceivable—] to be in perfect health and yet be tormented by one’s own thoughts!

The most serious illness of our age is the vain thoughts of worldly people. They may have everything they want, except for good thoughts. They suffer because they do not approach circumstances spiritually. For example, a person is driving somewhere. On the road, the engine starts to act up, and he arrives at his destination a little late. With a good thought, the latecomer will say: “Apparently, the Good Lord slowed me down for a reason. Who knows—maybe if it weren’t for this delay, I would have gotten into an accident! My God, how can I thank You for saving me from danger!” And such a person glorifies God. But the one who lacks a good intention will react to what happened in an unspiritual way and begin to blame and blaspheme God: “What terrible luck! I should have arrived earlier, but I was late! Everything’s gone wrong! And it’s all this God’s fault...”

By accepting what happens to him with a “right” mindset, a person receives help. But by thinking “wrongly,” he suffers, is tormented, and loses his balance. I remember how, many years ago, we arrived from Mount Athos in Uranopolis [8] and were planning to continue on to Thessaloniki. They provided us with a truck already loaded with all sorts of things: suitcases, oranges, fish, empty dirty fish baskets... People began climbing into that same truck bed: children from Afoniada,[9] monks, and laypeople. Those who could sat down on the wooden planks; the rest stood. One portly layperson squeezed onto the bench next to me. He was very uncomfortable because of the crowding, and he began to complain loudly: “What kind of mess is this!” A little further away from him sat a monk, completely piled under stinking fish baskets—only the poor fellow’s head was sticking out. The truck set off down the bumpy country road, shaking and swaying over the potholes. The baskets, stacked one inside the other , kept falling on the monk, and he pushed them away with his hands, trying to protect his head. And my portly neighbor on the bench continued to loudly express his displeasure at being a bit cramped. “Why are you yelling all the time?” I admonished him. “Look at what your neighbor is going through! “How are you doing, Father?” I asked the monk. “It’s better here than in hell, Geronda,” he replied with a smile. One sat there suffering, while the other rejoiced, even as mountains of stinking fish baskets rained down on him. And the journey was a long one—about a two-hour drive. The layperson’s mind imagined how comfortable the bus ride would be, and he was ready to tear everything to shreds. But the monk rejoiced, thinking of the sufferings he would have endured in hell. “In two hours we’ll reach our destination and get out of this bus,” the monk reasoned. “But those wretched [sinners] suffer in hell for eternity. And the torments there are hellish—nothing like all these cramped seats and the crowd of people. Glory to You, God—it’s not as bad here as it is there.”

— Geronda, what is the reason that, for example, two novices have different degrees of trust in their elder?

— The reason lies in one’s intention. One can have a corrupted intention toward anything and anyone. Without a good intention and without removing one’s “self” from every action—that is, acting out of self-interest—a person will derive no benefit even from a Saint. Even if he had a holy elder or elderess, even if his elder were Anthony the Great himself—not to mention that—even all the saints [were they his spiritual fathers] would be unable to help him. Even God Himself cannot help such a person, despite the fact that He very much wants to. If a person loves himself—that is, is consumed by self-indulgence—then he interprets everything according to the inclinations and tastes of his “self.” Some interpret everything as sinful; others—as they please. Gradually, these absurd interpretations become “natural” to such a person. And no matter how you behave, such people will still be led astray. But some, as soon as you give them the slightest bit of attention or say a kind word, take flight as if on wings. However, if you don’t pay them attention, they become very upset and rush to extremes. These extremes come from the enemy. For example, such people notice some trifle and, based on it, build their [baseless] assumption. And then they become convinced that things happened exactly as they had assumed. For example, upon seeing someone lost in thought, such people think that person is angry with them for some reason, even though the person may simply be pensive because they are preoccupied with something. A few days ago, a visitor came to see me and asked about one of his acquaintances: “Why did he used to talk to me, but now he doesn’t? Maybe it’s because I recently made a remark to him?”—“You know,” I told him, “he might have seen you and simply not recognized you. Or perhaps someone close to him fell ill, and he was preoccupied with finding a doctor. Or maybe he was planning to travel abroad and was worried about exchanging money. It could have been something else entirely.” And it turned out that the person in question was indeed consumed by a multitude of worries related to the illness of one of his loved ones. Meanwhile, his acquaintance wanted him to stop and talk to him at all costs, and as a result, he began to torment himself with negative thoughts.

Good thoughts bring a person spiritual health

— Geronda, what are the distinguishing characteristics of a weak thought?

— What do you mean? This is the first time I’ve heard [of a weak thought].

— You said that when a person accepts a thought “from the left” and takes offense at someone’s behavior, they…

— And I called that kind of thought “weak”?

— I remembered how someone wanted to become your novice, and you told him, “I won’t take you because you have a weak thought.”

— No, I put it differently. “I won’t take you on as a novice because you lack spiritual health”—that’s what I told him. “What does ‘spiritual health’ mean?” he asked. — “You don’t have good thoughts,” I explained. — “Just as a person has flaws, so too might an old monk have some virtues. But if you lack good intentions, then both my flaws and my virtues will be to your detriment.” One can say of a small child that, as long as he is still immature, his thoughts are weak. But one cannot say such a thing about an adult.

— Geronda, are all adults mature?

— Some have immature minds. I’m not talking now about those who simply aren’t very bright. If a person doesn’t behave with simplicity, their thoughts are directed toward evil, and they misinterpret everything. Such a person lacks spiritual health, and even goodness does them no good. Even goodness torments such a person.

— Geronda, if some kind of disorder occurs [in the monastery], is there any point in looking for someone to blame?

— First, ask yourself if you yourself are to blame. That will be for the best!

— Geronda, but what if others themselves give me reason [to think they are to blame]?

— And how many times have you given them the same reason? If you think about it, you’ll realize that by approaching the situation this way, you’re making a mistake.

— And when we say, “Most likely, [this mess] happened because of Sister So-and-so,” are we adopting a “left-sided” thought?

— Are you sure that sister is really to blame?

— No, but she’s done things like this before.

— Since you’re not sure, that means it’s a “left-sided” thought. Besides, even if that sister is really to blame, who knows how and why she acted that way?

— Geronda, but what if I see, for example, that a certain sister has a particular passion?

— Are you the abbess? The abbess is responsible [for you] and therefore must keep an eye on your passions. But why are you keeping track of each other’s passions? You haven’t yet learned to work on yourselves. If you want to learn to work on yourselves, don’t scrutinize what others are doing, but incorporate kind thoughts about what you see in them into your work. No matter what goal a person is pursuing—incorporate kind thoughts into your work. A kind thought contains love. It disarms a person and inspires them to treat you kindly. Do you remember the nuns who mistook a robber for an Elder? When he revealed himself to them, they concluded that he was a holy fool for Christ’s sake and was therefore pretending to be a robber. After that, they began to treat him with even greater respect. And in the end, these nuns saved both the robber himself and his accomplices.[10]

— Geronda, what should one do if a sister is lying?

— What if she was forced to tell that lie because of you? Or maybe she [simply] forgot something, and what she told you wasn’t a lie? For example, a hotel guest asks the cook for some salad, and the cook says she doesn’t have any, but the guest knows there is some. If the hotel guest doesn’t have good intentions, she’ll say, “What a liar!” However, if she has good intentions, she’ll say, “Poor thing, she got caught up in her work and forgot she still had some salad left.” Or she might justify her sister with this thought: “Apparently, she decided to save the salad for some other [more important] occasion.” So it is with you: you think this way because you lack spiritual health. If you had it, you would see even what is impure as pure. You would view the fruit of fruit trees and manure in the same light, because manure helped [the trees] bear their fruit.

Those who have good thoughts are spiritually sound and turn evil into good. I remember how, during the occupation, those children who were physically strong would devour a slice of cornbread with gusto and enjoyed excellent health. But the children of wealthy parents ate wheat bread with butter; yet they remained sickly because their bodies were weak. In spiritual life, the situation is exactly the same. Take, for example, a person with good thoughts. Even if someone strikes him unjustly, he will say: “God has allowed this so that I may atone for my past sins. Glory to God!” But if a person lacks good intentions, then even if you want to gently pat him on the head, he’ll think you’re raising your hand to strike him. Look at drunkards: a wicked person, in the throes of drunkenness, smashes everything in sight. But if a drunkard has a kind soul, he weeps and forgives everyone. One such good-natured man, when he got drunk, would start muttering: “You’re looking at me unkindly… All right… I’ll shower you with gold. Straight from the bucket!..”

Those who have good intentions see everything in a positive light

When some people told me that they were led astray by seeing so much that was inappropriate in the Church, I replied to them as follows: “If you ask a fly whether there are any flowers in the vicinity, it will answer: ‘I don’t know about flowers. But as for tin cans, manure, and filth—that ditch over there is full to the brim.’” And the fly will begin to list for you, one by one, all the garbage dumps it has visited. But if you ask a bee, “Have you seen any filth around here?”—it will reply, “Filth? No, I haven’t seen any anywhere. There are so many fragrant flowers here!” And the little bee will start listing all sorts of different flowers for you—garden flowers and wildflowers. You see: the fly knows only about garbage dumps, while the little bee knows that a lily is growing nearby and a hyacinth has bloomed a little farther away.”

As I understand it, some people are like bees, and others are like flies. Those who are like flies look for something bad in every situation and focus only on that. They don’t see a shred of goodness in anything. Those who are like bees find goodness in everything. A person who is damaged thinks in a damaged way. He approaches everything with prejudice, sees everything upside down, whereas someone with good intentions—no matter what he sees or what he is told—applies a good thought to the situation.

Once, a boy—a second-year student at the gymnasium—came to my kaliva.[11] He knocked on the gate with an iron knocker. Although a whole sack of unread letters was waiting for me, I decided to go out and ask what he wanted. “Well,” I said, “what’s on your mind, young man?” “Is this,” he asked, “Father Paissiy’s kaliva? I need to see Father Paissiy.” “This is his kaliva,” I replied, “but Paissiy himself isn’t here—he went out to buy cigarettes.” — “I see,” the boy replied with a kind thought, “Father Paissius went to get cigarettes because he wanted to do someone a favor.” — “He’s buying them for himself,” I said. “He ran out of cigarettes, and he rushed off to the store like a madman. He left me here all alone, and I don’t even know when he’ll be back. If I see that he’s been gone a long time, I’ll leave too.” Tears glistened in the boy’s eyes, and he—again with good intentions—said, “How we tire the Elder!” — “Why do you need him?” I asked. — “I want,” he said, “to get his blessing.” — “What blessing, you silly boy! He’s under a spell! Such a wayward little man—I know him like the back of my hand. So don’t hold your breath. After all, when he comes back, he’ll be in a terrible mood. Or he might even show up drunk—on top of everything else, he’s not averse to getting into a fight.” However, no matter what I said to this young man, he took everything in good spirit. “All right,” I said then, “I’ll wait for Paissius a little longer. Tell me what you want, and I’ll pass it on to him.” “I have,” he replied, “a letter for the Elder, but I’ll wait for him so I can ask for his blessing.”

Just look at that! No matter what I said, he always took it with good intentions. I told him, “That Paisiy ran off like a madman to get cigarettes,” and when he heard that, he started sighing, and tears welled up in his eyes. “Who knows why he went after them?” he thought. “He probably wanted to do a good deed.” Others read so much [and yet have no good intentions]. But here—a second-year gymnasium student has such good intentions! You spoil one thought of his, and he crafts a new one, better than the last, and on the basis of that, he arrives at a better conclusion. This child filled me with admiration. I had never seen anything like it before.

The Thoughts of a Sanctified Person and the Thoughts of a Wicked Person

— Geronda, does a person who possesses holiness understand who is wicked [and who is not]?

— Yes, he recognizes both the wicked person and the holy person. He sees the evil committed by someone, but at the same time he sees the inner person of the one committing the evil. He discerns that this evil comes from the tempter, that it enters a person from the outside. With the eyes of his soul, he sees his own transgressions as great, and the transgressions of others as small. He truly sees them as small and does not deceive himself. He may understand that what someone is doing is a crime, but—in the good sense of the word—he may excuse the wickedness of the evil person. He does not despise such people; he does not consider them inferior to himself. He may even consider such people better than himself and consciously—for many reasons—tolerate the evil they commit. For example, seeing a criminal’s malice, such a person thinks that no one helped this criminal, and that is why he sank so low as to commit atrocities. He also understands that he himself could have ended up in this unfortunate person’s place if God had left him without His help. [By relating to evil] in this way, such a person receives abundant grace. But the opposite happens to a deceitful person. Seeing the holiness of the righteous, he does not recognize their good intentions—just as the devil himself does not recognize them.

The one who practices subtle self-examination justifies others and does not justify himself. And the more he advances spiritually, the greater his freedom becomes, and the more he loves God and people. Then he cannot comprehend what malice means, since he constantly harbors good thoughts toward others; his thoughts are always pure, and he views everything spiritually and sanctified. Even the failings of his neighbors benefit such a person. He uses them as a reliable check on himself, so that he may remain vigilant and not suffer a downfall. On the contrary, a person who has not purified himself thinks craftily and views everything around him with craftiness. With his cunning, he taints even what is good and kind. Even the virtues of others do him no good, because, overshadowed by the black darkness of the murderer [the devil], he interprets even virtues through the lens of his “Cunning Dictionary.” He is always in a state of distress and constantly upsets those around him with his spiritual darkness. If such a person wants to be set free, he must understand that he needs to purify his soul so that spiritual enlightenment and purity of mind and heart may come to him.

— Geronda, why is it that sometimes the same person is sometimes cunning and sometimes good?

— In this case, he is subject to certain influences and changes. People are fickle. Deceitful thoughts may come from the devil, but it also happens that a person thinks deceitfully on his own. That is, the enemy often creates certain situations to provoke evil thoughts in people. Once, an archimandrite came to my cell, but I wasn’t able to receive him. When he came a second time, I was seriously ill and again couldn’t speak with him, so I asked him to come back again. Then the archimandrite began to torment himself with thoughts that I did not want to see him and that I harbored animosity toward him. He went to the monastery to which my cell was subordinate and began to complain about me. All of this happened through the instigation of the evil one.

A person’s thoughts are an indicator of his spiritual state

— Geronda, why do two people view the same thing differently?

— Do all eyes see with the same clarity? To see clearly and purely, one must have very healthy eyes of the soul. For if the eyes of the soul are healthy, a person possesses inner purity.

— And why, Geronda, does it sometimes happen that one person considers the same event a blessing, while another considers it a misfortune?

— Everyone interprets what is happening in accordance with their own mindset. Any event or phenomenon can be viewed from both a positive and a negative perspective. Once I heard about the following incident. There was a monastery in a certain area. Little by little, buildings began to go up around it, and gradually the monastery found itself surrounded on all sides by secular homes. Vespers was celebrated there at midnight—together with Matins. Laypeople living in the vicinity also came to the service. One time, a young novice monk, on his way to the service, forgot to lock the door to his cell, and a woman walked in. When the monk found out about this, he became terribly agitated: “Disaster! The cell has been defiled! It’s all over, I’m done for!” Without a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed a bottle of alcohol, poured the contents onto the floor, and set it on fire! “Disinfecting the floor!” A little more, and he would have burned down the monastery. He burned the floor of his cell, but he did not burn his thought. And that is precisely what he needed to burn, because the evil lay in that thought. If, by bringing a good thought into play, the monk had told himself that the woman had entered his cell out of reverence, desiring to benefit, to receive [as a blessing] monastic grace, so that she might then strive spiritually at home herself, then a spiritual transformation would have taken place within him, and he would have glorified God.

A person’s spiritual state is evident from the quality of his thoughts. People judge things and events according to what they themselves possess within. Lacking spirituality, they draw erroneous conclusions and treat others unjustly. For example, someone who gives alms at night, wishing to remain anonymous, would never think ill of a passerby encountered late at night on the street. But someone who spends his nights in sin, upon seeing a late-night passerby, will say: “What a beast—where on earth has he been all night?”—because they judge based on their own experience. Or, for example, a person with good intentions, upon hearing a knock on the upper floor at night, will rejoice: “They’re bowing in reverence!” But someone who lacks good intentions will grumble maliciously, “They’ve been dancing all night long!” One person, upon hearing melodious singing, will say, “What beautiful church hymns!”—while another will get angry: “What kind of songs are they belting out over there?..”

Do you remember how the two thieves crucified alongside Him reacted to Christ? Both saw Christ crucified on the Cross, both felt the earth shake, and both were in the same situation. However, what did one think, and what did the other? One—the one hanging on the left—blasphemed against Christ and said: “If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us.”[12] The other—on the right—confessed thus: “We indeed receive what we deserve according to our deeds; but this man has done no wrong.”[13] One went to eternal torment; the other was saved.

Chapter 2.
On Blasphemous Thoughts

What Kinds of Thoughts Are Blasphemous

— Geronda, I don’t understand when a thought is blasphemous...

— When wicked images come to mind about Christ, the Mother of God, the Saints, anything divine and holy, or even about our spiritual father and the like, these are blasphemous thoughts. Such thoughts should not even be repeated to anyone.

— Not even to my spiritual father?

— It is enough to say the following to your spiritual father: “I have blasphemous thoughts about Christ or the Holy Spirit, the Mother of God, the Saints, or you—my spiritual father.” All these blasphemies and sins are not ours—they come from the devil. Therefore, we have no need to be upset even more because of the devil’s sins. When I was a novice monk, the devil would bring me blasphemous thoughts for a while—even in church. I would get very upset. The devil would instill in me wicked thoughts about the saints, using as “raw material” the profanity and obscenities I had heard from others in the army. “These thoughts come from the devil,” my spiritual father admonished me. “If a person becomes upset by the wicked thoughts about the sacred that arise in him, this already proves that they are not his own, but come from outside.” But I continued to be troubled. When blasphemous thoughts came, I would go to pray in the chapel of St. John the Forerunner, kiss his icon, and it would give off a sweet fragrance. When the impure thoughts returned, I hurried back to the chapel of St. John the Forerunner, and once again a sweet fragrance emanated from the icon. During one Divine Liturgy, I was in the chapel praying. When the choir began singing Nileus’s “Holy God” ([14] ), I began to sing along quietly from my seat. Suddenly, I saw a huge, terrifying beast with the head of a dog burst through the door leading from the narthex of the main church into the side chapel. Flames were spewing from its mouth and eyes. The monster turned toward me and, annoyed that I was singing “Holy God,” menacingly waved its paw at me twice. I glanced at the monks praying beside me: perhaps they had seen [the beast] too? No, no one had noticed anything. Later, I told my spiritual father what had happened. “Well, did you see who it was?” my spiritual father asked me. “That’s exactly who it is. Are you calm now?”

— Geronda, does a person always realize that his thought is blasphemous?

— He realizes it if he uses the mind that God has given him. For example, some people ask me, “Geronda, how is it possible that the torments of hell exist? We are distressed when we see a person sitting in prison—what more can be said about those who are tormented in hell!” However, such reasoning is blasphemy against God. These people set themselves up as more righteous than He is. God knows what He is doing. Do you remember the story told by Saint Gregory the Dialogist? Once, Bishop Fortunatus cast out an unclean spirit from a possessed woman. The expelled demon took the form of a beggar, returned to the city, and began to accuse the bishop. “That heartless man cast me out!” he shouted. One man, hearing these cries, took pity on the “unfortunate” demon: “What a terrible impulse drove him to cast you out! How could he have done such a thing! Come on in to my house.” The devil entered his house and soon asked, “Throw some firewood on the hearth; I’m freezing.” The host put thick logs into the fire, and the flames roared merrily. And when the fire was burning properly, the devil entered the host’s child. In a fit of possession, the poor boy leaped into the fire and was burned to death. Then the host realized whom the bishop had cast out and whom he had welcomed into his home. Bishop Fortunatus knew exactly what he was doing when he cast the unclean spirit out of the possessed girl.[15]

Where Do Blasphemous Thoughts Come From?

— Geronda, could you tell us something about benevolent indifference?

— Benevolent indifference is necessary for an overly sensitive person who is tormented by various thoughts from the devil.[16] It would be good for such a person to become a little insensitive—in the positive sense of the word—and not dwell on certain kinds of thoughts. Furthermore, benevolent indifference is necessary for a person whom the devil, wishing to throw off balance, has made overly sensitive regarding a specific matter or phenomenon—even though such a person does not usually suffer from excessive sensitivity. And for such a person, a healthy indifference will help for a time. However, a spiritual father must keep an eye on him. He needs to open up his thoughts to his spiritual father and remain under his supervision. Otherwise, he may gradually become indifferent to everything and fall into the opposite extreme—becoming a completely apathetic person.

— Geronda, why do I have blasphemous thoughts when I feel sad?

— Look at what happens: seeing you sad, the devil takes advantage of it and slips you a worldly candy—a sinful thought. If you give in the first time [by accepting this candy-like thought], the next time it will upset you even more, and you won’t have the strength to resist it. That’s why you should never remain in a state of sadness; instead, it’s better to engage in something spiritual. A spiritual activity will help you emerge from this state.

— Geronda, I’m really tormented by certain thoughts...

— They come from the evil one. Be at peace, and do not listen to them. You are an impressionable, sensitive person. The devil, taking advantage of your sensitivity, instills in you [the habit] of paying excessive attention to certain thoughts. He “glues” your mind to them, and you suffer needlessly. For example, he may bring you evil thoughts about Mother Superior or even about me. Ignore these thoughts. If you pay even a little attention to a blasphemous thought, it can torment you; it can break you. You need a little healthy indifference.

The devil usually torments devout and very sensitive people with blasphemous thoughts. He exaggerates their fall [in their own eyes] in order to plunge them into sorrow. The devil seeks to plunge them into despair so that they will take their own lives, and if he fails at that, he seeks, at the very least, to drive them mad and render them incapacitated. If the devil fails at that as well, he takes pleasure in at least inflicting melancholy and despondency upon them.

Once I met a man who was constantly spitting. “He’s possessed by a demon,” people told me about him. “No,” I replied, “the possessed don’t behave that way.” And indeed, as I later learned for certain, this poor soul hadn’t sinned enough to become possessed. He had grown up an orphan and was known for his sensitivity and impressionability. On top of that, he had a “left-leaning” mindset and a somewhat morbid imagination. The devil fanned the flames of all this and began to instill blasphemous thoughts in him. And when the devil instilled them, the unfortunate man would resist, jump up, and, wanting to rid himself of the blasphemous thoughts, “spit them out.” But those who watched this from the sidelines thought he was possessed by a demon. And so it went: the impressionable poor soul would spit out blasphemous thoughts, and people would tell him, “You’re possessed by a demon!”

Often, blasphemous thoughts come to a person because of the devil’s envy. Especially after an all-night vigil. It happens that, from exhaustion, you collapse as if dead and cannot resist the enemy. That is precisely when the wicked devil brings you blasphemous thoughts. And then, wanting to confuse you or plunge you into despair, he begins to instill the thought: “Not even the devil himself would bring such thoughts! Now you will not be saved.” The devil can bring blasphemous thoughts to a person even against the Holy Spirit, and then say that this sin—blasphemy against the Holy Spirit—is unforgivable.

— Elder, can a blasphemous thought arise through our own fault?

— Yes. A person can himself provide the cause for such a thought to arise. If blasphemous thoughts are not caused by excessive sensitivity, then they come from pride, judgment, and the like. Therefore, if, while striving in asceticism, you have thoughts of unbelief and blasphemy, know that your asceticism is being carried out with pride. Pride clouds the mind, unbelief sets in, and a person is deprived of the covering of Divine Grace. Furthermore, blasphemous thoughts overcome a person who delves into dogmatic issues without having the necessary foundation for doing so.[17]

Contempt for Blasphemous Thoughts

— Geronda, Abba Isaac says that we overcome passions “through humility, not through pride.”[18] Isn’t contempt for a particular passion, pride [over it], and contempt for blasphemous thoughts all the same thing?

— No. In despising a passion, there is pride, self-confidence, and—worst of all—self-justification. That is, you justify yourself and “renounce” your passion. It’s as if you’re saying, “This passion isn’t mine; it has nothing to do with me”—and you don’t make an effort to free yourself from it. But we must despise blasphemous thoughts because, as I’ve already said, they aren’t ours but come from the devil.

— And if a person pretends to others that he has a certain passion—for example, by portraying himself as a glutton—is he thereby mocking the devil?

— In that case, he is practicing a “good kind” of hypocrisy, but that is not mocking the devil. You mock the devil when he brings you blasphemous thoughts, and you sing a hymn.

— Geronda, how can one drive away a blasphemous thought during the Divine Liturgy?

— By singing. “I will open my mouth...”[19] Don’t you know how to sing from sheet music? Don’t dwell on that thought; treat it with contempt. A person who stands in prayer and engages with such thoughts is like a soldier who reports to his commander while unscrewing a grenade.

— What if the blasphemous thought won’t go away?

— If he does not leave, know that somewhere within you he has found a place for himself. The most effective remedy is contempt for the devil. For he—the teacher of deceit—hides behind blasphemous thoughts. During an onslaught of blasphemous thoughts, it is better not to fight them even with the Jesus Prayer, because by reciting it, we reveal our anxiety, and the devil, aiming at our weak spot, will bombard us with blasphemous thoughts without end. In this case, it is better to sing a church hymn. Consider this: even small children, wishing to show contempt toward a peer, interrupt their speech with various little songs like “do-re-mi.” We should do the same toward the devil. However, let us show our contempt for him not with worldly songs, but with sacred hymns. Church singing is not only a prayer to God, but also a sign of contempt for the devil. In this way, the evil one will be hit from both sides—and he will burst.

— Geronda, when I’m in this state, I can’t sing. It’s not even easy for me to approach Holy Communion.

— That’s very dangerous! The tangalashka is driving you into a corner! Sing and receive Communion—after all, these thoughts aren’t yours. Obey me at least in this: [during the battle of thoughts] sing “It is truly meet” just once, so that the tangalashka gets what he deserves and runs away. Didn’t I tell you about a certain monk from Mount Athos? He came to the Holy Mountain as a twelve-year-old orphan. Having lost the love of his earthly mother, he gave all his love to the Mother of God. He felt the same way toward Her as he did toward his own mother. If only you could have seen with what reverence he kissed the icons! And then the enemy, taking advantage of this love, filled him with blasphemous thoughts. The poor fellow even stopped kissing the icons. His Elder, upon learning of this, took him by the hand and made him kiss the faces and hands of the Most Holy Theotokos and the Savior on Their icons. Immediately afterward, the devil fled. Of course, kissing the Mother of God and the Savior directly on the face is audacious. But the Elder made the monk do this in order to drive away the thoughts that were tormenting him.

In what cases are we ourselves guilty of blasphemous thoughts?

— Geronda, when I experience the onset of a blasphemous thought but do not dwell on it—[20] —am I then to blame?

— If you are distressed by it and do not accept that thought, then there is no guilt.

— Geronda, when is a person himself guilty of a blasphemous thought?

— He is at fault if he is not distressed by having such a thought, but instead sits [with his hands folded] and converses with it. And the more he accepts blasphemous thoughts, the greater the diabolical turmoil he will be subjected to. For by scrutinizing a blasphemous thought that has arisen and conversing with it in your mind, you are, to a small degree, subjecting yourself to demonic possession.

— And how can one drive away such thoughts?

— If a person is distressed that such thoughts come to him and does not engage with them, then, receiving no nourishment, they fall away on their own. A tree that is not watered will wither. However, once a person begins to take even the slightest pleasure in these thoughts, he feeds them, “watering” his old self. In this case, the thoughts do not “wither away” easily.

— And this sometimes happens to me, Geronda: I entertain blasphemous thoughts, dwell on them, then realize what I’m doing, but by then I can no longer drive them away.

— Do you know what’s happening to you? At some point, you get distracted by something, your mind wanders, and with your mouth wide open, you start counting crows. Then a street vendor sneaks up on you and tosses a piece of candy into your open mouth. You start rolling it around in your mouth, savoring its taste, and by then it’s already hard to spit it out. You have to spit it out right away—as soon as you barely sense its “sweetness.”

— Geronda, what if I briefly entertain a blasphemous thought that pops into my mind, but then drive it away?

— In that case, the devil gives you a piece of candy, and you spit it out—but not right away, only after some time has passed. You must spit it out immediately. Otherwise, having deceived you at first with the candy, the devil will later make you drink a bitter potion and mock you.

Chapter 3.
On Trusting One’s Thoughts

Trusting one’s own thoughts is the beginning of delusion

“Elder, when I get angry, I become like a raging torrent—I can’t control myself.”

— And why can’t you control yourself?

— Because I trust my own thoughts.

— Well, if that’s the case, then you have your own “I believe,” your own “creed”! It’s all about selfishness. Don’t justify your thoughts. Cast out those foolish thoughts yourself; don’t accept them.

— How can I tell if a thought is “silly”?

— Well, if you don’t understand that, then confide it to your mother superior. And cast that thought aside in one fell swoop—by obeying her in everything she tells you. If a spiritual person trusts his own thoughts, that is the beginning of delusion. His mind becomes clouded by pride, and he may fall into delusion. It would be better for him to lose his mind in that case, because then he would have extenuating circumstances.

— Geronda, aren’t others [already] unable to help such a person?

— For someone in such a state to benefit from someone else’s help, he must first help himself. He must understand that believing his own thoughts—which suggest to him that he is better than everyone else, that he is holy, and so on—is delusion. If a person clings to such a thought, not even a cannonball could dislodge it. For this thought to go away, one must humble oneself. Sometimes people in this state ask me to pray for them. But how will my prayer help such a person? If he himself leaves the fuse—which the devil has slipped into him—still in place, he will blow up again. It’s just as if a person [sitting on a powder keg] were holding the fuse in his hands and at the same time asking you to help him avoid the explosion!

— Geronda, I’ve just gone completely crazy...

— Who told you that? Could it be your own thought? [Don’t be afraid.] I’m watching over you from the Holy Mountain. I remember you. You haven’t gone crazy—you haven’t. But if you start believing your own thoughts, they’ll definitely drive you mad. Don’t believe your own thoughts: neither when they tell you you’re doomed, nor when they call you a saint.

Trusting your thoughts leads to mental illness

— Geronda, if a person is tormented by the thought that everyone around them is supposedly preoccupied only with them, how can they drive that thought away?

— This thought comes from the evil one, who seeks to make a person sick. You must treat such a thought with indifference, paying it no mind. You mustn’t believe a word of it. For example, a suspicious person, seeing two acquaintances talking quietly to each other, thinks: “They’re gossiping about me! I didn’t expect that from them!” But in reality, they’re talking about something else entirely. If you give in to such a thought, it will gradually “gain momentum,” and the person will eventually come to believe that they’re being watched and pursued. Even if someone has “irrefutable evidence” that those around him are preoccupied solely with him, he must know that these “facts” have been manipulated in such a cunning way by none other than the enemy himself, who wishes to convince the person [of the truth of the suggested thought]. What a cunning manipulator the devil is!

I know a young man. Although he is very intelligent, he believes the thought the enemy instills in him—that he is mentally unstable. By accepting the thoughts the enemy brings him, this young man has created a whole host of insecurities for himself. He tried to take his own life and completely tormented his parents. God gave him strength and gifts, but the enemy is ruining it all. So the young man torments himself and torments others. I can’t understand: why do people accept these thoughts from the devil and make their own lives unbearable? Then they even start blaming God for what’s happening to them, even though He does so much good for us and loves us so much! No matter what you say to such people, it will be of no use. Until a person stops believing the thoughts that the enemy brings him, all conversations with him will only drain his strength and nothing more.

— Geronda, is being easily influenced a weakness of the soul, a sickness?

— No. Kindness, sensitivity, and receptiveness are natural gifts; however, unfortunately, the devil [sometimes] manages to use them for his own purposes. The devil often inspires a sensitive, impressionable person to exaggerate things, so that they are unable to endure some difficulty or—having barely endured it—burn out, become disillusioned, wear themselves out, and ultimately end up broken. If one uses one’s innate impressionability and sensitivity for good, it will become heavenly. But if one allows the devil to take advantage of them, they will backfire. For if a person does not use their gifts for good, the devil will make use of them. Thus, a person throws away God’s gifts. Instead of thanking God, they misunderstand everything completely. If a highly impressionable person believes his own thoughts, it can even lead him to a psychiatric hospital. Of course, there is no reason to praise an indifferent person either, with his constant refrain: “The little things in life!” But at least such people do not end up in a psychiatric hospital. That is why the tangalashka preys on highly impressionable people.

And other people torment themselves with the thought that they are supposedly burdened by a heavy hereditary legacy. Or rather, it is the tangalashka that plants this thought in their minds and tries to convince them that this is indeed the case. The enemy instills fear in such people, seeking to confuse their minds and render them incapacitated without serious cause. But even if there were truly something hereditary in a person—nothing can stand against the Grace of God. Do you remember Saint Cyprian [21] —a former sorcerer who became a hierarch of the Church and a martyr for Christ? And what about the Venerable Moses the Moor?[22] At first he was a robber, but in monastic life he surpassed many of the great Fathers in spiritual discernment. What a high level of spiritual attainment he reached! When Saint Macarius visited him, the Venerable Moses asked him, “What should I do? People disturb me, and I cannot maintain silence.”—“Moses,” Abba Macarius replied, “you are very sensitive. Go to the Arabian Desert, for you cannot drive people away.”[23]

Saint Moses—this former bandit—surpassed even the Reverend Arsenius the Great in the subtlety of his spiritual disposition, even though Arsenius came from a noble family and was an educated, cultured man. See what God’s grace can do! But it must also be said of the Venerable Moses that he possessed great humility...

Whims begin with a thought

— Geronda, where does disdain come from?

— What do you look down on? — Well, just about anything.

— Well, then you’ll keep finding all sorts of things. Worms in apples, bugs in beans, and hairs in bread...

— Geronda, that’s exactly what I keep finding!

— Glory to You, Lord. Do you see how God is helping you overcome this weakness?

— Geronda, doesn’t all this start with a thought? Let’s say a sister finds a hair on her plate. Well, let her just throw it away—and that’s the end of it.

— What are you talking about? Under no circumstances should she throw it away! After all, that hair came to her as a blessing! She must give it to me; I’ll take it with me to Mount Athos—as a blessing!.. I remember once on Mount Sinai we were walking somewhere together with a monk. Along the way, I gave him two peaches. I noticed he wasn’t eating them. He wanted to wash them first, but was afraid to put them in his pocket—lest the germs lurking in his pocket spread to the peaches. So he held them in his hands the whole way. His brother said of him: “I have eight children and a wife, and she uses less soap washing all of them than he does just washing his hands!” And look what happened to him. There, on Mount Sinai, each monk was assigned a Bedouin—to help, bring food, and so on. The Bedouin assigned to the fastidious monk was the dirtiest of them all. Black as a chimney sweep! Both his clothes and he himself gave off a terrible stench. To clean that filthy fellow up, you’d have to soak him in a trough for a whole week! And as for his hands… You’d be better off not even asking. You could have taken a spatula and scraped the dirt off them in whole chunks. The slob would grab a bowl of food and hurry off to the monk he was “in charge of.” His two filthy thumbs would invariably end up dipped in the soup or porridge. “Get out, get out!...” the monk would shout as soon as he saw him at the threshold. In the end, he ran away, having spent less than two weeks on Mount Sinai.

And in the communal monastery where I used to live, there was a monk who had worked as a beat cop in the secular world. He was educated, and so he was assigned the duty of reader in the church. He lived in the monastery for quite a few years, but despite this, he looked down on everyone around him. He wouldn’t even touch door handles; instead, he opened doors with his foot. If he needed to lift a latch, he would do so with his elbow and then wipe his sleeve with alcohol. He even opened the church door with his foot. When he grew old, by God’s will, his legs began to rot and worms infested them—especially the one he used to open the church doors. While I was serving my assignment at the monastery hospital, assisting the paramedic, he happened to arrive there for the first time with his leg bandaged. The paramedic told me to unwrap his leg while he went to get some bandages. Oh, what a sight I saw when I removed the bandage! His entire leg was teeming with worms! “Go to the sea,” I told him, “and wash your leg; cleanse it of the worms. Then come back and we’ll bandage it for you.” Just look what he’d come to! What a punishment had befallen him! I was simply stunned. “Do you understand what the cause is?” the paramedic asked me. “How could I not understand!” I replied. “The cause is that he opens the church door with his foot.”

— Geronda, even in that condition, did he continue to open the door with his foot?

— Yes, with his foot! And he’d grown old in monastic life!

— So he never understood anything?

— I don’t know. I later left that monastery for the Stomion Monastery in Konitsa. Who knows how he died? Meanwhile, some young monks from that very same monastery would eat the leftovers from the older monks’ plates—as a blessing. They gathered up the “leftovers” after them. Other monks [out of reverence] kissed the doorknob because the fathers’ hands had touched it. But this one, when venerating the icons, would only lightly touch them with his mustache, which he would then carefully wipe with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol!

— Geronda, when a person treats a holy object in this way, is that irreverence?

— It starts simply with squeamishness, but then it goes even further. Like this monk: he went so far as to avoid venerating the icons out of fear that whoever had venerated them before him might have been sick with something!

— So, in order not to be squeamish, should one ignore such things?

— People consume all sorts of germs without even seeing them. But if a person who fears illness or something else makes the sign of the cross, Christ helps him. Do you know how many different sick people pass through my cell on Mount Athos? And yet some simple folk make the sign of the cross, take the communal cup, and drink water from it. Others, however, are afraid even to touch it. A few days ago, a man who holds a very high position at a certain institution came to see me. The poor fellow is so terrified of germs that his hands have turned as white as chalk from constantly wiping them with alcohol. He even wipes down his car with alcohol. I felt sorry for the poor soul. Can you imagine: holding such a high position and behaving like that? I took a piece of Turkish delight from the box and offered it to him, but he refused because I had touched the Turkish delight with my hands. However, if I had suggested that he take the Turkish delight from the box himself, he would have refused anyway, thinking that someone might have put the Turkish delight in the box with unwashed hands. Well then, I’ll take this piece of Turkish delight, bend down, wipe his boots with it, and then eat it. I had to go through this routine with him several times—and only then, with great difficulty, did I manage to free him a little from this infirmity. And just today, a young woman who’s afraid of getting sick came here. Upon entering the room where I receive people, she refused to receive my blessing, fearing she might catch germs. I wanted to help her and told her many helpful things, but even after all that, as she was leaving, she again refused to receive my blessing. “I’m not kissing your hand,” she explained, “because I’m afraid of catching germs.” What can one say to that? This is how people make their own lives miserable [unbearable].

Sick with Their Own Imagination

The most terrible illness is when a person believes their own thought that they are sick with something. This thought suffocates a person with anxiety, upsets them, robs them of their appetite and sleep, forces them to take medicine, and in the end, a healthy person actually becomes ill. I understand when a person who is truly sick with something seeks treatment. But to be healthy at first, and then—after convincing oneself that one is sick—to actually fall ill for no reason at all—that is something I cannot understand. For example, this happens: a person possesses both physical and spiritual strength, yet despite this, cannot do anything because they have believed their own thought suggesting that they are unwell. As a result, the person withers away both physically and spiritually. And he isn’t lying [—it’s really true]. By believing that he has some kind of illness, a person gives in to panic, breaks down, and then is unable to do anything. Thus, without any valid reason, he renders himself useless.

Sometimes people who are truly broken come to my kaliva. “A thought keeps telling me that I have AIDS,” they say, and they believe it. “Maybe something like this or that happened in your life?” I ask. “No,” they reply, “nothing like that has ever happened.” “Then,” I say, “you’re worrying for nothing. Go get tested to put that thought to rest.” “But what if,” they reply fearfully, “the tests show that I do have AIDS after all?” So they don’t listen to me and just suffer. But those who obediently go for testing find out that they don’t have AIDS at all. And look: their faces change, and their zest for life returns. Meanwhile, the first group might take to their beds out of distress and even stop eating. All right, let’s say you really do have AIDS. But for God, there are no unsolvable problems. If you lead a more spiritual life, go to confession, receive Communion, and become a true Christian, then the Lord will help you.

— Geronda, why does a person start to think that he’s sick?

— They quietly nurture that thought within themselves. Often, there may indeed be some small, trivial reason for such suspicions [which the thought uses] to suggest something else to the person and make a mountain out of a molehill. When I lived at the Stomion Monastery, there was a married man in Konin who thought he had tuberculosis. He wouldn’t even let his wife get close to him. “Don’t come near me,” he would tell her, “or you’ll catch it.” The poor woman would hang a basket of food from the end of a long stick and pass it to him from a distance. The poor thing was completely worn out and wasted away. His poor children watched their “consumptive” father from a distance, but in reality, he didn’t have tuberculosis at all. The fact was that he never went out into the sun but stayed constantly in a locked room, wrapped in blankets. That’s why he had turned yellow and came to believe he had consumption. Well then, [when I was told all this] I went to his house. Upon seeing me, the “sick man” groaned: “Don’t come near me, monk, lest you catch it too… After all, people come to your monastery…” You see, consumption has completely taken hold of me...” “But who told you, you silly man, that you have consumption?” I asked. Just then, his wife brought me a treat—walnut jam. “Well,” I said, “open your mouth. Now you’re going to listen to me.” Well then, he opened his mouth. He didn’t know what I was about to do. So I took a sweet walnut from the saucer, put it in his mouth, swirled it around a few times, then took it out, put it in my own mouth, and ate it. “No, no!” cried the “consumptive.” “Don’t do that! You’ll catch it!” “What am I going to catch from that? You don’t have anything! Am I out of my mind to do something like that if you really did have consumption? Come on, get up—let’s get some fresh air!” I replied, and, turning to his wife, I said, “Throw out all these medicines, blankets...” I helped him up, and we went out into the fresh air. After three years of “confinement,” he looked at the world with wonder. And then, little by little, he started going to work again. That’s the power of a thought when you nurture it!

Obedience overcomes everything

— Geronda, how can we help someone who, without any basis, suspects that he is ill?

— For such a person to receive help, he must have a spiritual father, trust him, and obey him. He will open up his thoughts to his spiritual father, and the latter will instruct him: “Don’t pay attention to this, but pay attention to that...” If a person does not trust his spiritual father and does not obey him, then the thought will not go away. Do you know what it’s like when people ask you for help but don’t lift a finger themselves? Take, for example, a young man who lives a dissolute life and suffers from inner turmoil; he comes to my cell with eyes red from tobacco smoke and asks me to help him. On top of everything else, he displays a kind of false piety: he asks me to give him, as a blessing, an icon from the iconostasis of my cell’s chapel, yet he walks into the cell with a cigarette in his mouth. “My brother,” I say to him, “those cigarettes have made your eyes red as a rabid dog’s. I don’t even allow the elderly to smoke in my cell. The only smoke here comes from incense.” But he stubbornly refused—and that was that. He comes asking for help, yet he won’t give up his own way of thinking. “Why,” he asks, “don’t you want to heal me?” He wants to become healthy, but in a magical way [without effort], without making any effort at all. “You,” I tell him, “aren’t fit for a miracle. After all, you aren’t sick at all. You simply believe in your own thoughts.” And if this young man had been obedient, he would have received help. I’ve noticed that those who heed advice make rapid progress, and everything falls into place for them. Both such a person and their loved ones find peace.

Once, a priest came to a monastery, and there he was asked to join in the singing. He refused. “Why,” they asked him, “don’t you sing?” “Because,” he replied, “the psalm says: ‘The praises of God are in their throats, and double-edged swords are in their hands.’[24] He insisted that singing was wrong because he feared the “double-edged sword” for “raising” his “voice”! “Our dear one,” the monks told him, “our little treasure, it’s not at all what you think.” But he dug in his heels and wouldn’t budge. How can you find common ground with such a person? What can you do with him? Even if his “interpretation” were correct, if he had shown obedience in the face of another’s mistake, he would have received Grace—and no small Grace at that—which would have been given to him for his humility.

How many people suffer in this way for years simply because they trust their own thoughts and do not listen to others! No matter what you say to them, no matter what you do, they interpret everything completely the wrong way. And the evil does not stop at a person simply believing their own thoughts once. The evil multiplies and grows. A person keeps cultivating and cultivating [trust in his own thoughts] within himself, and this can drive him to insanity. For example, a man is building a house. “How are you building it?” they ask him. “But it’ll collapse and bury you under the rubble!” If he heeds the advice at the start of construction, the poorly built structure can easily be torn down and a new one erected. But once the building is finished—how could he bring himself to tear it down? “It’ll crush you,” they tell him. He himself can see that the building won’t stand for long; he realizes the danger, but thoughts of how much money and effort he has spent on the construction hold him back. Thus, he cannot bring himself to tear down the work of his own hands and ultimately finds himself crushed by the rubble.

— Can such a person be helped?

— Yes, if he wants to be. However, how can you help him when you tell him something is wrong, but he just makes excuses for himself? For example, a young man has diabetes and, unaware of the serious consequences it could have for him, thinks it’s all just a joke. “Diabetes,” the doctor tells him, “is a serious disease, and you must follow a diet.” If the young man listens to the doctor, the disease will run its course without serious consequences. However, how can you reach a mutual understanding with him if he says something like this: “So what’s the big deal about this diabetes? I’m going to eat sweets because when I eat sweets, I get hot, and since I’m hot, I can sleep without a blanket and even walk barefoot in the snow.” How can one reach a mutual understanding with someone if he insists on his own way?

— Geronda, if a young man believes his own thoughts, is that natural?

— If a young man believes his own thoughts, then he has a lot of selfishness.

— How can he understand this?

— He’ll understand this if, for example, he recalls certain incidents from his childhood that show what percentage of selfishness he had back then. I once happened to watch two young boys. One picked up a foam-filled pillow and lifted it easily. The other one came over to lift it, but pretended it was very heavy, as if it were a bag of cement instead of a pillow. There is selfishness in this second boy. However, when he grows up a little, he will realize that his action was motivated by selfishness. He will confess it as a sin, God’s grace will come to him, and he will be delivered from his passion and receive help. How could it be otherwise—after all, God is not unjust.

— Geronda, let’s suppose I have some experience. If, based on this experience, I can roughly foresee how the state I’m in will develop, is there self-confidence in that as well?

— Don’t draw your own conclusions. When the Lord called the Apostle Peter to Himself, Peter walked toward Him on the water. However, as soon as a thought began to tell the apostle that he might drown, he began to sink.[25] And Christ allowed it to happen: “Since you say you will drown, then drown.”

Look at a humble person: he does not trust his own thoughts, even if he performs miracles. In Jordan, there was a very simple priest who performed miracles. He would pray over sick people and animals, and they would be healed. Even Muslims suffering from some ailment would come to him, and he would heal them. Before celebrating the Divine Liturgy, this priest would drink something hot with a cracker and then eat nothing for the rest of the day. Rumors that he ate before the Divine Liturgy reached the patriarch, who summoned him to the Patriarchate. Not knowing why he had been summoned, the priest went to the Patriarchate and waited in the reception room with other visitors until he was called in. It was sweltering outside; the windows were shuttered, and a ray of sunlight was streaming through a small opening into the reception room. Mistaking the ray for a taut rope, the priest—drenched in sweat—took off his cassock and hung it on the ray. The people sitting in the reception room with him were stunned. One of them went to the patriarch and said, “The priest who eats breakfast before the Liturgy hung his cassock on a ray of sunlight!” The patriarch called him into his office and began to ask, “So, how are things going for you? How often do you celebrate the Liturgy? How do you prepare for it?”—“Well,” the priest replied, “first I read the Matins service, then I perform the prostrations, then I make tea, eat something light, and go to celebrate the Liturgy.”—“Why do you eat before the Liturgy?” the patriarch asked. “If,” the priest replies, “I have a light snack before the Liturgy, then after partaking of the Holy Gifts [26] Christ is on top. But if I eat after the Divine Liturgy, then Christ is on the bottom.” It turns out he was having breakfast before the Liturgy with good intentions!… “No,” the patriarch told him, “that is wrong. First partake of the Holy Gifts, and then eat a little.” The priest bowed to the patriarch and [humbly] accepted what he had been told.

What I mean to say is that, although this priest had attained such a high spiritual state that he performed miracles, he accepted what was said to him simply. He had no self-will. But if he had trusted his own reasoning, he might have said something like this: “Who is he to tell me—the one who heals people and animals and performs miracles! No, my motives are more correct. After all, if I obey him, breakfast will end up on top of Christ!”

I realized that obedience is of great help to a person. Even a person who does not excel in intellectual abilities, by being obedient, becomes a philosopher, a sage. Whether a person is smart or foolish, healthy or sick (spiritually or physically), if, while tormented by thoughts, they practice obedience, they will be freed [from the torment of those thoughts]. Obedience is liberation.

The greatest egoist is the one who lives according to his own thoughts and asks no one for guidance. Such a person destroys himself. If a person is willful, self-assured, and self-indulgent, then even if he is intelligent—even a genius—he will suffer constantly. They become entangled, tie themselves up hand and foot, and face [more and more] problems. To find their path, they must open their heart to a spiritual father and humbly ask him for help. However, some go to a psychiatrist instead of a spiritual father. If the psychiatrist happens to be a believer, he will refer them to a spiritual father. A non-believing psychiatrist, on the other hand, will simply prescribe some pills. However, pills alone do not solve problems. In order for people to be able to properly come to terms with what is happening to them, so that their condition improves and they cease to suffer, they also need spiritual help.

Chapter 4.
On the Struggle Against Thoughts

— Geronda, I read that during the war with Italy, the Greeks first tried to destroy the enemy’s fortifications and then went on the offensive.

— The devil acts in the same way. That is, just as an enemy first bombs fortifications from the air to destroy them and then, with artillery support, launches an offensive, the devil first bombards a person with thoughts and then attacks him. The devil does not attack a person unless he first corrupts their thoughts. After all, a good thought protects a person; a good thought is their “bunker.”

A thought “from the left” is a foreign body, and a person must strive to reject it. Each of us has the strength for this struggle. No one can excuse themselves by saying they are weak and unable to fight. After all, [a good thought] is not a pickaxe or a sledgehammer that a [weak] person cannot lift because their hands are shaking. I don’t see anything difficult about viewing everything in a positive light. Why would I, for example, pay attention to someone’s quirks? After all, it may actually turn out that a person is behaving this way not out of caprice, but on purpose, in order to humble themselves.

— Geronda, I keep “drifting to the left” and “to the left,” and it bothers me. I struggle—I do—but I can’t “turn to the right.”

— If you recognize impure thoughts, worry about them, and struggle to drive them away—that’s already some improvement. If you want to succeed, then when the evil one attacks you with “left-leaning” thoughts and tries to pull you toward him, turn the wheel forcefully in the opposite direction, and pay no attention whatsoever to the enemy. Try to cultivate good thoughts within yourself—both about your younger and older sisters who are quietly engaged in their inner work. After all, the tangalashka corrupts your thoughts in order to hinder your spiritual growth. If you didn’t get stuck on your own thoughts, you would be moving forward in giant spiritual strides. The entire spiritual life is based on thought. Success in the spiritual life depends on thought.

— Geronda, what helps in the struggle against “left-sided” thoughts?

— Self-examination and unceasing prayer. By examining yourself, you conduct yourself with caution and incorporate good thoughts into your actions. For example, when you see a cup, you think of the Holy Chalice, the Last Supper, and Christ. But if you do not remain vigilant, your mind may wander to various unspiritual—or even outright sinful—things. Therefore, try not to accumulate all this mental clutter—otherwise, you will later have to exert considerable effort to drive it away. Recite the Jesus Prayer and remain inwardly focused. If your mind wanders off somewhere, bring it back again. Do this constantly. Do not let your mind wander aimlessly. For even if your mind does not dwell on things that are outright sinful, but rather on neutral matters, these neutral matters, by distracting the mind, also “neutralize” it, and it wastes itself in vain. Moreover, thoughts that arise from distraction are more insidious than [openly] evil thoughts. After all, we do not notice the former, and therefore do not cast them out of ourselves.

— Geronda, a thought tells me: “You’ve been in the monastery for so many years and haven’t made any progress at all...”

— Let me hear what else it has to say to you. As far as I can tell, you’re listening too much to the tangalashka. How [easily] it leads you by the nose! Why do you believe the tangalashka? Why do you lose your composure? Be at peace. You’re getting upset for no reason and wearing yourself out for nothing. The tangalashka, like a magician, makes everything seem confusing to you. He fools you with gloomy, pessimistic thoughts to waste your time and distract you from prayer, as well as from focusing on your duties. If he manages to cloud your mind even a little and rob you of the willingness to fight him, that will be enough for him to go on the offensive and seize new ground. When you are working in solitude, try to follow this rule: singing a liturgical hymn, giving praise [to God], and reciting the Jesus Prayer in your mind or aloud. These practices are necessary to avoid the whisperings of thoughts. In other words, you need to change the subject [of your thoughts] yourself. If the devil changes the subject, why can’t we do the same? I’ve told you before that sometimes, while talking with a visitor—precisely at the moment when I want to say something important and helpful to him—someone comes and interrupts me, or some noise or something similar distracts us, so that I’m forced to stop. But since the devil devises and carries out such plans, why can’t we do the same to him? Be smart and leave the fool to his own devices.

— Geronda, I’m tormented by sadness and despondency… I’m in real agony.

— Just look at her—she hasn’t even been taken to be tortured yet, and she’s already suffering! You have self-confidence. Thoughts from the “left” have already become your state of mind, and you’re suffering because of it. You need “right” thoughts. You must reconstruct the cunning mechanisms of your [spiritual] enterprise so that they become good. The most profitable enterprise for a person is opening a “Good Thoughts” factory. Then even what is bad and vile, your mind will transform into what is good and kind. For example, when you see the soul in a person, when you see an Angel in them, you yourself, like an Angel, soar up to Heaven. In this case, your life is a feast, a celebration. But if you see the carnal in a person, then you yourself descend into hellish torment.

— Geronda, sometimes I bring a good thought into my work, but soon a thought “from the left” comes and disrupts all my [good efforts]. Perhaps I’m not bringing that good thought into my work from the heart?

— The goal is for you to do this from the heart. And if a thought “from the left” comes to you, say this: “This is a thought from the outside. It must be driven away. The matter is closed and not open to discussion.”

— Geronda, sometimes I have a hard time banishing a “left-sided” thought, and it comes back again. Why does this happen if “the matter is closed”?

— Well, yes, the subject is closed, but the little devil doesn’t shut up [he keeps at it]. The devil is tenacious; he never dies. An old monk once said: “If you give a dog a slap or two, he runs away. But the devil doesn’t run away—he insists on his own way. He’s so persistent! To force him to leave, I light a candle before the icon of the saint to whom my cell is dedicated, and the demons say to me, ‘Did you light this candle for us?’—‘Oh, you,’ I say, ‘you scoundrels, why would I do that for you? It’s not for you, but for the saints!”—“Yes,” they reply, “that’s true, but we’re the ones who forced you to do it anyway!”

— Geronda, does a person receive help if, when some misfortune befalls him, he begins to grumble: “My God, why has this happened to me as well?”

— What good will such a person get out of it! The foundation of everything lies in a person interpreting everything through a good mindset. Only in this case does he benefit. Some people [have] a good engine in their spiritual vehicle. They have many prerequisites for the spiritual life, yet their steering wheel is turned in the wrong direction. By turning the steering wheel toward good intentions, such people will set the right course and move forward with confidence.

Cultivating Good Thoughts

— Geronda, do good thoughts come on their own, or do they need to be cultivated?

— They must be cultivated. You must watch over yourself and exercise self-control; when the enemy brings you bad, evil thoughts, you must strive to drive them out and replace them with good, kind thoughts. By striving in this way, you cultivate your [inner] disposition and make it good. And then, seeing your good disposition, God will have mercy on you and help you, after which evil thoughts will no longer find a place within you. They will fade away, and it will become completely natural for you to have good thoughts. You will acquire the habit of goodness; goodness will enter your heart, and then, in your inner sanctuary, you will receive the [Heavenly] Guest—Christ. However, this is not a matter of a day or two. It takes time and unceasing struggle for the soul to be crowned with victory. When this happens, the battle ceases once and for all. For the battle [of the passions] is a frenzied manifestation of inner discord, which our enemies exploit.

— So, Geronda, have people with good intentions achieved this through struggle?

— It depends on the person. Some have good intentions from the very beginning of their spiritual life and continue to progress. Others, though they start out with good thoughts, later lose their vigilance and begin to succumb to “wicked” thoughts. Still others start out with “wicked” thoughts, but by watching themselves and seeing how often they stumble, they lose confidence in themselves and eventually come to have good thoughts. One person may have half good thoughts and half evil ones. In another, good thoughts may predominate; in yet another, evil ones may prevail. For example, a person intends to become a monk. Depending on the circumstances and the conditions under which he lived in the secular world, he may have various good and evil thoughts. He may have ten, twenty, or even eighty percent unwholesome thoughts. By beginning inner work and observing himself, such a person strives to banish unwholesome thoughts and cultivate wholesome ones. By continuing to make this effort, he eventually reaches a state where he has only wholesome thoughts. The amount of time it takes for the evil thoughts to disappear will depend on how long they have been present in their life. After some more time has passed, the good thoughts will also gradually cease, and the person will reach a state of a certain emptiness. At this stage, the person has neither good nor bad thoughts, and this even brings a certain unease to their soul. While in this state, the person begins to ask themselves: “What is this? What is happening now? At first I had evil thoughts, but they went away, giving way to good ones. But now I have no thoughts at all—neither bad nor good.” And after this emptiness, the mind is filled with Divine Grace, and Divine enlightenment comes.

— Geronda, what is this filling with Divine Grace like?

— It is impossible to explain in words what the sun looks like to someone who has never even seen the stars. One can give a rough idea of the sun to someone who has at least seen the stars.

— Geronda, what helps one attain that state of emptiness you mentioned?

— Spiritual reading, unceasing prayer, silence, and asceticism—self-discipline—will help with this. A person who fervently struggles against evil thoughts can attain a better state than one who had almost no evil thoughts to begin with. That is, such a person, having ninety evil thoughts and ten good ones at the beginning of their spiritual life, can attain a better state than one who had ninety good thoughts and ten evil ones.

Purification of the Mind and Heart

— Geronda, how does the purification of the mind and heart come about?

— I have already told you that in order for the mind and heart to be purified, a person must not accept the wicked thoughts that the tangalashka brings him, nor should he himself think wickedly. One must always strive to incorporate good thoughts into one’s actions, not be easily tempted [by others’ shortcomings], but view the faults of others with forbearance and love. When good thoughts multiply, a person’s soul is purified; he behaves with reverence and finds peace. Such a person’s life becomes a paradise. Otherwise, a person views everything with suspicion, and his life turns into hellish torment. He makes his own life a hell.

To purify oneself, one must make an effort. We may acknowledge that our state is corrupt, but that is not enough. If we do not accept deceitful thoughts, do not think deceitfully ourselves, and apply a good thought to everything we are told and everything we see, then our mind and heart will be purified. Of course, the tempter will not stop sending us his wicked “messages” from time to time. The arrows of the devil’s temptations will continue to fly at us—even if we rid ourselves of our own [evil] thoughts. However, if our heart is pure, the devil’s temptations will not cling to it.

— Geronda, does prayer help in the work of purifying the mind?

— Prayer alone is not enough. Someone may burn kilograms of incense during prayer, but if his mind is full of wicked thoughts about others, it does no good. A [wicked] “telegram” descends from the mind into the heart and turns a person into a beast. God wants us to have a “pure heart.”[27] And our heart is pure when we do not allow evil thoughts about others to pass through our mind.

— Geronda, does a person first put a good thought into action, and only then does God help him?

— Look: only if a person initiates a good thought does he have a right to Divine help. Through a good thought, a person purifies his deceitful heart. For “out of the heart come”[28] all evil things, and “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”[29]

But in addition to the fact that a person who incorporates a good thought into their work thereby purifies their heart, God rewards them for it.

Put question marks after suspicious thoughts

— Geronda, what will help me drive away thoughts of suspicion?

— [Are you sure that] things really are the way you imagine them to be? Since you usually see the bad in everything, always put a question mark after every thought you have. And besides, to avoid sinning in your judgments, include a kind thought about others in your work. If you start putting not just one but two question marks after your thoughts, it will be even better. And if you put three, that’s really good. By doing so, you will find peace and benefit. And not only yourself—you will also benefit others. On the other hand, if you accept thoughts “from the left,” you become irritated, anxious, and upset, and you cause yourself spiritual harm. If you approach everything that happens around you with good thoughts, after a short while you’ll see that things actually turned out just as you saw them when you applied those good thoughts. I’ll tell you about one incident so you can understand what a “left-sided” [unkind] thought can do. Once, a monk came to my cell and said, “Elder Charalampios [30] —a sorcerer—[I myself saw how] he practiced sorcery.” “What are you saying, you shameless man!” I rebuked him. “Aren’t you ashamed to spread such things?” “Yes! Yes! — he insisted. — “I saw with my own eyes how one night, by moonlight, the elder was moaning ‘m-m-me… m-m-me…’—and at the same time pouring some kind of liquid from a large, wicker-covered bottle into the bushes!” Well then, I picked a free day and went to Elder Charalampios’s kaliva. “Well,” I asked, “Father Charalampios, how are you? How’s life? What have you been up to? Someone here saw you pouring something into the bushes from a large bottle, and you were even moaning, ‘M-m-me…!’” —“Over there in the thicket,” the elder pointed out to me, “there are a few lilies growing, so I was watering them. While humming ‘Rejoice, Bride Unwedded!’[31] I poured a little water on one flower, then sang again: ‘Rejoice, Bride Unwedded!’—and poured a little water on another... Then I’d refill the bottle, go back to the flowers, and water them again...” See how it is! And another man saw all this and took the old man for a sorcerer!..

What kind thoughts some worldly people have! And others—the unfortunate ones—suffer so much from things that not only do not exist in nature, but that even the devil himself could not have imagined! Once, when it finally rained after a terrible drought, I felt such gratitude to God that, sitting in my cell, I kept exclaiming without stopping: “My God, I thank You millions, billions of times!” I didn’t know that at that moment a worldly man was standing under the window, listening. Later, when he met me, he confessed: “Father, I was led astray. I heard all those ‘millions,’ all those ‘billions,’ and thought, ‘So that’s how it is! What a character this Father Paisius is!’” And what was there for him to explain? I was referring to [many] thanksgivings to God for the rain, but this man thought I was counting money. If someone else had been in his place, he might even have come at night to rob me! I would have gotten a good beating, and in the end, he wouldn’t have found a thing.

Another time, the father of a sick child came to see me. I led him into the little church at my hermitage, listened to his sorrow, and, wanting to help him, said: “For your child to get well, you yourself must do something. But what? You don’t bow in prayer, you don’t fast, and you don’t have any money to give to charity either… Try addressing God like this: ‘My God, I have nothing worthy to offer as a sacrifice for my child’s health, but I’ll at least try to quit smoking.’ These words moved the distraught father, and he promised to follow my advice. While I was fumbling with the lock as I let him out of the kaliva, he took a lighter and some cigarettes out of his pocket and placed them beneath the icon of the Savior in the church. I didn’t notice this. The next visitor turned out to be a young man who needed to tell me something. After our conversation, before he’d even stepped out of the kaliva, he took out a cigarette and lit it. “You can’t smoke here, kid,” I told him. “Step further to the side.” “And is it okay for you to smoke in church?” he asked in reply. Upon seeing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in the church, this young man “concocted” the thought that I smoke! And I didn’t try to dissuade him; I let him leave with his thought. Well, even if I really did smoke, would I really do it in a church? Do you see what a thought is?

— Geronda, what kind of harm can suspicion, distrust, and paranoia cause to the soul?

— The kind of suspicion it is determines the kind of harm it causes. And distrust and suspicion bring [spiritual] sickness and emaciation.

— How, then, can this weakness be healed?

— With good thoughts.

— Geronda, if a person realizes at some point that he was mistaken—that is, that his suspicions were unfounded—won’t that help him [recognize his mistake]?

— If he misses once, that’s one thing. But if he misses twice, he’ll end up hurting himself. We must be careful. After all, we sin gravely even if things turn out just one-thousandth of a percent differently than we imagined. I remember when I lived in a communal monastery, an elderly monk, Father Dorotheus, was frying zucchini during Great Lent. One brother, seeing the elder place the zucchini in the skillet, hurried to share his impressions with me: “Go take a look!” he said. “Father Dorotheus is frying fish! Look at those plump little red mullets!” “No way,” I replied, “it’s impossible for Elder Dorotheus to be frying red mullet during Great Lent!” “It’s possible, it’s possible!” he insisted. “I saw it with my own eyes! Look at those plump red mullets!” And Elder Dorotheus had come to the Holy Mountain as a fifteen-year-old boy and was like a mother to the brotherhood. When he saw that one of the monks was unwell, he would say to him, “Come here, my dear, I want to tell you a secret”—and he would treat the sick monk to tahini [32] mixed with ground walnuts or something else. And he cared for the elderly monks in the same way. So what happened? I went to see Father Dorotheos and saw that he was frying zucchini for the monastery hospital!

— Geronda, what if a suspicion about someone turns out to be true?

“If such a thought turns out to be true just once, does that really mean that similar thoughts will always turn out to be true? Besides, how do you know—maybe God allowed that thought to be confirmed in reality so that the person you suspected could pass the test of humility?”

Of course, we ourselves must also be careful. We must not give people cause to draw erroneous conclusions. For example, if someone has a “bad” [unkind] thought about you, the reason for this could be either their own ill will or the fact that you yourself gave them a reason to think badly of you. But if someone thinks badly of you even though you’re behaving thoughtfully, then give glory to God and pray for them.

Conversing with Thoughts

— Geronda, when a prideful thought comes to me, I suffer.

— Do you hold onto that thought?

— Yes.

— Why are you holding onto it? Close the door on it. By keeping such a thought inside, you’re harming yourself. A thought is like a thief who comes to you—you open the door for him, let him into your house, strike up a conversation with him, and then he robs you. How can you possibly strike up a conversation with a thief? Not only do people avoid talking to him, but they also lock the door tightly so he can’t get in. All right, even if you don’t engage with the thought—why do you let it in anyway? Let me give you an example. Suppose a thought comes to you that you could become an abbess. I’m not saying you actually have such thoughts, but I’m using this as an example. So, this thought comes to you. Fine. As soon as it comes— —say to yourself: “Ah! Wonderful! You want to be an abbess? Well then: first become an abbess to yourself.” By saying this, you immediately end the conversation [with the devil]. Are we really going to waste time chatting with the devil? Look, when the devil came to tempt Christ, He told him, “Get behind Me, Satan.”[33] Since Christ told the devil, “Go away from Me…,” why on earth should we even bother talking to him?

— Geronda, what if I engage in dialogue with a “left-wing” thought to find out where it comes from—is that bad?

— The problem is that you’re not conversing with a thought, as you imagine, but with a tempter. By conversing with it, you have a pleasant time, but afterward you suffer. Don’t talk to such [“left-wing”] thoughts at all. Catch the [enemy’s] grenade in midair, and [immediately] throw it [back] at the enemy—so that he perishes. There are grenades that do not explode immediately, but only after two or three minutes. A “leftist” thought is like such a grenade: if you cast it out immediately, it cannot harm you. But sometimes, when you let your guard down and abandon the Jesus Prayer, you are unable to defend yourself. The devil, from outside, sends you a “telegram.” Upon receiving this “telegram,” you read and reread it, believe what is written in it, and then file it away. It is precisely these “files” that will be brought to light on the Day of Judgment to incriminate you.

— Geronda, when does the intrusion of a “left-sided” thought constitute a fall?

— A thought comes, and you immediately drive it away. That is not a fall. But when it comes, and you engage with it—that is a fall. [Or perhaps it’s like this:] it comes, you accept it briefly, and then you cast it out. This is half a fall, since even in this case you have been harmed: after all, the devil has defiled your mind. That is, in the latter case, it’s as if you’re saying to the devil who has come: “Good afternoon, how are you? Good? Have a seat; I’ll treat you to something. Huh?! So you’re the devil? Well then, get out!” But since you saw that he was the devil, why did you let him in? And now that you’ve “treated” him, he’ll come back again.

Confronting Evil Thoughts

— Geronda, why am I beset by various evil thoughts in the monastery, whereas this never happened to me in the secular world? Am I allowing them to happen myself?

— No, silly girl! Just let them come and go. Do the airplanes flying over the monastery and disturbing the silence ask your permission to do so? It’s the same with these thoughts. Don’t despair. The devil is putting these thoughts into your mind. They’re like migratory birds that look very beautiful as they soar high in the sky—and you stand there with your mouth agape, admiring them. However, when these birds come down, build nests in your house, and raise their chicks there, those chicks will make a mess of your whole house.

— So why, Geronda, do such thoughts even come to me?

— That is the devil’s work. But there is also a certain murky residue within you. Purification has not yet taken place. However, since you do not accept these thoughts, you bear no responsibility for them. Leave the dogs alone—let them bark. And don’t throw too many stones at them. After all, as long as you keep throwing stones at them, they will continue to bark. And then, with all those stones, [the demons] will build themselves a “monastery” or a house—whatever building materials they have enough of... And then it won’t be easy for you to tear down what they’ve built.

— Geronda, when does the struggle with thoughts arise?

— When you suck on them like a piece of candy. Try not to savor the taste of these thoughts, which are covered with a sugary glaze on the outside but full of poisonous bitterness on the inside; otherwise, you’ll eventually fall into despair. The fact that bad thoughts [simply] pass through a person is no cause for concern. After all, evil thoughts do not cling only to Angels and to people who have attained perfection. It is worth worrying when a person compacts and levels a part of their heart and begins to accept “wolf-planes”[34] [of the enemy Wolf Air Force]—that is, demons. If this should suddenly happen, immediate confession is necessary, along with plowing up the wolf-landing strip and planting it with fruit-bearing trees—so that the heart may once again become a garden of Eden.

Part 2.
On Justice and Injustice

“Oh, if only all people would treat me unjustly! I tell you in all sincerity: I have experienced the sweetest spiritual joy in the midst of injustice”

Chapter 1.
On How to Accept Injustice

One must adopt the right attitude toward injustice

— Geronda, when I am treated unjustly, my heart hardens.

— To keep it from hardening, never think about whether the one who treats you unjustly is at fault, or how great their fault is; instead, reflect on how much fault lies with you. Consider this: when people argue, each one insists that they alone are right. That is why people are constantly at odds with one another. For example, two people go to the police and, pointing at each other, cry out in unison, “He beat me up!” Yet neither of them mentions how much the other has suffered at their own hands! Far from it—each even sues the other in court.

If we reflected on the fact that Christ took upon Himself the greatest injustice of all, we would accept injustice with joy. Being God, He came down to earth out of great love and confined Himself for nine months in the womb of the Most Holy Mother of God. Then He lived in obscurity for thirty years; from the age of fifteen to thirty, He worked as a carpenter for the Jews. Do you know what kind of tools they had back then? In those days, they used wooden saws with wooden teeth. They’d give Him all sorts of planks and say, “Make this, make that...” But what was it like to plane those boards? Just try planing them with those clumsy pieces of iron they used back then instead of planes! Do you know what hard labor that was? And after that—three years of suffering. For the sake of preaching, He walked barefoot all over [their land], far and wide. He healed the sick, opened the eyes of the blind with a touch, yet they all demanded signs from Him. He cast out demons from the possessed, yet ungrateful people called Him Himself a demon-possessed man. There were so many prophecies and predictions about Him; He performed so many miracles, but despite all this, in the end He was mocked and condemned to death on the cross.

Therefore, those who endure injustice are God’s most beloved children. For by enduring injustice, these people carry in their hearts Christ, who Himself suffered injustice. Whether in exile or in prison, they rejoice as if they were in Paradise, for Paradise is wherever Christ is.

— Geronda, can a person’s burden ever be too heavy for them to bear?

— God does not allow a burden to exceed our strength. It is unwise people who place an unbearable burden on the shoulders of others. Often, the Good God allows good people to pass through the hands of the wicked so that they may receive their heavenly reward.

— Geronda, is there a connection between discontent and ingratitude?

— Yes. It can also be the case that others [when they correct a person] are looking out for his well-being, but he does not understand this; he feels unjustly wronged and expresses discontent. If such a person does not watch over himself, he may well come to believe that he is being treated unfairly even when he makes a mistake and is asked to be more careful. In this way, he may even descend into shamelessness. For example, a nun, while spraying olive trees, adds too much pesticide to the solution and burns the leaves on the trees. She is reprimanded, but instead of acknowledging her mistake and saying, “I’m sorry, please forgive me,” she feels unjustly wronged and cries. “They’re treating me unfairly,” she thinks. “If locusts had devoured the leaves on the trees, they wouldn’t have said a word! But now that I’ve ruined them, they’re making such a fuss! Oh, my Christ, only You understand me.” And off she goes, wailing! Such a nun may even feel joy at the thought of retribution for the “injustice” she has suffered, and thank Christ for it! Such a state of mind is a great delusion.

Joy from Accepting Injustice

— Geronda, is the joy I feel when I’m scolded for some fault of mine pure?

— Look, if you accept a scolding for your mistakes without grumbling, but with joy and the words, “Glory to You, God, this is exactly what I need!”—you will have half the joy. But if you are scolded undeservedly, through no fault of your own, and you accept the rebuke with a good attitude, then your joy will be complete. I am not urging you to go out of your way to invite injustice upon yourself, since in that case the devil will lead you into pride, but I am calling on you to accept injustice when it comes of its own accord and to rejoice in it.

There are four stages of responding to injustice. For example, suppose someone unjustly strikes you. If you are at the first stage, you strike back. If you are at the second, you feel very strong embarrassment, but you restrain yourself and say nothing. At the third stage, you no longer feel embarrassed, and at the fourth, you feel great joy and your soul rejoices deeply. If a person is unjustly accused of something, then, by proving that these accusations are unfounded, he clears his name and finds satisfaction. In this case, they experience worldly joy. However, by approaching injustice spiritually, with good intentions and without worrying about proving their innocence, they experience spiritual joy. That is, in this case, they possess divine consolation within themselves, and the glorification of God becomes their state of being. Do you know what joy a person’s soul experiences when they are unjustly wronged and yet do not defend themselves, seeking to be told “well done” or “I’m sorry”? And the joy that such a soul experiences now, while enduring injustice, is greater than the joy it would have experienced had it managed to clear its name. Those who attain such a state wish to thank their offender both for the joy he has given them in this earthly life and for the joy he has secured for them in eternity. How different the spiritual realm is from the worldly one!

In the spiritual life, there is a different system of measurement. If you keep some ugly or worthless thing for yourself, you feel wonderful. If you give it to someone else, you feel bad. If you [meekly] accept injustice and justify your neighbor, then in your heart you accept Christ, who has been unjustly treated many times over. Then, according to the existing [spiritual] law, Christ “extends the lease”[35] of your heart. He remains in it and fills you with peace and joy. Oh, my dear ones, try to experience this joy for yourselves! Learn to rejoice not in worldly joy, but in this spiritual joy. When you learn this, every day will be Easter for you.

There is no greater joy than that which you experience when you accept injustice. Oh, if only all people would treat me unjustly! I tell you with all sincerity: I have experienced the sweetest spiritual joy in the midst of injustice. Do you know how I rejoice when someone calls me deluded? “Glory to You, God,” I say, “for I will receive my reward for these words. But if they call me a saint, I will find myself in debt.” There is nothing in the world sweeter than [the injustice you] accept!

One morning, someone knocked with an iron knocker at the gate of my cell. It was still too early to receive visitors. I looked out the window and saw a young man with a radiant face. I realized that since God’s grace “revealed” him in this way, it meant he had experienced something spiritual firsthand. So, even though I had urgent matters to attend to, I set them aside, opened the door for him, led him into my cell, brought him some water, and, sensing that there was something spiritual hidden within him, began to ask him gently about his life. “What do you do for a living, young man?” I asked him. “What kind of job, Father?” he replied. “I grew up in prison. I’m twenty-six now, and I’ve spent most of my life there.” “What did you do to end up in prison?” I asked, and he opened his heart to me. “Ever since I was a child,” he began his story, “it pained me deeply to see people suffering. I knew by name everyone who was suffering and in need—not only in our parish, but in others as well. Our parish priest and the parish council chairman kept collecting and collecting money, spending it on the construction of various buildings and halls, on improvements to the church, and the like, while poor, needy families were left completely neglected. I won’t presume to judge whether there was a genuine need for all these structures, but I’m simply saying that I saw many destitute people. So that’s when I began secretly taking money collected as donations. I didn’t take it all, just as much as was necessary. With the stolen money, I bought food and various [necessary] items and left them at the doors of the poor. Immediately afterward, not wanting an innocent person to be arrested on suspicion of theft, I would go to the police and say, “I stole money from the church and spent it.” I said nothing else. They beat me, called me a “thug” and a “thief,” but I remained silent. Then they put me in jail. This went on for several years. Our town has thirty thousand residents; all of them had heard of me and called me nothing other than a “thug” and a “thief.” But I remained silent and felt joy. Once, I spent a full three years in prison. Sometimes I was imprisoned on mere suspicion of theft—though I was innocent—and when the real criminal was caught, I was released. But if they didn’t find the person guilty of the crime I hadn’t committed, I would serve the entire sentence meant for that thief. That’s why, Father, I told you that I spent most of my life in prison.”

After listening attentively to his story, I said, “Here’s the thing, kid. Even though everything you’ve told me seems good at first glance, there’s actually nothing good about it. Don’t do that anymore. I’ll give you some advice. Will you take my advice?” “I will, Father,” he replied. “You need to leave your hometown,” I said. “Go somewhere where no one knows you—to such-and-such a city. I’ll make sure you meet good people there. Start working and, as much as you can, help the needy, sharing with them your last piece of bread, because this is of greater value [than what you’ve been doing so far]. But even if a person has nothing to give to a beggar and his heart aches because of it, he is still giving alms of the highest order. He gives alms with the blood of his heart. For when a person gives alms from what he has, he also experiences joy; but if he has nothing to give, he feels pain in his heart.” After listening to me, the young man promised to follow my advice and left in a joyful state of mind.

Seven months have passed. One day, I received a letter from Coridallu Prison.[36] I opened the envelope and read the following: “My father, you will surely be surprised that, after all the advice you’ve given me and the promises you’ve made, I am writing to you again from prison. But know that this time I am serving a sentence that I have already served before. Some kind of judicial error occurred. Thank God there is no justice among people: for if it existed, it would be an injustice toward spiritual people, who would then lose their heavenly reward.” After reading those final words, I was struck by this young man, who had so passionately embraced the spiritual life and so deeply grasped the deepest meaning of life itself. A thief for Christ’s sake! He had Christ within him. He could not contain the joy he was experiencing. He was experiencing divine madness, festive joy!

— Geronda, did this joy stem from the fact that people were covering him with shame?

— That joy came from the fact that he endured injustice. He was a worldly man—he had read neither the Lives of the Saints nor the writings of the Holy Fathers, and despite the fact that he was unjustly beaten and imprisoned, despite the fact that in the city he was considered a hoodlum, a scoundrel, and a thief, despite the fact that he was humiliated and shamed, —despite all this, he never made excuses for himself and approached everything with such spiritual depth! A young man—yet he was concerned not with how to restore his reputation, but with how to help others. Major, genuine criminals are often never sent to prison even once, yet this poor soul was imprisoned twice for the same theft. And how many times was he wrongfully imprisoned—until the real criminal was found! Yet not even all the residents of that city—taken together—experienced the joy he felt. Thirty thousand of their joys could not outweigh a single joy like the one he had.

That is why I say that a spiritual person has no sorrow. When love multiplies within a person and his heart is touched by Divine care, sorrow can no longer find a place within him. People cause such a person pain and suffering, yet his great love for Christ overcomes them.

Accepting Injustice Is a Profitable Endeavor

— Geronda, sometimes a sister makes a false accusation against me, and I can’t bear it [as I should] and grow cold toward her.

— Wait a moment! What does the Church teach us? How should we act in such cases? And in which scenario do you yourself benefit the most? All right, let’s assume the situation is really as you say—that is, you are not at fault. Well then: if you have been treated unjustly, you gain from it. And that sister, who, wanting to justify herself, falsely accused you, will later feel pangs of conscience, repent, and treat you with greater love. Thus, the fact that you were treated unjustly results not in one good thing, but in two or three at once. This gives you a golden opportunity to become wealthy and transform from a ragged gypsy girl into a noble young lady. Why, then, do you want to continue living like a gypsy [remaining a beggar] when God is giving you the chance to become wealthy and share your wealth with others?

— But my mind insists that I ask my sister how she interpreted my behavior and made false accusations against me...

— Well, of course—how could a beggar bear to see that you have some [spiritual] reserves? He’s forcing you to justify yourself so that you might cast Christ out of yourself.

— Geronda, but still, I would like my faults to be forgiven at least sometimes.

— Do you want to be excused? All right, let’s say you are excused. Do you gain spiritually from this, or do you suffer a spiritual loss?

— I suffer a loss.

— Now, if you had a store, what would you prefer—to make a profit or to suffer a loss?

— To make a profit.

— Well, here’s the thing: if we don’t want to suffer a loss in material, worldly matters, how much more should we strive not to suffer a loss in spiritual matters! Worldly people pursue material gain and don’t let it slip away—so is it right for spiritual people to neglect spiritual gain? But worldly people are still in a better position: by squandering their money, they waste only their material wealth, whereas we, if we do not tolerate injustice toward ourselves, throw away our spiritual, heavenly wealth. We squander all of this wealth right here—on earth. So why should we exchange the heavenly for the earthly? Moreover, those unfortunate worldly people remain in spiritual ignorance, whereas the [spiritual] meaning [of our lives] is no secret to us. We became monks in order to attain the heavenly, yet it turns out that, having set out toward one goal, we are moving toward an entirely different one. If a worldly person is wounded, beaten, or simply unjustly cast out, it is very bitter for him. However, we [monks] must seek all this ourselves; we must endure all this for the sake of love for Christ. We must strive to accept dishonor, contempt, and insults—since they bring benefit to our soul. A family man seeks to justify himself because he has worldly concerns. After all, he thinks about how he and his unfortunate children will live if, for example, he loses his reputation or goes bankrupt. Therefore, worldly people have extenuating circumstances, whereas we have no such circumstances.

When we are treated unjustly, by accepting this injustice, we are, in essence, accepting a blessing. For example, I was slandered and unjustly imprisoned. So what? First, since I committed no crime, my conscience is clear. And second, heavenly reward awaits me. Could any greater blessing be bestowed upon me? I do not complain, but I praise God: “How can I thank You, my God, for the fact that I did not commit this crime? For if I had actually committed it, I could not bear the pangs of my conscience.” For those who think this way, prison becomes paradise. Or take another example: someone struck me unjustly. “Glory to You, Lord!” I say. “Perhaps in this way I will atone for some of my sins, for once I, too, raised my hand against my neighbor.” Or perhaps I was unjustly reviled, and I give thanks: “Glory to You, Lord! I accept this for the sake of Your love, by which You endured insults and abuse for my sake.”

A Contribution to the Heavenly Treasury

— Geronda, I get upset that others don’t have a good opinion of me.

“How wonderful that you told me this! Starting today, I’ll pray that others will never have a good opinion of you, because, my dear child, a good opinion from others is not good for you.” God, in His providence, allows people to treat us unjustly and insult us so that we may atone for some of our sins through this, or accumulate some [spiritual] capital for the life to come. But I cannot understand: what kind of spiritual life do you want? You still haven’t understood what your spiritual benefit consists of; you want to spend all your [spiritual] capital right here—and leave nothing for Heaven. Why do you understand everything this way? What books do you read? Do you read *Evergetinos*[37] ? Isn’t it written there how you should act? And do you read the Gospel? Make sure you read it every day.

— Geronda, when I do a good deed, I get upset if others don’t acknowledge it.

— Listen, what kind of recognition do you want: from Christ or from people? Can you possibly gain anything of greater benefit than Christ’s recognition? And what good is it if people pay attention to you? If people recognize the good you’ve done right now, then later, in eternal life, you will hear: “Receive now the fruits of your good deeds...”[38] We should rejoice that others do not acknowledge our labors and leave us without [human] reward, for God will take these [humanly unrewarded] labors into account and reward us for them with an eternal reward. Since there is divine reward, let us strive to make some—even a small—contribution to God’s savings account. We must accept injustice done to us as a great blessing, for through injustice a certain amount is credited to our [spiritual bank] account—as a heavenly blessing.

— Geronda, what if a person [graciously] accepts injustice done to him, not because he is thinking about the coming Judgment, but simply because he believes it is better that way—is he acting correctly?

— Well, won’t the thought that this is better eventually lead him to think about the coming Judgment? But let him be careful not to act this way just to be “a good person,” because that’s what Europeans do.[39] One must remember that you are made in the image of God and should resemble your Creator in everything. If it is precisely this thought that motivates a person to act, then he is moving in the right direction. Otherwise, he runs the risk of falling into the humanism of the Europeans.[40]

Holy Pretense

— Geronda, how many hermits are there on the Holy Mountain?[41]

— I don’t know. They say there are seven.[42] In recent years, it has become very difficult to find a quiet, secluded place for asceticism. Therefore, while there were still monasteries with separate cells on the Holy Mountain,[43] some of the fathers found a different way to practice asceticism. For example, after initially practicing asceticism elsewhere, at some point they would say: “No, this place doesn’t really suit me. I’d better go work at some monastic community and save up some money.” Those around him believed that this was indeed the case. The ascetic would transfer to a monastic community, work there for three or four months, and then demand a substantial raise. And when he was denied such a raise, he would say: “Well, no—it’s not worth it for me to work like this. I’m leaving.” He would take a few pieces of dry bread with him, leave the monastery, hide in some cave, and devote himself to ascetic practices. And those who remained at the monastery were left with the impression that he had found work somewhere else. When the residents of that monastery were asked, “So, did you have a monk named so-and-so here?”—they would reply, “Yes, he was here, but what a fussy fellow he was! He came here to make money. He demanded a raise! Just think: a monk demanding a raise! What kind of monk is that?” And the ascetic, in this way, reaped a double benefit—both from his asceticism and from their accusations. And from thieves, too: for when thieves heard that he had money, they would go to his cave, beat him up, but find nothing.

— Geronda, but if a sister hides herself, how can I imitate her virtue?

— Do you think she’s so foolish as not to hide herself? The saints performed greater feats not to acquire virtue, but to conceal it. Do you know what the holy fools did for Christ’s sake? First, they shunned the hypocrisy of this world and entered the realm of Gospel truth. But even that was not enough for them, and they went further—toward holy hypocrisy for the sake of Christ’s love. After that, they were no longer concerned with what was done to them or what was said about them. However, this requires great humility. And consider this: if you say something unpleasant to a worldly person, he takes offense; if you fail to praise him for something, he gets upset, whereas the holy fools for Christ’s sake rejoiced that people had a distorted opinion of them.

In days of old, there were monks who even pretended to be possessed by demons, wishing to conceal their virtue and undermine others’ favorable opinion of them. While living at the Philotheos Monastery [44] at a time when it was a monastic community, I met a monk there who had previously lived as a hermit in the Vigla Desert.[45] Realizing that the fathers there had guessed at his ascetic feats and spiritual progress, he sought a blessing from his spiritual father and left. “Well, here we go again!” he said as he was leaving. “I’m sick and tired of these moldy crackers. I’ll go to some self-supporting monastery: there I’ll eat meat and live like a normal person! Am I some kind of fool to stay here?” So he transferred to the Philotheus Monastery and pretended to be possessed. His spiritual brothers,[46] upon hearing that he had become “possessed,” began to say among themselves: “Poor fellow—he’s become possessed. Well, what can you expect: that was bound to happen. He ran away from here: he got tired of moldy crackers, you see! He moved to a self-supporting monastery—he wanted to eat some meat!” And what about the “possessed” one? Well, here’s the thing: he lived at Filofey for more than twenty-five years, and all those years he neither prepared his own food nor went to sleep. Fighting off sleep, he wandered through the monastery corridors with a lantern all night long. When he reached the point of utter exhaustion, the ascetic would stop and lean briefly against a wall, but as soon as sleep began to overcome him, he would jump up and begin to whisper the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ...” Then he would continue praying silently—not aloud—though sometimes the prayer would involuntarily slip from his lips and be heard by others. When he met other monks, the ascetic would plead, “Pray, pray, that the demon may leave me.” Once, a young fifteen-year-old novice told me about him: “Forget about him, that possessed one.”—“Don’t speak that way,” I remarked to him. “This man has acquired considerable virtue and is only pretending to be possessed.” Subsequently, this young monk treated the ascetic with reverence. And when the ascetic died, he was found clutching a sheet of paper with a list of the monastery’s brethren. Next to each monk’s name, [the kind pretender] had written some sort of nickname. He did this so that even after his death he might destroy any—even the slightest—good thought that others might have had about him. Later, his remains began to emit a fragrant scent. You see: he wanted to hide himself, but the Grace of God revealed him to others.

Therefore, we should not draw conclusions about a person based on outward appearances—since we are unable to discern what he hides within himself.

Chapter 2.
On How Self-Justification
Drives God’s Grace Away from Us

Self-justification hinders spiritual progress

— Geronda, what do people mean when they say that you won’t find self-justification in Holy Scripture?

— That self-justification, in a sense, is unjustifiable.

— But, Geronda, when I justify myself, I realize in hindsight that self-justification is unbecoming of a monk.

— It is not merely unbecoming—self-justification has nothing to do with the spiritual life. One must understand that, by justifying oneself, one is in a state of falsehood. One severs one’s connection with God and deprives oneself of Divine Grace. For Divine Grace does not come to a person who is in a state of falsehood. From the moment a person justifies what is unjustifiable, he separates and isolates himself from God. The space between man and God is filled with an insulating material, as it were, [spiritual] rubber. Can an electric current pass through rubber? No, it cannot; it is impervious to current. Likewise, for Divine Grace, there is no stronger insulating material than self-justification. By justifying yourself, you are, as it were, building a wall that separates you from God, and in this way you sever all connection with Him.

— Geronda, you often say, “Let’s try, at the very least, not to fall below the spiritual passing grade.” What is this spiritual passing grade?

— The spiritual passing grade is the humble acknowledgment of one’s mistake, as well as the refusal to justify oneself—at least when a person is shown where they are at fault and they recognize their guilt. And not justifying yourself when you’re accused of something you’re not guilty of—that’s already an A+. Those who justify themselves not only fail to succeed but also lack inner peace. God will not punish us for any mistake we’ve made, but we ourselves should not justify ourselves for that mistake or consider it something natural.

— What if I’m reprimanded for some oversight, but I can’t figure out how much of the blame lies with me—should I ask about it so I can be more careful next time? Or is it better to keep quiet?

— If, being five percent at fault, you blame yourself twenty-five percent, aren’t you still coming out ahead? Blame yourself with a margin to be on the safe side. This is the spiritual practice you must engage in: seeking out your own errors and catching yourself in the act. Otherwise, you’re afraid to let go of your “self,” you make excuses for it, but you have no inner peace.

— Geronda, does a person benefit who, having made excuses out of habit, later realizes their mistake and chastises themselves?

— At the very least, such a person gains experience. If they use that experience properly, it will benefit them. And if God says, “Well, since they’ve realized their mistake and repented, I should give them something,” then that person will receive a kind of “subsidy,” but from a different [spiritual] fund—the fund of repentance.

The reason a person justifies himself is his selfishness

— Geronda, if I cannot find an excuse for the actions of others, does that mean I have a hard heart?

— You can’t find an excuse for others, but you find one for yourself? But then very soon, even Christ will find no excuse for you. If a person behaves maliciously, his heart can become as hard as a stone in an instant. And if he behaves with love, his heart can become very tender in an instant. Acquire a mother’s heart! Just as a mother behaves: she forgives everything [her children do] and sometimes pretends not to notice [their mischief].

One who properly engages in spiritual work on oneself finds extenuating circumstances for everyone, justifies everyone, while never seeking justification for oneself—even when one is right. One always considers oneself at fault, since one reflects on the fact that one is not taking advantage of the favorable opportunities that are given to one. For example, if such a person sees someone stealing, he thinks that he himself would have stolen even more if he had strayed from the right path. “God helped me,” such a person says, “yet I attributed His gifts to myself. This is a greater theft than what my neighbor commits: the only difference is that his theft is obvious, while mine remains hidden.” Thus, a person judges himself harshly and judges his neighbor leniently. Or, upon seeing some flaw—great or small—in a neighbor, such a person excuses him, attributing good intentions to his actions. He reflects on the fact that he himself has many flaws that are noticeable to others. After all, if one looks closely, one can find so many flaws within oneself! Then excusing one’s neighbor becomes a very easy matter. How much trouble have we caused! “Do not remember the sins of my youth or my ignorance, O Lord.”[47]

— Geronda, sometimes when someone asks me for help, I’m happy to offer it, but in my haste I mess things up a little, and then, when I’m corrected, I try to make excuses...

— If, in your desire to do a good deed, you’ve messed things up just a little, then you need to [humbly] accept the rebuke for the mistake you’ve made—so that you may receive your full reward. The devil is very cunning. He knows his craft like no other. So, doesn’t he use all his years of experience? It is he who incites you to make excuses, so that you lose the benefit of the good you have done. If you see a person, , drenched in sweat, hoisting some burden onto his shoulders, and you want to take it onto your own shoulders to make it easier for him, that is, one might say, natural. You saw him carrying that weight and, moved by compassion, rushed to help him. However, bearing the burden of an unjust offense inflicted by someone else carries a much greater value. If we are reprimanded and immediately begin to justify ourselves, this indicates that worldly reasoning is still fully alive within us.

— Geronda, what, then, is the cause of self-justification?

— In selfishness. Self-justification is a fall; it drives away the Grace of God. A person must not only refrain from justifying himself, but also love the injustice committed against him. After all, what else but self-justification drove us out of Paradise? Wasn’t that the essence of Adam’s fall? When God asked Adam, “Have you eaten from the tree from which I forbade you to eat?” — Adam did not say, “Yes, my God, I have sinned,” but began to make excuses: “The woman You gave me gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.” In doing so, he was effectively telling God, “It is Your fault, because You created Eve.” But was Adam obligated to obey Eve in this matter? God asked the same question of Eve, but she, too, began to make excuses: “The serpent deceived me.”[48] If Adam had said, “I have sinned; I was wrong, my God,” and if Eve had also admitted her mistake, then everything would have fallen back into place. But no: both of them began to make excuses for themselves, each trying to outdo the other.

— Geronda, if a person doesn’t understand just how great an evil self-justification is, what is to blame for that?

— What is to blame? The fact that he himself is to blame. By endlessly justifying himself and believing that others don’t understand him, that everyone around him is unjust, and that he is an innocent sufferer and an unfortunate victim, a person becomes irrational and loses control of himself. And just think—even after sometimes committing an injustice and wronging others, such a person says: “I would, of course, have endured this injustice, but I don’t want to lead others into sin!” That is, he seeks to justify himself, ostensibly out of love, so that the one who, as he believes, has wronged him, might come to his senses and not fall into sin! Or they begin to offer a whole host of explanations so that their “offender” won’t fall into sin by accidentally misunderstanding them. Do you see what subtle work the devil is engaged in?

Anyone who makes excuses cannot receive spiritual help

I’ve noticed that today everyone—young and old alike—justifies everything with some kind of satanic thought. The devil reinterprets everything in his own way for them, and in this way, these people lose touch with reality. A satanic interpretation—that is what self-justification is.

— Geronda, why do some people find fault with every word spoken to them?

— Oh, talking to someone who’s used to making excuses is a dreadful thing! It’s just like talking to a man possessed. May God forgive me, but those who make excuses have the devil himself as their “spiritual father.” These are terribly tormented people; they have no peace within themselves. They’ve made self-justification their “science.” That is, just as a thief lies awake all night devising a way to steal something, these people are constantly devising ways to justify their mistakes. While others ponder how to humble themselves or do some good deed, these people devise the exact opposite—a way to justify what can never be justified. These people become true defense attorneys! It’s impossible to change their minds—it’s like trying to change the devil’s mind. You have no idea how much trouble I had with one such person! “What you’re doing makes no sense at all,” I urged him. “You need to pay attention to certain things; you’ve completely lost control—you should do such-and-such…” However, he found an excuse for every word I said, and at the end of the conversation he even declared, “You still haven’t told me what I need to do!” “My dear friend,” I stammered, “then what have we been talking about for so long? We’re talking about your mistakes, about how you’ve gone down the wrong path, but you just keep making excuses nonstop. In the three hours we’ve been talking, you’ve completely worn me out! You’ve driven me to the brink! Well, didn’t I tell you what you need to do?” It goes like this: you give the person relevant examples, explaining that treating everything the way he does is satanic selfishness; you warn him that he’s under demonic influence and that if he doesn’t change, he’ll perish—and after all that, he claims you still haven’t told him what he needs to do! No, really, wouldn’t you lose your temper in a situation like that? If a person doesn’t care about anything, they don’t get upset in such cases. No matter what happens, it’s all just the little things in life to them.

However, if you’re not indifferent, you simply explode in situations like these. No, they really are happy—people who don’t care about anything.

— However, Geronda, you yourself would never want to remain indifferent under any circumstances...

— My brother, an indifferent person, at least, doesn’t waste their energy in vain. It makes sense to suffer for the sake of someone who is in pain. But here’s the thing: you wear yourself out for his sake, you tell him so many things, and in the end he says, “You didn’t tell me what to do”—and justifies what can’t be justified. That’s how he turns from a human being into a demon! How terrifying! If he’d at least thought about how much effort you put in to help him, he would have changed just a little bit. I’m not even talking about him feeling how much it hurts you to see him suffer. But he sees how you’re suffering, how you’re struggling, how you’re tormented—and he turns a blind eye to it all!

— Geronda, if you tell someone who’s justifying some reckless outburst of theirs that it’s self-justification, and they, wanting to prove that it isn’t self-justification, keep justifying themselves—is there any chance they’ll change?

— How could he possibly make amends? He realizes he’s made a mistake because he’s in agony, but out of selfishness, he refuses to admit it. That’s very frightening!

— Yes, but at the same time he claims: “You refuse to help me. I’m asking you for help, but you won’t even invite me for a conversation. You treat me with contempt.”

— Well, then—that state of mind also stems from selfishness. In doing so, he’s essentially telling you: “It’s not my fault, but yours, that things are going so badly for me!” Yes, yes, a person like that goes as far as that. Leave him alone: there’s no need to waste time on him, since you won’t be able to help him. Neither his spiritual father nor—if he lives in a monastery—the abbot or abbess bears responsibility for such a person. This is not human selfishness, but satanic selfishness. Human selfishness afflicts the one who, without humbling himself enough to say “I’m sorry,” nevertheless refuses to make excuses. But whoever, having sinned, justifies himself, turns his heart into a den of demons. If such a person does not crush his “self,” he will commit more and more mistakes, and his own selfishness will crush him to no avail. If a person does not realize what an evil self-justification is, they have extenuating circumstances. However, if they have learned this—either on their own or from others—then they have no extenuating circumstances.

When you want to help someone who is accustomed to making excuses, be very careful. Because if they make excuses, it means they have a lot of selfishness, and so sometimes the following happens: you tell them they acted wrongly, and they, in order to protect their “flawlessness” and prove [that you, in fact, are wrong], begin to add lie upon lie and self-justification upon self-justification. In this case, you—who pointed out to him that he was wrong—become the reason why this person turns out to be an even greater egoist and liar than he was before. When you see that he continues to make excuses, stop trying to reason with him, but pray that God will enlighten him.

If you do not justify yourself, God will justify you

— Geronda, often when someone points something out to me, thinking I need to offer some explanation, I start by saying, “Yes, that’s true, but I don’t know if you thought…”

— Why do you need all these “however”s and “or maybe”s?[49] There’s no… substance to this “or maybe”! And it distorts everything. If someone points something out to you, say: “I’m sorry. With your prayers, I’ll be more careful in the future.”

— Geronda, if someone, seeing me do this or that, comes to the wrong conclusion, should I explain what prompted me to act this way and not another?

— If you have spiritual strength—that is, humility—then admit your fault and explain nothing. Leave it to God to vindicate you. If you do not speak up yourself, God will speak for you later. Consider this: when the brothers sold Joseph into slavery,[50] he did not say [to the Ishmaelite merchants]: “I am their brother, not a slave. My father loved me more than any of his other children.” He did not say a word, but later God spoke His word and made him a ruler.[51] What do you think—will God not reveal [to people how things really are]? If God, for your own good, reveals the truth to people, that is good. However, if He does not reveal it, that, too, will be for your own good. When someone treats you unjustly, think that they are not doing so out of malice, but simply because they saw things in that light. If that person has no malice, then after some time God will reveal the true state of affairs to him. And then that person will realize that he was unjust toward you and will repent. God does not reveal the truth to a person only if there is malice within him, since God’s radio station operates on the frequency of humility and love.

— Geronda, is it permissible to ask a person for an explanation after a misunderstanding between you and them?

— Have your thoughts [about this person] become distorted?

— No.

— If your thoughts haven’t been corrupted, then there’s no need for that person to explain anything to you. But if your thoughts have been corrupted, it wouldn’t hurt to hear some explanation so that they don’t become even more corrupted.

— Geronda, but what if you’re explaining yourself not to justify yourself, but simply to describe your attitude toward a particular event—what motivated you to act one way or another?

— That’s pointless, too. It’s better to say “I’m sorry” and refrain from giving explanations, except when you’re asked for them. Then humbly explain how it all happened.

— Geronda, in what cases are explanations necessary?

— They’re necessary when there’s a misunderstanding involving other people. In that case, a person is obligated to provide an explanation in order to rectify the situation. It also happens that a person is overly sensitive, has a certain degree of selfishness, and if they do not explain themselves, it may cause them emotional distress. In such a case, it is preferable for them to explain what prompted them to take a particular action.

— Sometimes, Geronda, we can’t tell the difference between self-justification and an explanation.

— Self-justification does not bring peace to the soul, whereas an explanation brings it peace and tranquility.

Whoever examines himself correctly does not justify himself

— Geronda, why is it that even when I feel and understand my [spiritual] weakness, I still make excuses for myself?

— You make excuses precisely because you haven’t yet felt your weakness. If you had felt it, you wouldn’t make excuses. After all, we self-centered people don’t want to face difficulties, we don’t like to work hard, and we often want to become [spiritually] rich without lifting a finger. We should, at the very least, admit that, by approaching everything in this way, we are spiritually lame in both legs. Having acknowledged this, we should accept it with humility. But far from it! In our case, there is not even a hint of hard work or acknowledgment of our own weakness.

— Can a person who is engaged in self-knowledge, who examines himself, justify himself?

— Whoever studies themselves properly does not justify themselves. Look: after all, some intelligent people, despite being exceptionally clever, end up doing the most terrible foolish things. This is because the desire to make things more comfortable for themselves creeps in. “How can I make things more comfortable for myself?” such a person ponders. “How can I make sure things are good for me personally?”

— Geronda, doesn’t someone who makes excuses for themselves fail to see their own failures in the spiritual life?

— The devil deceives such a person in everything he does, and this person finds an excuse for everything: his own willfulness, stubbornness, selfishness, and lies.

— And if such a person were to evaluate himself as if looking in a mirror—by examining the writings of the Holy Fathers and especially Holy Scripture—wouldn’t that help him?

— For a person who thinks correctly and spiritually, Holy Scripture and the writings of the Holy Fathers resolve all difficulties. Such a person understands the meaning of what is written clearly and distinctly. However, if a person does not engage in spiritual practice and his soul is not purified, then even Holy Scripture will not help him, since such a person interprets everything he reads completely backwards. It is better for such a person to confide their thoughts to their spiritual father and not attempt to interpret the meaning of what they have read on their own. For example, when reading the Old Testament, such a person may interpret the text in a deceitful spirit and become infected with [spiritual] corruption. I have noticed that some people pick out certain passages from spiritual books and then interpret them in a way that suits their own purposes. The reason is not that they lack intelligence or misunderstand the meaning of what they read. No, they give their own interpretation to what they’ve read in order to justify themselves. What a terrible thing! At the same time, I’ve found that these people rarely take the spiritual advice and guidance they hear from others properly to heart. For example, when I want to draw their attention to something, I tell them a story. I want to emphasize one specific point, but they interrupt the story I’m telling in order to find something completely different in it, latch onto that “something else,” and use it to justify one of their shortcomings or mistakes. In other words, they do all this to find an excuse for their passions. When I tell them about someone who has ended up in a pitiful state because of their carelessness, after hearing the story, they don’t reflect on it but say, “Well, if there are people in such a terrible state, then we’re beyond all praise.” That’s how they justify themselves. Yes, if there’s one thing the devil can find in abundance, it’s self-justifications.

Self-justification brings no peace to the soul

The soul of one who justifies himself finds no peace. Such a person is deprived of comfort. He himself justifies his “self,” but does this “self” justify him? His “self,” his conscience, finds no justification for him, and therefore his soul has no peace. This testifies that he is guilty. How wisely God has arranged everything! He gave man a conscience. What a terrible thing! Through cruelty, cunning, and flattery, a person may achieve what he wants, but in doing so, he will be deprived of peace of mind. But if a person is guided by his conscience, he can convince himself—even without outside help—that he has strayed from the path.

To bear injustice with equanimity is like receiving spiritual wealth that brings joy. But by justifying oneself, a person seems to squander a part of that wealth—and feels no joy. What I mean is that in the latter case, a person lacks the spiritual peace they would have if they did not justify themselves. And what can be said of someone who justifies themselves while, in fact, being truly guilty! Such a person brings God’s wrath upon his own head. For, in essence, he is plundering what does not belong to him. He is given wealth, yet he squanders it. How can the soul of one who squanders his wealth find peace?

The one who makes excuses for himself is blinding himself. [Then] the devil will find an excuse for him, even if such a person commits murder. “How could you have put up with him for so long?” says the devil. “You should have finished him off much sooner!” And such a person might even want to receive a reward from Christ for those few years that he “put up with” him! Do you understand? Yes, yes, it can go that far!

— Geronda, but if someone who justifies himself is suffering, why doesn’t he want to [stop justifying himself in order to] put an end to the pangs of conscience that torment him?

— Because self-justification is a habit. It takes willpower to break it. Such a person must learn not only to stop justifying themselves, but also to adopt the correct spiritual stance. After all, if a person, without justifying themselves aloud, still harbors the conviction in their heart that they have been treated unjustly, it will be even worse; for if they had said something in their own defense, they would have been contradicted, and in this way they could have come to know themselves and emerge from their delusion. Otherwise, they may say nothing aloud but think to themselves, “The truth is on my side, yet I remain silent because I am above such things.” In this way, a person remains in error.

Let us take upon ourselves the burden [of others’ sins]

— Geronda, yesterday you said that patience is one thing, and tolerance is another. What did you mean by that?

— To endure does not mean to treat someone with tolerance. By claiming that I am tolerant toward a certain person, I am thereby saying: “Things are very bad for him, but they are good for me, and I treat him with tolerance.” True patience consists in feeling guilty for the condition my neighbor is in and having compassion for him. There is much humility and love in such an attitude toward one’s neighbor. In this case, I receive God’s grace, and my neighbor receives help. For example, upon seeing someone who is lame, deaf, or a drug addict, I should think as follows: “If I were a spiritually advanced person, I would implore God, and He would heal this unfortunate person.” After all, Christ said: “I will give you the power to perform greater miracles than I have performed.”[52] Such reflections give rise to sorrow for one’s neighbor and love for him. But if I say: “Oh, but how can I help him? He’s a cripple, and that’s that; well, I’ll sit with him for a little while—who knows, maybe I’ll get and a reward for a good deed,” then I am “condescending” to my neighbor, treating him “with tolerance,” and justifying myself by saying that I have fulfilled my duty.

— Geronda, is it always helpful to take full responsibility for someone else’s sin?

— Yes, if you can bear this burden, the benefit is considerable. Blame yourself for everything. Take the guilt for your neighbor’s sin upon yourself, shoulder it, and ask Christ to give you the strength to bear it. And by taking on a burden heavier than your actual guilt—even if you are not at all at fault, but find a way to convince yourself that you are—you will never attribute to your own strength the fact that you are bearing another’s sin. [This means] you will not become proud and will be able to attain God’s abundant grace. However, you must carefully gauge your strength and ask yourself: Can you bear a heavier load? After all, if you overexert yourself, you’ll end up with a hernia or strain your lower back...

— What does “strain yourself to the point of getting a hernia” and “strain your lower back” mean in this context?

— Well, for example, if you take on someone else’s sin—one whose weight exceeds your strength—and offer no explanation, then you’ll start to grumble, get irritated, and judge others...

— But if I do offer some explanation, wouldn’t that be self-justification?

— Then try to offer an explanation [only] for what your limited strength couldn’t handle. Leave unexplained whatever you have the strength to handle. For example, if a person is sensitive, they should try not to take on [such spiritual] burdens that exceed their strength. Such a person shouldn’t pretend to be a strongman. They should test themselves and subject themselves to unjust accusations with discernment—in accordance with the [spiritual] weight they are capable of bearing—so that, otherwise, by straining them with excessive sensitivity, the enemy might not plunge such a person into despair and render them useless.

— Geronda, sometimes not only do I lack the strength to bear injustice, but I also shift the responsibility for my own downfall onto the shoulders of others.

— Not only do you refuse to carry your neighbor’s knapsack out of love, but you also want to saddle him with your own heavy burden. And not just a healthy person, but even one who is weak! You need to acquire spiritual courage so that you may be able to take full responsibility for your own sin. And the more we increase our [spiritual] burden by taking on the sins of others, the more the Good God will lighten the weight of our burden—and we will experience divine joy.

If a strong man, out of love for his neighbor who lacks the strength to lift heavy loads, hoists two bags of cement onto his shoulders, that is not as great a sacrifice as taking upon oneself the weight of another’s sin, “internalizing” that sin as one’s own—even if people think that you yourself are the one who actually sinned. This is a great virtue, a great humility.

Once, a novice at a communal monastery on Mount Athos spoke rudely to the liturgical director,[53] who was also a hieromonk. The liturgical director, wishing to help the novice who was reading during the service, approached him and showed him which kontakion should be read first. But the novice completely lost his temper and, after the service, shut himself in his cell in anger. Searching his own heart for fault, the liturgical director took the blame upon himself and began to agonize, reflecting that he was to blame for the brother’s rude response. Truly tormented by pangs of conscience, he did not justify his behavior by saying that [he was obligated to instruct the novice on what to read because], as the liturgical director, he was responsible for what took place in the church. Instead, he said to himself, “It is my fault that the brother became upset.” And so he went to the novice’s cell to bow before him and ask for forgiveness, but the novice had locked himself inside and would not open the door. Then the hieromonk sat down at the foot of his door. He sat there from early morning until three o’clock in the afternoon. When the bells rang for Vespers, the novice was forced to open the door and come out. The elder sank to his knees, bowed low to the ground before him, and said, “Forgive me, brother; it is my fault.” This is how the Grace of God comes.

Chapter 3.
On Divine and Human Justice

— Geronda, tell me, what is divine justice?

— Divine justice is when you do what brings peace to your neighbor. For example, if you need to divide something between yourself and your neighbor, don’t give him half of what you have, but as much as he wants. Ask him, “How much do you want to take for yourself? Two and a half parts, three parts? Here, take them.” Give the good part to the other person, and keep the rotten part for yourself. Give the other person the larger portion, and keep the smaller one for yourself. Imagine that a sister brings us ten plums right now. If I eat eight plums out of gluttony and leave you two, I’m being unfair to you. If I say, “Since there are two of us, I’ll eat five, and five will be left for you,” I’m acting according to human justice. But if, seeing that you like the plums, I eat only one and say to you, “Show some love—finish the rest, because I don’t really like them, and besides, they give me a stomachache,” that would be divine justice.

— So tell me, what does human justice consist of?

— Human justice means that when you need to share something with someone, for example, you give them one half and keep the other half for yourself.

— Geronda, what place does human justice occupy in the spiritual life?

— Human justice is not intended for spiritual people, but to serve as a restraint for the people of this world. If a spiritual person places his hope in human justice, he is foolish, because compared to Divine justice, human justice is nothing. But even a worldly person, having achieved something in this life by applying human justice, will not have true joy or peace of mind.

Suppose two brothers own a plot of land measuring ten stremms.[54] According to human justice, each of them should take five stremms, but according to divine justice, each should take as much as he needs. That is, if one brother has seven children and the other only two, or if one earns a high salary and the other a low one, then the greater portion of the land should go to the one who is in greater need. If, in this case, the second brother takes as much as the first, it would be unjust. However, a worldly person does not take into account that his brother is barely making ends meet. Not thinking spiritually, such a person does not understand that dividing the property the way he intends to would be an injustice. “You should explain to your household that your brother is in need, so that they will agree that you give the larger portion to him,” you say to such a person. And in response, you hear: “Why? After all, [by dividing the property in half] I am not being unfair to him at all.”

However, if the speaker were a spiritual person, then—even in the face of resistance from his wife and children—he would have to convince them to accept whatever his brother in need agrees to give them. If the brother in need were to say, “You take one stremma for yourself,” then the other should take one for himself and say not a word, so that the brother who took the larger share might feel at ease. No matter how you look at it, the most just division is carried out according to the Gospel.

I am struck by Abraham’s generosity. When the shepherds of Lot and Abraham began to quarrel over pastureland, Abraham went to Lot and said, “It is not right for us to quarrel, for we are relatives. Which direction do you prefer? Do you want to go to the right or to the left?” Although Lot acted, at least in part, out of human motives, he chose Sodom and Gomorrah because there were green meadows there—good pastures for livestock.[55] And what a terrible fate he later had to endure there! But Abraham, moved by divine justice, wanted to bring joy to Lot. The fact that Lot settled in the better place even brought joy to Abraham.

Divine Justice

— Geronda, what is God’s justice?

— Divine justice is long-suffering, which also encompasses humility and love. God is most just, but He is also most compassionate—[56] —and His compassion overcomes His justice. To help you understand, let me give you an example: if a person has never had a favorable opportunity to hear about God, then God will not judge him according to the state in which he currently finds himself, but according to the state in which he would have been had he come to know Him. For otherwise, God would not be just. Divine justice has its own mathematical laws: sometimes one plus one equals two, and sometimes it equals two million.

— Geronda, how is divine justice carried out against a person who commits some kind of error?

— Human justice says, “You have committed a transgression and must be punished,” while Divine justice says, “Do you acknowledge your mistake and repent? You will receive forgiveness.” Consider this: if a person who has committed a crime sincerely repents and confesses to what he has done—even though not the slightest suspicion has yet fallen upon him—then even human law treats him leniently. And if such a person is judged leniently even by people, how much more leniency does God—the righteous and compassionate Judge—show him?

We are all in God’s hands. God watches over us and sees everything clearly; the heart of every person is open to Him. He will not be unjust toward us. Since there is divine justice, divine retribution, and—most importantly—since God loves us, all the good that a person does is not in vain. Therefore, anyone who strives for people to treat one another fairly is a worthless, utterly underdeveloped person.

I have noticed that if a person who has been treated unjustly responds to what has happened in the way that Divine truth requires, then God vindicates him even in this life. I remember how, after the war, a general came to our unit to present medals. I wasn’t there that day. When the general called out my last name, one of my fellow soldiers, a native of Thessaly, stepped out of the ranks and received the award that was meant for me. The other soldiers remained silent, because in those days, such deception in the army was punishable by imprisonment. , after the general left, that soldier hid, afraid that the others would beat him half to death. And when I returned to the unit, he was afraid to approach me. He walked around in circles for a while and finally said, “Forgive me, I did such-and-such.”—“Well, you did the right thing by taking that medal! ” I replied. “What would I have done with it?” After that, he wore that medal at parades. And forty years later, the commander of the First Army came here to the monastery from Thessaly and brought me an award—the Order of Alexander the Great. When I saw it, I couldn’t help but smile. Forty years later! And I was struck by the fact that the marshal had come from Thessaly—the homeland of the soldier who had received my award back then. You see how things turn out! If, however, we strive to be treated fairly, then in the end we lose both what we are striving for here and what Christ has prepared for us in eternal life as a reward for the injustice we have endured. In other words, because of trivial things, we lose what is most important—the eternal. After all, one way or another, everything earthly is worthless. Why, then, do we need it?

What a monk is entitled to, Christ preserves for the life to come

— Geronda, what does it mean to “have a right” to something?

— “To have a right” is worldly logic. The more worldly a person is, the more “rights” he has. The more spiritual he is, the fewer rights he possesses. This is especially true of a monk—he has only duties; he has no right to anything. What I mean is that a monk must not have any claims against anyone. For the sake of Christ’s love, a monk has renounced everything; therefore, if he seeks to have any rights in this life, it is a complete mistake. By behaving in this way, a monk offends Christ and offends monasticism. The people of this world “have a right” to many things—that is why they are worldly. But what a monk—and indeed, any spiritual person—is entitled to, Christ reserves for the life to come.

The “I have the right” mentality is evident today not only among nearly all [lay] youth, but also among young monks. Some of them do not know why they became monks, nor do they know what monasticism is at all. That is why they carry this “I have the right” attitude within themselves, possessing a worldly spirit, [spiritually] inexplicable logic, and human justice—in relation to everything. This human justice, which originated in the European spirit, has already penetrated monastic life.

In the present era, it is not uncommon to encounter this kind of spirit in monastic life: “I don’t cause my neighbor any trouble, and I don’t want him to cause me any trouble. After all, I’m not hurting him; everything’s fine with me.” Or as some monks say: “I’ve done my part: wherever I was supposed to help, I helped; whatever needed to be finished, I finished. Everything’s fine with me. But what about the other work? That’s not my responsibility. I’m leaving—I’m going to my cell to observe my monastic rule.” Such people don’t stop to consider that their brother might be frail or have a headache, and therefore can’t perform a certain task or is working less because he attended the All-Night Vigil and returned very tired. Or they might say: “This is my portion of food. I’m entitled to it,” without considering that their neighbor is weaker or that his body consumes more energy and he needs a more substantial meal. As a result of all this, while physically residing in a spiritual environment, they end up adopting a worldly mindset and become exemplary people… of this world. Do you know what it’s like to see spiritual people who, however, approach everything in a worldly way? I have noticed that many of the monks—some more, some less—while fasting, praying, attending services, fulfilling their prescribed duties, wearing monastic robes, and living according to the monastic schedule, approach everything not spiritually but in a worldly manner. They are constantly worried that someone might say something hurtful to them or treat them unfairly. In other words, these monks operate within the framework of worldly justice, while some do not even measure up to that standard. And now try to reach a spiritual understanding with them! These monks try to arrange everything so that in the future it will be easier for Christ to settle accounts with them [so that He will not be in debt to them ]! Even though Christ looks at the degree of injustice each person endures and the degree of their self-sacrifice in order to reward them accordingly, these people wish to calculate [their own merits] themselves [for Christ].

I am generally outraged by the mindset I see in some contemporary monks. Well, it’s purely human justice! But how does human justice fit into the spiritual life? You won’t get very far on human justice, even in worldly life—let alone in the spiritual life! When I lived in a communal monastery, all the monks there constantly tried to make some kind of sacrifice. This spirit reigned everywhere: at work, at meals. They thought first of their neighbor and therefore lived as if in Paradise. For example, while sitting at the meal, a monk would try to eat less so that another might have more. Even if he himself was not in the best of health, he did not attach any importance to it. Such a monk was not concerned with whether his neighbor was healthy or frail. The monk [simply] sacrificed himself. He did not even use his own judgment and did not say, “If a brother eats more than his share, it will harm him.” However, from the very moment a monk begins to worry about not being wronged, about not overworking himself, or about his labor going to waste—he seems to stop believing that God exists, that there is another life, and that the coming Judgment and divine retribution await everyone. But even if he were to labor just a little more than [others]—that labor, too, would not be in vain. Only the labor of animals is in vain. But even these unfortunate creatures sacrifice themselves for our sake! And this despite the fact that they suffer because of us. For after the sin of our forefathers, nature groans along with man, sympathizing with him. How terrible this is! Look how wild animals suffer when wounded by hunters! Maimed, with broken legs, they cannot flee from large predators that torment and devour them. And yet these unfortunate creatures receive not the slightest reward! If a person does not understand this, then he is not a human being. God gave him reason precisely for this: so that he might use it to do what is right and find his way. I am not saying now that you should exhaust yourselves to the very end, but that you should have compassion.

— In other words, Geronda, you want our hearts to tremble with a fervent desire to bring relief and comfort to our neighbor...

— Yes, because when you strive to ease your neighbor’s suffering and bring him peace, while at the same time entrusting yourself entirely to God’s hands, you do not exhaust yourself. But if, having exhausted yourself, you tell [others] about it, then all your efforts go to waste. Do you think Christ will reward you for complaining about your bitter fate? [If He does “reward” you,] it will only be with a slap in the face.

As much as possible, try to do the work I am talking about. This is the spiritual work you must engage in. For those who do not do this work, even ascetic feats will be of no use, because their radio station is not tuned to the same frequency as God’s radio station. And if that is the case, then everything else goes down the drain: both prostrations and fasting... I am not saying that none of this needs to be done, but one should not think that if we perform all these feats, everything is fine with us.

People have created a different “gospel” for themselves

— Geronda, under what circumstances can a person be called righteous?

— From a worldly point of view, a righteous person is one whose judgment is based on human justice. However, a person is perfect who is righteous not according to the [laws] of human justice, but according to Divine truth. In this case, God blesses his . By never allowing my “self” or my own self-interest to influence my actions, I, so to speak, compel God to bestow Divine Grace upon me.

Any human truth, even the most perfect, always contains human elements. And as long as human truth remains alive in a spiritual person, the Spirit strives to root this truth out of him—as if it were a foreign body—while the person struggles, sometimes prevailing, sometimes being overcome, and becomes spiritually exhausted. However, by attaining Divine truth, a person is purified [57] and becomes receptive to Divine enlightenment.

— Geronda, if I tell a person who claims to have been unjustly wronged that Divine justice exists, will these words help him?

— No, it’s better to say this to him: “Look at what’s happening from a spiritual perspective, as the Gospel commands.” For if you tell him that Divine justice exists, he will truly believe that others have wronged him, whereas in reality, perhaps he himself has wronged them.

No, really, it pains me deeply. I knew a man who regularly attended church, fasted, performed other duties expected of a Christian, and considered himself to be living a spiritual life. Even though he owned five apartments, earned two salaries, and had no children, he never gave a single drachma in alms to the poor. “All right,” I said to him, “you have so many needy relatives. Why don’t you help them? What are you going to do with all that money? Give it to widows and orphans...” And do you know what he replied? “So what,” — he said, — just because my sister is a widow, does that mean I shouldn’t charge her rent?” When I heard that, the blood rushed to my head! There it is—the truth of this world! “Since the children who have nothing to eat aren’t mine but belong to others,” thinks a man of this disposition, “I bear no responsibility for them. I’m not hurting anyone. God forbid I should ever hurt anyone!” Such people find a way to soothe their conscience, yet they have no true peace. Guided by human logic and worldly justice, these people remain indifferent—even as something serious [that requires their involvement]. How can they possibly feel anything spiritual after that? There are people who would donate an entire house to someone, yet at the same time, if someone owes them rent, they take them to court. How can you explain that?

— Geronda, can this be explained by human nature?

— It’s not even human nature. Such people have next to no human nature to speak of. On the one hand, they donate a hundred thousand drachmas to someone, and on the other, they haggle with a taxi driver over a thousand drachmas and drag him to the police. How would you explain that?

— Maybe, Geronda, they’re not quite right in the head?

— No, their minds are perfectly fine.

— Maybe, Geronda, they give alms out of pride, to feel satisfied with themselves?

— Yeah, that’s exactly the point! They give generously out of pride and do so not for the glory of God, but to glorify themselves. Such people may even give away everything they have to others, yet they have no love.

Today there is a certain corrupt spirit [among people]. Even spiritual people strive for legal justice while still claiming to believe in God. “You have a right to this, I have a right to that...” Oh, if only there were no such thing as this “gospel of common sense” among people—this monstrous “common sense”! “Don’t take me for a fool,” such people say. Do you know that Christians go so far as to take each other to court? They shouldn’t go to court even if the truth were on their side—much less if they are in the wrong! That is why some lose their faith—because of such Christians. People see that someone doesn’t go to church or attend vigils, yet doesn’t go as far as, say, a Christian who attends church, goes to all-night vigils, does everything he’s supposed to, and yet drags some poor soul to court just because that person owes him a little money. And he does this solely to “defend his rights.” I asked a man who was planning to sue someone who owed him a certain amount: “Are you in need? Or do you have more children [than your debtor]? Or perhaps your wife is insisting that you sue, and that’s why you’re in a difficult situation?”—“No,” he replied, “I’m doing this to seek justice.”

What can one say! Of course, the upbringing that some received in childhood in certain church-related circles also played a role. For many years now, I haven’t been able to get this incident out of my mind. In one house, a child was being cared for by the Sisters of Mercy—young women from a Christian sisterhood in which they had taken a vow of celibacy. One day, a little boy fell ill and needed a medical test involving radiation exposure. The doctor asked the sisters to come and help him, but not a single one of them even budged—they were afraid of the radiation. But let’s start with the fact that, since they had taken a vow of celibacy, the issue didn’t even require discussion. If they had been planning to get married, that would have been one thing—their fear would have been somewhat justified. But they were people of faith, and therefore they should have shown self-sacrifice even if they had been planning to start families. It would have been [spiritually] right if these sisters had argued, defending their right to sacrifice themselves. But then it ended up with another nurse—not from the sisterhood—rushing to the doctor’s aid. This young woman not only did not lead a spiritual life but was also planning to get married; yet she took pity on the baby.

And worst of all, such people have no pangs of conscience over this, since they say: “All this [self-sacrifice] is not for us. We live for spiritual pursuits.” They may even have this thought: “Well, some people like to sacrifice themselves, but I prefer a calm, serene life...” Sometimes they may even condemn those who sacrifice themselves, saying that they have not attained a spiritual state. But Christ dwells where there is nobility and generosity, where there is a spirit of self-sacrifice, modesty, and a desire to remain unknown.

— Geronda, if you see a person in a difficult situation, shouldn’t you rush to their aid—regardless of whether you yourself are tired or sick?

— Yes, of course! But, you know, I’ve noticed that many spiritual people have cultivated worldly wisdom within themselves. They’ve created their own worldly “gospel”—a “gospel” tailored to their own standards. “A Christian,” such people say, “must have a sense of self-respect; he must not be humiliated, nor must he appear foolish.” In other words, such people approach everything with worldly logic and truth. “I have a right to this!” says such a person. “I don’t wrong him, and I don’t want him to wrong me!” And at the same time, his thoughts reassure him that he is right. In such a person, all the manifestations of worldly truth are evident. He has no love, no self-sacrifice—he has nothing. He has created his own “gospel” and has not the slightest connection to God. Well, then, how can Divine Grace possibly come upon him after all this?

When I was serving in the army, a radio operator from a military airfield would come to our unit to pick up call signs,[58] , and we would talk. Before joining the military, he had received a theological education, and while in the unit he would even deliver sermons [to his fellow soldiers]. However, everyone called him “Jesuit,”[59] because not only did he never make any personal sacrifices, but he also refused to help others even in the smallest way. Sometimes I would ask him, “You’re going to the airfield anyway—please, could you pick up these call signs for such-and-such a radio operator?” But he would never agree. “No,” he would say, “I went to get my own call signs; let him go get his own.” He reassured himself that he wasn’t being unfair to the other person. But Christ says that you must go two leagues with someone if you are not merely asked, but compelled to go one.[60] He does not say, “If someone simply asks you for your shirt, give him your outer garment as well,” but commands: “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, give him your outer garment as well.”[61] Christ gives us this commandment, yet a person who considers himself spiritual says, “I went the extra mile for my own, but let him go the extra mile for his own”? In other words, he might as well be saying, “We’ve found a fool! They’re asking me for one verst, so am I supposed to walk a whole two?” Well then, how can God’s grace come near such a person after that? But if someone [truly] applies this Gospel commandment to himself and, while being compelled to walk one verst, walks further, then Christ begins to work. And the one who forced this person to walk [with him] is spiritually transformed and scratches the back of his head in amazement: “Well,” he says, “what a thing! I only made him walk one verst, and look how far he’s gone! Now that’s kindness!”

If Christ had possessed the worldly logic found today in many “spiritual” people, He would not have left His Heavenly Throne to descend to earth, suffer, and endure crucifixion at the hands of us—wretched people. However, hidden within this—from a human perspective—“failure” of Christ lay the mystery of the salvation of all people. After all, what didn’t He endure for the sake of our salvation! He humbled Himself to such an extent that people mocked Him and said, “Prophesy, who struck You?” In other words, the Jews found amusement in mocking Christ! Do you know how bitter it was for me when, as a little boy, I saw other kids playing “tag”? And the Jews started the same game… with Christ! “Prophesy, who struck You?”[62] Oh, how terrible that is! And we strive for a Christianity without the crucifixion, for a “Christianity of instant resurrection.” We reshape Christianity and monasticism however we please. We do not wish to restrict ourselves in anything.

However, in order to experience the supernatural, we must live beyond nature.

Part 3.
On Sin and Repentance

“True repentance consists in a person first recognizing their transgression, feeling pain over it, asking God for forgiveness, and only then going to confession. In this way, divine consolation comes. That is why I always advise people to repent and go to confession. I never advise them to go to confession [without repentance].”

Chapter 1.
On How Sin Torments a Person

Purification of the Heart

— Geronda, is Christ able to dwell in the heart of any person?

— Christ is certainly able to dwell there, but people are unable to make room for Him because they do not strive to amend their ways. For Christ to dwell within us, our hearts must be purified. “Create in me a clean heart, O God...”[63]

— Geronda, why don’t wild animals harm the saints?

— When people become peaceful, wild animals also become peaceful and recognize man as their master. In Paradise, before Adam and Eve’s Fall, wild beasts would reverently lick them, but after the Fall, they began to pounce on them to tear them apart. When a person returns to the state he was in before the Fall, animals once again recognize him as their master. However, today there are people who are worse than animals, worse than snakes. They exploit homeless children for their own gain, take their money, and when they see trouble brewing, they call the police, shift all the blame onto the minors, and even have them committed to mental institutions. That is why I recite Psalm 147—which the Venerable Arsenius of Cappadocia recited so that wild animals might become docile and do no harm to people—with the aim that people might become docile and do no harm either to their fellow human beings or to animals.

— Geronda, how does a person return to the state he was in before the Fall?

— The heart must be purified. One must acquire purity of soul—that is, sincerity, honesty, selflessness, humility, kindness, lack of malice, and self-sacrifice. In this way, a person enters into communion with God, and Divine Grace rests within him. If a person possesses bodily purity but lacks purity of heart, God does not dwell within him, because deceit, pride, malice, and similar passions dwell in such a person. His life is one continuous deception. Begin your spiritual struggle precisely with this—strive to attain purity of heart.

— Geronda, is it possible to break a bad habit all at once?

— First of all, a person must realize that this habit is harmful to him. Once he realizes this, he must want to begin the struggle to rid himself of this habit. To break a bad habit in one fell swoop, one must possess great willpower. A rope, having gradually worn a groove in the well’s wooden frame, no longer slips to the right or to the left. Likewise, any habit gradually wears a groove in the heart and is then difficult to remove from that groove. Therefore, one must be very careful not to acquire bad habits, because it will later require considerable humility and great willpower to break them. As Father Tikhon used to say: “A good habit, my son, is a virtue; a bad habit is a passion.”

But, whatever anyone may say, I have become convinced that if, despite his efforts, a person continues to stumble and does not change, the reason lies in his selfishness, self-love, and self-interest. Such a person lacks humility and love, and this hinders divine intervention. The person himself does not allow God to help him. For example, if God helps such a person overcome a certain passion, he will take credit for it and become proud, because he will decide that he overcame his passion on his own—without God’s help.

Deliverance from Sinful Darkness

— Geronda, if a person defiles himself [with sins] after Holy Baptism, is that very serious?

— It all depends on how much they defile themselves. One might be covered from head to toe, another might be splashed only a little; for some, there’s one dirty spot; for others, two...

— And which sins defile the Grace of Holy Baptism—the grave ones?

— Well, naturally, mortal sins defile Holy Baptism, and then Divine Grace also withdraws from the Christian. Of course, It does not abandon him [entirely], just as his Guardian Angel does not abandon him. Remember what the devil said to the pagan priest whose daughter a certain monk wanted to marry? “Don’t rush. This monk has forsaken God, but God has not yet forsaken him.”[64]

— Geronda, is it possible to live in the darkness of sin and not feel it?

— No, everyone feels it, but people are simply indifferent. For someone to come to the light of Christ, they must want to emerge from the darkness of sin. Let’s take, for example, a person who finds himself in a dark cellar and, by mistake, slams the door shut behind him. Seeing a ray of light filtering through a small hole in the cellar, he moves toward that light, slowly widens the opening, finds the door, and goes outside. Likewise, a person in the darkness of sin: from the moment he feels that goodness is a necessity and is filled with a sincere concern for it, he will make every effort to emerge from this darkness. By saying, “What I’m doing is wrong; I’ve strayed from the path,” a person humbles themselves, God’s grace comes to them, and from then on they live righteously. But if a person is not moved by a sincere concern for goodness, it is not easy for them to reform. For example, someone is sitting in a locked room and feels unwell. You say to such a person, “Get up, open the door, go out into the fresh air, and you’ll feel better,” but in response, they begin: “I can’t go out into the fresh air. But tell me, why am I locked up within these four walls and can’t breathe? Why isn’t there any fresh air here? Why did God put me here, while giving others the chance to enjoy freedom?” Well, is it even possible to help such a person? Do you know how many people suffer because they don’t listen to those who can offer them spiritual help?

Through sin, a person turns earthly paradise into earthly torment. If the soul is tainted by mortal sins, then a person experiences a demonic state: they become rebellious, tormented, and have no peace within themselves. On the contrary, peaceful is the one who lives with God, directs his mind toward divine truths, and constantly harbors good thoughts. Such a person lives in an earthly paradise. He possesses something tangibly different from the one who lives without God.

And those around them notice this as well. This is precisely Divine Grace, which reveals a person, even if they strive to remain unknown.

Sins of the Will

We should be very mindful of sins committed by our own free will, because our free will is precisely what God will focus on [when He comes to judge us]. Sins we commit through carelessness are not as grave. Some sins even have mitigating circumstances, even though they remain sins nonetheless.

Furthermore, if we sin unintentionally, God arranges things so that our mistake is used for something good. This does not mean that we had to sin in order for this “good” to happen—it simply means that God uses our transgression for good, and something good comes of it because we sinned unintentionally. However, if we repent of a sin we committed consciously, then we [ourselves] must pray that our sin does not result in any evil.

— Geronda, how was the monk mentioned in the “Evergetinos” saved? For ten years, he fell into the same sin every day, but repented of it every day.[65]

— The monk in question was, in a sense, enslaved by passion, held captive by it. He did not have a wicked disposition, but he received no help; he was led astray into evil. Therefore, he was entitled to God’s help. He struggled, he suffered, and he repented sincerely. And in the end, God saved him. You see: a person may have a good disposition, but if he does not receive help in childhood and becomes entangled in evil, then later it will be difficult for him to get back on his feet. A person tries [to get up], falls again, gets up again… That is, he struggles. God will not abandon such a person. After all, the unfortunate person makes his own modest effort, asks for divine help, and commits sin without malice. For example, a person sets out on a path without intending to sin. But as he walks that path, he is subjected to some temptation and falls into sin. Then he repents, tries [to free himself from sin], but some kind of trap is set for him again, and the unfortunate person, having no desire to do anything wrong, falls again and repents once more. Such a person has extenuating circumstances. After all, he does not want to do anything wrong, but is led astray into evil, and then repents. But if someone says, “In order to achieve this goal, I need to commit such-and-such an injustice; in order to achieve something else, I must resort to such-and-such a deceit”—and the like—then he sins intentionally, fully aware of what he is doing. That is, such a person devises his own sinful plan and, together with the devil, formulates a strategy for committing one sin or another. And this is highly reprehensible, since [the sin] is committed with a premeditated intention. Such a person does not fall into some kind of temptation, but proceeds to commit sin in collaboration with the tempter himself. They will never receive divine help, because they have no right to it. In the end, such people die unrepentant.

But even those who say they will repent in their old age—how can they be sure they will have time to repent and that death will not catch them off guard? I remember a contractor who led a sinful life. “When I grow old,” ” he said, “I’ll go to Jerusalem, bathe in the Jordan River, and all my sins will be washed away.” And he continued to live as he had been living. Finally, when he reached the point where he no longer had the strength to sin—he could barely walk—he decided to go to Jerusalem. “Listen,” he said to one of his foremen, “I’ve decided to go to Jerusalem and bathe in the Jordan River.” “Well, boss,” the man replied, “if you’re pure, you’ll make it; if you’re impure, you won’t.” It turned out just as he’d predicted! But as soon as the contractor reached Athens to process the necessary paperwork, he died. Some people took all his money, took him to a funeral home, and from there sent him back in a coffin—to his hometown.

Let us do good out of love for Christ

— Geronda, when I think about the difficult years ahead, I’m overcome with fear.

— What are you afraid of? Perhaps you’re afraid of ending up in hell and suffering alongside the tangalashki? I understand if you say, “My Christ, help me to be worthy of Paradise, so as not to cause You pain. After all, it would be very hard for You to know that I’m in hell after all You’ve done for me.” But there is no love in the desire to be in Paradise simply so that you yourself may be comfortable. I am not saying this so that we might live a dissolute life, commit excesses, and end up in the torments of hell. But sometimes a person develops a kind of attachment: “I will do good so as not to lose Paradise.” If, however, we have love, then we will reflect as follows: “So many unfortunate people, who have not experienced even a little true joy in this life, will suffer in hell—and I will be thinking only of myself?” I’ll tell you frankly: the question of whether I will be in Paradise or in hell does not concern me. I have already set myself aside. The question of whether I will be in Heaven does not concern me, not because I do not want to be near Christ—no. But I do not set myself the goal of doing good in order to thereby earn my way into Heaven. “Even if You cast me aside, my Christ,” I say, “I will not be offended: for I am unworthy of Heaven.”

Today our life is joyless and burdensome because heroism and self-sacrifice have diminished. Even spiritual people think like petty merchants and go so far as to live a pseudo-spiritual life. They strive to snatch every pleasure from life, as long as it does not turn into sin. “Is this [already] a sin [or not yet a sin]?” such people calculate. “No, it’s not [yet] a sin. So I can enjoy this.” For example, they approach fasting this way: “Oh, what’s tomorrow? Friday. Well then, that means we can eat meat until five minutes to midnight tonight. Bring it on, let’s eat! No, after midnight it’s no longer allowed—a new day begins and it will be a sin.” In other words, such people want to enjoy earthly life without forfeiting Paradise. In doing so, they treat sin and the torments of hell like petty merchants. However, if they thought honestly, they would say [to themselves]: “Christ endured the Crucifixion and suffered so much for my sake! How, then, can I wound Him with my sinful deed? I do not want to end up in the torments of hell for any reason other than that I will be unable to bear the suffering of Christ, Who will see that I am in hell.”

Let us not do good with the expectation of receiving a reward for it, but let us strive for the sake of love for Christ. Let us strive to ensure that everything we do is pure and done for Christ’s sake. Let us be careful that [in our actions] there be no human motive, self-indulgence, self-interest, or the like. Let us remember that Christ sees us, watches over us, and let us strive not to grieve Him. Otherwise, our faith and our love will fall apart at the seams.

And if we take a closer look at everything we do in our spiritual life—asceticism, fasting, vigils, and the like—we will see that all [these practices] also strengthen our physical health. Does anyone [as part of their ascetic practice] sleep on a hard bed? And doctors advise the same thing: “Sleep on a hard surface, because sleeping on a soft one is harmful.” Does anyone perform prostrations? Many people do exercises to strengthen their muscles. Are there others who make do with little sleep? But long sleep dulls a person’s mind. Don’t people say, “This person is like a sleepy fly, but look at that one—he’s a fine fellow, not yawning”? In other words, the spiritual exercises a person performs also strengthen his physical health. Moreover, a person derives great benefit from abstinence. After all, even those engaged in scientific research and the like strive to live chastely so that their minds are not clouded but remain clear. Of course, this is not the goal of our [monastic] abstinence, but one of the results of the spiritual practices we perform is precisely the benefit that worldly people seek. We engage in the spiritual, and through this spiritual practice we also gain physical health.

Temptations in Our Lives

God allows temptations according to our spiritual state. In one case, He allows us to make a certain mistake—for example, to be a little inattentive about something—so that next time we will be attentive and avoid, or rather, forestall a greater evil that the devil was preparing to inflict upon us. In another case, He allows the devil to tempt us in order to test us. That is, [in this case] we are taking an exam, and instead of doing us harm, the devil does us good. Recall Elder Filaret of , who lamented: “My child, God has forsaken me—there wasn’t a single temptation today!”[66] The elder wanted to struggle against temptations every day—so that he might receive the victor’s crown from Christ.

A strong person, like Elder Filaret, does not avoid temptations but asks Christ: “My Christ, send me temptations and give me the strength to fight.” However, a weak person will say something different: “My Christ, do not let me fall into temptation.” “Lead us not into temptation…”[67] Yet often, when we fall into some temptation, we begin to grumble: “This is unbearable! After all, I’m only human; I can’t take it anymore!”—whereas we should say: “I am not a human being; I am human refuse. My God, help me become a human being!” I am not calling on us to seek out temptations ourselves. But when temptations come, we must meet them with fortitude and prayer.

During any spiritual winter storm, let us wait with patience and hope for spiritual spring. The greatest temptations usually sweep through like a hurricane. And if, at the very moment they strike, we manage to avoid them, then the demonic horde, having flown [over us], carries on its way, and we are freed from danger. When a person is united with God, he no longer faces temptations. Can the devil possibly harm an angel? No; [as he approaches him], he is consumed by fire himself.

The spiritual life is very simple and easy. It is we ourselves who complicate it by striving in the wrong way. With a little effort, combined with much humility and trust in God, a person can succeed greatly. For where there is humility, there is no place for the devil. And where there is no devil, there are no devilish temptations.

— Geronda, can a person fall into some sin by God’s permission?

— No, to say that God permits us to sin is a very grave mistake. God never permits us to fall into sin. It is we ourselves who permit ourselves [to give the devil an opportunity], and then he comes and begins to tempt us. For example, when I am prideful, I drive Divine Grace away from myself; my Guardian Angel withdraws from me, and another “angel”—that is, the devil—approaches me. As a result, I suffer complete failure. But this is not God’s permission; rather, I myself have allowed the devil [to push me into sin].

— Geronda, is it correct to say about one’s own fall: “It was the tempter who pushed me”?

— I, too, often hear some people say that the tempter is to blame for their sufferings, when in reality we ourselves are to blame for having the wrong attitude toward what happens to us. Besides, the tempter—well, he is the tempter, after all. Is he going to keep us from evil? He’s just doing his job. Don’t put all the blame on him. A certain novice lived in a cell with his elder. One day, when the elder stepped out for a moment, the novice took an egg, placed it on the key ring—you know those old-fashioned barn keys?—and began to fry the egg over a candle! Suddenly, the elder returned and caught him in the act. “What are you doing there?”—“Well, Geronda, the Evil One tempted me to fry an egg!”—the novice began to make excuses. Suddenly, a terrifying voice rang out in the room: “Well, I’ve never heard of such a recipe before! I learned it from him!” The devil sometimes sleeps, but we ourselves provoke him [to tempt us].

Sinners have plenty of material for humility

Those who once lived a sinful life but later, having repented, began to live spiritually, should joyfully accept the humiliations and sorrows that befall them, because by accepting them, they are paying off their past debts. We see that when the once-sinful Saint Mary of Egypt, who had lived , repented and changed her life, she was tormented by worldly desires. However, in order to drive these desires away, the saint entered into a great struggle. The devil said to her: “What do you have to lose if you take a quick peek at Alexandria? I’m not urging you to run off there to party! Just take a quick peek at it from afar!” But the Saint did not even look in that direction. What repentance she had! Other holy women, who had not previously lived a worldly life, did not experience such a struggle. But Saint Mary, who had lived a worldly life, did face this struggle. This suffering [from the struggle] is the cauterization of sinful wounds. In this way, both the former and the latter reach the end in the same [spiritual] state.

— Geronda, in cases like that of the Venerable Mary of Egypt, does the ascetic have no divine consolation at all?

— Of course he does! He has it—and in abundance! Saint Mary had reached such a spiritual level that, while praying, she would rise an elbow’s length off the ground.

Great sinners, having come to know themselves, naturally have plenty of raw material for humility. Of course, any fall remains a fall. But a fall is also raw material, “raw stuff” for humility and prayer. The sins that a sinner uses for humility are like manure, which we use to fertilize plants. So why not use this substance to fertilize the field of one’s soul, so that it may become fertile and yield a harvest? That is, a person who has committed grave sins, having realized the extent of his guilt and saying, “I must not lift up my head to look upon another person,” humbles himself deeply and therefore receives abundant Grace. He progresses steadily, without setbacks, and can attain a considerable [spiritual] level. But one who has not committed grave sins, having failed to adopt the proper attitude, will not say: “God has preserved me from many dangers, yet I am so ungrateful. I am more sinful than even the greatest sinner.” Such a person is spiritually inferior to the sinner who humbles himself.

Just think of the Pharisee and the tax collector.[68] The Pharisee had good deeds, but he also had pride. And the tax collector had sins, yet he acknowledged them, was contrite, and humbled himself—and this is precisely what Christ wants most from a person. That is why—in a simple way—the tax collector was saved. Have you seen how the Pharisee is depicted in one icon? He’s pointing his finger at the tax collector: “I’m not like him!” The poor tax collector, hiding behind a column, doesn’t even dare to lift his eyes to look around. Meanwhile, the Pharisee is pointing his finger at Christ to show him where the tax collector is! Have you noticed this? One might think Christ Himself didn’t know where the tax collector was hiding! And so, even though the Pharisee fulfilled the outward requirements of the law, none of it did him any good. What pride can do! A sinner who lacks humility possesses the sins of the tax collector and the pride of the Pharisee. A double “gift”! As they say in Epirus, “[69] ”—both lice-ridden and mangy.

To become spiritually healthy, try as much as possible to purify yourselves of spiritual toxins—that is, passions.

Chapter 2.
On the Necessity of Caring for One’s Conscience

Let Us Examine Our Conscience

The Good God bestowed a conscience upon the first humans—the first Divine law. God deeply inscribed the conscience in human hearts, and ever since then, everyone has inherited a conscience from their parents.

If a person acts wrongly in some way, then the conscience, working within him, convicts him and leads him to repentance. However, one must engage in proper spiritual practice and examine one’s conscience in order to always be able to hear its voice. Without examining one’s conscience, a person will derive no benefit from reading spiritual books or from the advice of the holy elders. And without examining one’s conscience, one will not even be able to keep God’s commandments.

— Geronda, is it possible to be completely unaware of one’s true spiritual condition and not realize that one has strayed from the path?

— If a person does not watch over his conscience and purify it, then gradually his conscience becomes covered with a layer of scale, and he becomes numb. He sins, and yet it is as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening to him.

— Geronda, please tell us how we must care for and nurture our conscience.

— To be sure that we are truly acting according to the voice of our conscience, we must watch ourselves and open up to our spiritual father. After all, it’s possible to trample on your conscience and still think that everything is fine. Or, by distorting your conscience, a person may consider a crime they have committed to be a good deed. It is also possible that a person is harmed by having made his conscience overly sensitive.

— Geronda, I inwardly judge others and cannot control myself in this regard. Could it be that all of this stems from the fact that I have become insensitive?

— You need to pay close attention. After all, when a person commits a sin for the first time, they feel a certain [inner] condemnation and are troubled by it. When they commit the same sin again, they feel less condemnation, and if they are inattentive and continue to sin, their conscience becomes hardened. For example, if you reprimand someone for a misdeed, they’ll change the subject to avoid feeling guilty or upset. It’s just like Hindus who immerse themselves in nirvana![70] A young man in the Himalayas killed five Italian mountaineers and, after burying the bodies, began a meditation exercise. Sitting on the ground, he repeated for two hours straight: “Tree, tree, tree...” — in order to “enter a spiritual vacuum,” forget what had happened, and be free from the distress of thought. Suppose, for example, I scold one of our sisters for some willful misdeed. If this sister is not performing the proper spiritual practice and is not trying to correct herself, then in response to all my reprimands she might say: “And today they’ll ring the bells for Vespers earlier...”—in order to change the subject. And then the devil will confuse her mind and suggest: “Don’t worry! You said that so the elder wouldn’t get upset!” The devil also finds an excuse for her, and instead of admitting: “I did this to trample on my conscience,” she justifies herself: “I did this so the elder wouldn’t get upset!” Do you see what the devil is up to? Subtle work! He turns the tuning knob to a different frequency so we don’t see our own transgression.

— Geronda, is it possible for a person to notice their own minor transgressions while failing to see serious sins?

— Of course it’s possible! A confessor I know told me about this incident. A woman came to him for confession, weeping inconsolably and repeating the same phrase over and over: “I didn’t mean to kill her!” —“Listen,” her confessor began to comfort her, “if you repent, God will forgive your sin. After all, He forgave David when he repented.”[71] —“Yes, yes, but I didn’t mean to!” she repeated. “How did you kill her, then?” the confessor asked cautiously. “Here’s how: I was dusting, accidentally swung the rag, and killed her! But I didn’t mean to kill that fly!” And on top of everything else, this woman had cheated on her husband, abandoned her children, broken up her family, and was living God knows where—yet she spoke of all this as if it were nothing more than trivial nonsense. “For all of this, penance is required,” said the confessor when he heard about her “exploits.” “And why exactly is penance required for ‘all of this’?” she objected. Well, tell me, how can one help such a person?

A Silenced Conscience

— Geronda, sometimes people tell me, “This desire is lurking in your subconscious, but you’re not aware of it.” How can I become aware of it?

— If you take a close look at yourself, you’ll realize that even when you say everything is fine, you still feel bad. That’s why you need a [spiritual] examination. If a person feels unwell [physically], experiences a decline in physical strength, and so on, then their test results are examined in a microbiology lab, and they undergo a CT scan to find the cause of their ailment. If you find that you have no peace and are distressed, know that something is wrong inside you, and you need to identify this disorder in order to correct it. Suppose you’ve committed some [sinful] transgression and are tormented by it, but you keep it to yourself during confession. Time passes, and something joyful happens to you. You feel joy; this joy covers up your guilt over the sin, and you gradually forget it. You no longer see your sin because joy, like a lid, has covered it up.

Joys cover up the sin, driving it deeper inside, but it continues to work from within. In this way, a person tramples on his conscience and thus begins to harden, while his heart slowly becomes calloused. And then the devil finds an excuse for everything: “This is a trifling matter, and that is only natural…” Yet such a person finds no peace, for the distress driven deep inside does not subside. He feels restlessness within himself; he lacks inner peace and stillness. He lives with unceasing torment, suffers, and cannot understand the cause of all this, because his sins are covered up and driven deep inside. Such a person does not realize that he is suffering because he has committed a sin.

— Geronda, what if we [open the eyes] of such a person and tell him the cause of his suffering—would that help him?

— Caution is required, because if you open his eyes, his conscience will awaken. His conscience will begin to convict him. And if such a person does not humble himself, he may sink into despair, since the truth will be too much for him to bear. However, if he humbles himself, then [knowing the true cause of his suffering] will help him.

— Geronda, are there people who are born with a hardened conscience?

— No, there are no people born with a hardened conscience. God did not create a hardened conscience. However, if a person buries his sins, driving them deep inside, his conscience gradually becomes covered with a layer of scale and ceases to convict him.

— Geronda, such a person becomes “self-governing”; he creates his own laws.

— Yes… A terrible thing!…

— What is that? A delusion?

— Well, what else? Of course, it’s self-deception.

A Distorted Conscience

— Geronda, you often say that a person must be careful not to corrupt or distort their conscience. How does the conscience become distorted?

— By appeasing one’s thoughts, a person tramples on their conscience. By appeasing their thoughts over a long period of time, a person creates for themselves a different conscience—one tailored to their own standards, that is, a distorted conscience. However, in this case, a person loses their inner peace, since a distorted, corrupted conscience cannot bring inner peace. After all, a person who has committed some kind of error cannot find peace, even if someone pretends not to have noticed the error or reassures them: “It’s not your fault; don’t worry.” Some of those who become followers of various gurus and engage in such practices, realizing that something is amiss with them, come to me for advice. But when, wanting to help them, I begin to explain something, they resist and stand their ground: “No, everything is right in our faith.” — “Listen,” I reply, “but if ‘everything is right’ for you and if this ‘rightness’ brings you peace, then why are you coming to me with your questions?” That’s how these people are: unable to find inner peace in their lies, they still insist on their own way and try wherever possible to “snatch” even a little false peace. However, they do not find true peace.

“Geronda, is it possible for a person to live their whole life with a distorted conscience?”

— If he believes his own thoughts, then yes, he can.

— And how can he correct his distorted conscience?

— He can correct it if he thinks humbly, does not trust his own thoughts, and discusses them with his spiritual father.

— Geronda, can a person distort his conscience because he is [overly] sensitive?

— Once they have distorted their conscience, it means that, most likely, their sensitivity is of no use. After all, what is corrupt will lead to further corruption. Some say, “I am a sensitive person,” yet they treat others barbarically and lash out at them for no reason.

— Geronda, do people who engage in self-justification have a conscience that’s become “encrusted”?

— Even someone who engages in self-justification is not entirely devoid of inner condemnation [the voice of conscience] and is not insensitive. And since a person is not insensitive, they feel pain over their sinful transgression, and then divine consolation comes to them. But those who have distorted their conscience become callous. Such people boast about the crimes they have committed. I have seen people who spoke of the crimes they had committed as if they were boasting of heroic deeds. For if someone refines their distorted conscience, this is no longer mere callousness—it is something far worse. Once, when I was living at the Stomion Monastery in Konitsa,[72] a man came there and said: “I want to go to confession.”—“I’m not a priest,” I began to refuse, but he kept insisting: “No, I want to tell you about this.” There happened to be several women standing nearby who had come to the monastery to venerate the holy relic. “You’d better leave,” I told them. “It’s all right, let them stay and listen,” the man said, and began to tell the story of his younger years: “When I was young, I was sent to learn the shoemaking trade, but as I sat in the workshop all day, I kept dozing off, nodding off. Why, you ask? Because at night, together with other equally reckless lads, I went out to steal. In our district, the district constable was quite the character. He’d say to us: ‘Well done, lads—the darker the night, the more profitable it is for a thief. I need two rams. The rest is yours—take as much as you can carry.’ Well, since that was the case, we went, as they say, from house to house. I’d take off my brown cap, and the first thing I’d do was whack the dogs in the snout with my whip—a good one, made of cornel wood—then we’d go into the pen, pick out two rams, and as many ewes as we could carry. The lambs went to the district officer; we hid the sheep in our sheepfold, and then, without delay—what do you think?—the district officer threw us in jail! But listen to what happened next! The owners, who’d seen us stealing from them that night, rushed to the police station first thing in the morning to tell the district officer: “So-and-so and so-and-so robbed us!”—“What do you mean, ‘so-and-so and so-and-so’? They’re both sitting in jail! Did you come here to slander people?” And then he’d start beating them—giving them a good thrashing!… But here’s a story I’ll tell you: once we came to a flock and saw a herdsman—a young Vlashenok,[73] but as strong as an ox—and his father with him. “How should we approach the flock?” my comrades asked me. “They’ll scatter us like matches!” Matches, you say? Well then… I took the sawed-off shotgun off my shoulder, got the young guy in my sights, and—bang!—that was that; the poor guy went down… I tied his old man to a pear tree with some rope… Well, let me tell you, we sure did get our fill of good stuff over there!...” And he told me all this as if it were a heroic feat, laughing all the while! See what a distorted conscience can drive a person to?

And a police officer I knew, who served in the Convoy Department, couldn’t stop crying because the criminal he had to escort from one prison to another had been sentenced by a military tribunal to the death penalty for numerous crimes and was executed by firing squad. The police officer began searching for the executed man’s relatives, found some of them, and asked for their forgiveness. But one of the criminal’s relatives, who lived in America, sent him this reply: “He should have been shot a long time ago—so many people would still be alive!”

Do you see what a [huge] difference there is between the state of mind of the police officer and that of the man I told you about earlier? The first, out of a sense of duty, simply escorted the villain to prison and considered himself guilty [of his death]. The second, however, spoke of the crimes he had committed as if they were heroic deeds and boasted about them!

Falsehood brings no peace to a person

— Geronda, can the prayers of others help a person if, trusting his own thoughts, he has created his own world?

— Since he has created his own world, what need does he have for help... A person has created an entire world of his own! Do you think that’s trivial? Consider this: if someone creates his own world through his own thoughts, do you think he has peace, does he feel joy? That is a lie. And a lie leaves a person without warning. Suppose someone is forced to tell a lie to save a neighbor. He may even save him from death, yet the lie still remains half a sin. Sometimes a person with good intentions resorts to a lie in order to help with a certain matter and avoid temptation. For example, a pilgrim arrives at the monastery secretly, so that no one will know, in order to share a family problem and get it off his chest. Then, let’s say, his brother comes to the monastery and asks, “Didn’t so-and-so come here?” If you tell him the truth, it will turn into a whole story, because his brother will be compromised. Thus, you are forced to answer, “I don’t know.” After all, if you tell him that the other man came, the situation could even escalate to physical violence. Although we are not discussing such cases right now, it is still necessary to be careful, because if something like this happens three or four times, a person may gradually go even further. By getting used to lying unnecessarily, he will distort his conscience. He’ll reach the point where he’ll make up entire stories, and yet his conscience won’t convict him at all. Then this “storytelling” becomes a real science.

Some people really know how to “link” one lie to another—they’ve truly mastered this art! Oh! To convince you of something, they can make up an entire tall tale! Once, an acquaintance of mine came to my hut, accompanied by several fellow villagers of the young man I was helping. This poor fellow had a good head on his shoulders and a kind heart, but he was a slacker who didn’t want to work. He was used to loafing around with nothing to do. For four years in a row, I’d struggled to find him some kind of work, and this time I also asked his fellow villagers: “Try to find the boy some kind of job. I’ve tried to help him before. I even sent him to some acquaintances of mine in the city of Kastoria,[74] so he could learn the furrier’s trade, but he ran away from there. After all, he’s still young—it would be a shame if he went astray. He has only his mother; his father is dead.” Hearing all this, my acquaintance—who had arrived at the same time as the people I was addressing—began to say to them: “Yes, Father Paissius and I tried our best to find the boy an apprenticeship and make him a furrier. And do you know how much money I wasted on telegrams I sent to Kastoria to the people he was learning from, just to calm them down after he ran away from them! Well, never mind—that’s water under the bridge; it’s better not to talk about such things. I said just that to Father Paissius back then: ‘The grave will straighten out the hunchback.’ ‘What on earth is he talking about!’ I thought, but I didn’t voice my surprise aloud, so as not to compromise this man. Just think about it! Having heard about this boy for the first time in his life, he made up a whole tall tale about how we’d taken care of the young man together with him, how, wanting to help him, we’d “placed him with the furriers,” and so on! He said it in such a tone that even I began to doubt [maybe it’s true]!

— Did he say this to your face?

— Right to my face. And in front of others, too.

— And what was he feeling?

— What was he feeling! As he spouted all those lies, he felt a certain selfish satisfaction, but afterward he was tormented. Do you think he was at peace with himself?

— And when a person, recounting some event, exaggerates it a little...

— Yeah, he spices it up a little!...

— Does he do that out of vanity?

— Well, what else could it be? A person speaks about something with exaggeration out of vanity, out of selfishness.

— And what will help such a person change?

— They must stop lying. They must realize that a lie, even with extenuating circumstances, is still half a sin.

— Geronda, could the following happen: someone gives us something, extending a helping hand, and we think they gave it to us because we deserved it?

— Look, if I were to say to you, “You, sister, can attain the measure of your saint!”—then, upon hearing these words, you might briefly break into a foolish smile, but you would have no inner peace. What is false brings no peace to a person. Just as that unjust person who, while wronging others, says, “This is mine,” has no peace within. Look, the Turks took Constantinople so many years ago, yet when they see the Greeks arriving in Constantinople, the Turks feel as though they have seized what belongs to others, and they look as if the owner has returned! But they are Turks, and so many years have already passed!

An unblemished conscience gives an infallible assurance

For a person, there is nothing more important than a clear conscience. If your conscience does not reproach you for something you could have done but did not, that is a great thing. In this case, a person has constant inner joy, and his whole life is a celebration, a feast. This inner joy gives a person spiritual strength.

— Geronda, how can we know that our actions are pleasing to God?

— A person has an inner voice.

— Is one’s own inner voice enough, or is the testimony of others also necessary?

— I am speaking of a person whose conscience is uncorrupted, not of one who has distorted his conscience. An uncorrupted conscience gives an infallible inner voice. In this case, a person has hope and says with humility: “I am unworthy of Paradise; I have earned eternal torment; yet I believe that God’s love and mercy will not forsake me.” He feels this because he strives; he does not sit idly by, lulling his thoughts with the words, “God will save me.”

Conscience is a terrible thing! There is no more searing flame, no greater hellish torment, than the burning of the conscience. Pangs of conscience are the most terrifying and most agonizing worm for a person. Those who are in hell will suffer eternally because they will be tormented by the thought that they have lost the blessings of paradise for the few short years they lived on earth—even though those earthly years were filled with pangs of conscience and inner suffocation.

Furthermore, the passions of those suffering in hell will find no satisfaction, and this will be yet another torment for them.

— Geronda, how can a monk actually experience the “martyrdom” of conscience?

— The “martyrdom” of conscience is not intended only for monks; it is for all people. Monks, moreover, also endure the sweet torment of asceticism. However, in essence, for a person who practices asceticism correctly, there is no such thing as the “martyrdom” of conscience. For the greater the spiritual pain a person experiences—that is, the more it hurts him, whether because of his own sin or because he is sharing in the Lord’s sufferings—the greater the divine consolation he receives. If a person’s conscience is at peace, then even when facing sorrows, distress, and the like, he feels divine consolation within himself.

Chapter 3.
On the Necessity of Self-Observation and Self-Knowledge

Self-Examination

In the army, in the signal corps, we had a radio monitoring network, and the radio operators had identification charts [for distinguishing between friendly and enemy radio stations]. We monitored the radio stations and could tell which ones were enemy and which were ours, because sometimes enemy radio operators would tap into the communications between our stations. In the same way, every person should observe their own thoughts and actions to see whether they are in accordance with the commandments of the Gospel. One must notice one’s own mistakes and strive to correct them. After all, anyone who allows their mistakes to go unnoticed or fails to reflect on their shortcomings when others point them out cannot grow spiritually.

Self-examination is the most beneficial of all forms of study. A person may read many books; however, if he does not keep an eye on himself, everything he has read is of no benefit to him. But if he does keep an eye on himself, the benefit he gains is great, even if he reads only a little. In the latter case, a person’s actions and behavior become more refined—no matter what he does.

Otherwise, they make serious mistakes and don’t even realize it. When visitors come to my hut, I bring them stumps to sit on from the other end of the yard. And I’ve noticed that, as they leave, people don’t even stop to think about who will carry these stumps back to their place. Or, seeing me carry one stump to them and realizing that it won’t be enough for everyone to sit down, the visitors still wait until I bring them the others. But if these people had paused to think just a little and said, “Well, there are five or six of us—does the Father really have to carry the stumps for us all the way from the other end of the courtyard by himself?”—then, each taking a stump, they would have quickly carried them to where they were needed.

— Geronda, one of the younger sisters asked me, “As a novice monk, did the elder ever falter in his struggle? Did he never have any ‘left-sided’ thoughts? Did he never fall into condemnation?”

— When something like that happened in my struggle, or when I was scolded, I didn’t give any of it “free rein.”

— Geronda, what does “a free pass” mean?

— To grant your mistakes and transgressions “free rein” means to treat them with indifference. That is, to try to ensure that the awareness of the mistake does not touch the soul, but “flies right past” it. If the ground turns to stone and becomes hard, no matter how much rain falls on it, it won’t absorb the water. The same thing happens to a person who grants their mistakes and transgressions “free pass.” The soil of such a person’s heart hardens with indifference, and no matter what anyone says to him or what happens to him, it leaves him unmoved—that is, he feels no guilt and shows no repentance. When I [as a novice] learned that someone had called me, for example, a hypocrite, I did not say: “May he be damned, since he says such things,” but I tried to find the reason that prompted him to say that about me. “Something is wrong here,” I would say, “this person is not at fault; it was I myself who was inattentive in some way, gave him cause, and he misinterpreted my behavior. He couldn’t have said such a thing out of the blue. If I had been attentive and behaved sensibly, he wouldn’t have misinterpreted my behavior in such a way. I have wronged my neighbor, and I will answer to God for this.” And immediately I tried to find where I had gone wrong and correct it. That is, I did not investigate why the person said such a thing about me: whether out of jealousy, envy, or because he had misunderstood what he had heard from others. That question did not concern me. And now, in all [similar] cases, I act in the same way. If, for example, someone says a harsh word to me, I cannot even fall asleep. And if the situation really is as they say, then I’ll be upset and try to correct myself. But even if the situation isn’t exactly as that person thought or said, I’ll still be upset and think that I’m at fault in some way, because I was inattentive and led my neighbor astray. I don’t place all the blame on my neighbor: I reflect on how God will judge my actions, not on how they appear to people.

If a person does not examine what is happening in this way, nothing will be of any benefit to him. People often say, “So-and-so lost control of himself.” Do you know when a person loses control of himself? When he does not keep himself in check. If a person is not in their right mind and therefore cannot control themselves, then they have extenuating circumstances. However, there are no extenuating circumstances for someone who, having no mental health issues, fails to control their actions because they do not keep themselves in check.

Lessons from Our Failures

As you explore yourselves, it will be very helpful to take a look at your lives from time to time: step by step, starting from childhood. This is necessary so that you can see where you were before, where you are now, and where you should be. Unless you compare the past with the present, you won’t realize that, even if you’re in a more or less decent state, you’re still not where you should be... You will not realize that you are causing God grief. When a person is young, they have an excuse for not being in the best of shape. However, they have no excuse if, having already left their youth behind, they remain in the same state or are not making sufficient progress.

The more years that pass, the more spiritually mature a person should become. And by using the lessons of our past to our advantage, we move forward with greater confidence and humility. Often, even the fluctuating ups and downs in the [spiritual] struggle help a person to walk their spiritual path toward the Heavenly Realm fruitfully and confidently.

It is perfectly natural for a toddler, while learning to walk, to tumble down the stairs, bump his head on the railing, climb onto a chair with his feet, and fall off it. The child does not understand that by climbing onto a chair with his feet and standing on its edge, he will fall along with the chair. However, as he grows older, the child gains experience, matures, and becomes more attentive. “Last time,” he thinks, “I climbed onto a chair with my feet and fell. I won’t do that again.” The same is true in our [spiritual] struggle: by closely observing everything that happens and using everything for the good, we gain experience, which provides us with considerable help.

I remember that at our home in Konitsa, we had six horses: both adult horses and foals. Once, I happened to be leading our horses across a log bridge. One log was rotten, and the leg of a young four-year-old horse sank between the logs and planks. Later, I repaired the bridge, replacing all the rotten logs and planks with sturdy ones. However, every time I drove the horses across that bridge, the horse that had once fallen through it would become restless, shake its head, and either break free from its bridle and run away or leap in a single bound to the other side of the bridge. You see: if even a speechless animal—a four-year-old horse—used its experience and avoided stepping onto the bridge where it had once fallen through, how much more should a person learn from the lessons of their own failures!

We must pin the enemy down in one place and strike him

— Geronda, I haven’t yet come to love humility, self-sacrifice, or accepting injustice...

— It’s not quite as you say. I’m not worried [about you] because I see that a healthy concern has arisen within you. You’ll quickly rid yourself of your passions because you’ve begun to “catch yourself in the act.” And that helps more than any other feat. Whoever “catches themselves in the act” strips off their old self and sets out on the right spiritual path. Our old self steals what the new self produces. By learning to catch our old self in the act, we catch along with it all the other thieves who steal the good things God gives us. In this way, our spiritual wealth remains with us.

— Geronda, what if I worry a lot about a mistake I’ve made—for example, speaking rudely to one of the sisters—will that be good for me?

— It will be beneficial to you, but you must be careful not to overdo it, not to go beyond the bounds of [reasonable sorrow]. Feel sorrow, but along with that sorrow, feel joy as well, because you’ve been given a favorable opportunity to notice the illness that has surfaced within you and to heal it. Think about it this way: “Since I was rude to my sister and treated her badly, it means there was some kind of passion lurking inside me. And now I’ve been given a favorable opportunity: that passion has come to the surface so that I can see it and correct it.” But, of course, you also need to ask your sister for forgiveness. These stumbles help you get to know yourself. Everything comes to the surface, and little by little, beneficial work [on yourself] is accomplished. Consider this: even doctors sometimes give patients various substances so that the symptoms of their illness will manifest and a correct diagnosis can be made. For example, they give patients sugar, then take a blood sample to see if their blood sugar level has risen.

In spiritual warfare, we must identify the “coordinates” of the weak points in our character—our shortcomings—and then strive to strike at those points. It’s like in war: when conducting reconnaissance of an area, we mark on the map the locations where the enemy is or the strongholds from which he might launch an attack against us. And then we monitor these locations with particular attention. After all, knowing exactly where the enemy is allows us to move with confidence. Military commanders unfold a map and say: “The enemy is here and here. That means we need to capture this high ground and that high ground in time. We need to send reinforcements here, and here we need such-and-such types of weapons.” In other words, knowing where the enemy is allows us to formulate a plan. However, in order to find this out, we must be vigilant and reconnoiter [the combat zone]. We cannot rest on our laurels here.

— Geronda, which is better: when a person notices his own shortcomings on his own, or when others point them out to him?

— It’s good if a person recognizes their own shortcomings, but even when others point them out, they shouldn’t object. One must accept rebuke from others with joy. After all, you can see yourself as you want to see yourself, rather than as you really are.

— Geronda, do others, from the outside, see me better than I see myself?

— If you want to, you can see yourself better than those close to you do. In other words, it’s easier for a person to identify their own reaction to something—such as a mistake—and determine its causes, whereas an outside observer reaches conclusions about someone based on their own assumptions.

— Geronda, is it possible for a person, while striving to see themselves as they truly are, to fail to achieve this?

— Yes. If pride is present in a person’s effort, then they will not be able to see themselves as they truly are.

One must look at others as if they were a mirror.

A person sees himself in a better light when he looks at others as if they were a mirror. God has endowed each person with a gift necessary for his own benefit—regardless of whether he uses that gift for good or not. If a person uses the gift given to him wisely, he will attain perfection. Our shortcomings—whether acquired through our own carelessness or inherited from our parents—are also part of who we are. Each of us must wage the appropriate struggle to free ourselves from these shortcomings. Until we are free of them, we need to “look” at the shortcomings of our neighbor and assess where we stand. For example, upon seeing a certain flaw in a neighbor, we should immediately say: “Let me see—perhaps I have the same flaw as well.” And if we do indeed discover this flaw within ourselves, we must take up the struggle to rid ourselves of it.

— Geronda, what if a thought tells me that I don’t have such a flaw—how should I respond to it?

— Respond this way: “I have other—greater—flaws. Compared to mine, this flaw of my neighbor is insignificantly small.” After all, sometimes your flaws may actually be smaller, but you also have fewer extenuating circumstances. If a person examines himself in this way, he sees that his own flaws are greater than his neighbor’s imperfections. And then he begins to see his neighbor’s virtues as well. “Let me see,” such a person says, “do I possess this virtue? No. Oh, oh, oh! How far I still am from that [spiritual state] in which I ought to be!” By engaging in such work, a person receives help from everything, changes—in the best sense of the word—and becomes more perfect. He benefits from the saints, benefits from the ascetics, and benefits even from the people of this world. For example, upon seeing how a worldly person puts others before himself and sacrifices himself, a Christian engaged in such spiritual work says: “Do I possess such selflessness? Not a chance! And yet I am supposed to be a spiritual person!” And in this way, he strives to imitate the goodness he has witnessed. We—that is, all people—have so much work to do! The Good God arranges everything in a most wise way for our benefit.

The one who truly knows himself possesses humility

— Geronda, I usually realize my pride in hindsight, only after I’ve already fallen into this sin.

— The challenge is for you to recognize it before you fall. If someone tells you that you’ve done something good, don’t feel satisfied. Don’t let praise cling to you or take hold of you.

— And what could help me with that?

— Self-knowledge. If a person knows themselves, then that’s the end of it. After that, praise becomes like a foreign body: it no longer sticks to them. For example, if a person knows that he is a pauper, the thought that he is a king cannot cling to him. If you imagine yourself to be a princess, it would mean that you are mentally deficient.

— And if I were already prepared in advance not to accept praise, would that help me in the struggle we’re talking about?

— Of course, you should strive to be prepared. However, sometimes you’ll succeed, and sometimes you won’t. The goal is for you to know yourself. Without knowing his old self, a Christian cannot humble himself. Therefore, the spiritual splitting of his [selfish] atom—necessary to enter a spiritual orbit—cannot take place. And thus, a person remains in the worldly orbit.

— Geronda, tell me, could my self-knowledge be incorrect?

— After all, we’re not talking about a wrong state of mind. Whoever has a correct understanding of themselves possesses humility. And when a person becomes humble, God’s grace will surely come.

A person who does the work necessary for self-knowledge is like someone who digs deep into the earth and finds minerals there. The deeper we delve into self-knowledge, the lower we see ourselves. In this way, a person becomes humble, yet God’s right hand constantly lifts him up. And when a person finally comes to know himself, humility becomes his permanent state, and God’s grace is assuredly entitled to a “renewal of the lease” [in his heart]. Pride no longer threatens such a person. But the one who does not perform this work on himself constantly adds more and more to his [spiritual] trash, enlarging his trash heap; for a short time he sits proudly atop it, and ultimately falls down.

We need to find out what ails us

— Geronda, I often see other people’s faults and judge them.

— Do you know your own illness?

— No.

— That is precisely why you know the illnesses of others. If you knew your own illness, you wouldn’t have the slightest idea about other people’s illnesses. I’m not saying you shouldn’t share in their pain, but that you should stop focusing on their shortcomings. If a person does not work on themselves, the evil one will find work for them, and that person will focus on others. However, by working on themselves, a person comes to know both themselves and their neighbor. Otherwise [with mistaken notions], by drawing incorrect conclusions about themselves and applying the same criteria to others, a person makes a mistake in their judgment of others as well.

— Geronda, what helps a person improve the most?

— First and foremost, willpower and desire. Willpower and the desire [to improve] are, in a sense, a good start. Then a person must realize that he is sick and begin to take the appropriate [spiritual] “antibiotics.” For if a person who is [physically] ill hides his illness, then at some point—unexpectedly even to himself—he will collapse as if struck down, and medical treatment will already be of no use to him.

Let’s say a person knows he’s predisposed to tuberculosis, and for that reason he has no appetite. “Why aren’t you eating?” they ask him. “Oh,” he replies, “I don’t really like the taste of this food!” Then he begins to lose strength and can barely move his legs. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you barely able to walk?” people ask in surprise. “Well,” he replies, “I like to walk slowly. Why should I rush around like a madman!” He hides the fact that he’s losing his strength and that’s why he can barely move his legs. Then he starts coughing. “Why are you coughing?” people ask him. “It’s just an allergy!” he replies. He hides the fact that tuberculosis has already affected his lungs and they are terribly sick. Some time passes, and the sick man begins to cough up blood. “What’s that?!” his loved ones ask him. “Nonsense,” he replies, “it’s just inflammation of the throat lining!”

— Geronda, does a person do all this just so that his illness remains unnoticed by others?

— Yes, he behaves this way to hide his illness. So he hides it and hides it, and then the tuberculosis progresses to a rapid-onset form. His lungs decay, blood gushes from his throat like a burst pipe, he collapses, and those around him learn of his illness. However, the disease has already reached a stage where it’s not easy to help him. But if, at the very beginning of the illness, he had acknowledged that the cause of, say, his slightly elevated temperature was early-stage tuberculosis and had allowed himself to be treated, he would have become healthier than healthy. The same thing happens in the spiritual life: whoever justifies their passions ultimately falls under demonic influence, and this cannot go unnoticed. Do you know what happens when a person falls under demonic influence? One who falls under demonic influence becomes embittered, turns into a beast, rears up, speaks to people insolently and shamelessly, and refuses help from anyone.

Therefore, the whole foundation lies in a person first recognizing their ailment and rejoicing in this realization. After that, they must allow themselves to be treated and take the appropriate medication. Furthermore, they must be grateful to their doctor—a spiritual father or elder—and not resist him. For example, a patient undergoes a blood transfusion: he extends his arm to the doctor, allows his vein to be punctured, feels pain, but endures it because he knows the transfusion will help him. And how much does someone undergoing surgery suffer! Yet, despite the suffering, the patient agrees to the surgery in order to become healthy.

— Geronda, if I know that, for example, someone’s stern rebuke will be for my own good, why don’t I accept that rebuke as something pleasant?

— All right, let’s say you don’t find anything pleasant in the remarks. But do you at least realize that you’re acting wrongly?

— Yes, I do understand that.

— Well, since you understand, that’s already something. Look: a sick person is more willing to take a bitter, very bitter pill than a sweet piece of candy, because they understand that the pill will do them good. Without taking the bitter medicine, the sick person will not be healed. A person must recognize their weakness and take the appropriate [spiritual] medicine so that Christ may then strengthen them.

Chapter 4.
On how our awareness of our sinfulness
moves God to compassion

Admitting one’s mistake

— Geronda, Abba Isaac says that in prayer one must feel like a child.[75]

— Yes, you should feel like a child, but a disobedient child. You must realize that you have grieved your Father and mourn over it. Then you will feel God’s tenderness. Don’t say, “I am a child, and therefore God must love and forgive me, so I can get away with all sorts of mischief.”

— Geronda, I read in St. Gregory of Nyssa that in order to call God “Father,” we must attain dispassion; otherwise, it is “insult and blasphemy.”[76]

— Don’t worry, my dear. The Saint wrote this for those who live idly and sinfully. However, if, while sinning, a person deeply realizes their guilt, they may call God “Father.”

— Geronda, I feel as though I owe God a great debt, and it causes me pain.

— From the moment you begin to feel indebted to God and humbly say, “I have sinned, O my God,” God forgives you, helps you, and grants you His Grace. And if death finds you in this state, you will be saved. After all, you’re not just calling yourself a debtor while continuing to slide down a slippery slope. No—you’re striving. You’re not in a demonic state—God forbid! For with God’s help, here in the monastery, all the sisters are, for better or worse, in a state of repentance. Moreover, know that by feeling utterly unworthy, a spiritual person receives Divine Grace. For this awareness of one’s sinfulness becomes a [spiritual] cleansing for such a person.

When someone speaks to me with pain about themselves—“I’m this way, that way, such-and-such”—I rejoice, because if a person acknowledges their faults, they will be freed from them. Once on Mount Athos, I happened to stumble upon a hut where a man lived with cats and dogs. Fearing a fire, he didn’t even light a fire for warmth. This man had been forgotten and abandoned by everyone! I felt sorry for him, but when I began to express my sympathy, he replied: “Don’t pity me, monk. I must suffer. If you knew how much trouble I’ve caused, you wouldn’t pity me. Even the conditions in which I live now are far too good for me.” But won’t God arrange for the salvation of such a person—no matter what sins he may have committed in the past? Recently,[77] when I was in the hospital, a woman approached me whose arms were so scarred from blood transfusions that they were a horror to look at! There was literally not a single spot of healthy skin left! “There’s nothing good in me,” she told me, “maybe God will have mercy on me and take me to Heaven. After all, I have such-and-such a vice, such-and-such a flaw...”—and she accused herself of a whole host of different shortcomings. What a subtle way she had of judging herself! I have never seen another person in such a state!

— Geronda, I heard someone say, “I have the thought that [in judging people] Christ will treat us with leniency.” Is this the right thought?

— If a person has great humility, if he recognizes his mistakes, feels his guilt deeply, and suffers, then Christ will “treat” him with leniency and forgive him. “My child,” Christ will say to this person, “stop thinking about this. It’s all in the irrevocable past.” However, if, without realizing their guilt, a person reassures themselves that Christ will “treat” them with leniency and mercy, this is very dangerous. Does this mean that Christ will reward sinners?

True self-knowledge moves God to compassion and grants us divine help and heavenly joy. However, if we could receive help without self-knowledge, God would not even require this of us.

— Geronda, you said “true self-knowledge.” Is there such a thing as false self-knowledge?

— Yes, it’s possible to have a mistaken understanding of one’s inner self, to justify oneself, and to lull one’s conscience. Therefore, when I say that a person is aware of a mistake, I mean that he makes at least a small effort to correct himself. For example, I owe you five hundred thousand drachmas. When I meet you, I say, “I owe you five hundred thousand,” but repaying the debt doesn’t bother me; I simply acknowledge that I owe it. A little time passes, I remember it again, and I say to you once more, “Yes, yes, I owe you.” But that does not mean true awareness [of the debt]. When a person truly realizes they owe a debt, they cannot rest: they look for a way to pay it off. And in this case, they say, “I owe you,” in such a tone that the creditor understands the debtor is genuinely concerned about repaying the debt.

Awareness of Sinfulness and Success in the Struggle

— Geronda, if a person is not succeeding in his spiritual struggle, is it right for him to say to himself, “You are what you are, and that’s how you’ll stay. I don’t expect anything better from you.”

— By viewing one’s condition in this way, one can fall into delusion. Such a person may go so far as to say, “Those who are destined to enter Paradise will enter it. Therefore, why should I strive?” So does that mean the saints were sanctified without a struggle? Speaking this way, a person expects to be corrected and freed from passions without making any effort. He behaves like that old man who wanted to enjoy some berries and sat down under a mulberry tree with his mouth wide open, waiting for a berry to fall from the tree into his mouth on its own.

— Geronda, tell me, how can I tell if I’m making spiritual progress?

— If you are aware of your sinfulness, then you will also make spiritual progress. The greater you perceive your sins to be, the greater your awareness of sinfulness will become, and the more you will progress.

— Geronda, is it possible to be aware of one’s sinful mistake and yet not make spiritual progress?

— When a person is aware of his sinful mistake and yet, against his will, commits it again, it means he has pride or a predisposition toward pride. And that is why God does not help him to progress.

If a person recognizes his sinfulness, this is a great strength, a great achievement. Then the person begins to despise himself, humbles himself, attributes all that is good to God’s love and goodness, and feels great gratitude toward Him. That is why God loves sinners who recognize their sinfulness, repent, and live in humility more than those who strive hard but do not acknowledge their sinfulness and have no repentance.

We must humbly ask for God’s mercy so that we may be set aright.

— Geronda, when the Holy Fathers say that repentance consists in a person resolving not to repeat past sins and grieving over them, does that mean we must constantly remember the sins we have committed?

— No, you don’t need to remember every sin individually, but you must constantly be aware of your sinfulness. Up to a certain point, a person should reflect on his transgressions, and then he should humbly ask for God’s mercy—and if he is free from pride, God will help him. This is especially true for a sensitive person: if he has repented and confessed his past sins, it is better for him to forget them. Otherwise, the devil might remind them of their old sins, weigh them down with thoughts, in order to rob them of time and distract them from prayer. However, if a person who is not particularly sensitive sees pride arising within them, it would be good for them to recall their sins in order to humble themselves.

— Geronda, is it possible for a person to be aware of their sinfulness yet lack repentance?

— Yes, if he lacks humility. When selfishness is mixed in with repentance, a person endlessly torments himself with thoughts like: “How could I have done that?,” “How will people view this?,” “What will they think of me?”—and is tormented by them. In the words, “How could I have done this again?” and “How could I have let myself sink so low?”—there is selfishness. There is no repentance in such words. A person must realize that he has sinned, and, having realized this, humbly ask for God’s mercy. “My God,” such a person should say, “I have sinned; forgive me. This is the wretch that I am. Have mercy on me. If You do not help me, I may become even worse; I cannot become any better on my own. I will never reform myself.” And, having said this, one must strive not to repeat one’s sin. Many, having sinned, have felt pain not because they have fallen in the eyes of others, but because they have wounded God with their sin.

If a person who has lived a worldly life breaks ties with the worldly spirit, he often feels—even against his will—that this spirit is drawing him back. However, such a person need not despair. I believe that in such a case, a sign of progress is the good unease that has begun to take root in the sinner—a feeling that convicts his soul of the transgressions he has committed and of the fact that he could have done something [good] but did not. A struggle takes place gradually; the person involuntarily humbles himself and despairs with a good despair—that is, he despairs of his own “self.” Then he attributes all that is good to the Grace of God and truly believes in the words spoken by the Lord: “Without Me you can do nothing.”[78] If, subsequently, such a person begins to strive with love and great humility, trusting in the omnipotence of God, then the Good God will have mercy on him.

Sorrow for Our Sins

— Geronda, how can a person help themselves avoid repeating a transgression they have committed?

— If a person truly feels pain over their transgression, they will not repeat it. For a person to be corrected, there must be inner contrition accompanied by sincere repentance. That is why Saint Mark the Ascetic says: “If a person does not grieve over their sin in proportion to its gravity, they will easily fall into the same trap again.”[79] That is, if the sin is minor, less repentance is required; if the sin is more serious, greater repentance is required. Without considering the magnitude of one’s fall and without grieving over it in proportion to that magnitude, a person easily falls into the same or even a greater transgression.

— And how can we tell that we have not grieved over our fall in proportion to its severity?

— The proof of a mismatch between the fall and the sorrow is that you fall into the very same sin again. Furthermore, as you examine yourself, do not limit yourself to a single [spiritual] diagnosis. After all, you are endlessly engaged in [spiritual] microbiological research. Once you’ve found your [spiritual] microbe, you examine it and say, “I need to crush this little bug.” Yet you never actually begin treatment. All right, so you’ve convinced yourself that you’re suffering from some ailment. You must immediately start thinking about how to cure this illness. What good is it to constantly engage in analysis without trying to correct yourself? You say, “I have this passion, I have that passion.” Yet you do not cut off these passions and, while lamenting, remain in the same passionate state. In this way, you throw your strength to the wind and waste yourself in vain. You waste your mind and your heart. Your distress makes you sick, and then you can’t do anything. Then, once you’ve recovered, you start lamenting again: “How did I get so sick that time? Why did this happen?” I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch over yourself—no. Don’t let your transgressions go unnoticed. But, my brother, there’s a limit to how much you should get upset! You can’t be indifferent, but you must also avoid feelings of misfortune and unhappiness! Did you do something wrong? Have you reflected on it? Did you see where you went wrong? Did you acknowledge it? Did you confess it? If so, then move on; don’t get stuck on that mistake. Just set it aside in your memory so that the next time you have a chance to repeat it, you’ll be careful. If we don’t try to correct our mistakes, then feeling upset about them is pointless. By grieving over our mistakes without trying to correct them, we’re like someone who cries endlessly over a sick person without making any effort to help them get well.

— Geronda, shouldn’t one grieve even when one is justly suffering for a mistake one has made?

— That’s not quite right. In that case, you should grieve, but your grief must be appropriate and proportionate to your mistake. If you don’t feel pain over the mistake you’ve made, you’ll fall into it again out of carelessness—that is, you’ll remain unrepentant. However, if, starting with repentant sorrow, you end up in despair, it means you have grieved more than was necessary. In such cases, you need to cheer yourself up a little and treat the mistake you made with a certain degree of benevolent indifference.

We need self-reproach, not despair

— Geronda, but is it easy to deeply realize one’s sinfulness when one is just beginning the spiritual path?

— When we are at the beginning of our spiritual life, God, out of His love, does not allow us to fully realize our sinfulness, lest we be crushed [by its weight]. Some tender and sensitive souls would be unable to bear the realization of their sinfulness and would suffer harm. Thus, God blinds our eyes so that we do not see all our transgressions at once. For example, the sleeve of our garment might be stained with bird droppings, yet when we look at it, we might think it is not droppings but flower petals. However, as we make progress in our spiritual struggle, God gradually allows us to see our mistakes. At the same time, He gives us the strength to strive and correct these mistakes. Without experience, such delicate work is of no benefit. The same thing happens with the realization of God’s blessings. If a person, at the beginning of his spiritual life, were to see God’s blessings, he would suffer a spiritual hemorrhage, because, seeing God’s blessings and realizing his own ingratitude for them, a person suffers and withers away.

— Geronda, I don’t see my own mistakes, and my heart is like a stone.

— Sometimes God allows our eyes not to see our mistakes and our hearts to be like stone, because otherwise the devil might plunge us into despair. A person must approach his sinfulness with discernment. Repentance accompanied by mental anguish and despair does not come from God; in such repentance, the devil has played his tricks. A person must be vigilant, because the devil, having caught him “on the right”—in repentance—can cast him “to the left”—into sorrow and despair. The devil wants to break a person—both spiritually and physically—and render them useless. That is, he brings about a different kind of contrition—one filled with spiritual anxiety—in order to crush the person with that very contrition. For example, the devil might say to a person, “You are such a great sinner that you will not be saved.” Pretending to care for a person’s soul, the devil plunges them into mental anguish and despair! So why let the devil do whatever he wants? When the devil tells you, “You are a sinner,” answer him, “Well, what business is it of yours? I’ll say I’m a sinner when I want to, not when you want me to.”

— Geronda, what is the reason that despondency so often visits the soul?

— Despondency and a heavy heart usually stem from pangs of conscience that arise because a person is overly sensitive. In this case, a person needs to go to confession in order to receive help from a spiritual father. After all, if a person is overly sensitive, the sin they have committed may be very small, yet the enemy magnifies that sin in the eyes of such a person. He shows them this sin under a microscope in order to plunge them into despair and render them useless.

For example, the devil may instill in such an overly sensitive person the belief that he has supposedly caused great distress to his neighbors, that he has created difficulties for them, and so on. In this way, the devil plunges a person into a state of distress that exceeds his strength. However, if the devil truly cares about the welfare of our souls, why doesn’t he go and tempt [awaken] the conscience of an insensitive person? Far from it: to an insensitive person—so that he does not come to his senses—the devil instills the belief that his great sin is insignificant.

A person must come to know himself as he truly is, and not as the enemy—the devil—portrays him in his own eyes. For the devil cares about only one thing: how to do us harm. A person must never despair—as long as he has repentance, because his sins are fewer than the devil’s, and he has extenuating circumstances—for he was created from the earth, but, being inattentive, he slipped and became soiled with mud.

In order for the spiritual struggle to be waged correctly, we must turn the wheel [of our spiritual machine] in the opposite direction from where the devil is turning it. Does the devil suggest to us that we supposedly amount to something? We must cultivate self-reproach within ourselves. Does he suggest that we are nothing? Let us say, “God will have mercy on me.” If a person behaves in this way—with simplicity, trust in God, and reliance on Him—then repentance and humility enter his life, and he ascends to spiritual heights.

— Geronda, does that mean self-reproach doesn’t help in the spiritual struggle?

— It does help, but discernment is required. For example, a person might say to himself, “Oh, you good-for-nothing…” However, one must reproach oneself with humility, in order to mock the devil, and also with courage, not with a sense of one’s own wretchedness. We need self-reproach, not despair.

If a person believes that he does nothing good; if—in the positive sense of the word—he despairs of himself, of his “self”; if he believes that through his actions he is constantly adding zeros to zeros, yet continues his spiritual struggle with hope in God—this is a sign that he has attained spiritual maturity. In this case, the Good God, seeing the zeros of his good will, will take pity on him and place a one at the beginning of those zeros. Thus, his zeros will increase in value, and he will become spiritually rich. A good spiritual state lies hidden within the humble state of self-disappointment.

Spiritual Work Under a Magnifying Glass

— Geronda, how can a person constantly see himself as a sinner?

— A person can see himself as a sinner if he examines himself carefully. The more carefully a person examines himself, the more sinful he sees himself to be.

— And how can someone who is burdened with many cares engage in such practice?

— It is good if, throughout the day, such a person sets aside at least a little time for the Jesus Prayer and also has a specific time to take stock of their [spiritual] gains and losses. Consider this: a grocery store owner counts his money every day. After all, if he doesn’t keep track of his profits and debts, he’ll go bankrupt and end up in debt.

— Geronda, some people don’t know what to say during confession. Why is that?

— This shows that they aren’t doing the subtle work of self-improvement. If we don’t do this subtle work, we don’t even notice our own gross mistakes. We need to cleanse the eyes of our soul. A blind person sees nothing. A one-eyed person can already see something, but the one who has both eyes and they are healthy sees better than others. And if such a person also has a telescope and a microscope at hand, then they will see very clearly both what is far, far away and what is very close. For example, I can finish a small carved icon in three days; however, if I set it aside for a few days and then pick it up again, I’ll find many flaws in it. I can work on a single icon for a week, a month, or even two years. And if I want to, I can work on it for five years. However, in that case, I’ll have to work with a magnifying glass. What I mean is that spiritual work, too, has no end. The more a person progresses spiritually, the purer the eyes of his soul become, and then, little by little, he sees his sins as greater and greater. In this way, a person becomes humble, and God’s grace comes to him. The saints who said, “I am a wretched sinner,” believed this because the eyes of their souls had turned into [spiritual] microscopes. The more they progressed, the more powerful a spiritual microscope they acquired, and thus they saw themselves as great sinners. For example, right now, with the naked eye, I look at my hand, and it seems beautiful to me. However, if I look at it through a magnifying glass, these tiny hairs, which are barely visible now, will appear as an entire grove of cypress trees! “My brother,” I will exclaim in surprise, “does this mean I’m a cave dweller?” By performing such spiritual work on yourself, you will come to despise your old self.

Our old self is a malicious “tenant” living within us. In order for him to leave, we must tear down his dwelling and begin to erect a new building—to build a new self.

Chapter 5.
On the Great Power of Repentance

“But when he came into himself...”[80]

God is very close to us, yet at the same time very high above us. In order for a person to persuade God to descend and dwell with him, he must humble himself and repent. Then, seeing this person’s humility, the Most Merciful God lifts him up to heaven and showers him with great love. “There will be joy in heaven over one sinner who repents,”[81] — says the Gospel.

God gave man a mind so that he might reflect on the magnitude of his sin, repent, and ask for forgiveness. An unrepentant person has become very hardened and foolish, because he refuses to repent and free himself from that small hellish torment in which he lives and which leads him to a worse one—eternal torment. In this way, he deprives himself of those earthly, paradisiacal joys which, transforming into far greater, eternal joys, continue in Paradise alongside God.

When a person is far from God, he is out of his right mind. Look, the Gospel says that the prodigal son “came to his senses and said, ‘I will set out for my father.’” That is, the prodigal son decided to return to his father after coming to his senses and repenting. While living in sin, he was out of his right mind, living without reason or purpose, since sin is beyond common sense.

— Geronda, Abba Alonios says: “If a person wants to, he can attain the divine measure from morning till evening.”[82] What does he mean by that?

— The spiritual life does not require many years. By repenting, a person can be transported from the torments of hell to Paradise in a single moment.[83] A person is easily changeable. He can become an angel, or he can become a devil. Ah, what power repentance possesses! It absorbs Divine Grace into itself. If a person brings to mind even a single humble thought, he is saved. If he brings to mind a proud thought and does not repent, and death overtakes him in that state, then it is all over—he is lost. Of course, a humble thought must be accompanied by an inner sigh, an inner contrition. For a thought is just a thought, but a person also has a heart. “With all my soul, and with all my mind, and with all my heart,”[84] — says the hymn writer. But I think that Abba Alonius has in mind a somewhat more steadfast state.

It takes some time to reach a good state. I stumble, I repent—and in that very moment I receive forgiveness. If I have an ascetic spirit, then I can gradually strengthen my state; however, until that happens, I will be tossed from side to side.

— Geronda, can an elderly person help themselves spiritually?

— When a person grows old, they are given a special opportunity to repent, because their illusions fade away. When a person was young, had physical strength, and faced no difficulties, they did not see their own weakness and thought they were in good spiritual condition. But in old age, the difficulties they face and the groaning they entail help them realize that they are not well, that they are [spiritually] limping, and, having realized this, to repent. If such a person derives spiritual benefit from the few remaining years of his life, and if he makes use of the experience left to him by those many years of life now past, then Christ will not forsake him; He will have mercy on this person.

Tears of Repentance

Repentance is a baptism of tears. By repenting, a person undergoes a new baptism and is reborn. The Apostle Peter, through his denial, betrayed Christ to some extent. However, he “wept bitterly” ([85] ) and therefore received forgiveness for his fall. In other words, sincere repentance washed over the Apostle Peter and purified him once again. Consider this: God first created the earth, the sea, and everything else, and then He took the earth and created man. A person is first born physically, and then, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, is spiritually reborn of water—God’s creation—and of the Holy Spirit—Divine Grace. “By water and the Spirit”[86] a person is reborn and becomes a new person.

— Geronda, is it true that just as God took the earth and created man at the time of creation, so now, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, He uses water to recreate man?

— Yes, water has a purifying significance; that is why, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, the priest immerses a person in water. A person is washed clean of original sin, purified of sins, graced by God’s Grace, clothed in Christ, and becomes a new, reborn person. This is the result of Holy Baptism. When Nicodemus came to Christ and asked Him how a person can be born again, Christ clearly answered him: “Amen, amen, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God.”[87] In the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, a person becomes a new, perfect creation of God after the Fall. Therefore, if a person does not defile his Holy Baptism, he will have much Divine Grace. But even if he defiles himself after the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, he still has baptism through repentance. If a person becomes aware of his sin, if he feels pain over it, then he is, in a sense, washed clean by tears of repentance, and God’s Grace returns to him [88] .

— Geronda, for many years now I haven’t been able to weep over my sins; I don’t have a single tear. Does that mean I don’t have true repentance?

— Don’t you feel any pain over the sins you commit?

— It does, but I suppose that pain isn’t very deep.

— Don’t draw conclusions based on tears. Of course, tears are a distinctive sign of repentance, but they are not the only one. Some people cry and then, with their eyes still wet from tears, start laughing. Heartache and an inner sigh are those inner tears that are higher than outward tears. One unfortunate man said to me, “What a hard-hearted man I am, Father! I don’t have a single tear! My heart has turned to stone. Oh, what a hard heart I have!” Being very sensitive, this unfortunate man felt he was very hard-hearted because he did not cry. However, he sighed deeply, groaned, and it was clear that the groans and sighs seemed to come from the depths of his heart! Someone else, however, might cry one moment and laugh the next. Such a person is like the changeable spring weather. For example, upon seeing a destitute person, such a person might be moved to pity, shed a few tears, and immediately say to himself: “Look how much I sympathize with another’s pain!” Or, after shedding a few tears in prayer, he says: “Since my prayer is offered with tears, God hears it!” And in this way, they soothe their own conscience.

But there are also tears of inconsolable grief. These tears stem from self-pity. In such tears there is no repentance, but rather wounded pride. In this case, a person selfishly weeps over his own downfall. He picks at his wound not because he has grieved God, but because, through his own carelessness, he has fallen in the eyes of others. Thus, he suffers doubly. I remember a certain leader of a band of rebels during the civil war. May God grant this man repentance! Once, a poor father of nine children fell into his hands. Since this man disagreed with communist ideology, the leader of the gang threw him to the ground and began beating him mercilessly. And yet, this unfortunate man had once been his servant. “Listen,” the unfortunate man cried out, “don’t you have any pity on me? I have nine children! Don’t you remember how, when you were a child, I used to carry you on my shoulders? What harm have I done to you?” Seeing the leader brutally kicking the poor man, one of his gangmates shouted at him: “Listen, what harm has he done to you? Don’t you feel any pity for him? After all, he’s the head of the family.” And immediately, an amazing change took place: the villain began to weep bitterly, because his friend’s remark had struck a nerve in his selfishness!

Such tears are selfish; they are like Judas’s repentance. After betraying Christ, Judas went to the Pharisees to tell them, “I have sinned.” But the Pharisees replied to Judas, “Well, why are you telling us that you have sinned?” These words stung Judas; he became enraged, threw the silver coins at the Pharisees, left, and, out of selfishness, hanged himself.[89] But if Judas had repented, gone to Christ, and said to Him, “Forgive me,” he would have been saved.

The Endless Work of Repentance

— Geronda, what is joyful weeping?

— Joyful weeping is the joy that arises from our sorrow over a sin we have committed. Joyful weeping contains both pain and joy; that is why it is also called “joyful sorrow.” Out of love, a person grieves over having grieved Christ, yet he also rejoices—because he feels divine consolation. A sinner who has sincerely repented receives forgiveness from God, feels divine consolation within himself, and can attain spiritual joy.

— Geronda, can a person who strives in the spiritual life live in repentance his entire life?

— Yes, by striving correctly, a person sees not his own progress, but only his failures, and lives in constant repentance. He does not realize that at first he was fighting a single demon, but now, perhaps, he is fighting an entire horde of demons. For the more vigorously a person strives to root out a passion from within and instill virtue in himself, the more enemies gather around the roots of that passion [pulling them downward and hindering the ascetic from rooting it out ]. Then the person makes great progress, even though he does not see his own progress. And so a person can live in this state until he dies. He may not see his progress, thinking that since he falls, it means he is [spiritually] treading water. However, in reality, such a person is making progress, because he is constantly intensifying the struggle and fighting against an ever-increasing number of tangalas.

For a person on the spiritual path, repentance is a never-ending task. When someone dies, they are mourned, buried in the ground, and then forgotten... But we will weep over our sins constantly—until we die. However, we will perform this work with discernment and hope in Christ, Who endured the Crucifixion in order to spiritually resurrect us.

Life Transformation

In order to stop falling into sin, a person must strive to avoid everything that provokes him to commit that sin. For example, if an alcoholic wants to get help and quit drinking, he must not even go near a bar. A little diligence and a good disposition are necessary, and then the Good God will help us overcome our difficulties. For example, a person has a certain passion. He acknowledges this passion, strives to cut it off, repents, and humbles himself. He has the willingness to cut off this passion; this willingness is made known to God, and God helps him. But how can God grant a person His Grace if that person makes no effort to change and continues to sin? God’s Grace does not come to a person who is in a state of sin, because God’s Grace does not help such a person. For if Grace were to help even in such cases, God would have granted it even to the devil.

A person who has fallen into some sin but is not dwelling in it—that is, who does not remain in his sinful thoughts, but repents of his fall and strives not to repeat it—receives God’s grace and is helped. However, if a person lacks repentance and considers sin to be fashionable, then his condition is demonic.

— Geronda, how was one of the thieves, who was crucified alongside Christ, saved?

— This robber climbed over the fence and made his way into the Garden of Eden! “A robber’s repentance robbed Paradise.”[90] In other words, through his great repentance, the wise robber managed to “rob” even Paradise.

— Geronda, if a person who has changed his life no longer lives according to his old sinful habits, but occasionally falls into one of his old sins, does that mean he lacks repentance?

— Well, if he stumbles while making the necessary efforts to correct himself, then there are certain extenuating circumstances. At first, it’s not easy to change one’s life. However, once a person truly understands how grave the sins he has committed are, he stops falling into them.

In the old days, repentance was sincere. If a person repented, he did not go back on his word. I remember one repentant woman. How she helped me with her true repentance! She behaved very modestly and said nothing. Dressed in black—clothing resembling a nun’s habit—this woman would come to a small chapel and tidy it up, lighting the oil lamps... Just by looking at her, you derived immense benefit. But now I see how some people, having barely managed to change their former sinful lives, begin to teach others, even while their old self still lives within them. Of course, if someone repents, stops living as they did before—in fornication and debauchery—and begins to live a spiritual life, this will be a great help to others as well. However, if, having barely transitioned from one state to another, they immediately begin to pose as a spiritual person and preach, that is a delusion.

— Perhaps, Geronda, such people behave this way thinking that in this way they will help others?

— Yes, they act this way in order to help others. However, behind their actions—especially if they are people of even modest fame—lies a proud thought: “Now people will forget about Karaiskakis [91] and Kolokotronis [92] and will talk about me!” From this, it is clear just how corrupt their motives are. If they are truly pained by their sins, then for a time it is better for them to remember them and avoid self-confidence. They need to be very careful. And when various images or thoughts from their past life arise, they must cast them out as blasphemous thoughts. Such casting out will be proof that they no longer accept these thoughts, that their [spiritual] organism reacts to them [negatively]. In other words, in order to truly change, a person must, having grown disgusted with his past, possess great humility. If he retains only a little from his former life—that which he considers not very harmful—then everything else will subsequently be tainted by this “harmless” remnant. From the moment a person harbors even one small thought—a little pride in his old self—God will cease to offer him His help, and whatever that person does will not be pure.

— Geronda, after changing his life, should a person try to correct the impression people had of him before?

— One shouldn’t selfishly try to correct others’ opinions. If a person strives to improve himself, then people’s opinions will fade away on their own. And if his former sinful life left a scar on society or in his circle, that scar will heal on its own when he behaves properly, in a Christian manner. A repentant person does not need to say anything to others. God Himself will speak to people through the words of his repentance.

“…my sin is ever before me”[93]

— Geronda, is it helpful to write down one’s sins so as not to forget them before confession?

— If I am truly pained by the sin I have committed, then I cannot forget it. My conscience convicts me. My soul aches, and I constantly remember the sin I have committed. All the time between committing the sin and confession, the sin continues to “work” within me; it wounds my heart and convicts me. In other words, I suffer, but in accordance with this suffering, I receive my reward from God. However, if, after committing a sin, I don’t think about it at all, it means that my sin doesn’t wound me at all. I forget it and remain unrepentant. That is why some people, when they are reprimanded for some misdeed, laugh—as if it were all nonsense. There is shamelessness and indifference in this. To treat one’s sin this way is utterly satanic. Do you remember what the prophet David said? “I will confess my transgressions and take care of my sin.”[94] And also: “My sin is ever before me.” Even though God forgave the repentant David, David—out of love for God—experienced inner pain and therefore constantly sought divine comfort.

Some people, however, are constantly engaged in [spiritual] “self-diagnosis,” and this pursuit consumes them. They endlessly and scrupulously record their transgressions—supposedly to engage in subtle spiritual work—“break down” these transgressions into their constituent parts, and rack their brains over them, yet they do not correct themselves. Whereas, if they were to recognize their major shortcomings one by one and undertake the effort to correct themselves, the minor shortcomings would also disappear.

— Geronda, if a person does not live in repentance yet praises God, does God accept his praise?

— No, how could God accept such praise? Repentance is necessary first and foremost. After all, if a person remains in sin, what good does it do him to say, “Glory to You, who has shown us the light…”? There is shamelessness in this. Here is the only praise that is fitting for such a person: “I thank You, my God, that You do not cast down a thunderbolt to strike me down,” because repentance is present in praise of this kind.

Compelled Repentance

— Geronda, Abba Isaac writes: “Any repentance performed without one’s own free will contains no joy, nor is it considered worthy of reward.”[95] How can a person repent without his own free will?

— This refers to a person who is forced to repent because he has fallen in the eyes of others, yet lacks humility in the process. This is how I understand the words of St. Isaac.

— So is there such a thing as repentance without our own free will?

— Yes, there is such a thing as forced repentance. For example, wanting to avoid consequences that are unpleasant for me, I ask you to forgive me for the wrong I’ve done to you, yet deep down I don’t change at all. A person skilled in deceit pretends to have repented; he acts with cunning, bowing to people with feigned kindness and asking for their forgiveness in order to mislead them. However, even when a sinner goes to a spiritual father to confess his sins because he fears falling into the torments of hell—this, too, is not repentance. That is, for such a person, the goal is not how to repent, but how to avoid falling into the torments of hell! True repentance is recognizing one’s sins, feeling pain over them, asking God for forgiveness, and then going to confession. In this way, divine consolation will come to a person. That is why I always recommend repentance and confession to people. I never recommend confession alone.

Consider this: when an earthquake strikes, it is evident that those with a good will become deeply shaken, repent, and change their lives. Others—the majority—come to their senses for a moment, but once the danger has passed, they return to their former way of life. So when a man told me that a strong earthquake had struck their city, I asked him, “So it shook you up pretty good? But did that earthquake wake you up?”—“It did, it did!” he replied. “It did wake you up,” I remarked, “but you’ll fall asleep again.”

Repentance brings divine consolation to a person

— Geronda, what is divine consolation?

— What is divine consolation? To help you understand this better, I’ll give you an example. Let’s say a child breaks something inexpensive—for example, breaks one of his father’s tools—and then gets upset and cries because he considers the damage he’s caused to be very great . However, the more inconsolably he cries, realizing that he has caused harm and suffering, the more his father caresses and comforts him: “It’s all right, my little one, don’t be upset; it’s no big deal—we’ll buy a new tool.” Yet the child, seeing his father’s tender love, cries even more inconsolably out of affection. “I can’t help but be upset,” he says through his tears. “We needed this instrument right now, and I broke it.” “My little one,” his father comforts him again, “it’s all right; that instrument was old.” Yet the child continues to be upset. And the more he is upset, the tighter his father holds him in his arms, kissing and comforting him. In the same way, the more a person suffers and grieves over his sinfulness or his ingratitude toward God, weeping sincerely that by his sins he has grieved God—his Father—the greater the divine joy God bestows upon him and the more He sweetens his inner being. Although there is pain in such a person’s sorrow, there is also hope and comfort within it.

However, whoever wishes to receive divine consolation must not ask for it. Such a person must feel the weight of his sin, repent of it, and then divine consolation will come of its own accord. Once, a scandal arose on the Holy Mountain, and some monks tarnished their reputations. One of them, having run into me by chance, began to say, “Oh, how I wanted to see you so that you could comfort me.” He wanted me to comfort him because he’d been given a good scolding! And I must admit that whoever gave him that scolding did the right thing! I listened to this monk with great astonishment. To be at fault and yet ask for comfort! If, without asking for comfort, he had humbled himself and said, “I have sinned, my God,” then divine comfort would have arisen within him. However, even though he was at fault, he wanted me to say something like, “It’s no big deal, don’t worry—after all, your fault isn’t that great. Besides, you’re not the only one at fault; others are to blame too.” Well, please tell me, what kind of comfort is that? That’s not comfort—it’s mockery. Divine comfort comes from repentance.

— Geronda, when, after a sinful fall, a person remains in repentance but at the same time feels a breakdown of both soul and body, does that mean his repentance is incorrect?

— On the first day, emotional and physical distress is justified. However, if this person has true repentance, then while experiencing inner sorrow and pain, he also experiences divine consolation.

— Yes, but surely they do not forget their sin either?

— Yes, he does not forget his sin. Such a person grieves and is comforted, grieves and is comforted. He chastises himself for the sin he has committed, and God gently caresses him; he chastises himself again, and God caresses him again... This is repentance, which brings divine comfort to a person.

Part 4.
The Dark Forces of Darkness

“The dark forces of evil are powerless. People themselves, by turning away from God, make them strong, for by turning away from God, people give the devil power over themselves.”

Chapter 1.
On Witchcraft

Since I have often—in my desire to help you—told you about Paradise, the angels, and the saints, I will now—again in my desire to help you—tell you a little about the torments of hell and the demons, so that you may know against whom we are fighting. Once, a young man—a sorcerer from Tibet—came to my hermitage. He told me much about his life. As a three-year-old infant—having just been weaned from his mother’s breast—he was given by his father to a group of thirty Tibetan sorcerers so that they might initiate him into the secrets of their sorcery. This young man had reached the eleventh degree of sorcery—the highest degree being the twelfth. When he turned sixteen, he left Tibet and traveled to Sweden to see his father. In Sweden, he happened to meet an Orthodox priest and wanted to talk with him. The young sorcerer had no idea what an Orthodox priest was. In the room where they were talking, the young man, wishing to demonstrate his power, began to perform various magical tricks. He summoned one of the senior demons named Mina and said to him, “I want some water.” As soon as he uttered these words, one of the glasses rose into the air on its own, flew up to the faucet, the water began to flow, the glass filled up, and then flew through the closed glass door into the room where they were sitting. The young man took the glass and drank the water. Then, without leaving the room, he showed the priest sitting before him the entire universe, the sky, and the stars. He was using fourth-degree sorcery and intended to reach the eleventh degree. Then he asked the priest what he thought of everything he was seeing. “If he had blasphemed against Satan,” the young sorcerer told me, “I could have killed him.” However, the priest said nothing. Then the young man asked, “Why don’t you show me some kind of sign?” “My God is a God of humility,” replied the priest. Then he took out a small cross, placed it in the young sorcerer’s hands, and said to him, “Perform another sign.” The young man summoned Mina—the senior demon—but Mina, trembling like an aspen leaf, could not bring himself to approach him. Then the young man summoned Satan himself, but Satan, seeing the cross in his hands, behaved the same way—he was afraid to approach him. Satan commanded him only one thing: to leave Sweden as quickly as possible and return to Tibet. Then the young man began to rebuke Satan: “Now I understand that your great power is, in fact, great powerlessness.” Later, the young man was taught the truths of the faith by that kind priest. The priest told him about the Holy Land, Holy Mount Athos, and other holy places. After leaving Sweden, the young man made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, where he saw the Holy Fire. From Jerusalem, he traveled to America to give his Satanist acquaintances a good thrashing and set them straight. God made this young man the very best preacher! From America, he came to Mount Athos.

As an infant, this unfortunate young man was treated unjustly, and so the Good God Himself helped him, intervening in his life without any effort on his part. However, pray for him, because sorcerers, along with all the demonic hordes, are waging war against him. If they are waging such a battle against me—when he comes to me and asks for help—then imagine how much more fiercely they are waging war against him himself! When the priests recite exorcism prayers over him, the veins in the poor man’s arms burst and blood flows. The demons are terribly tormenting the poor young man, yet before, when he was on friendly terms with them, they did him no harm, but only helped him and fulfilled all his wishes. Pray. However, he himself must now be very careful, because it is written in the Gospel that when an unclean spirit comes out of a person, “goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that person will be worse than the first.”[96]

Sorcerers also use various demonic “relics”

— Geronda, who are these “charmers”?[97]

— Sorcerers. They use the Psalms of David, the names of saints, and the like in their sorcery, but they mix this with the invocation of demons. That is, just as we, when reading the Psalter, call upon God’s help and receive Divine Grace, they, using the psalms and sacred objects in a similar way, do the exact opposite: they blaspheme God, turn away from Divine Grace, and after that the demons do whatever they ask. I was told about a young man who went to a sorcerer to ask for help in achieving a certain goal. The sorcerer recited something from the Psalter over him, and the young man got what he wanted. However, very little time passed before the poor fellow began to fade away, melting away like a candle. What did the sorcerer do?

He took some nuts and seeds in his palm and began to recite Psalm 50 over the young man. As he uttered the words, “An offering to God,”[98] he clenched his hand and flung out the nuts and seeds he was holding, thereby offering a sacrifice to the demons so that they would grant his request. Thus, with the help of the Psalter, this sorcerer blasphemed against God.

— Geronda, some of those who practice magic use crosses, icons...

— Yes, I know that. From this, one can see what deception lies behind all their actions! By using sacred objects, they lead unfortunate people by the nose. People see that sorcerers light candles, “pray” before icons, and perform similar acts—and they trust these deceivers. One man told me that in the city where he lives, a Turkish woman placed an icon of the Most Holy Mother of God on a rock and now calls it “the rock that helps people”! She doesn’t say that the Most Holy Mother of God helps people, but claims that the rock helps them. This confuses Christians who see the icon of the Most Holy Mother of God. Those among them who are in poor health rush to this stone, thinking they will receive help from it, and then the devil does whatever he wants with them. After all, the moment the Turkish woman says that it is not the Mother of God but a stone that helps people, the devil immediately steps in, since these words are an act of contempt toward the Most Holy Mother of God. God’s grace departs from people, and possession begins. So Christians run as fast as they can to the stone, hoping it will heal them—the stone along with the tangalashka! And in the end, they are maimed, for how can one receive help from the devil? If these people had even a shred of common sense, they would have paused to consider: the Turkish woman is a Muslim—what connection could she possibly have with the icon of the Most Holy Mother of God? Even if this Turkish woman had said that the Most Holy Mother of God helps people, it would still be worth considering: what connection could she possibly have to the Most Holy Mother of God, being a Muslim? And all the more so when she claims, as she does, that a stone heals people! Upon hearing this story, I asked an acquaintance of mine to inform the responsible officials at the Diocesan Administration of the city where this was taking place and to take appropriate measures to protect people from this evil.

— Geronda, people are asking us for prayer beads...

— When people ask you for prayer boxes, it’s better to give them crosses instead. Don’t make prayer boxes, because sorcerers use them these days too. On the outside, they glue an icon or a cross onto the prayer box, but inside they put various magical objects. People see the icon or cross on the outside and get confused. Just a few days ago, someone brought me a prayer pouch they’d gotten from a Turk named Ibrahim. A cross was embroidered on the outside of this prayer pouch. I was told about a sorcerer who has absolutely no fear of God; he rolls up various icons into a tube and places wool, small pieces of wood, pins, various beads, and similar objects inside.[99] When the Church denounced this sorcerer, he claimed to be a medium. And since mediums are granted freedom in our country, he continues to do whatever he pleases. I told one person who had been harmed by this sorcerer: “Go and confess, because you are under demonic influence.” He went and confessed, then returned to me and said, “I don’t feel any difference between my current state and the one I was in before confession.” “Listen,” I asked him, “maybe you’re carrying some object that the deceived man gave you?” “Yes,” he replied, “I have a small box with me that looks like a Gospel book, which he gave me.” I took the box from him, opened it, and found various rolled-up icons inside. As I unrolled them, I found beads, scraps of wool, splinters, and similar objects inside! After I took that little box away from the poor man, he was freed from the devil’s influence. See what a cunning devil he is!

Unfortunate people carry such amulets and talismans on their persons, supposedly to receive help, and in the end they suffer. Those who, having become entangled with sorcerers, have received such magical objects from them as “blessings” must burn these objects and bury the ashes in the ground or throw them into the sea. Then such people must go to confession. This is the only way to free oneself from demonic influence. Once, a young man came to my hut who was in a very dire state—in many respects. He had been suffering physically and mentally for more than four years. He had been living a sinful life, and recently he had shut himself away at home and refused to see anyone. Two of his friends, who regularly visited the Holy Mountain, managed with great difficulty to persuade him to go with them. They did this in order to bring him to me. They sailed by ship from Uranopolis to Daphne [100] . Whenever the ship docked at various monasteries on the Holy Mountain, the young man would collapse from exhaustion onto the ship’s deck. His friends and the monks who were on board tried to revive him by reciting the Jesus Prayer. With great difficulty, they managed to bring him to my kaliva. The poor fellow opened his heart to me and told me about his life. Realizing that he was suffering from some kind of demonic influence, I advised him to go to a spiritual father on Mount Athos, do whatever he was told, and thus be healed. He did indeed go and confess. When, returning from Mount Athos, they boarded the ship, the young man told his friends that the spiritual father had ordered him to throw into the sea the talisman given to him by an acquaintance, which he had always carried with him. “But I can’t throw it away!” said the poor fellow. No matter how much his friends urged him to stand up and throw the talisman into the sea, he was as if petrified and could not rise from his seat. Then, with great difficulty, they carried him out onto the deck. With his friends’ help, the young man removed the demonic talisman from his person. He didn’t even have the strength to throw it into the sea. He simply opened his hand, and the demonic talisman fell into the sea on its own. Instantly, he felt his hands become free, and his exhausted body immediately regained its strength. Full of life, the young man began jumping for joy all over the steamship, and then rushed to test the strength of his hands on the iron handrails and the ship’s hull.

Those who practice witchcraft also invent many lies

— Geronda, do sorcerers receive any revelations about people, current events, and so on?

— It happens that they learn something from the devil, but they also make up a lot themselves. Those of you who serve in the archondarion,[101] , must be vigilant. You must not let what happens there get out of control. You need to watch what kind of people visit the monastery, because someone who practices witchcraft might come. Does this seem surprising to you? Once, two people who practiced witchcraft came here for an all-night vigil. They pestered people and confused them. They deceived everyone by claiming to be in contact with Metropolitan Augustine.[102] They told one woman: “You’ve been cursed. Let’s come to your house and remove the curse using the cross we have.” And when people see these sorcerers coming to the vigil and talking about spiritual matters, they think, “Well, if they attend vigils, then they must be believers”—and they open their hearts to these deceivers. How they cloud people’s minds with their lies! One such liar, wanting to deceive a young woman, told her: “Father Paissius had a vision that you and I would get married. So take this little thing and put it around your neck. But don’t look inside!” And he gave her some kind of witchcraft talisman. Fortunately, the young woman didn’t put it on. “Oh, so Father Paissius is involved in ‘trinkets’ like this!” she flared up. Without a moment’s hesitation, she sat down at the table and wrote me a letter—full of strong language. Four pages in neat handwriting! She cursed me with the worst possible words! “Go ahead, go ahead,” I muttered to myself as I read the letter, “it’s no big deal. To me, your curses are like balm—after all, you didn’t let yourself be deceived and didn’t put on that demonic amulet!”

— Did she know you, Geronda?

— No, she didn’t. And I didn’t know them either: neither her nor that deceiver.

Demonic Witchcraft

— Geronda, what did you say to the schoolchildren who came today and told you that they had summoned a spirit?

— What were they supposed to say? The first thing I did was give them a good scolding! After all, everything they did was a renunciation of the Christian faith. The very moment people summon the devil and accept him, they renounce God. That’s why I advised them, first and foremost, to repent, make a sincere confession, and be more careful in the future: to attend church, receive Communion with their spiritual father’s blessing, and live a chaste life. But these schoolchildren—since they are children—have extenuating circumstances. They were doing this as if it were a game. If they had been adults, such behavior would have caused them immense harm: the devil would have gained considerable power over them. But he has already taken his toll on all of these children as well.

— Geronda, what exactly were they doing?

— What many people do… They place a glass of water on the table and draw a circle around it with the letters of the alphabet: alpha, beta, gamma, and so on. Then they dip their fingers in the water and summon a spirit—that is, the devil. The glass begins to move across the table, stops in front of the letters, and in this way, words are formed. The children who came today summoned a spirit, and when it arrived, they asked, “Is there a God?”—“There is no God!”—the devil replied. “And who are you?”—the children asked. “Satan!”—he answered. “And is there a Satan?”—the children asked. “Yes, there is!” he answered them. That’s such nonsense it doesn’t make any sense at all! There’s no God, but there is a devil! And when they asked him again if there is a God, he answered them, “Yes, there is.” First yes, then no. So even the children themselves didn’t know what to think. God arranged it this way to help them. And then one girl in their group went and broke that glass. She broke it by God’s providence, so that the rest of the kids would come to their senses too.

Today, many people, wanting to harm someone, turn to sorcerers who use wax dolls. Wax dolls are just like toys—a hobby for sorcerers.

— Geronda, what do they do with the doll?

— They make a doll out of wax that looks like a person. When someone comes to them and asks, for example, that their enemy be blinded, they stick a needle into the doll’s eyes while saying the name of the person they want to blind. They also perform other demonic acts. And if the person who is cursed in this way leads a sinful life and does not go to confession, the demonic influence strikes his eyes. The pain is so intense that his eyes seem to pop out of their sockets! The person goes to the doctors for an examination, but the doctors find nothing wrong.

And what evil do mediums, psychics, clairvoyants, and the like do to people! Not only do they squeeze money out of people, but they also destroy families. For example, a person goes to a clairvoyant and tells him about his problems. “Look,” the clairvoyant replies, “one of your female relatives—slightly dark-skinned, a little taller than average—has cast a curse on you.” The person begins to search among his relatives for someone with those distinctive features. It’s impossible that none of his relatives resembles, even a little, the woman the sorcerer described. “Ah,” says the person, having found the “culprit” behind his suffering. “So she’s the one who put a curse on me!” And he is overcome with hatred for this woman. But the poor woman herself has no idea why he hates her. Sometimes she has even done him a favor, but he seethes with hatred toward her and doesn’t even want to see her! Then he goes back to the sorcerer, who says, “Well then, now we need to remove this curse from you. To do that, you’ll have to pay me some money.” “Well then,” says the confused man, “since he found out who put the curse on me, I have to reward him!” And he shells out the money.

Do you see what the devil is up to? He creates temptations. Whereas a good person—even if he knows for certain that someone has done something bad to someone else—will never say to the victim, “So-and-so has done you wrong.” No, he’ll try to help the unfortunate person. “Listen,” ” he’ll say to them, “don’t let those thoughts get to you. Go make your confession and don’t be afraid of anything.” In this way, he helps both of them. After all, the one who has harmed his neighbor, seeing how the other treats him with kindness, reflects—in the best sense of the word—and repents.

The devil can never do any good

— Geronda, can a sorcerer heal a sick person?

— So that a sorcerer can heal the sick? A sorcerer can “heal” a person tormented by a demon—by sending that demon to another person. After all, a sorcerer and the devil are friends and allies. The sorcerer says to the devil, “Come out of this person and enter that one.” In other words, when casting out a demon from a person under demonic influence, the sorcerer usually sends it to one of that person’s relatives or acquaintances who has given the devil power over themselves. Then the person who had the demon inside them says, “I was suffering, but so-and-so healer healed me.” This serves as free publicity for the sorcerer. But ultimately, the demon that has left the person continues to haunt his relatives and acquaintances. Suppose a person, having fallen under demonic influence, has become hunchbacked. The sorcerer can cast the demon out of that person and send it into another person. In this way, the hunchbacked person will straighten up. However, if the person became hunchbacked as a result of an accident, the sorcerer cannot heal them.

Once I was told that a certain woman “heals” the sick using various sacred [symbols and objects]. Upon hearing what she does, I was struck by the ingenuity—the devil’s craft. During her sessions, the sorceress takes a cross in her hands and sings various church hymns. For example, she sings “O Virgin Mother of God,” and when she reaches the words “Blessed is the Fruit of Your Womb,” she spits next to the cross—that is, she blasphemes Christ in this way—and that is why the tangalashka helps her. In this way, she “heals”—for example, from mental depression—certain people who have fallen ill due to demonic influence. Doctors cannot cure these people, but she “heals” them because she casts out the demon that is weighing down their souls. And then she sends that demon to another person. And many of the sick consider this sorceress a saint! They consult with her, and she quietly harms their souls, destroying them.

We must be vigilant. We must stay far away from sorcerers and sorcery, just as one stays away from fire or snakes. We must not confuse one thing with another. The devil can never do anything good. He can “heal” only those illnesses that he himself causes.

I know of such a case. A young man got involved with a sorcerer and began practicing sorcery himself. Then he became unwell, fell ill, and eventually was admitted to the hospital. He lay in the hospital for several months, and his father spent a great deal of money, because at that time there was no health insurance or anything of the sort. The doctors tried to find the cause of his illness, but they found nothing. The young man’s condition became dire. And what did the devil do then? He appeared to the young man in the form of the Honest Forerunner—the patron saint of their region. The “Honest Forerunner” said to the sick man, “I will heal you if your father builds a church.” The young man told his father about the vision, and the distraught father said, “He’s my child, after all. I’ll give everything I have, just so he can be healthy.” And the young man’s father vowed to build a church in honor of the Honorable Forerunner. The devil left the young man, and he was healed. The devil had performed... “a miracle”! After the healing, the young man’s father said, “I vowed to build a church, and now the time has come to fulfill that vow.” These people had no extra money, and in order to build the church, they sold all their land. The young man’s father went bankrupt, and all his children were left homeless. “To hell with this Orthodoxy!” they said in anger and became Jehovah’s Witnesses. Do you see what the devil is doing? In all likelihood, there had never been any Jehovah’s Witnesses in that area before, and he devised a way to sow the weeds of Jehovah’s Witnesses there as well!

Under what circumstances does witchcraft have power?

— Geronda, under what circumstances does witchcraft have power?

— If witchcraft has taken effect, it means the person has given the devil power over himself. That is, he gave the devil some serious cause and then failed to set himself right through repentance and confession. If a person confesses, then a curse—even if it’s shoveled right at him—doesn’t harm him. This is because, when a person confesses and has a pure heart, sorcerers cannot “collude” with the devil to harm that person.

One day, a middle-aged man came to my hut. He had a brazen and impolite demeanor. As soon as I saw him from a distance, I realized he was under the influence of a demon. “I’ve come so you can help me,” he said to me. “Pray for me, because I’ve been suffering from terrible headaches for a long time, and the doctors can’t find anything wrong.” “There’s a demon inside you,” I replied. “It entered you because you gave the devil power over yourself.” “No, I didn’t do anything like that,” he insisted. “You didn’t do anything like that?” I said. “What about the time you cheated on that girl—have you forgotten? Well, she went to a sorcerer and had a curse cast on you. Now go ask the girl you cheated on for forgiveness, then go to confession. Besides, we need to read incantations and prayers over you so that you may be healed. But if you don’t understand, don’t realize your sin, and don’t repent of it, then even if all the spiritual fathers from around the world gathered and prayed for you, the demon still wouldn’t leave you.” When people come to me with such shamelessness, I speak to them bluntly, calling things by their proper names.

Another man told me that his wife was possessed by an unclean spirit; she causes terrible scenes at home, jumps up at night, wakes the whole family, and turns everything upside down. “Do you go to confession?” I asked him. “No,” he replied. “It must be,” I told him, “that you’ve given the devil power over you. Things like this don’t happen out of the blue.” This man began telling me about himself, and eventually we discovered the reason for what was happening to his wife. It turned out that he had visited a certain hodja, who, “for good luck,” gave him some water to sprinkle around his house. This man didn’t think much of this demonic sprinkling. And then the devil really ran rampant in his house.

How Can Witchcraft Be Broken?

— Geronda, if witchcraft has affected a person and gained power over him, how can he be freed from it?

— One can be freed from witchcraft through repentance and confession. Because first and foremost, the reason why the witchcraft took effect on a person must be identified. He must acknowledge his sin, repent, and confess it. How many people, tormented by the curse cast upon them, come to me in my cell and ask, “Pray for me, so that I may be freed from this torment!” They ask for my help, but at the same time they do not look within themselves; they do not try to understand where the evil happening to them began—in order to eliminate that cause. In other words, these people must understand what their fault was and why the witchcraft took hold of them. They must repent and go to confession so that their suffering may cease.

— Geronda, what if a person who has been cursed reaches a state where he can no longer help himself? That is, if he is no longer able to go to confession or speak with a priest? Can others help him?

— Their loved ones can invite a priest to their home so that he may administer the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick to the unfortunate person or perform a prayer service with holy water. A person in such a state should be given holy water to drink so that the evil may recede even a little and Christ may enter him even a little. One woman, whose child was in the state you’re describing, did just that, and it helped the child. She told me that her son was suffering greatly because someone had cast a curse on him. “He needs to go to confession,” I advised her. “Father,” she exclaimed, “but how can he go to confession in that condition?” “Then,” I told her, “ask your spiritual father to come to your home to perform a prayer service with holy water, and have your son drink that holy water. “But will he drink it?” “He will,” she replied. “Well then,” I said, “start with the blessing service, and then try to get your child to talk to the priest. If he goes to confession, he’ll be able to cast the devil far from himself.” And indeed, this woman listened to me, and her son was helped. A short time passed, and he was able to go to confession and was restored to health.

And do you know what another unfortunate woman came up with? Her husband had become involved with sorcerers and wouldn’t even wear a cross around his neck. To help him even a little, she sewed a small cross into the collar of his jacket. One day, her husband had to cross a bridge to the other side of the river. As he stepped onto the bridge, he heard a voice urging him: “Anastasius! Anastasius! Take off your jacket so we can cross the bridge together .” Fortunately, it was cold out, and he replied, “Take it off? It’s freezing!”—“Take it off,” the same voice urged him, “take it off so we can cross the bridge.” Go to hell, devil! The devil wanted to throw this man off the bridge into the river, but he couldn’t do it because the man was wearing a cross. In the end, the devil was only able to push the poor man to the edge of the bridge. His family searched all night and finally found him lying on the bridge. If it hadn’t been cold, he would have taken off his jacket, and then the devil would have thrown him into the river. This man was saved by the cross sewn into his clothes. His poor wife was a believer. After all, if she hadn’t had faith, would she have sewn a cross into his clothes?

The Collaboration of Sorcerers and Demons

— Geronda, can’t a person who possesses holiness help some sorcerer?

— How on earth could he help him? You’re telling a person who has even a little fear of God to be careful, because by living this way, he’s walking down the wrong path—and even with that fear of God, such a person still goes his own way. And what can we even say about a sorcerer who collaborates with the devil! How can you help such a person? You’ll start telling him spiritual things, but he’ll still stay with the devil. You can’t help a sorcerer at all. Only if you recite the Jesus Prayer in his presence—then the demon might get confused, and the sorcerer won’t be able to do his work.

One man was ill. And so a sorcerer—a charlatan of the worst kind—came to his house to “help.” But the sick man was reciting the Jesus Prayer. He was a very simple man and didn’t know that the one who had come to him was a sorcerer. That is why God intervened in what was happening. And look what God allowed to happen so that the unfortunate man would understand who he was dealing with. The sick man was reciting the Jesus Prayer, and the demons began to beat the sorcerer, so that the sorcerer himself began to beg for help from the very man whose house he had come to “heal”!

— Geronda, did the sick man actually see the demon with his own eyes?

— He didn’t see the demon; he saw that something unimaginable was happening. The sorcerer was screaming, “Help!”—tumbling across the floor, falling down, covering himself with his hands from the blows of invisible enemies. So don’t think that sorcerers have an easy life and that demons always do whatever you ask of them. It’s enough for the demons that the sorcerers have renounced Christ even once. At first, sorcerers make a pact with demons so that they will help them, and for several years the demons obey their commands. However, after a short time, the demons say to the sorcerers, “Why should we stand on ceremony with you?” And if the sorcerers fail to carry out the demons’ tasks, do you know what happens to them afterward?

I remember we were talking in the courtyard of the kaliva with that young sorcerer from Tibet whom I’ve told you about before. Suddenly he jumped up, grabbed my hands, and twisted them behind my back. “Let Hajj Efendi [103] come now and set you free!” he said defiantly. “You devil!” I flared up. “Get out of here!” I shoved the blasphemer, and he fell to the ground. How could I just stand there and listen to him blaspheme against the saint?! Then he jumped up and tried to kick me, but he couldn’t even do that: his foot stopped right at my lips. God saved me. I left him standing in the courtyard and went into my cell. Some time passed, and I looked: there he was—covered in thorns and tangled in branches—emerging from a weed-choked ravine near my kaliva. “Satan punished me,” he told me, “because I couldn’t defeat you. He’s the one who dragged me into this thicket.”

The dark forces of evil are powerless. It is people themselves, by turning away from God, who make them strong, because by turning away from God, people give the devil power over themselves.

Chapter 2.
On Those Possessed by an Unclean Spirit

— Geronda, how many demons were in the Gadarene demoniac?[104]

— “Many demons,”[105] — it is written in the Gospel. That is why the unclean spirit, speaking through the possessed man’s mouth, said that his name was “Legion.”[106] And consider this: just as many demons can dwell within a person possessed by an unclean spirit, so too can all the saints find a place in the heart of a believer. If Christ Himself can dwell in the heart of a Christian, what more can be said about the saints! This is a great mystery! Once, when I was living in the Holy Cross hermitage, a visitor came to me and knocked with an iron knocker at the gate. When I looked out the window, a terrifying sight met my eyes! I saw a man followed by a whole phalanx of demons. He was surrounded by a whole black swarm of demons! It was the first time I had ever seen a person under the power of so many unclean spirits. This unfortunate man was a psychic. He would interweave invocations of demons among the words of church prayers, mix Christian books with occult literature, and as a result, the demons gained power over him. What a terrible thing! When I saw him, I was deeply distressed.

There are psychiatrists who consider people possessed by an unclean spirit to be mentally ill. There are priests, on the other hand, who in turn consider some mentally ill people to be demon-possessed. Yet a mentally ill person and someone possessed by an unclean spirit should receive help in different places and in different ways. How can a psychiatrist help a demon-possessed person?[107]

— Geronda, is a person possessed capable of understanding what his fault was and why an unclean spirit entered him?

— Yes, he can understand this, except in cases where his mind has already been damaged. In the latter case, it is very difficult to help a person possessed by a demon. If, however, he is simply possessed—that is, if his mind is not damaged—then it is easy to reach a mutual understanding with him and provide help. However, such a person must be obedient. Otherwise, how can he receive help?

Once, a visitor from Southern Greece came to my kaliva. He had gotten involved with all sorts of Hindus there, and as a result, an unclean spirit had entered him. He was spewing vile curses, and foam was coming from his mouth. The poor man’s eyes were wild; they were bulging out of their sockets. “Don’t utter these blasphemies, because by doing so you are summoning demons,” I admonished him, but he wouldn’t listen to me. At the same time, he begged me to help him. “Help me,” he pleaded with me, “only you can help me.” “Listen,” I replied. “How am I supposed to help you? Do you want me to pray that, through the Grace of Christ, you might be freed from the unclean spirit, while at the same time you yourself are summoning these unclean spirits! Go confess, have them read exorcism prayers over you, and then come back to me and we’ll talk.” — “I won’t go,” he replied. “Oh well, then let’s at least go to church; I’ll anoint you with oil from the lamp,” I suggested. “I don’t want to,” he replied. “I want you to help me.” Then he walked off to the side and started talking to one of the visitors who was in my yard. Meanwhile, I was talking with a group of pilgrims about how God allows trials for our salvation. Hearing my words, the possessed man—without coming over to us—shouted: “Hey, what are you going on about—that God is working to save people? We have one Father in heaven and one Father on earth! And above all, we have yet another prince!”—“Stop spouting demonic nonsense!”—I replied, and began to recite the Jesus Prayer. “Yes,” he said, “now you’ve confused me!”—“Go away!”—I commanded him, and he flew off to the side. Then he began to ask me, “And who are you with?”—“With Christ,” I said. “You’re lying,” he said, “you’re not with Christ, because I am Christ, and you’re striking me.” The devil was presenting everything to him completely upside down.

— Geronda, was it the devil himself who said all that?

— Yes, the devil, but look—God gave this man the strength so that he could come to the Holy Mountain. In his condition, traveling to Athos from the other end of Greece is no small feat! But what can you do? He doesn’t listen to you, and things are getting worse for him. But if he had been obedient, he would have received help.

With devilish pride, a person can become possessed

A person with a great deal of pride is a person whose mind is clouded. His mind is fogged, as if filled with exhaust fumes. He commits grave sins and does not realize it. “I,” one such person told me, “love everyone, and I love the devil too. After all, the devil isn’t malicious, no...”—“What on earth are you talking about?” I objected. “After all, if God allowed the devil to run rampant with complete freedom, he would tear us all to pieces. Who has ever seen anything good from the devil that you, too, could expect something similar?” However, this unfortunate man had reached such a state of mental clouding that he understood nothing—no matter what you said in the hope of helping him. He would immediately start saying that you were “putting pressure on him”! But is [trying to free him from this thought] really pressure? This man isn’t crazy; his mind is working just fine. He must understand that speaking this way is tantamount to renouncing Christ, that [claiming the devil isn’t evil] is blasphemy.

And in this way, people gradually come to worship Satan. When you see Satanists, it becomes clear that these people are enslaved by the devil. Even their appearance bears the mark of something demonic. The dark forces use Satanic music to lead even unfortunate children wherever they want. It has even reached the point where people call upon Satan for help. I’ve heard that if you play certain rock music CDs backward, you can hear songs containing invocations of Satan.[108] It has even reached the point where they “glorify” Satan: “Satan, I dedicate myself to you.” How terrifying that is!

— Geronda, so can pride drive a person to possession?

— Yes. Let’s suppose a person commits some sin and justifies himself. If people call him out on it in order to help him, he says they’re being unfair to him. Believing himself to be better than those who call him out, he condemns them. Then, little by little, he begins to judge the saints—first the new saints, then the old ones...“This saint didn’t perform any miracles,” such a person says, “and that one had such-and-such a flaw...” A little more time passes, and such a person, going ever further in his condemnation, begins to condemn even the Councils of our Church. “And at all these Councils,” he says, “they adopted all sorts of decisions...” Consequently, in his opinion, even the Councils of our Church were mistaken. Ultimately, such a person reaches the point of declaring: “Well, why did God make it the way it is?” Well then, if a person reaches such a state, he is not going mad—no. He becomes possessed.

Once, a demon-possessed man who called himself a god came to my cell. He came to me with his father. This demon-possessed man had been seeing a spiritual father who did not live on the Holy Mountain of Athos, and that spiritual father, fearing that the devil might attack him, said to the possessed man: “Well then, bless me!” What can you say to that? All right, better to leave it at that... And then this possessed man began to say to his father: “You’ll see, Father Paisius will also agree that I am a god.” And so he made a bet with his father for all the money he had on him that I would accept him as a god. But as soon as I began to pray with my rosary, the possessed man jumped up as if stung. “What are you doing with that little rattle of yours?” he shouted. “I’ve committed every sin imaginable! I’ve committed such-and-such a sin, and such-and-such a sin… I have the devil inside me. I’ve become a god. You must agree that I am a god. And you, so-and-so, haven’t done a thing! You just keep muttering away with that little rosary of yours!” Do you know what abominations he was spouting? I flew into a rage. “Come on, get out of here, you wretched man!” I snapped at him. I gave him a good thrashing! Then he went completely berserk, becoming like a wild beast. He pulled some money out of his pocket and flung it at my father. “Take it,” he said, “your winnings—I lost the bet.”

A demon-possessed person reacts to any holy object

— Geronda, how can one tell whether a person is possessed or suffering from a mental illness?

— Even a simple, devout doctor can tell. People possessed by a demon become agitated when they approach a holy object; they start to shake. From this, it is perfectly clear that a demon is inside them. If you offer such people a little holy water to drink or want to make the sign of the cross over them with holy relics, they resist, because the Grace of God constrains the demons inside them. But if people suffer from some kind of mental illness, they do not resist the holy relics at all. Those possessed become agitated and begin to shake even if you simply approach them while wearing a cross. Once I attended an All-Night Vigil at a monastery on Mount Athos. The monastic community told me that they suspected one of the pilgrims who had come to the monastery was possessed by an unclean spirit. I sat down in the stasidia next to this man and touched him with my cross, which contained a fragment of the Holy Cross of the Lord. The possessed man began to shake, jumped up, and fled to the far corner of the church. When the crowd dispersed after the vigil, I gently and kindly tried to speak with him. But the same thing happened again. And I realized that this man was indeed possessed.

Sometimes children are brought to my cell, and people tell me they are possessed by a demon. Sometimes, to determine whether this is truly the case, I take a fragment of the relics of Saint Arsenius of Cappadocia and clasp it in my palm. And you should have seen it: both my hands are clenched, yet if the child is possessed by an unclean spirit, he looks in fear at the hand in which the fragment of the holy relics is hidden. But if the child is not possessed at all—if he simply suffers from some condition, such as a brain disorder—then he does not react to the relics at all; he does not resist them. And sometimes I give children water in which I have previously immersed a fragment of the holy relics. But if the children are possessed, they won’t drink this water—they run away. Once, a possessed little boy was brought to me. First, I fed him plenty of sweets to whet his thirst, and then I brought him some water from the holy relics. “To our Yanakis,” I said, “I’ll give some water that tastes better than what the others get.” After taking just a sip of this water, the little boy started screaming: “This water is burning me—what’s in it?” “There’s nothing in it,” I replied. “What are you doing to me? It’s burning me!” the poor little boy cried out. “It’s not burning you, ,” I said, “it’s burning someone else.” I began to make the sign of the cross over the little boy’s head, and he began to shake; he fell into a fit of possession. The demon inside the little boy twisted his body.

Do you remember that student who used to come here to the monastery many years ago? “A demon lives inside me,” he told me, “and it torments me terribly. I suffer terribly because of this demon, because on top of everything else, it forces me to say all sorts of nasty things. I’ve reached the point of despair. I can feel him squeezing me from the inside, pinching me here and there,”—and the poor young man pointed to his stomach, his chest, his ribs, and his arms. This poor soul was very sensitive. Therefore, so as not to hurt him and to comfort him, I said, “Listen, there’s no demon inside you at all. What’s happening to you is an external demonic influence.” When we entered the church together, I asked the sisters who were there to pray for this unfortunate creature of God. I myself went into the sanctuary, took a fragment of the relics of Saint Arsenius, came out of the sanctuary, approached the poor man, and asked him again, “So where exactly is the demon pressing down on you and tormenting you? Where do you think he’s sitting?” Then he pointed to his sides. “Where? Here?” I asked him and touched him with the holy relics. Oh, how he howled then! “You burned me, you burned me! I won’t leave, I won’t leave!” He screamed, cursed, and uttered all sorts of abominations. Then I began to recite the Jesus Prayer silently: “Lord Jesus Christ, Lord Jesus Christ, cast out the unclean spirit from Your creation.” As I prayed, I anointed the poor man with the holy relics. This went on for about twenty minutes. Then the demon began to shake him, threw him to the ground, and the poor man began rolling across the floor. His suit, covered in dust, looked like a floor rag. We helped the poor man to his feet. His whole body was shaking, and he was twitching violently and convulsively. To stay on his feet, he clung to the iconostasis. His hands were covered in cold sweat—like dew on the morning grass. Soon the demon left him, and the poor man calmed down. He was freed from the unclean spirit and is now alive, healthy, and feeling wonderful.

Do not attach any importance to the words of a possessed person

— Geronda, what should one pay attention to when speaking with a possessed person?

— You should recite the Jesus Prayer and treat such a person with kindness.

— Geronda, do those possessed remember what they said during a fit of possession?

— Some things they remember, some they don’t. We do not know how God works. Sometimes He allows these unfortunate souls to remember what they said during a fit of possession, so that they may humble themselves and repent.

If a person possessed by a demon asks for something, it is not easy to tell when they are asking for it under the influence of the devil, and when they themselves—as a human being—have a genuine need for it. Once I met a possessed young woman. She had read Kazantzakis’s books [109] and believed the blasphemies contained in them. As a result of all this, an unclean spirit took hold of her. While we were talking, she suddenly had a demonic fit and began screaming in a terrifying voice: “I’m burning, I’m burning!” Her family held her so that I could make the sign of the cross over her. Then she cried out, “Water, water!” “Bring some water,” I asked her family. “No, no!” they replied. “Someone told us not to listen to the devil.” “But,” I said, “this poor woman is thirsty right now. Bring her some water.” I could tell when the burning sensation she was experiencing came from the devil and when it was simply because she was thirsty. The poor woman drank two glasses of water. “Inside me,” she said afterward, “it’s as if there were burning coals; that’s how intense the burning sensation is. Even if I had drunk a whole bucket of water, the flame I felt inside me still wouldn’t have gone out.” That’s how badly she was burning!

— Geronda, when a possessed person screams, how can one tell when the devil is speaking through his lips, and when he is speaking on his own—as a human being?

— When the devil speaks, the possessed person’s lips move unnaturally. They move mechanically. But when the possessed person speaks as a human being, his lips move naturally. If an exorcism prayer is being recited over the possessed person and he screams, it may be because the person himself is suffering and, for example, says to the devil: “Go away—why won’t you leave?” In other cases, the devil himself reviles the person or the priest who is rebuking him. Sometimes the devil blasphemes against Christ, the Most Holy Theotokos, and the saints. Sometimes the devil speaks lies, and sometimes the power of Christ’s name compels him to speak the truth. There are instances when a possessed person shouts out something from the spiritual books he has read and the like. What can one say here? It’s all very confusing. Therefore, when speaking with a possessed person, be very careful. Do not attach any significance to his words. For example, he might say, “You’re burning me.” If you really are burning him and, agreeing with this, say, “I’m burning him,” then that’s it—you’re [spiritually] done for. If, on the other hand, you believe that you’re burning the devil, when in reality nothing of the sort is happening, then you’re done for twice over. Or, for example, a demon-possessed person might shout, “Oh, you filthy women!”—and then say to a certain nun, “But you—you are pure.” If that nun believes the devil’s words, that’s it—she’s lost. Therefore, do not experiment with the devil.

Once, a man possessed by a demon was brought to a monastery. The abbot gathered the brothers in the church so that they might pray for him using prayer beads. The monastery housed the skull of Saint Parthenius, Bishop of Lampsacus.[110] The grace of God began to press heavily upon the demon. The brethren prayed for the possessed man using prayer beads, and at the same time, the abbot instructed one of the monastery’s hieromonks to recite exorcism prayers over the possessed man. This hieromonk appeared devout on the outside, but harbored hidden pride within. He devoted himself [physically] to fulfilling everything required by the monastery’s rules. He was educated and gave spiritual counsel to others. However, he himself received no help from anyone—because the other brothers, seeing that he was doing something wrong, did not dare to tell him so out of respect for him. This man began to harbor delusions about himself. He considered himself the most virtuous resident of the monastery and nurtured other thoughts of this kind. On that day, the evil one found a favorable opportunity to harm this hieromonk. He employed all his cunning to make the unfortunate man believe that it was he who was casting out the demon from the possessed man. So, when he began to recite exorcism prayers over the possessed man, the demon cried out: “I am burning! Where are you driving me, you merciless one?” The hieromonk began to think that the demon was burning because it was he who was reciting the prayers, whereas in reality it was the prayers of the other brothers that were casting out the demon. The unfortunate hieromonk replied to the demon, “Enter into me.” Yes, it is known from the life of Saint Parthenius that in one such case he did indeed say these words to the demon. But he was a saint! Indeed, such an incident once occurred with Saint Parthenius. He was casting out a demon from a possessed man, and the demon cried out, “I’m burning, I’m burning! Where should I go?” Then Saint Parthenius replied to him: “Enter into me.” And the demon replied to the saint: “Even your name alone scorches me, Parthenius!”—and left the possessed man whom he had been tormenting. And so this hieromonk, of whom we are speaking, wanted to portray himself as Saint Parthenius and became possessed himself. From that moment on, the demon gained power over him. For years afterward, the unfortunate man suffered and could find no peace anywhere. He was constantly wandering, unable to stay in one place. Sometimes he wandered the world, and sometimes he wandered Mount Athos. What he, the unfortunate man, had to endure! The state he was in led him to mental exhaustion and physical weariness. His body shook as if in a fever. Look, he used to be a good priest, but in that condition, he could no longer celebrate the Divine Liturgy.[111] Do you see what the devil is doing?

— Geronda, is there any connection between drinking coffee and the behavior of a possessed person?

— When a person’s nervous system is agitated and he drinks a lot of coffee, his nerves become even more unsettled, and the tangalashka takes advantage of this state. It’s not that there’s anything demonic in coffee—no—but the tangalashka exploits caffeine’s effect on the nerves, and then the possessed person’s condition gets even worse.

Helping the Possessed

— Geronda, it’s written somewhere that the devil takes up residence in the heart of a person possessed, but doesn’t want that person to know about it and start fighting him with the Jesus Prayer. Is that really true?

— Yes, because the demon has the right to dwell in the possessed person for a certain time. He can lurk within the person, lying low and quiet. But when they fight him using the Jesus Prayer, it becomes difficult for him; he becomes indignant and may leave the person. The Jesus Prayer is heavy artillery against the devil. Once, a possessed young man was brought to my cell who kept repeating the Jesus Prayer over and over. The poor boy’s father had been a monk, but he had taken off his habit, returned to the world, and gotten married. And so his unfortunate child was born possessed. God allowed this so that this child might receive His reward in order to save his father, and also so that we—the monks—might have before our eyes an example of monks who have returned to the world and are now suffering. During our conversation, the demon began to torment the possessed man, and he clucked very loudly like a hen. “What’s wrong with you?” I asked him. At that moment, I was saying the following: “In the name of Jesus Christ, come out, unclean spirit, from this creature of God.”—“I want to leave myself,” the demon cried out, “because this man is tormenting me terribly! After all, he keeps reciting prayers nonstop! Oh, how I want to go to Pakistan and get at least a little rest!”

— Geronda, why didn’t the demon leave this young man, since he was reciting the Jesus Prayer?

— Apparently, he himself gave the devil some kind of authority over him. But the demon also has a superior, and he receives orders from him.

— Geronda, what specific words should one say when praying for someone possessed?

— First of all, you must give glory to God. You must say: “I thank You, my God, for helping me and for the fact that I am in a normal state, whereas I could have been in the place of this unfortunate man, and then not five or six demons would have dwelt within me, but thousands. I ask You to help Your servant, who is suffering so greatly.” That is, first one must offer a heartfelt prayer, and then continue praying the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on Your servant.”

Sometimes, when praying for a demon-possessed person, we ourselves become the reason why the demon does not leave him. This happens because we pray with pride. If we entertain even a single proud thought—for example, thinking, “Right now, through my prayer, I will make the demon fly out of the possessed person like a bullet”—then such a thought will immediately hinder Divine help, and we will help the devil remain within the unfortunate person.

When praying for people possessed by an unclean spirit, let us always do so with humility, sorrow, and love. I remember one possessed woman for whom my soul ached deeply. This unfortunate woman gave in to sin, said “yes” to the devil, and for many years since then, the unclean spirit has been tormenting her terribly. It burns her flesh. She and her husband travel to various monasteries, taking their sixteen-year-old daughter with them. This family spends their nights in the church, participating in all-night vigils. If this poor woman were a man, I would have held her tightly in my arms. If you hold a possessed person tightly in your arms—with divine love—the unclean spirit inside them suffers greatly.

If you do not provoke a possessed person or argue with him, but instead feel pain on his behalf, the demon will leave—for a shorter or longer period of time. Humility is the most powerful blow to the devil. In one monastery, after the service, the holy relics were brought out for the pilgrims to venerate. Suddenly, one of the pilgrims, who was possessed by an unclean spirit, leaped up to the abbot and asked in a wild voice, “What—are you going to force us to bow down to these relics?” The abbot replied with humility and kindness: “No, not by force, but of your own free will.” Then, shouting, “Well, I’ll do it by force!”—the possessed man rushed toward the holy relics and kissed them. You see, the abbot’s humility and kindness did not sit well with the demon. After all, demons fear humility and kindness.

— Geronda, does the grace of the saints help those possessed by an unclean spirit when, on the day of their commemoration, these unfortunate souls attend a solemn divine service in a church dedicated to the saints?

— It is better for the possessed not to attend patronal feasts, because they distract people from prayer. Chaos ensues in the church. Let them come on another day to venerate the saint’s relics or an icon. And even if the relatives of a person possessed by demons know that some [grace-filled] person who can help them will be present at the patronal feast, they still shouldn’t bring the possessed person there on a day when large crowds gather. We’re not here to advertise!

Furthermore, people should not gather around a possessed person who is in the throes of a fit. A few days ago, one unfortunate possessed child complained to me: “I’ve become a scarecrow.” When he was in the throes of his fit, a whole crowd gathered around him—like a flock of crows. This happened near my kaliva. “Go away,” I pleaded with these people, “is this some kind of circus act?” But these people didn’t hear me and didn’t leave. People don’t understand that if a person has a flaw and that flaw becomes apparent to everyone, then that person becomes a laughingstock to others.

— Geronda, does Holy Communion help those possessed by demons?

— For those who were born possessed by an unclean spirit, frequent Holy Communion is the most effective remedy, because the unclean spirit entered these people through no fault of their own. If such people do not complain until God’s grace frees them from the unclean spirit, they will receive a great reward. By enduring this, such people are counted among the martyrs, and therefore they must receive Communion frequently. However, if a person has become possessed by an unclean spirit due to his own carelessness, then he must repent, go to confession, and—in order to be healed—perform a spiritual feat. And he will receive Communion with the blessing of his spiritual father when it is possible [after this person has fulfilled the appropriate penance]. If such a person receives the Holy Mysteries of Christ without having repented and confessed, the unclean spirit will take hold of him even more strongly. When a possessed man was brought to the Holy Chalice to receive Communion, he spat out the Holy Gifts of Christ. Christ offered Himself as a Sacrifice, deigning to give man His Body and Blood—and this wretched man spat out the Holy Gifts of Christ! How terrible! You see: the devil does not accept help.

— Geronda, is it permissible to submit the names of the possessed for commemoration during the Proskomedia?

— Yes, of course. When priests commemorate the names of the possessed with sorrow during the Proskomedia, these unfortunate souls receive immense help.

— Geronda, sometimes this happens: a person possessed has repented, goes to confession, and receives Communion regularly, yet continues to remain under demonic influence. What is happening in this case?

— The demon does not leave because this person’s spiritual state has not yet stabilized. If God were to help a person free themselves from demonic influence immediately, He would at once give the demon a reason to enter them again. Therefore, out of His great love, God allows evil to recede slowly, gradually. In this way, a person atones for the sin they have committed and, at the same time, makes their spiritual state more stable. And the more stable he makes his spiritual condition, the faster evil retreats. How quickly a person is freed from demonic influence depends on him alone. Once, a father whose child was possessed asked me, “When will my child be healed?” “When you make your spiritual state stable,” I replied, “then your child will receive help as well.” This unfortunate child had initially been living a spiritual life, but his father opposed this and said that the child would go mad if he did not change his way of life. Then the father himself began taking his own son to a brothel. As a result, the child became ensnared by sin, and an unclean spirit entered him. Later, when the demon inside him took control, the poor boy would attack his mother with impure intentions. To escape her own son’s assaults, the unfortunate mother was forced to flee to one of the islands. The father of the unfortunate child repented and tried to lead a spiritual life, but his son was still not healed. He was healed only after his father visited all the monasteries and holy sites with him, read and thoroughly internalized the lives of all the saints, and stabilized his own spiritual condition.

On Exorcism

— Geronda, today a possessed woman was brought to our monastery, and we were asked to call a priest so he could recite exorcism prayers over her. What should we have done?

— In this case, it would have been better for you to tell those who brought her that this unfortunate woman’s spiritual father should decide whether it is necessary to recite exorcism prayers over her or not. After all, if the devil is within her, it means that either she herself or her parents committed a serious sin and thereby gave the devil power over this unfortunate woman. For sin brings the devil in its wake. If those who have sinned do not repent and confess their sins, the sin does not go away, and consequently, the devil does not go away either. Or perhaps God allowed this poor woman to fall into a state of possession for some other reason that we do not know.

— Geronda, does the exorcism help those possessed?

— It varies from one possessed person to another. Exorcism helps in cases where exorcism prayers are recited over a possessed child who has not given the devil power over himself and does not understand what confession is. Or exorcism can help an adult who has lost his mind and cannot go to confession. If the possessed person is of sound mind, then first and foremost, we must help them recognize their own guilt—the reason why they became possessed. They must repent, go to confession, and only then—if necessary—can exorcism prayers be recited over them. After all, the demon may leave the possessed person even after a prayer of absolution has been recited over them in the Sacrament of Confession.

Some priests lump together those possessed by an unclean spirit and those who are sick, and recite exorcism prayers over all these people at once. I remember how they brought a man with Parkinson’s disease to an exorcism! Just today, an elderly man was brought here, and they said he was possessed by an unclean spirit. This poor man’s left hand trembles uncontrollably. Sometimes he has seizures. “How long have you been in this condition?” I asked him. “Since childhood,” he replied. I was surprised. Then I noticed a small dent on the left side of this poor man’s head. Apparently, this dent was the result of a birth injury, and what was happening to him was a direct consequence of that. Can you imagine: a person is sick, yet they’re told that an unclean spirit dwells within him; exorcism prayers are recited over him, and commands are issued: “Come out, unclean spirit…,” and as a result, he becomes a laughingstock in the eyes of others! This is unacceptable! How many children who are considered possessed actually have no demon inside them at all! Once, a twenty-five-year-old man was brought to me; people said he was possessed. I gave him some holy water to drink, and the poor fellow didn’t react to it at all. “How does what you’re describing manifest itself?” I asked his father. “When did he start suffering from this condition?” “Since he was six years old,” he replied. “We ran a store, and one day they brought in the body of his murdered grandfather. Immediately after that, all these strange things began to happen to him.” So that’s what it was: the poor child had simply suffered a nervous shock. If an adult had been in his place, even he might have suffered damage to his health after such an ordeal. And what can we say about a small child! And now, lo and behold: they’re calling the poor boy possessed!

— Geronda, can exorcism prayers be recited silently, rather than aloud?

— It’s even better to say them silently. The main thing when reciting exorcism prayers is that they must be recited with sorrow, with humility, and not with pride. When priests loudly and proudly “command” the unclean spirit: “Come out, unclean spirit,” this enrages the devil; he flies into a rage, stirs up the possessed person’s selfishness, and may even say to him: “Look at that—he’s made a complete fool of you in front of the whole world! Go on, give that priest a good whack on the neck!” The possessed person, driven by the unclean spirit, begins to strike the priest, with the result that it is not the demon who flees, but the priest with his service book... Once, during an exorcism, a priest said to the possessed person: “I command you, unclean spirit, to come out of this man!” — “Well, that’s right,” replied the devil through the possessed man’s mouth, “that’s exactly why I won’t leave—because you’re the one commanding me...” That is why I advise priests, when reciting exorcism prayers, never to shout the words: “Come out, unclean spirit!” You’d think the demons can’t hear them!

And the relatives of the possessed person should not tell others that they invited a priest into their home so that he could recite exorcism prayers. It is better to tell people that the priest came to conduct a prayer service. And as for the exorcism prayers—so as not to attract anyone’s attention—it is better to recite them in a quiet voice.

The Life of the Possessed Is One of Suffering

Whatever one may say, those who have a demon within them suffer greatly. After all, such people are humble, yet they are tormented by the devil! Once, at the Stavronikita Monastery, I met a twenty-three-year-old young man possessed by an unclean spirit. He was skin and bones! It was bitterly cold; the stove was burning in the church, yet the young man, dressed in a thin, short-sleeved shirt, was sitting in the church’s narthex. I couldn’t bear to see him like that, so I went over and gave him a warm wool sweater. “Put on this sweater,” I told him. “Aren’t you cold?” “Cold? Not at all, Father,” he replied. “I’m burning up!” You see: this is true torment.

There are some possessed people who are naturally particularly sensitive. The evil spirit instills in such people the belief that they cannot be saved and drives them to suicide. How terrifying this is ! This is no laughing matter! I knew one possessed man who had even become a nuisance to the priests. The poor fellow would come to the church to have exorcism prayers read over him, but the priests would turn him away. Then the devil began to speak to him about me as well: “Don’t go to him either; he won’t accept you either.” The devil plunged him into despair.

I remember another possessed man who, by the grace of Saint Arsenius of Cappadocia, was freed from the unclean spirit. What a temptation the devil then devised for him! Having already been freed from the unclean spirit, he once came here to the monastery to venerate the holy relics of the Venerable Arsenius. However, the monastery was closed.[112] Then, near the lower gate of the monastery, the devil appeared to him in the form of Saint Arsenius and said, “May your feet never set foot here again. Neither I nor Paisius want to see you.” That’s how the devil drove him away. Do you understand? After that, the poor man began to blaspheme against Saint Arsenius and curse me... Well, all right, it’s understandable that I deserve to be scolded, but to blaspheme a saint!… As a result, the poor man became possessed again. Yes, if a person behaves with utter shamelessness, God’s grace departs from him. And what can be said about those who blaspheme the saints! Later, he came to the Holy Mountain of Athos, entered my kaliva, and began shouting: “What have I done to you that you don’t want to see me? Why won’t you help me either? What, do you want me to suffer?”—“You fool,” I admonished him. “The one who appeared to you and drove you away was the devil. It wasn’t a saint. Saints don’t drive people away.” But he wouldn’t listen to me. He believed his own delusion. Do you know how these poor souls suffer, how they torment themselves every day?

But many who are possessed suffer so that others might come to their senses. For when they see how the possessed suffer, the rest reflect, come to their senses, and repent. Don’t think that the possessed have more sins than others. However, God allows them to fall into possession, as a result of which they are humbled, become meek, atone for their sins, and receive their own reward. Yet others, too, by witnessing their suffering, receive help as well.

Of course, some might say that there are people who do not become possessed, even though they commit a great many sins. Why does this happen? Here is why: when a person reaches a state of complete hardening of the heart, he is no longer subject to demonic attack, because God sees that this person will not benefit [from such an attack]. After all, we must understand that vulnerability to demonic influence is, in a sense, also a gift from God to the sinner, so that he may humble himself, repent, and be saved.

Chapter 3.
The Dreadful Deceptions

Asceticism and Delusion

— Geronda, I’m afraid of delusion.

— You’re doing the right thing. Whoever fears delusion does not fall into it, because such a person, being vigilant, confesses all his thoughts to the elder. He hides nothing and thus receives help.

— Geronda, tell me, what is a predisposition to delusion?

— To be predisposed to delusion means having the idea that you’re something special and showing others that you’re engaged in some kind of spiritual practice. To be predisposed to delusion means to believe that you have attained a certain spiritual level—for example, because you are performing some feat—while thinking that others have not yet grasped the meaning of the spiritual life, and behaving arrogantly toward them. If a person selfishly forces themselves into asceticism, desiring to attain the level of some saint and to be admired by others—that is the beginning of delusion. It is one thing to compel oneself, and quite another to force oneself into a feat. Once I said to a man, “Be careful not to fall into delusion because of the wrong attitude toward the spiritual life. You are in spiritual danger.”—“I’ll fall into delusion?” he protested. “But I don’t even eat meat!” Meanwhile, this man didn’t even go to confession. He “confessed” his sins to an icon. “Are you Orthodox or Protestant?” I asked him. “In what book did you read that this is how one should confess?” “So what?” he asked me. “Doesn’t Christ hear me?” Do you realize what’s going on here!

— Geronda, does physical asceticism help in the struggle against the passions?

— If physical asceticism is used to overcome passions, then it helps. The body is humbled, and the flesh submits to the spirit. However, if someone engages in “dry” asceticism—[113] —it ends up creating illusions for them. After all, asceticism of this kind cultivates emotional passions, fosters pride, increases self-confidence, and leads to delusion. Then, looking at their “dry” asceticism, a person draws conclusions about their spiritual progress. “I engage in such-and-such physical practice,” he boasts. “But such-and-such a brother falls short in this regard. I have already reached the level of such-and-such a saint, and I have already surpassed another saint...” — and he increases his fasting and vigils. However, the entire feat he performs goes down the drain, because he does it not with the aim of cutting off the passions, but in order to gain selfish satisfaction. I knew a monk who, out of pride, engaged in ascetic practices, and his thoughts told him that he was a great ascetic. He had already taken it to the extreme: he didn’t eat, didn’t wash his clothes at all, and lay in a terrible stench and filth. His clothes had completely rotted from the filth. Once I took his clothes to wash them. But there was nothing left to wash! One day he said to me, “I have already left Saint John the Bush-Dweller [114] behind.”—“What on earth,” I said, “are you talking about? Do you think Saint John the Bush-Dweller attained holiness through filth?” A few more days passed, and he came to me again and declared, “I’ve also left behind the Venerable Maximus of Kavsokali [115] .” — “How exactly did you leave him behind?” I asked. “Well, how?” he replied. “It’s very simple: I’m spinning like a top on Holy Mount Athos!” — “Well, you,” I said, “you’re something else! The Venerable Maximus attained a state of incorporeality and flew, not spun around like a top the way you do!” Then this man began to “cultivate” a mortal consciousness within himself and kept telling himself: “Right now I am in hell.” A little more time passed, and he—supposedly in order to humble himself—began to say: “Now I have become the devil, I have become Satan, and I will go gather my followers.” In this way, this man fell into delusion.

Focus on the Imagination

— Geronda, you said that during prayer, our mind should avoid various images from the life of Christ and the like. Why should we avoid such images?

— So that the devil does not deceive us through fantasies and the imagination. Imagination is a good thing, and if used wisely, it possesses great power. There are people who, for example, can see a certain landscape and, a year later, recall it exactly as it really is and capture it in a painting. God grants a person this ability, but the devil uses it for his own purposes. People who are susceptible to delusion imagine what they have seen or read in whatever way they please. And then they believe that the picture painted by their imagination is real. In order for these unfortunate souls to receive help, they must be under constant [spiritual] supervision, because the devil is constantly leading them by the nose.

Therefore, when a person naturally endowed with a [rich] imagination is told that they are thinking incorrectly, they need to reflect and question their own thoughts. I knew a simple woman who prayed constantly—and asked Christ to let her see Him here, in this life, since—as she said—she would not see Him in the next life anyway. And indeed, when she approached to receive Communion, Christ appeared to her in the Holy Chalice in the form of an Infant with bloodstained hair. Then the vision vanished, and the woman was able to receive Communion. After this event, the enemy began to plant the thought in her mind that she was someone special, and then he stirred up her imagination and constantly staged his “movie screenings” for her. Once, upon leaving the Holy Mountain of Athos to go out into the world, I found this unfortunate woman in a house and heard her recounting her fantasies to the men and women gathered there. It took me a tremendous effort to bring her to her senses. I gave her a good scolding in front of everyone, so that her delusional state would become clear and she would come to her senses.

“Geronda, were these visions just her imagination?”

“Fantasy and delusion.”

“Geronda, didn’t she tell her spiritual father about these visions?”

“Do you know what happens in such cases? Satan deceives such people through what they see. They don’t use their reason, and it doesn’t even occur to them that they should tell their spiritual father about such ‘visions.’ What a cunning devil! A terrible thing!”

If a person is inattentive to his imagination, the tempter can lead him into delusion, using even the simplest, most natural event. When I lived at the Stomion Monastery, I would stoke the stove while reading Vespers in the winter. The women who sometimes came to the monastery from the city began to notice that during Vespers, a kind of crackling sound would come from the icon of the Most Holy Mother of God in the iconostasis. I paid no attention to this crackling, but the women began to whisper among themselves: “Can you believe it! When the monk reads Vespers, there’s a cracking sound coming from the icon of the Mother of God!” Hearing them whisper, I thought: “Let me take a look at the icon that’s making that sound.” I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe in divine events—no, I believe that the Mother of God appears to people and speaks to them, and those who are in a good spiritual state see Her; however, in such cases, one must be careful. Well, then, I took a chair, climbed onto it, and looked to see what was happening with the icon. What had happened? The board on which the icon was painted was old, with dowels inserted into it from the back. When the stove was properly heated, one of the dowels heated up, expanded, and made a cracking sound. Then I hammered some nails into the icon, and it stopped cracking. After that, I asked the women: “Well, do you hear any cracking now?”—“No,” they replied. “Well then,” I said, “don’t attach any importance to such things.” One must be careful, because if a person’s imagination gradually runs wild, their whole life becomes worthless.

— Geronda, how can one tell whether a certain [supernatural] event came from God or from the devil?

— It’s obvious. If the event isn’t from God, then the devil instills prideful thoughts in a person. Besides, the devil’s visions are crude: he even goes so far as to blaspheme. Once, a man came to my cell who was under delusion and possessed by an unclean spirit. I spoke with him, and it did him good. And do you know what he said to me afterward? “Such,” he said, “wise things I’ve never heard before! I haven’t even read anything like this in the Gospel!” In other words, he was essentially telling me, “What you said was better than what Christ said.” Do you understand what the devil does to instill prideful thoughts in you? Whatever anyone may say, if a person does not realize that he can do nothing by his own strength, and that what he does is accomplished by the power of Christ, then such a person will accomplish nothing, even if he were to cast out thousands of demons from the possessed.

The devil appears in the form of an angel of light

If a person who has not experienced the highest heavenly joy—that is, who lacks spiritual experience [of divine visitations]—is inattentive, he can easily fall into delusion. The devil is cunning. He slightly stirs a person’s heart and makes them feel something pleasant. In this way, by creating the impression that this pleasant feeling was spiritual and divine, the devil leads them into delusion. He deceives a person’s heart, and they come to believe that what is happening to them is spiritually correct. “I don’t feel any excitement,” such a person says. Yes, you truly did not feel any excitement; however, what you did feel was not true spiritual joy. Spiritual joy is something heavenly.

The devil can appear in the form of an angel or a saint. A demon disguised as an angel or a saint spreads anxiety and confusion around him—the very things he embodies. Whereas a true angel or saint always spreads heavenly joy and celestial gladness. A humble, pure person, even if inexperienced, can distinguish an angel of God from a demon appearing in the form of an angel of light. This is because such a person possesses spiritual purity and is kindred with the angel. An egoist, however, and a person of the flesh are easily deceived by the cunning devil. The devil appears in the form of an angel of light, but as soon as a person brings even one humble thought into play, the devil vanishes. One evening, after Vespers, I was sitting on a bench in my cell (I lived at the Stomion Monastery) and reciting the Jesus Prayer. Suddenly, I heard the sounds of stringed instruments and a clarinet coming from a building not far from the monastery that served as a guesthouse for pilgrims. I was very surprised! “What kind of music is this that I can hear so close by?” I asked myself. The monastery’s patronal feast had already passed. I got up from the bench and went to the window to see what was happening in the courtyard. I looked around: there was complete silence and stillness all around. Then I realized that all this music was from the evil one—intended to make me stop praying. I returned to the bench and continued the Jesus Prayer. Suddenly, the room was filled with a bright light. The ceiling and the floor above me vanished, the roof opened up, and I saw a pillar of light that reached up to the sky. At the top of this pillar of light, I could make out the face of a fair-haired young man with long hair and a beard, who resembled Christ. Half of his face was hidden from me, so I stood up from the bench to see his face fully. At that moment, I heard a voice within me say, “You have been deemed worthy to see Christ.”—“But who am I, unworthy as I am, to see Christ?”—I replied, and made the sign of the cross. In that very instant, the light and the false Christ vanished, and I saw that the ceiling had returned to its place. If a person’s mind is not properly guarded, the evil one can instill thoughts of pride in that person and deceive him with fantasies and false lights, which do not lead to Paradise but cast him into chaos. Therefore, one should never ask to see the light, receive a divine gift, or anything of the sort. One must ask for repentance. Repentance will bring humility to a person, and then the Good God will give him what is necessary. Once, when I was living on Mount Sinai in the cave of Saint Epistimia, a tangalashka wanted… to do me a favor! There were three or four steps not far from my cell. At night, when the sky was clear and the stars were shining, I would go out to the caves and use a lighter to illuminate my way down those steps. One night I tried to light my lighter, but it wouldn’t ignite. Suddenly, a bright beam of light, like a searchlight, shot out from a rock! Wow, everything around me became bright! “No,” I said, “you’ve got to stay away from ‘spotlights’ like that!” I turned back, and the light disappeared immediately. That devil sure didn’t want me to climb down the steps with my lighter! “Well, isn’t it a pity,” he pitied me, “that a person is suffering so much! Let me shine a light for him!” That’s some “kindness”!

— Geronda, how did you realize that this light wasn’t from God?

— It’s obvious… A terrible thing!

Dreams Are Deceptive

— Geronda, I’m tormented by filthy dreams...

— When you have a filthy dream, you must never recall what you saw or how you saw it. After all, if the evil one couldn’t tempt you during the day, he’ll come at night. Sometimes even God allows the Evil One to tempt us in our sleep, so that we may see that our old self is still alive. And it also happens that the enemy approaches a person in a dream and shows him various dreams, so that, upon waking, such a person will fall into despair. Therefore, you should not attach any significance whatsoever to dreams: make the sign of the cross over yourself, make the sign of the cross over your pillow, place a cross and a couple of icons on it, and as you fall asleep, recite the Jesus Prayer. The more importance you attach to dreams, the more often the enemy will come to tempt you. The devil shows his dreams not only to adults but also to children. The devil even comes to sleeping little ones, even though they are little angels. They jump up in terror and, frightened and in tears, run into their mother’s arms. And sometimes angels come to sleeping children, and they laugh in their sleep with joy or wake up filled with great joy. Thus, the dreams brought by the devil are an external, hostile influence on a person during sleep.

— Geronda, what if you feel an inexplicable heaviness in your soul while sleeping? What is that?

— Sometimes the cause of such heaviness may be the anxious state in which a person lives during the day, or the various fears, suspicions, and the like that they experience. And of course, the tangalashka can exploit all of this. He is capable of shuffling these fears, anxieties, and suspicions into any combination, just to throw a person into confusion. And often a person sleeps so lightly that they think they are awake and pray for this heaviness—which even constricts their breathing—to go away.

And sometimes this happens: the devil can take on any form—even that of a saint—and appear in a dream. Once he appeared to a sick man in a dream in the form of Saint Arsenius of Cappadocia and said to him: “I am Saint Arsenius. I have come to tell you that you will die. Can you hear me? You are going to die!” The man was terrified. But a saint never speaks in such a way. And even if a sick person is indeed about to die and a saint appears to him to warn him of his death, the saint will say it gently: “God has seen how you are suffering, and so He will take you from this world. Try to prepare yourself.” A saint would never say to a sick person, “Can you hear me? You’re going to die!”

— Geronda, when a person screams in their sleep, why does that happen?

— It’s better when they scream, because then they wake up... Many dreams stem from anxiety. When a person is anxious or tired, that anxiety or fatigue gnaws at them from within, and they have disturbing dreams. I often meet with people during the day and listen to their various problems. And then, in my sleep, I scold someone: “You godless wretch,” I shout, “you don’t care about anyone!” And I wake up from my own screams.

— Geronda, is it possible for a person to understand from their dreams that certain events will actually happen?

— No, you shouldn’t attach any significance to dreams. No matter what kind of dreams they are—pleasant or unpleasant—you shouldn’t believe them, because there is a danger of falling into delusion. After all, ninety-five percent of dreams are deceptive. That is why the Holy Fathers say that you shouldn’t attach any significance to dreams. Very few dreams come from God, but in order to interpret even such dreams, one must possess purity and other necessary prerequisites—just like the righteous Joseph [116] and the prophet Daniel, who had the grace of God. “I,” Daniel said to Nebuchadnezzar, “will tell you both what dream you had and what it means.”[117] But what a state the prophet Daniel had reached! He sat with the lions in the den, and the lions, even though they were hungry, did not harm him.[118] When Habakkuk brought Daniel some food, Daniel said, “Has God really remembered me?”[119] Indeed, if God had not remembered the prophet Daniel, whom would He have remembered?

— Geronda, some people don’t have dreams.

— And it’s a good thing they don’t! They don’t waste money on tickets or gas! In a dream, in a single minute, one can see events that in reality would last several hours or several days. Because during sleep, time ceases to exist. This is precisely why a person can understand the words of the psalm: “...“A thousand years in Your sight, O Lord, are like yesterday when it is past...”[120]

Reflections on Visions

— Geronda, what should we say to people who tell us about visions they’ve had—about seeing a certain saint, or something similar?

— It is best to advise such people to be cautious and reserved. This approach to visions is more reliable, because not everyone is able to discern whether a vision came from God or from the devil. But even if a vision is from God, a person should not accept it at first glance. God, seeing how His creation—man—does not accept the vision [is not grieved, but on the contrary], is in a sense moved to compassion. For such an attitude toward a vision shows that a person possesses humility.

If a true saint appeared to a person, and that person did not accept the vision, then God knows how to reach that person’s soul and lead it where He wills. Caution is necessary, because [instead of a saint] a tangalashka might come along, turn on the [demonic] “television,” and begin his broadcast...

I remember one woman who received no help from people and was therefore entitled to divine assistance. God, desiring to help this woman, gave her a certain vision. However, after this vision, the devil instilled the following thought in her: “Who knows, perhaps God granted you such a vision because He has destined you for some higher mission!” From the moment she began to believe such devilish suggestions, the devil began his work, and she fell under his power. However, in the end, God took pity on her once again. She had a vision, and she heard a voice telling her: “Write a letter to Father Paissius and describe all the visions you have had.” She wrote me a letter and told me about all the visions she had experienced. The evil one had thoroughly tormented her. Yes, all her visions were real, but almost all of them were from the tempter. Of all the visions she had, only the first and the last were from God. Wishing to bring her to her senses and help her free herself from delusion, God allowed this last vision to occur. In the end, the poor woman heeded my advice and managed to extricate herself [from the snare] of those diabolical visions she had experienced.

Distinctive Characteristics of a Deceived Person

— Geronda, how can one tell if a person is under delusion?

— You can tell this even by his outward appearance. A deluded person is outwardly cloaked in a kind of false “detachment.” He appears humble and meek, yet within him lies great conceit—the high opinion he has of himself. If you look into the eyes of a deluded person, you will see that he regards everyone else as wretched, as if they were ants. However, you can also see through a deluded person by the words he speaks. I remember one deluded person whom many people considered a saint. He claimed that Christ had supposedly appeared to him, riding a horse. Christ was supposedly holding a flask of wine in his hands, from which he gave this man a drink, after which the man supposedly received the gift of clairvoyance! Once, when this “clairvoyant” was talking with people, one man asked him: “Why can’t I perform miracles too?” — “Because you’ve committed such-and-such a sin...” — replied the deluded man, and began listing the sins that the other man had indeed committed. The poor man began to panic and came to me to tell me all about it. “Listen here, ” I said to him, “Do you really think that saints make a mockery of people? Only the devil makes a mockery of people. Don’t you understand that it is the devil speaking [through the mouth of this deceived man]? And even if what he says is true, it is still the devil speaking that truth.” Another woman told me how she had taken a woman possessed by a demon to a man who was rumored to cast out demons and perform miracles of that sort. This “miracle worker” led both women into an abandoned chapel. As soon as they entered the chapel, he took an epitrachelion and put it on. The woman was very surprised! A worldly man putting on an epitrachelion! “Are you a priest?” she asked him. “What do all these ‘priests’ matter!” he replied and began to condemn the clergy. Thus, the unfortunate women realized that he was under a delusion; they jumped up and ran away.

Delusion and Madness

— Geronda, is a person under the spell of delusion sick with some kind of mental illness?

— Not always. Delusion is one thing; a mental illness is another. Some people simply fall into delusion. Others fall into delusion and become mentally ill. I knew a monk on Mount Athos who wouldn’t listen to anyone. He left his monastery and wandered around Athos. Four or five times he came to me to ask for a blessing to lead what he claimed was an ascetic life, and each time I advised him to return to the monastery where he had been tonsured. Eventually, he bought a kaliva and lived there alone. After seven months of this hermitic life, he came to my cell. “Go back to your monastery,” I urged him. “Now,” he replied, “I’ve obtained a letter of release from the monastery, and they won’t take me back.” “Be careful,” I admonished him, “be very careful. At the very least, try to attach yourself to some elder so that you may live in obedience, not according to your own will.” —“But as for obedience,” he replied, “I will submit to God’s will.”—“Come on, come on,” I tried to persuade him, “ask to be admitted to some monastery.”—“Me,” he replied, “now that I’ve become a hermit, am I supposed to go back? You go and ask to join a monastery.” — “Why should I be the only one to ask?” I said, wanting to help him. “If you want me to ask to join a monastery with you, I’ll do it with all my heart.” — “Here’s the thing,” he replied, “listen to me carefully. If you’ve grown tired of life in silence and want to ask to be admitted to the monastery, then go ahead and ask!” Seeing that he was behaving this way—so shamelessly—I, too, left him alone. A short time passed, and I learned that an unclean spirit had possessed this monk and, moreover, that he had gone mad. The devil appeared to him in the form of the Most Holy Mother of God and said, “My child, if you bow down at my feet, I will give you the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit...” The unfortunate man thought, “Now I will receive the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit and show everyone up!” And, falling to the ground, he bowed down to the devil. As soon as he bowed, the devil shook him, and an unclean spirit entered him. However, this diabolical shock also shook his state of mind. He wanted to become the protopistat, so he went to the Holy Kinot,[121] locked the monks inside the building, took the protopistat’s staff, and, admiring himself, began to descend the stairs. The monks at Karyes were astonished to see the new “protopistat” descending the stairs of the Holy Kinot! Some of the monks quietly followed the patient in a jeep and, a short distance from Karyes, put him in the vehicle and took him to a psychiatric hospital. Now, as far as his possession is concerned, his condition has improved; however, his mental illness remains.

— Geronda, isn’t a person who is under the spell of delusion, in a way, possessed?

— Well, what else is he? He’s not just possessed—someone under the influence of delusion may have more demons within him than a person who is possessed. However, being under the influence of delusion is one thing, and being possessed is another.

We must be careful with those who have been led astray

[In the world] there are two or three spiritual fathers whose slight piety is mixed with confusion in their minds. These spiritual fathers confuse people. And they diagnose everyone as being possessed. They don’t listen to anyone.

“I,” they say, “am a priest, and therefore I have authority!” If you hear about such cases, explain to people what is happening and make them think, because such spiritual fathers do harm to the Church. Tell people who have fallen under the influence of such spiritual fathers: “Find the right [uncorrupted] spiritual father and seek guidance from him to receive help.” These “elders” go so far as to use my name and even my photograph—to give people the impression that they are in a relationship with me.

It is clear that these spiritual fathers are of limited intellect, and therefore there are extenuating circumstances. However, there are also unscrupulous individuals who deliberately pass off vinegar as wine. One such person—a former accountant—is now traveling all over Northern Greece, posing as my novice. He claims that I gave him the gift of clairvoyance and “five other gifts.” In this way, he deceives people and collects money.

— Geronda, is this man a clergyman?

— No, he’s a layperson. He once ran into me in Daphne, but managed to slip away so I wouldn’t see him. “A true child of God”! At least he likes to drink. He reeks of booze. Some people see him staggering and start to doubt him.

Oh, how many such deceivers there are who profit from people’s pain and turn that pain into a business! One such charlatan told a certain widow: “One of your late husband’s hands has not decomposed in the grave because his soul needs prayer.” “Well, what am I supposed to do now?” the poor woman thought. “I’ll give him some money so he can pray for my husband’s soul.” After taking a considerable amount of money from her, he told her shortly afterward: “Well, we’ve avoided the first danger. Now your husband’s condition has improved a little...” The poor woman continued to give the swindler money; he took possession of half her fortune, supposedly so that her husband’s soul might find peace!

And there are those who, under the guise of faith, whisper certain words to themselves, make the sign of the cross over the sick, and supposedly heal them. And people are deceived; they do not go to confession, they do not invite a priest into their home so that he might administer the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick or recite the appropriate prayer, yet they go to these charlatans. And, by the way, they leave a whole pile of money with these charlatans. I was told that in one village, two of these deluded people set up a very profitable business—a real cooperative!… The devil would inflict, for example, a severe headache on one of their fellow villagers, or, by the devil’s instigation, a villager would suffer a sudden back spasm. Then the devil would go to one of these deluded individuals and tell him, “So-and-so has a severe headache for such-and-such a reason.” Finding a convenient opportunity, this deluded individual would say to his sick fellow villager, “I know why your head hurts”—and immediately explain the “cause” of his illness. “It’s true!” the sick person would exclaim in amazement. “Just look at this revelation! And what should I do now to make the headache go away?” “Go to so-and-so, and he’ll help you,” the deluded person would say, sending him to another deluded person. Do you see what a cunning scheme the devil devised to keep people under his spell? He brought two deluded people together into a “medical cooperative”! One made the diagnosis, and the other supposedly healed! The devil did this to keep people away from the Church.

The Cheap Gifts of the Deceived

— Geronda, why is it that when people have a problem, they often turn to the deluded?

— Because the devil’s gifts are cheap and easy to acquire. After all, the deluded do not demand anything difficult from those who come to them; they reassure people and justify their passions. And so these unfortunate souls, instead of repenting of their sins, instead of going to a spiritual father to confess, seek out such deceivers—that is, the devil himself—and ask them to solve their problem. And afterward, they suffer and do not realize that the devil has bound them and gained power over them.

— Geronda, tell me, why do people believe such deceivers?

— People’s minds are clouded. Do you know how many there are who claim to be leading people down the right path, while they themselves carry a sack on their backs in which none other than the devil himself is lurking! However, the Good God does not allow the devil to remain completely unnoticed. Sometimes the devil’s horn or tail pokes out of the sack carried by the deceivers. People see this and scream in horror: “Oh, what is that? A horn? A tail?”—“No, no, what are you saying! What horn? What tail? It’s just… an eggplant,”—the deceivers reassure them, in order to pull the wool over their eyes and pass off the devil’s work as something good and useful.

And one day, a group led by a certain deceived man came here to the monastery. The deceiver had gathered about ten people around him and was pretending to be their spiritual father. “Do you belong to some kind of Christian organization?” I asked them. They didn’t answer. “To some kind of community?” They remained silent. “Do you have a spiritual father?” Silence. Then they began to approach me and bow to me. This deluded man had brought them here in order to keep them under his spell. Later he would say, “We visited Elder Paissios, and he agrees with us!” Do you understand this? I shouldn’t even have met with him, because the very fact that I met with him would play into this man’s hands. He looked very suspicious! But judging by his unfortunate followers, who were kneeling there, it was clear that they had been swept up by this deceiver.

— Geronda, didn’t you say anything to them?

— I did speak to them, but the devil will tell them something else as soon as they leave here. One way or another, he’ll lead them back onto his path.

— Geronda, tell me, how can one protect oneself from those who have been led astray?

— This can be done by remaining within the fold of our Church. Of course, if a person follows someone who has been led astray out of ignorance, God will not abandon him. God will help such a person understand his mistake and bring him back to the truth.

Correcting the Misled

— Geronda, what can help a person who harbors some deluded ideas return to a normal state?

— What will help them is realizing their wretched state, confessing all their thoughts to their spiritual father, and obeying their spiritual father in everything he says. Such a person must constantly ask for God’s mercy so that Divine Grace may return to them. In other words, in order to return to a normal state and be saved, they must humble themselves

And just look: God’s judgments and counsel are an abyss. Ah, His love knows no bounds! A certain man, with a head full of deluded ideas, often came to Athos and visited me in my cell. No matter what I told him, he wouldn’t listen to a word. He interpreted everything completely backwards. And after leaving the Holy Mountain, he began to preach and caused people great [spiritual] harm. He claimed that I had instructed him to preach, and in this way he confused people’s minds. A long time ago, I gave him several books as a blessing, and he would even show these books to people so that they would believe he was consulting with me. But one day, during one such “sermon,” Divine Grace completely abandoned him for a moment, and he began to blaspheme Christ and the Most Holy Mother of God with the filthiest words. Hearing such blasphemies, the people were horrified and scattered. Then a police car arrived, and they took him to a psychiatric hospital. See to what extent God’s love extends! God allows even His Name to be blasphemed—just so that His creatures may receive help and avoid evil!

— Geronda, what if someone who has been led astray, upon realizing that he is in error, repents—will his followers also repent?

— If his repentance is genuine, then he must humble himself, tell his followers that he was mistaken, and try to lead them back onto the right [spiritual] path. However, when such a person’s deluded ideas become known, and he himself continues to remain in delusion, his followers must be gently and carefully enlightened and warned. After all, some who are deluded go so far as to spread their ideas within the Church. And so there is a danger that the followers of such people, upon suddenly learning that what they were taught was a delusion, will be led astray and break away from the Church.

Chapter 4.
“Those Who Deceive and Those Who Are Deceived”[122]

On the Deception of the Pentecostals[123]

— Geronda, those who are led astray by Pentecostal delusion claim that they have visions, speak in different tongues, and so on. Is what they describe merely a figment of their imagination, or does it actually happen under demonic influence?

— This is the result of demonic influence. For by falling into the heresy of the Pentecostals and receiving baptism from them, people trample upon the Holy Baptism of the Holy Orthodox Church that was performed upon them. “I confess one Baptism for the remission of sins,” says the Creed. And so, by receiving such a sectarian baptism, these unfortunate souls fall under demonic influence and begin to utter various incomprehensible sounds—supposedly speaking in different tongues. “This,” say the Pentecostals, “is the Holy Spirit of Pentecost speaking.” But this is not actually the Holy Spirit of Pentecost, but a whole host of unclean spirits. And what “speaking in tongues” is there at all! They spout all sorts of incoherent nonsense: they don’t even understand what they’re saying themselves. On top of that, they record all this nonsense on a tape recorder and then keep track of it, based on which they conclude: “On this tape, ‘Hallelujah’ was said so many times in such-and-such a language, and so many times in such-and-such a language...” But come on: surely in all this gibberish you can find some sounds that resemble “Hallelujah” in one of the world’s languages! Look, this kind of “speaking in tongues” is the work of demons. However, they consider this demonic activity to be the work of the Holy Spirit and claim that they are experiencing what the holy apostles experienced on the day of Pentecost. What they believe is blasphemy [against God], and that is why these people become possessed.

— Geronda, why are they being rebaptized?

— Because they say, “I was baptized as an infant and did not know what they were going to do to me, but now I am being baptized with full awareness.” In this way, they are being baptized again and supposedly atoning for their sins [committed before this sectarian baptism]. But if the Church did not perform infant baptism, what would become of the souls of children who die unbaptized? That is why, in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, the godparent acts as a guarantor for the infant, recites the Creed [on the child’s behalf], and bears responsibility for the child until he or she comes of age. Is baptizing infants really an injustice toward them? Of course not. On the contrary—a baptized infant receives divine help because he partakes of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. And if, upon reaching adulthood, he defiles the Sacrament of Holy Baptism with some sin, that does not mean he must be baptized again! The Church offers Repentance and Confession, which wash away the sins a person has committed.

About Firewalkers[124]

— Geronda, they say that on the feast of Saint Constantine, firewalkers walk on burning coals and do not get burned. What is this phenomenon?

— It is a demonic phenomenon and, at the same time, a deception. And the fact that they dance on the coals while holding an icon or a cross in their hands is shameless, because to act this way is to renounce the faith. God’s Grace departs from such people, and that is why the devil helps them. But how could the devil not help them after that? After all, they “have a right” to his help!

But in this matter—walking on coals—their own cunning also helps them. The firewalkers arrive at the venue in advance and prepare everything. That is, they burn sycamore branches, which leave behind few coals and a lot of ash, and as they dance, they know exactly where to step. I wonder why they don’t put branches of holm oak or strawberry tree into the fire, since the coals from those burn for a long time after they’re burned? Let someone else build the fire for them next time, and then let them go and dance on the coals!

One man said to me, “Now that’s a miracle! The fire-walkers walk barefoot on the coals and don’t burn.”—“And does that seem surprising to you?” I asked him. “The demons have been in the fire of hellish torment for many years—and now for centuries—and they don’t burn either! That’s what’s worth marveling at, not the fact that someone doesn’t burn after walking a little on coals and ashes.”

Reincarnation[125]

— Geronda, why do some people, even educated ones, believe in reincarnation?

“Reincarnation suits people, especially the godless and unbelievers. This false teaching is the devil’s greatest deception. The devil keeps such people in a life of sin by the thought that their souls supposedly leave this world and return to it again.” “Big deal,” the devil suggests to the adherents of reincarnation. “If you fail this time, success awaits you next time, when you return to this life again. And if you fail again, you’ll come back again, and then once more... You’ll evolve!..” After that, people say, “It’s no big deal if I commit this sin as well”—and they shrug it all off. They live carelessly, without repentance. See how the devil blinds these people and keeps them in hell! I have never seen a greater deception or fabrication from the devil than the false teaching of reincarnation: he invented it to gather people into hell. And if the devil catches you even once, do you think he’ll let you go back? The theory of reincarnation is the worst of all Hindu theories.

Late one evening, a young man came to my hut. “You’ve come to see me at a time when I was about to say vespers,” I told him. “And you’re still wasting your time on such nonsense?” he replied, and left. The next day he came back and began telling me about the visions he’d had. “And you,” I said, “have you ever dabbled in hashish before?” “Yes,” he said, “I used to. But the time I had those visions, I wasn’t smoking any hashish at all!” “Or maybe,” I asked him, “have you been reading books about reincarnation?” “Yes,” he replied. That’s where he went wrong. He’d read a lot about reincarnation; his ego got mixed up in it, and the devil began showing him dreams that a thousand years ago he had been a great man! Money doesn’t grow on trees! Then, in a vision, he was “taken up to heaven,” but his name “had not yet been recorded” in heaven, so he was ordered to come back down. The devil had led him to this state. “Everything you’ve told me,” I said to him, “is nonsense. And you believed it?”

Unfortunately, there are even educated people who believe such nonsense. I had a little donkey grazing near my kaliva. He was lively, so I named him Nasser.[126] One day a pilgrim came to see me—a Greek who lived in Switzerland. He had heard me call the donkey Nasser, and when he came the next time, he brought two boxes of sweets with him—one plain, the other a gift box. “These sweets are for you,” he told me and handed me the box of plain sweets. “But these exquisite pastries are for Nasser. I realized back then that he was the real Nasser. When I met him, he looked at me with such a sorrowful gaze that it pierced my heart!” In other words, he thought that Nasser had been reincarnated as a donkey! And he actually believed it! “Brother,” I said to him, “are you out of your mind? I call the donkey Nasser because he’s so spirited!” But despite all my efforts, he didn’t understand me.

But that’s nothing! Let me tell you about another incident. A few years ago, a group of Germans came to Crete to honor the memory of German soldiers killed there during the German occupation of Greece. While the Germans were holding their event, a farmer walked past them with a donkey loaded with groceries. Upon seeing the crowd, the donkey began to bray. One of the Germans interpreted this to mean that the braying donkey was his brother, who had been killed in the war and reincarnated as a donkey! Realizing that his “brother” had recognized him and was greeting him with his bray, the German stood at attention and extended his arm forward in a military salute... What a laugh! Without a moment’s hesitation, the German ran up to the farmer and asked him, “How much do you want for the donkey? I’ll buy it.”—“Go to hell, you know where...”—the farmer replied. However, the German, ignoring him, was already counting out marks: more, even more... “Just go away,” the farmer pleaded, “let me pass.” More, even more... Finally, one of the onlookers said to the farmer, “You fool, you fool. He’s paying you for the donkey as if it were a ‘Mercedes.’ So just give it to him.” The farmer stood there for a moment, thought it over, then unharnessed the donkey, removed the saddle, and handed the animal over to the German. With tears in his eyes, the German took the donkey and drove it off to Germany!

— Geronda, is this all true?

— It couldn’t be more serious! I wouldn’t have believed it myself if I hadn’t heard this story from a very serious person.

On Ascetic Practices in Hinduism[127]

— Geronda, do Hindus achieve a certain level of self-control because they are aided by the intense ascetic practices they engage in through yoga?

— They do engage in all these exercises, but what do they ultimately achieve? Orthodox abstinence and spiritual asceticism in general always have a higher spiritual goal in mind—the sanctification of the soul. But the satanic, worldly asceticism of those we are discussing is practiced so that the body becomes flexible, so that one can contort one’s arms and legs like a paper Karayoz,[128] so that certain foolish people might admire these “ascetics,” and so that demons—who are worthy of ridicule—might laugh at them. Those who practice this Eastern form of asceticism begin stretching their legs from childhood, placing one leg over one shoulder and the other over the other, and pray while sitting in this position. They develop calluses on their hands because they pound a bag of gravel with their fists for hours on end, and then they can break stones, planks, and the like.

But the sensations and experiences described by followers of Eastern religions can be explained. For example, when they reach the tip of their nose with their tongue or, conversely, pull it inward and touch the tip of their tongue to their larynx, they feel a certain irritation, experience a pleasant tickling sensation, and say: “We have drunk the nectar [the drink of the gods].” Then such “ascetics” press their fingers against the nerves near their ears and begin to hear a kind of hum: “Ooooh...” Music! ... Or they press their fingers against their eyes, and little stars begin to flicker before their eyes! Or sometimes they stare wide-eyed at the sun, then squint their eyes and see a light! “There,” they say, “we’ve achieved what we wanted. We’ve seen the uncreated light!” And then the devil says to them: “Ah, so you want light? Well then, I’ll give it to you.” The devil stirs up their imagination, and afterward they see “light” without pressing their fingers against their eyes or looking at the sun. The devil often tries to deceive us [Orthodox monks] by showing us some kind of light or something similar to it. We don’t ask him for this; we even turn our backs on this light, yet he still tries to deceive us! What can one say, then, if a person himself provokes the devil to do this! After all, just give the devil a reason!

— Geronda, so is it the devil himself who shows them various visions?

— Yes, he stirs up and heightens their imagination to a great degree and then plunges them into delusion.

And some of our compatriots travel to Indian teachers. The Indians teach them to speak in their own language various blasphemous things about Christ, the Most Holy Theotokos, and the saints. Some of them know that this is blasphemy; others do not. And in this way, these people become possessed. Then they begin to utter “unspeakable words.” They reach a state of ecstasy, an insane state, and people, seeing them, think that they are in a spiritual state! But this state is demonic.

Hinduism has caused much harm

Indians are an intelligent people. They [are not satisfied with earthly things]; they are preoccupied with what lies beyond nature. And they are endowed with a rich heart. But despite this, they engage in so-called philosophy, enchanting teachings, and sorcery. Indians corrupt Europeans with their theories. And look at those who lead the Eastern religious movements: they themselves are built like oxen, while the majority of people in those countries are dying of hunger! These teachers come even to us here in Greece, fooling people with nirvana—the opportunity to laze about, reincarnation... On top of everything else, they use excerpts from Holy Scripture, from *The Love of Goodness*, and from the works of the Holy Fathers in their books, thereby attracting people to themselves. Could one have ever imagined in the past that Orthodox Christians would believe in Hindu theories! And now even some—how best to put it?—upstanding, positive people support such nonsense and give these teachers a lot of money. Hinduism has caused us immense harm.

— Geronda, tell me, are there any Orthodox Christians in India?

— Very few. There were a few remaining members of the Church founded in India by the Apostle Thomas, but they, too, have passed away. Some of them became Catholics, others—Protestants. Today, you can count the Orthodox in those countries on one hand.

What other religions or religious movements pass off as miracles has not the slightest connection to the miracles of our faith. Christ wants us to love Him. He does not want us to love Him simply because He is all-powerful. If He had wanted to, He could have performed some miracle, and the whole world would have believed in Him immediately. However, by doing so, He would have restricted human freedom. That is why Christ says, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”[129]

In Orthodoxy, there are miracles and Divine Grace. In Hinduism, there is sorcery and philosophy. Hinduism replaces miracles with sorcery and Divine Grace with philosophy. The devil grants power to gurus, sorcerers, and those like them because they themselves grant him authority over themselves. Thus, these people can perform so-called miracles, which others admire when they see them.

From the moment a person, captivated by Eastern religious teachings, realizes that the one performing false miracles has not the slightest connection to Christ, he must understand that everything done by such a “miracle worker” is a devilish deception. The devil is incapable of speaking the truth. He speaks nothing but lies and leads God’s creatures astray. If people who have become involved with Eastern teachings have previously gained some knowledge of Orthodoxy and are well-disposed toward it, they begin to reflect when they see that the lives of Eastern sorcerers are impure and confused, whereas in Orthodoxy they find a pure life and the highest [spiritual] gifts. In Orthodoxy, they find people who possess holiness and perform true miracles.

Kindness in Orthodoxy is an overflow of a person’s love for God and for one’s neighbor. All other forms of kindness practiced by non-Orthodox Christians, those who have been led astray, and those like them lack a spiritual foundation [of life] in Christ, though they may possess certain positive human qualities. One who lives the Orthodox life correctly possesses humility and love, devotes himself entirely to his neighbor, and offers himself as a sacrifice. He also performs his ascetic feats, fasting, and vigils out of love for God, and not for the sake of experiencing something pleasant.

Christ came into this world to endure crucifixion out of love for His creation. First He endured crucifixion, and then He rose from the dead. Seeking spiritual joys is a cheap endeavor. It is quite another matter if Christ Himself grants a person a taste of heavenly delights. But those who engage, for example, in various Hindu philosophies, yoga, and the like, do so in an effort to attain a supposedly spiritual state of ecstasy. They seek to experience pleasure or to rise above others—while having no sympathy or interest in anyone else.

Suppose a follower of an Eastern religion is sitting on the seashore, engaged in self-concentration. If, while he is engaged in his practice, a person were drowning in the sea and shouting, “Help!”—the follower of the Eastern cult would remain completely indifferent to his cry. He would not even stir or move from his spot, so as not to lose the pleasure he is experiencing. But if, in his place, there were an Orthodox monk reciting the Jesus Prayer, upon hearing the cry of the drowning man, he would immediately set aside his prayer beads and rush into the sea to save the man.

How people are deceived

— Geronda, when the prophets Elijah and Enoch come to Earth before the Second Coming to preach repentance, will the world understand their message, will it come to its senses?

— Those who are well-disposed will understand. But those who are not well-disposed will not understand and will be deceived. Christ warned us that we must be very vigilant, for “false Christs and false prophets will arise and perform signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.”[130]

There are people who mistake certain deluded individuals for prophets. A few years ago, a Protestant traveled incessantly from one city to another, carrying a small leather briefcase with a sticker bearing the following inscription in English: “I Am Elijah the Prophet!” This Protestant wore a short-sleeved shirt, carried a Bible in English, and told people that he had come down from heaven! When asked what he believed in and which religion he belonged to, he replied: “Oh, none of that matters now! Back when I was still living on earth, there were no religions at all!” Do you understand? So, for this Protestant, there was no difference between Catholics, Protestants, Pentecostals, all heresies, and all heretical sects. But doesn’t it become clear after this what kind of “prophet” he is? And just how many letters he sent me! All his letters were peppered with quotations from Scripture and various Protestant ideas. He sent a whole pile of letters to other people as well: some from England, others from other places. Some believed him and even wanted to publish an article in a magazine stating that the prophet Elijah had come. “Are you out of your minds?” I said to these people. “What on earth are you planning to do?” Poor souls—their heads are completely clouded!

Even simply listening to what the deluded say, a person sins. Some say, “If you believe that a certain event will happen, then it will happen.” Such faith is faith in one’s “self,” yet behind this “self” lies the tangalashka. Such people make their “self” into a god and deprive themselves of Divine Grace. And so, with such theories, some try to lead people astray. One such deluded person, about forty-five years old, pretended to be a graduate of the theological school in Chalki [131] and preached various Hindu theories. “By spreading all this ‘refined’ Indian nonsense,” I told him, “and at the same time posing as a graduate of the school in Chalki, you are harming both yourself and others. Be careful: you could become possessed.”

— Geronda, why do some pseudo-religious movements that have spread in Greece seek to pass themselves off as non-religious associations, clubs, societies, and the like? Why don’t they say that the content of their teachings is religious?

— They do this to deceive people. And consider this: after all, it was Saint Constantine the Great, Equal-to-the-Apostles, who abolished idolatry and made Christianity the state religion of the entire Roman Empire at that time. And now, today, they want to drag us back into idolatry. [At the state level] they allow mosques to be built, and various gurus to establish their own monasteries here, to give lectures freely, and to open various proselytizing centers... Freemasons operate freely here, as do Jehovah’s Witnesses... A whole host of different religious teachings has turned against Orthodoxy. But none of this will last—it will crumble like a house of cards.

These unfortunate people are drawn to all these false teachings because they have strayed from God and have become deluded! Two young men told me how, while traveling through the Holy Land, they came to Hebron to venerate Abraham’s tomb, and there they were allowed to approach the tomb only on the condition that they put on Jewish skullcaps. But if you put something on your head that is used in Jewish religious worship, what good will an Orthodox pilgrimage do for you?

What can one say! A terrible [spiritual] mess is unfolding! In Paris, a sign was hung at the entrance to a Roman Catholic church: “We offer lessons in the Jesus Prayer using yoga methods.” Just look what they’ve come to! And then these “prayer practitioners” start losing their minds and go mad. They don’t know what they’re asking for. Some Roman Catholics, Protestants, and others like them learn that through Baptism in the Orthodox Church, a person is transformed and reborn. And so these people believe that if they, too, are baptized according to the Orthodox rite, their mental state will return to normal. One Protestant wanted to become Orthodox. When those he had asked to baptize him came to me, I told them: “Listen, there’s no need to baptize him. He’s not ready for Baptism.”—“No,” they replied, “if he’s baptized, he’ll receive help.”—“But he’s not ready for Baptism! Don’t you understand that?” But they didn’t listen to me; they took that Protestant to the sea and baptized him! Two or three days later, he came to my kaliva and declared, “I was baptized, but Baptism didn’t improve my mental state.” — “Listen here, did you really get baptized just to improve your mental state?” I asked him. “Look: if you had felt the need for Baptism, if you had understood its value and sought this Sacrament for the sake of that greatness, then your mental state would have returned to normal. But now that you’ve approached the Sacrament of Holy Baptism solely to correct your mental disorders, how will they be corrected? Do you think they’ll be fixed by magic?”

These people confuse sorcery with a miracle. They cannot tell gold from bronze. Just look: a Protestant, for example, might receive Orthodox Baptism, and then become a Catholic, and then, saying, “No, this doesn’t suit me either,” return once again to Protestantism or to Orthodoxy. One Catholic received Orthodox baptism, became a monk, and lived in an Orthodox monastery for nine years. One day he came to my cell and declared, “As an Orthodox Christian, I haven’t yet lived a secular life, so I want to go out into the world and get married!” Just listen to that! And on top of everything else, when you tell him what a grave sin it is to think that way, he replies, “Why is that a grave sin? I can’t understand that.”

Return to Orthodoxy

People today find satisfaction in what is strange, rather than in what is right. For example, they travel to India, which lies on the other side of the world and is known for its witchcraft. But they know nothing about Holy Mount Athos, which is in their own homeland, right next to them, and preserves the true, mystical life in Christ—they disregard it! One student told me that he had traveled to India and lived there for three and a half years. He tried to figure out and understand which religion was true. Finally, an Indian man told him: “Why did you come here? What you are seeking is found in Orthodoxy. The light comes from there. Go to the Holy Mountain of Athos and find what you are seeking there.”[132] So the young man returned to Greece and came to the Holy Mountain.

— Geronda, when an Orthodox Christian who has become involved with various Eastern religious cults repents of this, does the Orthodox Church accept him back into its fold?

— Such a person requires great repentance and anointing with Holy Chrism. If he wishes to return to Orthodoxy and become a member of the Church again, then according to the rules, he must first renounce in writing the heresies of Eastern cults, profess the Orthodox faith, and after that, the priest must read over him the prayers for one returning to the true faith [133] and anoint him with Holy Chrism.

I see how some young people—our compatriots—without having read a single line from the Gospel, begin to read Brahmanic and Buddhist literature, the Quran, and the like. They even travel to Indian gurus. Then they don’t like what they find there and return to Orthodoxy, but by then they have already been infected by a whole host of various [spiritual] “germs” from these Eastern cults. People become corrupted, and then it is difficult for them to find the truth. Let a person first come to know Orthodoxy [through life experience], and then—if Orthodoxy does not appeal to him—let him leave it. Let him come to know Orthodoxy properly and then compare it with the various religious teachings he hears about. After all, having come to know Orthodoxy, a person will be able to distinguish a fake from gold or understand how pure the gold is—how many karats it contains at . You can’t fool such a person; they don’t mistake everything that glitters for gold.

I’ve noticed this: only selfish people leave Orthodoxy. A humble person never leaves Orthodoxy.

Part 5.
On the Power of Confession

“In order to experience inner peace, one must cleanse oneself of spiritual debris. This must be done through confession. By opening one’s heart to a spiritual father and confessing one’s sins to him, a person humbles himself. In this way, the gates of heaven open to him, God’s grace generously descends upon him, and he becomes free.”

Chapter 1.
On the Necessity of a Spiritual Director

Through confession, a person is set free

— Geronda, in the early years of Christianity, all members of the Church made their confession publicly. Is there any benefit to such public confession?

— The early years of Christianity are one thing, but our times are quite another. Today, there is no benefit to such public confession.

— Why is that, Geronda? Were Christians more zealous back then?

— They had more zeal, and they didn’t have what we’ve come to today. Today is not like in the old days—spouses divorce for no reason at all, and families are falling apart.

Having turned away from the Sacrament of Confession, people are suffocating under their thoughts and passions. Do you know how many people come to me and ask me to help them with some difficulty they’re facing? But at the same time, these people don’t want to go to confession or to church! “Do you at least go to church?” I ask. “No,” they reply. “Have you ever gone to confession?” I ask again. “No. I came to you so that you would heal me.”—“But how can I heal you? You need to repent of your sins, go to confession, attend church, and receive Communion—if you have your spiritual father’s blessing to do so—and I will pray for your health. Have you really forgotten that there is another life, and that we must prepare for it?”— “Listen here, Father,” such people object in reply, “all that you’re talking about—churches, the afterlife, and the like—doesn’t concern us. It’s all fairy tales. I’ve been to sorcerers, I’ve been to psychics, and they couldn’t heal me. And now I’ve found out that you can heal me.” Can you imagine what’s going on! You tell them about confession, about the afterlife, and they reply that “it’s all fairy tales.” But at the same time they ask, “Help me, or I’ll be stuck on pills.” But how can I help them? Will they be healed by magic [without any effort]?

And look, many people, tormented by problems they’ve created for themselves through their sins, don’t go to a spiritual father who can truly help them, but end up “confessing” to a psychologist. They tell psychologists the story of their illness, consult with them about their problems, and these psychologists—with their advice—are like people throwing their patients into the middle of a river they need to cross. As a result, these unfortunate souls either drown in the river or manage to swim to the other shore, but the current carries them very far from where they wanted to end up.... But when such people go to confession before a spiritual father and confess their sins, they will cross the river safely over the bridge, without risk or fear. For in the Sacrament of Confession, the Grace of God is at work, and a person is freed from sin.

— Geronda, some people make excuses: “We can’t find good spiritual fathers, so we don’t go to confession.”

— These are all excuses. Every confessor, once he is clothed in the epitrachelion, possesses divine authority. He performs the Sacrament; he has divine grace; and when he recites the prayer of absolution over the penitent, God erases all the sins that the penitent has confessed with sincere repentance. The benefit we derive from the Sacrament of Confession depends on us. Once, a man with mental health issues came to my cell. He believed that I possessed the gift of clairvoyance and would be able to help him. “What do you foresee about me?” he asked me. “Find a spiritual father and confess to him,” I replied. “Then you’ll sleep like a baby and be able to stop taking the pills you’re on.” “These days,” he replied, “there are no good spiritual fathers. There used to be, but now they’re a thing of the past.” That’s how these people come to me with good intentions to benefit themselves, yet they don’t listen to what I tell them. So what’s the point? They just wasted their money on tickets to Mount Athos.

However, I see that the devil has devised a new trap to ensnare people. The devil instills in people the notion that if they fulfill a certain vow they’ve made—for example, going on a pilgrimage to a holy place—then spiritually they’re in good shape. And so you often see many pilgrims with large candles and silver pendants—which they promised to hang on one miraculous icon or another—traveling to monasteries and holy sites, hanging these silver pendants there, make a broad sign of the cross, wipe away the tears welling up in their eyes, and are content with that. These people do not repent, do not go to confession, do not amend their ways, and thereby please the devil.

— Geronda, can a person who does not go to confession have inner peace?

— How can he have inner peace? To experience inner peace, one must cleanse oneself of the debris. This must be done through confession. By opening one’s heart to a spiritual father and confessing one’s sins to him, a person humbles himself. In this way, the heavenly door opens to him, the Grace of God generously showers upon him, and he becomes free.

Before confession, a person’s [spiritual] summit is shrouded in fog. A person sees through this fog very blurrily, indistinctly—and justifies their sins. For if the mind is clouded by sins, a person sees as if through a fog. But confession is like a strong wind that dispels the fog and clears the horizon. Therefore, if people come to me seeking advice but have not confessed, I first send them to confession and tell them to come back to me for a conversation only after they have done so. Some begin to make excuses: “Elder, if you’re able to understand what I need to do to solve my problem, just tell me.”—“Even if I really am able to understand what you need to do,” I reply, “you won’t be able to understand it. So first go and confess, and then come back, and we’ll talk.” And indeed, how can one establish a connection with a person and reach mutual understanding if they are “operating” on a different [spiritual] frequency?

Through confession, a person cleanses himself from within of everything unnecessary—and bears spiritual fruit. Once, when I was digging my garden to plant a few tomato plants, a visitor came up to me and asked, “What are you doing, Geronda?”—“What am I doing?” I said. “Well, I’m confessing my vegetable garden.” “But how, Geronda?” he asked, taken aback . “Does the garden really need confession, too?” “Of course it does. I’ve found that when I ‘confess’ the garden—that is, when I clear the soil of stones, weeds, thorns, and the like—the vegetables it produces are strong and healthy as can be! But if you leave the garden without ‘confession,’ then all that will grow in its beds are some underdeveloped, yellowish, and shriveled little tomatoes!..”

God wants a person to be corrected through another person

— Geronda, when I face some difficulty and pray for it to be resolved, how can I understand what God’s will is?

— God’s will is not sought in this way. It is better for you to ask others about your difficulty. Do not ask God for a sign if you can consult with another person. Otherwise, you may fall into delusion. One man, upon coming to church, would stand before the iconostasis and begin to say, “My Lady, should I take money from the offering box?”—“Take it,” his inner voice would reply. “All right, then I’ll take it,” he would answer his inner voice and take the money. When this happened several times, one of the parish council members noticed that money was disappearing from the offering box. “What on earth is going on?” he wondered. “Could someone be stealing the money?” He decided to find out who was doing it. And what did he see? Soon the man arrived, and it all happened again: “My Lady, so I’ll take the money from the box?.. All right, then I’ll take it.” So the parish council member caught him red-handed.

Whenever there is a spiritual person nearby, you should ask him for advice. But if there is no one you can ask—for example, if you find yourself somewhere in the desert—yet a thirst for obedience lives within you, then the Good God Himself becomes your Elder. He enlightens and reveals things to you. Suppose you cannot find anyone capable of explaining a certain passage from Scripture to you. But in that case, God enlightens you, and you understand that passage.

— Geronda, tell me, how can I understand the cause of a certain phenomenon in my spiritual life—is it a temptation from the Evil One, or is my own inattention to blame?

— You have to go and ask.

— So, a person can’t figure this out on their own?

— Even if he understands something, he can’t be certain. Even someone with experience goes and asks another person. If the question concerns me personally, I always ask someone. When it comes to matters that concern me personally, I consider my own decision—no matter how wise it may seem—to be the greatest folly. At the same time, I don’t go to ask the person who already knows which decision I’ll like best, but rather the one who doesn’t know. Look, even a doctor, in order to be sure he’s making the right diagnosis in a difficult case, consults with another doctor. All the more reason to consult a student! No matter how spiritual a person may be, no matter how well they can sort out their own issues—they cannot find inner peace, because God wants people to receive help from others and be corrected through others. The Good God arranges this so that people may humble themselves. A person should share their thoughts and what is happening to them with their spiritual father, consult with him, and not try to resolve difficult issues on their own. Nor should he try on his own to overcome the difficulties he encounters in his spiritual struggle—for by doing so, he subjects himself to trials, and the evil one may confuse him and create [new] problems for him. Some people go so far as to prescribe penances for themselves. Such things are very dangerous.

A Christian who does not have a spiritual father to consult as he progresses along his spiritual path becomes confused, exhausted, and lags behind. It is very difficult for such a person to achieve his goal. If a person tries to solve their own problems, no matter how wise they may be, they remain clouded, because they act with self-confidence and pride. But the one who humbles himself, approaches his spiritual father with trust and selflessness, and asks for his opinion, receives help. This happens because, in the latter case, God will certainly enlighten the spiritual father, and the spiritual father will give the person the correct answer. And so it is in my case. After all, who am I? Just a can lid. However, if a person comes to me thinking that I am a saint, I notice that I experience some kind of change within myself and feel that I am not speaking of my own accord. From this, it is as clear as two plus two equals four to me that the person who came to me did so with reverence, and God—so as not to treat this person unjustly—brings me into this state of goodness. In such cases, if you are asked about something serious, God informs you, and you can tell the person what will happen, when it will happen, and how they should respond to it.

A spiritual guide is essential in the spiritual life

Today, the most essential thing for people is to find a spiritual father, confess to him, trust him, and seek his counsel. If, having a spiritual father, people organize their lives so that there is room for prayer and reading spiritual books, if they attend church and receive Holy Communion, then they have nothing to fear in this life.

To ensure the soul does not stray from the path, a spiritual father must watch over it. In the spiritual life, reading spiritual books, for example, is very helpful; however, without a spiritual guide, a person may interpret what they read in their own way and thus fall into delusion. Consider this: a person driving somewhere who isn’t familiar with the route might consult a map, but in addition, they stop to ask people for directions so as not to lose their way. For example, a person leaves Athens and heads for Florina. Of course, he has a map and consults it, but he still stops at a newsstand and asks whether he’s going the right way and if the road ahead is in good condition. And if they don’t ask, they’ll put themselves in danger or take a wrong turn, ending up in Kavala instead of Florina—or even driving their car off a cliff and crashing to their death.

Of course, this could also happen: a person asks others for directions to the right place, but after hearing the answer [that he needs to turn the other way], he continues on his own path anyway and ends up somewhere other than where he intended to go. He might also ignore the road hazards he was warned about and end up in an accident or some other trouble. However, the one who showed him the right path and warned him, “Be careful: there’s a sharp turn at such-and-such a place, and at such-and-such a place the road runs along the edge of a high cliff…,” receives his reward. The same should happen in the spiritual life. A believer needs to have a spiritual father who would help him through the Sacrament of Confession and offer advice. Only in this way can a person live a spiritual life and be confident that he is on the right path.

Of course, a person chooses his own spiritual director. One should not entrust one’s soul to just anyone. Just as, when caring for one’s physical health, a person seeks out a good doctor, so too, when caring for the health of the soul, one must strive to find a good spiritual director and visit this spiritual director—the doctor of the soul—regularly.

Send people to a spiritual father

— Geronda, often people who come to our monastery see that we are dressed in monastic robes, and this encourages them to talk to us about their pain, their problems—even to confess. How should we treat such people?

— When people come to you with questions about what is troubling them, first ask them, “Do you have a spiritual father?” And I also tell those who come to my cell: “I am not a spiritual father. Go to your spiritual father and do what he tells you.” People must repent. In addition, they must have a spiritual father and confess to him—so that the devil is stripped of the power they themselves have granted him over themselves. If a nun once shares in the pain of some tormented woman who has come to the convent to talk about her problems, and, after listening, sends her to a spiritual father, I understand that. However, having regular conversations with this unfortunate woman is wrong. If, however, a woman is dissatisfied with her spiritual father, or has never gone to confession, or is in a state of despair, then let the nun—after listening to her once—again send her to her spiritual father, and tell the woman that she herself will also pray for her.

It is not a nun’s duty to help people by constantly listening to their problems. Moreover, such listening does not benefit the people themselves. After all, three kinds of changes can occur in a person: they can be changed by themselves, by others, or by the devil. And so people come here, to the monastery, and find human comfort here; however, as soon as they leave the monastery, they immediately return to their former lives, and their old routine continues. [Therefore] both women and men should go to their spiritual fathers. If [instead] they confide their problems to a nun, that is wrong. Because afterward, people justify themselves: “I opened up about myself, so I did what was necessary.” In other words, such people falsely reassure their own minds and do not go to a spiritual father. And this is a trick of the devil to keep people from going to confession.

You must understand what each of your missions is as nuns, and not strive to engage in false missionary work. After all, we resort to such “missionary work” because we do not understand our monastic mission. As nuns, we are obligated to pray for people’s problems—but we are not obligated to resolve those problems. Human problems, however, fall within the spiritual father’s sphere of responsibility; [moreover], he bears responsibility for them. If people discuss their problems with you, they are shifting that responsibility onto you, whereas a spiritual father can monitor people closely and find solutions to their problems. In other words, work with people is necessary, but this work is not the task of a nun. People can only ask us for prayers. If they send us a letter with names and a request to pray for them, then we must—as much as possible—pray for these people using prayer beads.

“The Healing Spiritual Father”

Just as a person makes sure that his family doctor is as close to him as possible, so too should he strive to have his spiritual father nearby. An ordinary doctor, being close to the patient, can provide him with far greater help than a professor of medicine—even if his experience is not as extensive. After all, by being close to the patient, the doctor can examine him regularly and, when necessary, refer him to a specialist for consultation. When I was in a tuberculosis sanatorium,[134] , I noticed the following: many wealthy people, despite having tuberculosis, did not check into the sanatorium but remained at home. Medical professors would come to treat them. However, as experience showed, such treatment proved completely ineffective, since the professors could not monitor their patients at home on a regular basis. Therefore, the sanatorium was forced to open a special ward for the wealthy—so that they could receive inpatient treatment and remain under constant medical supervision. What I mean to say is this: a doctor, being close to the patient, monitors him, prescribing one treatment or another, and sees whether the medications he has prescribed are helping or whether they have side effects or undesirable consequences. Based on these observations, the doctor increases or decreases the prescribed dose, and if necessary, may prescribe an entirely different course of treatment for the patient. The same applies to a spiritual father: he must observe the soul closely, since various changes occur within a person from time to time that cannot be detected from a distance, in order to help him effectively. Once I advised a woman who was facing a temptation: “Do such-and-such, and you’ll see that you can overcome this temptation.” And indeed, she listened to me, and the temptation passed. However, a short time later, she fell into a completely opposite temptation and tried to overcome it in the same way as the first one. As a result, she suffered quite a bit! But this eccentric woman could have sent someone to me or written a letter to ask what she should do, since the difficulty she faced was of a different nature. And I would have prescribed a new “remedy” for her—that is, I would have given her different advice. But she didn’t have the opportunity to ask me, because I was far away from her. Therefore—if I don’t know a person well and am not in close contact with them—I don’t give advice from a distance.

A Spiritual Advisor in the Family

— Geronda, what books can help married couples?

— Here’s what will help married couples: neither of them should make excuses for themselves. If each spouse makes excuses for themselves, then—no matter how many spiritual books they read—they won’t benefit. But if a husband and wife are of good will, if they have a spiritual father and obey him, then they will be able to avoid problems. Without a spiritual “arbitrator,” [a normal family life] is impossible.

It is best if the spouses have a single spiritual father. Not such that the husband has one spiritual father and the wife has another. If two planks are shaped by two different carpenters—each in their own way—it will never be possible to fit one plank to the other. But if the spouses have one spiritual father, then he “trims away” their “protrusions”—their shortcomings. He trims away one spouse’s shortcomings, trims away the other’s, and in this way, the difficulties [in their relationship] are leveled out and smoothed over. However, nowadays, even among married couples who live a spiritual life, the husband and wife have different spiritual fathers. It is rare for both spouses to have the same spiritual father. That is why they do not receive help. I have known married couples in which the spouses were quite well-suited to one another, yet they did not have a single spiritual father who could help them, and so they got divorced. At the same time, I know of families in which the husband and wife, having a single spiritual advisor, lived a harmonious, well-balanced married life, even though [as people] they were not entirely suited to one another.

Of course, if the whole family has a single spiritual advisor, that is even better. When a problem arises in such a family, the spiritual advisor will listen to all family members and resolve it, having a full understanding of the situation from all sides. In one instance, the spiritual father may strictly instruct the father or mother to do something; in another—if he cannot resolve the problem based on what the parents say—he will invite the children to meet with him. If there are problems in the family for which, for example, the wife is at fault, the spiritual father may invite the husband to meet with him to advise him on how to behave. Finally, he may ask one of their relatives or acquaintances for objective advice.

Changing Spiritual Fathers

— Geronda, if a person is forced for some reason to change spiritual fathers, does he need to confess to the new spiritual father the sins he previously confessed to the old one?

— It is good if a person informs his new spiritual father [of the spiritual illnesses he has suffered from], just as a patient tells a new doctor his medical history so that the doctor may be able to help him more effectively.

— Geronda, what if a person wants to change spiritual fathers and asks us whether this is the right thing to do? What should we tell him?

— [To find a new spiritual father] one must receive a blessing from the old one. There is nothing good about changing spiritual fathers lightly. If, during the construction of a building, the engineers and foremen were constantly changing, that building would not be built properly.

In the old days, people would go to the elders to consult with them about their difficulties and receive help. Today, many go to the elders not to seek their counsel, but to justify themselves or so they can later tell others that they consulted with such-and-such an elder. “I went to such-and-such an elder and to such-and-such another,” such people say, “and I also asked Father Paissius about this.” But in reality, it may be that when he asked me, I scolded him. Or it even happens that he made it to my door, but at the last moment was afraid to knock and walked away! Thus, these people end up flitting from one spiritual father to another, without having a permanent spiritual father. As a result, they become confused.

And then there are people who, when they commit a sin, don’t go to confess it to their own spiritual father, but tell another spiritual father about it—so as not to ruin their reputation. A little time passes, they commit the same sin again and tell a third spiritual father about it, then another… In the end, they present the matter to each of these spiritual fathers as if they had committed this sin only once. Because of this, such people continue to sin and do not reform.

I’ve noticed that there are some who avoid telling their spiritual father certain things, even though they know he would help them and realize that there’s absolutely no chance he would reveal the secrets of their confession to anyone else. However, instead of confessing to their spiritual father, they confide in an acquaintance who cannot help them and who will undoubtedly tell others everything. I remember when I was a novice monk at a communal monastery,[135] a man who wanted to become a monk joined us. After he had lived in the monastery for some time, thoughts began to prompt him to leave the monastery. And so he “confessed” his thoughts not to the abbot, nor to any other spiritual father of the monastery, but—who would you have thought!—to a laborer from Ierissos,[136] who worked at the monastery. When this monk was telling the laborer about himself, I happened to be nearby—I was peeling onions not far from the kitchen—and I heard their conversation. The monk and the laborer were standing two meters away from me, and the monk began to “confess” loudly to the laborer. “I,” he began, “have come to regret becoming a monk.” — “So then,” the worker asked in surprise, “when you came to the monastery, didn’t you live there for some time before taking your vows, just to get a feel for the place?” — “But I spent a whole two years getting a feel for it!” the monk complained. “Well, well,” the worker marveled. “Then why didn’t you leave sooner?” — “What’s the point of asking that now,” the monk wailed, “you can see I didn’t leave.” — “Well, I’ll be!” the worker said, his eyes wide. “But did they force you to become a monk?” “No,” the monk lamented, “ , I wanted it myself.” “That’s something,” the worker shook his head. “Did you tell the abbot about this?” “No,” the monk replied. “Well, then why,” the worker asked in surprise, “are you telling me all this? What’s in it for you?” So the monk laid out his whole story to the worker. See what I mean? He was supposed to tell the abbot everything to get help, but instead he went to “confess” to the worker. And this worker, sitting in some coffee shop in his small town the following weekend, will retell his “confession” to amuse his drinking buddies, and they’ll spread it further, and then people will be gossiping about the hapless monk on every street corner. And you can’t say this monk was feeble-minded. Do you know how many dictionaries he had? He knew Ancient Greek perfectly.

— Geronda, if a layperson’s spiritual father is away, can he consult one of his spiritual brothers about a difficulty or temptation he’s facing?

— Well, can’t he call his spiritual father and consult with him? A spiritual brother is sometimes able to help us, and sometimes he is completely unable to do so. Or even if he is well-disposed toward helping us, a spiritual brother might do harm. If necessary, one can call one’s spiritual father and, in this way, set things straight. If, however, a person cannot reach his spiritual father, and the issue he is facing is serious and cannot be put off, then let him ask another spiritual father. It would be good if a person asked his spiritual father in advance which spiritual father he could turn to in such cases. It is necessary to consult with someone who shares the same spirit as your spiritual father. After all, one engineer draws up a plan one way, and another does it differently. Both engineers’ plans may be good, yet they differ from one another.

Chapter 2.
On How to Confess Properly

You Must Re-Bandage Your Wound

— Geronda, when I stumble in my spiritual struggle, I start to panic.

— Don’t be afraid. A struggle is a struggle. And there will be wounds in this struggle as well. These wounds are healed through confession. After all, soldiers who are wounded in battle immediately run to the hospital. Their wounds are bandaged, and they eagerly rush back into battle. On top of everything else, soldiers gain experience from their wounds and take better care to avoid enemy bullets and shrapnel than before—so they won’t be wounded again. So it is with us: if we are wounded during our spiritual struggle, we must not cower, but run to our spiritual father, show him our wound, be spiritually healed, and continue our “good deed” once more.[137] It will be bad if we do not seek out the passions—these terrible enemies of the soul—and do not strive to destroy them.

— Geronda, some people don’t go to confession because of [supposed] self-righteousness. “Since I might fall into the same sin again,” such people say, “why should I go to confession? To make fun of the priest, perhaps?”

— That’s wrong! It’s like a soldier who, having been wounded in battle, would say, “Since the war isn’t over yet and I might get wounded again, why should I bandage my wound?” But if he doesn’t bandage the wound, he’ll lose a lot of blood and die. Perhaps these people do go to confession out of self-love, but in the end they ruin themselves. You see how: [in order to deceive a person] the devil uses even the gifts with which a person is endowed. If, when we fall and get covered in mud, we do not cleanse our souls through confession—justifying ourselves with the thought that we will fall again and get dirty again—then the dried-on layers of our old mud become covered with more and more new layers of mud. It is not easy to cleanse all that mud later on.

The Necessity of Confession

— Geronda, the Venerable Mark the Ascetic says: “The expert in the matter, having come to know the truth, confesses to God not by recalling what he has done, but by enduring what befalls him.”[138] What does he mean by this?

— One must confess in both ways. A believer confesses to his spiritual father, and before beginning to pray, he humbly confesses to God, laying himself bare [before Him]: “My God, I have sinned; I am this and that.” But at the same time, a Christian endures afflictions that are imposed upon him as medicine. St. Mark is not saying that one should not confess to God and to a spiritual father and be content merely with enduring afflictions. What does the word “confess” mean? Does it not mean “to openly acknowledge, to declare what is within me”?[139] If you have goodness within you, then “you confess to the Lord,”[140] that is, you glorify God. If you have evil within you, you confess your sins.

— Geronda, when coming to confession for the first time, should one tell the spiritual father about one’s entire past life?

— When you go to your spiritual father for the first time, you should make a general confession covering your entire life. When a patient is admitted to the hospital, he gives the doctors his medical history. For example, he says: “In the past, I had such-and-such a lung disease, but now it’s gone; I underwent such-and-such an operation under general or local anesthesia”—and so on. In the same way, during their first confession, the penitent should try to tell the confessor the details of their life, and the confessor will identify that person’s [spiritual] wound in order to heal it. After all, often a single minor injury, if left unattended, can have serious health consequences. Of course, when a person comes to the confessor for the first time, he will bring with him, say, one hundred sins that he needs to confess. When he comes to confession a second time, he will bring with him one hundred and ten sins: for the devil—since this person has confessed and “ruined his whole plan”—will wage a great battle against him. The third time, they will have to confess one hundred and fifty sins. However, after that, the number of sins will steadily decrease until it reaches the point where the person brings with them to confession only a negligible number of sins that they need to confess.

Proper Confession

— Why is it that sometimes we do not make the necessary effort to improve ourselves, even though our conscience accuses us?

— This can happen as a result of some kind of emotional breakdown. If a person is overcome by panic due to a temptation that has befallen them, they may wish to perform a heroic act but lack the disposition or the spiritual strength to do so. In this case, they need to restore inner order through confession. Through confession, a person finds comfort, renews their strength, and, by the grace of God, regains the resolve to fight. If, however, a person does not put his life in order in this way, some other temptation may also come upon him. As a result, while in such a sorrowful and depressed state, he becomes even more broken; his thoughts suffocate him; he falls into despair; and then he is unable to strive at all.

— And what if what you’re describing happens often?

— If it happens often, then one must also restore one’s spiritual order often. A person must open his heart to his spiritual father in order to regain resolve and strength in the struggle. And once he has restored his inner order, a person must rev up his [spiritual] engine; he must strive earnestly and intensely in order to be hot on the heels of the [fleeing] devil.

— Geronda, why is it that I don’t feel the need to go to confession?

— Perhaps you aren’t keeping track of yourself? After all, confession is a Sacrament. Go to confession and simply tell your spiritual father about your sins. Do you think [you have few of them]? Don’t you have stubbornness? What about selfishness? Don’t you hurt your sister? Don’t you judge anyone? Do you think that when I go to confession, I confess some special sins? No, I confess: “I have sinned through anger, judgment…,” and the confessor reads the prayer of absolution over me. However, even small sins carry their own weight. When, having no serious sins, I would go to confession with Father Tikhon,[141] he would say, “A grain of sand, my son, a grain of sand!” Small sins pile up into a whole heap of sand, which in weight can exceed that of a single large stone. A person who has committed a major sin constantly thinks about it, repents, and humbles himself. But you have a multitude of small sins. However, if you compare the circumstances in which you grew up with those in which the person who committed that major sin grew up, you will see that you are worse than he is.

In addition, try to be specific during confession. It is not enough in confession to simply name your sins—for example, “I am envious, I get angry,” and the like—you must also confess your specific failings in order to receive help. And if you are confessing a grave sin—such as deceit, for example—you must confess in detail both what you were thinking while committing this sin and what your specific actions were. By failing to make such a specific confession, you are mocking Christ. If a person does not confess the truth to his spiritual father, does not reveal his sin to him so that the spiritual father can help him, then he causes himself great harm, just like a sick person who inflicts great harm on his health by hiding his illness from the doctor. Whereas if a person reveals himself to his spiritual father exactly as he truly is, then the spiritual father can understand that person better and help him more effectively.

Furthermore, anyone who has treated another person unjustly or hurt someone through their behavior must first go to the person they have wronged, humbly ask for forgiveness, and make amends; only then should they confess their transgression to their spiritual father to receive absolution. In this way, God’s grace is bestowed. If a person confesses such a sin to a spiritual father without first asking for forgiveness from the one they have hurt, it is impossible for their soul to find peace, because in this case the person who has sinned does not humble themselves. The exception is when the person who was wronged has died or cannot be located because they have moved, and it is impossible to ask for forgiveness even in a letter. But if the repentant person is willing to do so, then God, seeing this willingness, forgives them.

— Geronda, what if we have asked for forgiveness from someone we have wronged, but he does not forgive us?

— In that case, we will pray that God will soften their heart. However, God may choose not to soften that person’s heart for the reason that, if they forgive us, we might easily fall into the very same sin again.

— Geronda, is it permissible, after committing a serious sin, not to confess it right away?

— Why put it off until later? So it can go bad? After all, the longer you wait to throw away something rotten, the more it rots. Why wait two or three months and then go to confession for a grave sin? You have to go as soon as possible. If we have an open wound, do we really need to wait a month before treating it? No. In that case, we don’t even need to wait until the spiritual father has more time or is better able to give us his attention. We must rush to the spiritual father immediately, briefly confess the sin we have committed to him, and then, when the spiritual father has more time, we can go to him to talk or receive spiritual guidance.

It doesn’t take much time to describe to the spiritual father the situation we find ourselves in. If one’s conscience is working properly, a person can describe their state in just a few words. However, if a person’s inner world is in disarray, they may speak at length without giving the spiritual father any real sense of their condition. Some people send me entire notebooks filled with stories about themselves and their problems. Twenty to thirty pages in small handwriting, and at the end, a few more pages of postscript… Even though everything they write about could fit on a single page.

By making excuses for ourselves during confession, we weigh down our conscience

— Geronda, if during confession the penitent does not feel the pain he felt when he committed the sin, does that mean he has no true repentance?

— If some time has passed since he committed that sin, the wound has healed, and that is precisely why he does not feel such intense pain. But you must pay attention to this: during confession, you must not justify yourself. When I go to confession and repent to my confessor—say, for getting angry at someone, even though, by and large, the person I got angry at deserved a good slap—I don’t tell the confessor that this person was actually at fault, so that the confessor won’t justify my actions. A person who justifies himself during confession does not find inner peace—no matter how much he tramples on his conscience. The self-justifications he uses as a shield during confession become a burden on his conscience. But the one who, having a refined conscience, exaggerates the gravity of the sins he has committed and accepts a heavy penance from his confessor—he feels an indescribable joy. There are people who, having plucked a single grape without asking, feel as if they had stolen many baskets of grapes and constantly dwell on their sin. They lie awake all night until they have confessed this sin. Others, however, who steal whole baskets of grapes, justify themselves and claim they took only a single bunch. However, do you know what divine consolation is experienced by people who not only do not justify themselves but also exaggerate their insignificant transgression, agonize over it, and suffer greatly for some small misdeed they have committed? In this case, divine justice is evident; it is clear how the Good God rewards people.

I have noticed that people who humbly lay bare their sins before their spiritual father and humble themselves shine—because they receive God’s grace. A retired officer told me with the deepest contrition about something he had done when he was an eight-year-old boy. He took a ball away from another child. He kept that ball for only one night, and returned it the next morning. As he told me about this incident, this man wept because he had caused his neighbor grief. After retiring, he tracked down everyone he had upset in the course of his duties—even those he had upset while performing his official duties—and asked these people for forgiveness! I was struck by this man’s character: he took all the blame upon himself. He now lives in a village and uses his savings to give alms to the needy. His ninety-five-year-old mother, ravaged by paralysis, is bedridden, and he cares for her himself. Since, in caring for her, he is forced to see his mother’s body, he is tormented by this thought: “If Ham was punished for seeing his father’s nakedness, what awaits me, who sees my mother’s nakedness!...”[142] This man wept unceasingly. His face was radiant. How much benefit his contrition brought me!

— Geronda, is it possible for a person to exaggerate his sins in order to show his spiritual father that he is engaged in subtle spiritual work?

— That is a different matter altogether. In that case, a person takes pride in his “humility.”

After Confession

— Geronda, is it normal to feel a certain heaviness in one’s soul after confession?

— Why feel any heaviness at all? Through proper confession, everything old is wiped away. New “ledgers” are opened. God’s grace comes, and a person is completely transformed. Confusion, bitterness, and inner turmoil disappear, and silence and peace take their place. This change is so noticeable even outwardly that I advise some people to have their picture taken before and after confession so that they, too, can be convinced of this positive change that has taken place within them. After all, a person’s inner spiritual state is reflected on his face. The sacraments of the Church work miracles. By drawing near to the God-man Jesus Christ, a person himself becomes godlike [by Grace], as a result of which he radiates light, and Divine Grace reveals him to others.

— Geronda, does that mean the penitent feels joy immediately after a sincere confession?

— Not always. At first, you may not feel joy, but then joy will gradually arise within you. After confession, the repentant person must acknowledge with gratitude [that God has shown him mercy]. You should feel like a person whose debt has been forgiven, and who, out of love, feels grateful and indebted to his benefactor. Give thanks to God, but at the same time, reflect on the words of the Psalm: “...‘I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me,’[143] so as not to give in to temptation and fall back into the very same sins.

— Geronda, I read somewhere that in the life to come, demons will torment us even for a single evil thought that we did not confess.

— Look, when a person, having repented and with no intention of hiding anything, tells his spiritual father everything he remembers, the matter is closed—the demons have no power over him. However, if he deliberately fails to confess some of his sins, he will be tormented for those sins in the life to come.

— Geronda, if a person, having confessed his youthful sins, thinks about them again and is tormented, is such an attitude toward sin correct?

— If, deeply contrite over his youthful sins, a person has confessed them, then there is no reason for suffering, since from the moment he spoke of these sins in confession, God has forgiven them. After that, there is no need to dwell on one’s old sins, especially carnal ones, since doing so can be harmful. For example, during a battle, a grenade falls next to a soldier , but God protects that soldier, and the grenade does not explode. But once the battle is over, the soldier finds the unexploded grenade, picks it up, begins to unscrew it, and examines it out of curiosity—and as a result, the grenade blows him to pieces not during the battle, but after it.

Trust in the Spiritual Father

— Geronda, if a spiritual father rebukes a person for some sin and that person, deeply upset by this, falls into sorrow, is there selfishness in this?

— Of course, there’s no getting around selfishness here. If a person’s sorrow is for God’s sake, then he will receive divine consolation. And he will also prosper, because he will strive not to commit that sin again. The penitent should tell his spiritual father about his difficulties, thoughts, and failures—and joyfully accept from him both gentle and stern words, because in both cases the spiritual father, motivated by love and concern, cares for the progress of his soul.

— Geronda, what if I don’t accept a rebuke or even a simple remark from my spiritual father?

— If you do not accept it, you remain uncorrected. Those who do not accept remarks even from people who love them ultimately remain [spiritually] unrefined and bring themselves to spiritual ruin. Just as planks that cannot be planed by a carpenter are cast aside and end up as concrete formwork or scaffolding—and are eventually trampled underfoot, smeared with cement, and burned along with other construction debris—so too do people who do not accept corrections ultimately perish.

— Geronda, if a person disagrees with his spiritual father about something, what should he do?

— He simply needs to humbly reveal his thoughts to his spiritual father. Of course, great care must be taken when choosing a spiritual father, so that the person can trust him and find comfort in his guidance.

— Geronda, if a person sees something differently than his spiritual father, is it beneficial for that person’s soul to insist on his own opinion?

— No, it’s not helpful, because that person doesn’t know what lies behind a particular action that he might consider wrong. For example, in order for a person to understand what lies behind a particular action of a spiritual father, the spiritual father would have to violate the seal of confession and tell him what he heard in confession from someone else. But is it permissible to violate the seal of confession? Of course not. For example, a person has arranged with his confessor to come for a conversation at a certain time. However, at the appointed hour, another person—who is plagued by thoughts of suicide—arrives at the same time, and the confessor first devotes his time to that person. The one left waiting begins to think: “He invited him for a conversation first, so he must despise me.” But how can the spiritual father explain to him that the other person had reached the point of attempting suicide? If he explains this to him, he will destroy and ruin the other person. Whereas, if the man left outside the door is led astray or becomes briefly disheartened, that harm will not be so great. Once, in a similar way, some people who had come to my hut were led astray. At the same time, I had a man with me whom his relatives had managed, with great difficulty, to persuade to come to me for a conversation. I welcomed this man with great joy. I embraced him and gave him rosaries and icons. The others took offense. “But the Elder,” they said, “pays us no attention at all!” Yet the unfortunate man they had been led astray by was a fornicator; I knew the details of his life. He left me a changed man. Therefore, even if those people had been led astray a thousand times, I would still have done the same thing. After all, you have no right to destroy a person just to appease someone’s [selfishly] misled soul.

The Proper Relationship with a Spiritual Father

A spiritual person, desiring to help someone, strives to connect that person not to himself, but to Christ. If he succeeds in doing so, he rejoices, and the one he has connected to Christ strives for Christ’s sake. In this case, both receive their reward, and everything proceeds as it should. However, if the one striving for Christ tries to please the one who is trying to connect him to Christ—that is, if he is concerned with how much his action will upset or please his spiritual father, but does not consider that Christ sees this action—then by doing so he brings joy neither to the person helping him nor to Christ, nor does he benefit himself, since he does not accept Divine help. In other words, his actions not only fail to bring joy to either Christ or his spiritual father, but he himself does not receive the necessary help from them. Suppose a sister is singing in the choir and thinks: “I wonder how I’m singing? Is it good? Will Mother Abbess be pleased?” Well, such a sister will derive no benefit. But if she sings for Christ’s sake, then everything goes as it should: she will sing well, and Mother Abbess will be pleased.

— Geronda, is a person at fault if he misunderstood what his spiritual father told him?

— Look: if he wanted to hear an answer from his spiritual father that would satisfy himself, and if his mind was consumed by that desire, then he is still at fault—even though he misunderstood his spiritual father. Some people turn their own will into “God’s will.” For example, a person asks his spiritual father about a problem he’s facing, but at the same time already has in mind a solution to that problem that suits him. The spiritual father tells this person what needs to be done, but the person interprets what was said in such a way that he believes the spiritual father instructed him to act exactly as he himself wanted. He happily does things his own way, all the while thinking that he is being obedient. And if the spiritual father later asks him, “Why did you do that?”—he will reply, “Well, didn’t you tell me to do it that way?”

However, there are times when one cannot take what the spiritual father says literally. Sometimes the words spoken by the spiritual father may simply be a figure of speech expressing his thought. Let me give an example. A forty-five-year-old high school teacher, who had children of her own, led her sixteen-year-old student into sin. The boy ran away from home and began living with his teacher. When his father came to my hermitage and confided his anguish to me, I told him to do as his spiritual father instructed. The poor man went to his spiritual father, but then returned to me. On the day he came to see me, I was hosting representatives of the Ecumenical Patriarchate, and so, realizing I wouldn’t be able to find time for him, I told him, “Do as your spiritual father instructed you.” But this man wouldn’t leave—and thank God he didn’t leave and waited to see me after all. When I finally managed to spare a moment for him, he said to me, “Geronda, I’ve decided to kill this woman because that’s what my spiritual father told me to do.”—“Wait a minute, my friend,” I said, taken aback, “what exactly did your spiritual father tell you?”—“He told me, ‘Killing this trash isn’t enough!’” Do you understand? The spiritual father said that ‘killing this scum isn’t enough’ not so that he would actually kill this woman! He was simply expressing his indignation with those words! Since that incident, I no longer tell anyone, ‘Do what your spiritual father tells you to do,’ but first I ask each person exactly what his spiritual father told him to do...

— Geronda, can a person, after asking his spiritual father for help, at the same time suggest his own solution to the problem?

— What kind of help is he asking for then? It’s one thing if a person humbly, as a thought, mentions to his spiritual father something that he thinks might help him. He is obligated to do that. But it is an entirely different matter if he insists that his suggestion is correct. That is precisely the case in which a person fails. It is as if he were to go to a doctor and say, “Prescribe me such-and-such a medicine.” But the patient is obligated to obey the doctor; he must not tell the doctor which medicines to prescribe. After all, medicine is not a “matter of taste,” like food and sweets, about which a person might say, “I want a cake or a piece of fruit leather.” The doctor prescribes medicine to the patient according to his illness.

Chapter 3.
On the Fact That a Spiritual Father Is a Doctor of the Soul

The Need for Good Spiritual Fathers

People today are weary; sin and selfishness have driven them to a state of bewilderment and confusion. That is why now—more than in any other era—we need good and experienced spiritual fathers who will treat people with simplicity and genuine love and guide them with wisdom so that they may find peace. If there are no good spiritual fathers, then churches will empty while psychiatric hospitals, prisons, and general hospitals fill up. People must realize that they are suffering because they are far from God. They must repent and humbly confess their sins.

The spiritual father’s work is the inner healing of the person. There is no greater healer than an experienced spiritual father, who, through his holiness, inspires trust, cleanses God’s sensitive creatures of the thoughts brought upon them by the devil, and heals souls and bodies—not with medicine, but through the Grace of God.

Endowed with divine enlightenment—the Spirit of God—the spiritual father understands and discerns the states in which people find themselves and can guide them in the right direction.

It is best if the spiritual father is not burdened with too many responsibilities, so that he may devote the necessary time to each soul and perform his work properly. Otherwise, the spiritual father finds himself in the situation of a skilled surgeon who, performing several operations every day, becomes exhausted and is then, naturally, unable to devote as much time to each patient as is needed. Therefore, the spiritual father should not interfere in trivial family matters, but rather limit himself to what, in each specific case, pertains to the soul of the individual coming to him. Then he will have time to help that soul effectively. However, the person coming to confession should not burden the confessor with [non-spiritual] questions that could be asked of someone more competent—for example, which house to choose to live in, which preparatory courses to enroll a child in, and the like.

During confession, both the penitent and the confessor bear responsibility. Spiritual freedom is very helpful in the work of guiding souls. That is, the confessor, in guiding people’s souls, must be guided by what the Holy Fathers say, and not by what anyone else prescribes. He must act judiciously, in accordance with the person’s sin and their repentance. However, sometimes [even among some clergy] there is a lack of sincerity. For example, a person has become entangled with sorcerers, those who have been led astray, and the like, yet some of the clergy, who bear responsibility for people’s souls, are unable to speak with the unfortunate person, offer him guidance, and make him reflect a little. They [are afraid] to express their position. They avoid this so as not to bring trouble upon themselves from all these sorcerers, the deluded, and those like them. So what does this amount to: in order not to spoil our relations with either group, so that people will speak well of us, will we, to the devil’s delight, condemn a person to ruin?

The Spiritual Father’s Reasoning and Experience

— Geronda, in your opinion, in our age, when so much sin has entered the world, isn’t the spiritual father’s ministry sometimes difficult?

— Yes, it is. That is why it is good if, at the outset, the spiritual father strives to correct the most serious sins of those seeking forgiveness—so that God’s creatures may be freed from much sin and be more receptive to [spiritual guidance]. The spiritual father must treat the penitent with leniency, but at the same time, he must find an approach to the person under his guidance that will help them recognize their sins and ask God for forgiveness. It is essential that the spiritual father remind the person who has come to him for confession that they need repentance and a change of life—in order to receive God’s mercy. In addition, it will be of great benefit if the confessor speaks lovingly to those who come to him about God’s great love—so that a love for God may be kindled within them, so that they may recognize their mistakes and renounce their bad habits.

Until a confessor gains sufficient experience, it is better for him to assist people in simpler cases. After all, a so-called “difficult” penitent, constantly causing “trouble” for his confessor, can hinder his spiritual progress and take up all his time. If a young spiritual father is inattentive, then—even with the best of intentions [to help the person]—he will always attach undue importance to the scenes the penitent stages, needlessly wasting his energy on such a person and suffering as a result. With experience, the spiritual father will know when to pay attention to something and when to let something go in one ear and out the other. For example, when I open letters sent to me, I skim through them at a glance, and if there is something serious in the letter, I pay closer attention to it. After all, the evil one often [wastes our time] by distracting us with trivial matters. There are people who might say to you, “Wait two minutes, don’t close the door—I’ll tell you something quickly; I won’t even come in”—and then keep you standing in the doorway for a whole hour. So there you stand, sweating, on the threshold by the open door, a draft blowing through you, you start to shiver, and this person, as if nothing were wrong, tells you all sorts of [meaningless] stories. Is that really from God? Then, when you get sick, you can’t pray either for the world or for yourself, and you’re out of commission for several days. And when someone in genuine need comes to you, you can no longer help them.

Besides, [a spiritual father must also keep in mind that] it’s not enough simply to listen to people who have a serious problem and, upon seeing that they’re truly suffering, tell them, “Take an aspirin.”

“I’ll only take a minute of your time because my car is waiting for me,” some people say, and then suddenly tell you about some very serious problem. It’s like a person with cancer asking a doctor, “Operate on me quickly, because I’m going to miss my flight!” Every illness requires a certain amount of time to determine how it began, what symptoms the patient is experiencing, and so on. A serious matter cannot be resolved in a hurry. Once, during Holy Week, we were walking up Holy Mountain in a procession. As soon as we began climbing the hill, one novice approached me and asked me to tell him about “intelligent prayer.” He had come to my cell so many times before and had never asked about this, but here, on the ascent, inspiration had suddenly struck him, you see. But subtle and serious questions are not discussed on the go or while climbing a hill.

How often a believer receives Communion is determined by his spiritual father

— Geronda, the Apostle Paul writes: “For whoever eats and drinks unworthily eats and drinks judgment upon himself, not discerning the Lord’s Body.”[144] When does a person receive Communion unworthily?

— The most important thing is that we approach Holy Communion with an awareness of our unworthiness. Christ expects contrition and humility from us. If something troubles our conscience, we must put our affairs in order. For example, if we have quarreled with someone, we must reconcile with that person before going to Holy Communion and receive Communion only after that.

— Geronda, some people, even though they have their spiritual father’s blessing, still hesitate to receive Communion.

— You shouldn’t decide on your own whether or not to receive Holy Communion. If a person makes such decisions on their own, the devil will take advantage of this and begin to tempt that person. After all, we often assume that we are worthy of Holy Communion, when in reality we are not. In other cases, if we judge ourselves strictly by the letter of the law, we are indeed unworthy of Holy Communion; however, according to the spirit of the Holy Fathers, we need this divine transfusion of blood for our healing. Or we need Divine consolation—since, through excessive contrition, the enemy can cast us into despair and sneak up on us “from the right.”

— Geronda, how often can one receive Holy Communion?

— You cannot treat everyone the same when it comes to how often one should receive Holy Communion and how many days one should fast before Holy Communion. A spiritual father must use sound judgment to determine how often a believer should receive Holy Communion and how long he or she should fast before Holy Communion. It all depends on the person’s spiritual strength. At the same time, the spiritual father must guide the person toward spiritual fasting—abstinence from the passions. The intensity of such spiritual fasting must also be adjusted according to the person’s spiritual sensitivity, that is, according to how deeply they realize their sin. In addition, the spiritual father must also bear in mind the harm the enemy can inflict on the soul of a sensitive person by waging war against them with the aim of driving them to despair. For example, a person has fallen into a carnal sin that entails excommunication from Communion for forty days. But on the thirty-fifth day of this penance, the devil may once again cause the person to fall into the very same sin, and if a new forty-day penance is imposed on the sinner, the devil will gain the upper hand over that soul, so that it will fall into confusion and despair. In such cases, after the first few days of penance, the spiritual father may tell the penitent, “Look, do not receive Communion for another week,” and after a week, bless him to receive Communion at every Divine Liturgy. The person’s soul will grow stronger, and he will be able to overcome the devil. If, however, a person leads a mindful spiritual life, he may partake of the Sacrament of Holy Communion when he feels the need for it, and not merely out of habit. But even such a person must have the spiritual father’s blessing to do so.

On Penances

— Geronda, does impeccable observance of the commandments help one have a living sense of God?

— Which commandments? The Law of Moses?

— No, the Gospel commandments.

— Keeping the commandments helps, but one must do so correctly, because it is possible to keep them in a distorted way. The spiritual life requires not a dry application of the law, but divine justice. We see that even the Holy Fathers taught us to apply the Sacred Canons with great discernment! Basil the Great, the strictest of the Fathers of our Church, who compiled the strictest canonical rules, adds after one of them—which deals with canonical punishment for a certain sin—the following: “Examine not the time, but the manner of repentance.”[145] That is, for two people who have committed the same sin, the spiritual father, taking into account each person’s repentance, may impose different penances: one may be excluded from Communion for two years, and the other for two months. What a huge difference!

— Geronda, does penance help in overcoming passion?

— The penitent must understand that the penance imposed on him will help him. Otherwise, what’s the point? By trying to correct a person by force, you achieve nothing. On the Day of Judgment, Christ will ask the one who tried to correct his brother by force, “Were you some kind of new Diocletian?” and to the one who was tried to be corrected, He will say, “You did everything by force, not of your own free will.” If we wish to send a person to Paradise, we must not stifle him, but help him in such a way that he himself will want to undertake this feat. He must reach a state in which he rejoices in the fact that he is alive and rejoices in the fact that he is about to die.

[The extent of penance] is subject to the spiritual father’s judgment. Toward those who consciously choose to sin, the spiritual father must be uncompromisingly strict. Toward a person who is overcome by passion but then repents, humbles himself, bows his head, and asks for forgiveness, the spiritual father must, with wisdom, help him draw near to God once more. After all, many saints acted in precisely this way. For example, the Venerable Arsenius of Cappadocia, as a spiritual father, did not usually impose penance on people. He sought to bring the repentant to their senses so that, out of love for God, they themselves would ask for his blessing to undertake a spiritual feat: almsgiving or other good deeds. And when the Reverend Father saw someone possessed by an unclean spirit or a child with paralysis and realized that the cause of the unfortunate one’s suffering was his parents, he would first heal the child and then impose penance on the parents so that they would be more attentive in the future.

And some say: “You know, so-and-so spiritual father really adheres to the patristic tradition! He’s so demanding and smart—he remembers everything and knows the *Pidalion*[146] by heart!” However, a spiritual father who applies the canons contained in the *Pidalion* too literally can do harm to the Church. Imagine that a spiritual father picks up the “Pidalion” and starts saying to the sinners who come to him: “So, what sin did you commit? Ah, that one. Let’s see what it says here about such cases? Excommunication from Holy Communion for so many years! Now the next one… And what have you done? Oh my! Let’s read what you deserve for this… Ah, this is the penance!” There’s no use in that.

— Geronda, tell me, shouldn’t a spiritual father take dozens of circumstances into account...

— Yes, especially in this day and age, it’s impossible to apply the entire law of the Church with unthinking strictness. Instead, the spiritual father must cultivate love in people. First, he must work on himself so that he is able to help people. Otherwise, [through his lack of discernment] the spiritual father will “break” people’s heads.

The “Pidalion” is so named because this book guides a person toward salvation in one way or another, just as a helmsman steering a ship toward shore turns the wheel now to the right, now to the left. By constantly following a straight course without turning the wheel when necessary, the helmsman will run the ship aground on the reefs, sink it, and destroy the people on board. If a spiritual father uses the canons like cannons—[147] —that is, without discernment, without taking into account the specific person, the measure and nature of his repentance, and the like—then, instead of healing souls, he will commit crimes.

Prayer of Absolution

Some spiritual fathers follow this “typikon”: in cases where the penitent is not permitted to receive Communion, they do not recite the prayer of absolution over him. Some spiritual fathers even say, “It is our principle not to recite the prayer of absolution in every case.” This already resembles Protestantism... Once, a young man came to my cell; he had experienced various sinful lapses in his life. He had gone to a spiritual father, confessed these lapses, but the spiritual father did not recite the prayer of absolution over him. The poor fellow fell into despair. “Since my confessor didn’t recite the prayer of absolution over me,” he began to think, “that must mean God doesn’t forgive me either.” And these thoughts led him to contemplate suicide. “Go to your spiritual father,” I told the young man, “and let him recite the prayer of absolution over you. And if this spiritual father still refuses to recite the prayer over you, then go to another spiritual father.”

If the prayer of absolution is not recited over a repentant person, he will constantly fall, because the devil retains his power over him. And how can a person fight if the devil still possesses him? Such a person is not set free; he is subject to demonic influences. Whereas, if the prayer of absolution is recited over a person, demonic influences are cut off and [God’s Grace] once again takes hold of [the person’s] “foothold.” In this way, the unfortunate person receives help and can undertake some [spiritual] struggle or feat to free himself from his passions.

Chapter 4.
On the Spiritual Father’s Work with People’s Souls

The art of dealing with the soul is a delicate matter

— Geronda, tell me, how can one help people with difficult, unyielding, “crooked” characters?

— As a carpenter, I worked with warped, “crooked” boards and beams. However, working with such wood required patience, because no matter which side you planed a warped board, it would still “resist,” raising splinters. So when I had to work with such boards, I’d take a double plane and carefully, little by little, plane them—first on one side, then on the other—and that’s how I achieved the result I wanted. And I must say, after being planed, these boards looked very beautiful—the beautiful grain pattern was revealed. Furthermore, items made from such boards tend to be very sturdy; they’re not easy to break. Meanwhile, unaware of this, a craftsman might have thrown away such a board upon seeing that it was slightly warped. What I mean is that people, who have a difficult temperament, possess inner strength, and by giving you the opportunity to work on yourself, they will be able to make giant strides in their spiritual life. However, working with such people requires a great deal of time.

Furthermore, when I wanted to join two warped boards, I never used large nails. First, I would plane such boards, leveling them as much as possible, and then fasten them together with a thin nail. If two warped boards sprang apart from one another, I never forced them together by hammering in large nails: for if such boards are joined in this way—by force—they will eventually split apart anyway, and it will turn out that all our work was done in vain.

Those who deal with people’s souls must think things through—and then think them through again. In the spiritual life, there is no single recipe, no single canon [that applies to everyone]. Every soul differs from another in quality and capacity. After all, some vessels have greater capacity, while others have less. Some are made of plastic and do not have much strength to spare, while others are made of metal and are more durable. Having come to know the quality and capacity of a soul, the spiritual father will act in accordance with its capabilities, its hereditary disposition, and also in accordance with the extent to which the soul is making progress. The confessor must treat the penitent in accordance with the state in which that person finds themselves, taking into account the sin they have committed and a multitude of other circumstances. When dealing with a shameless person, the spiritual father must be careful not to give him cause for shamelessness. If the penitent’s soul is overly sensitive, the spiritual father must strive to help him overcome his problems with courage.

Furthermore, the confessor must be attentive and not rely solely on what he sees in a person outwardly. He must not readily believe what he hears or draw conclusions based on what he has heard—especially if the confessor is not gifted with the ability to see deeper into a person. Some planks that appear very sturdy on the outside are rotten on the inside. If you plane such planks even slightly, it immediately becomes clear what’s inside them. Other planks, on the other hand, seem completely useless on the outside, whereas their wood is actually very strong on the inside.

The art of dealing with the soul is a delicate matter. There must be no mistakes in the “prescriptions.” Consider this: every person’s body needs the specific vitamin it is lacking, and every illness is cured by the appropriate remedy.

Let us not allow a person to take comfort in their passions

— Geronda, if a woman were to say to us, “My spiritual father didn’t understand me,” what should we tell her?

— Tell her, “Perhaps you yourself didn’t let your spiritual father understand you? Perhaps the fault lies with you?” When faced with such situations, make the person reflect; don’t offer them an easy excuse. These matters are very delicate. Sometimes you see how people manage to confuse even their spiritual fathers.

— And what if she tells us that she doesn’t like her confessor?

— If she doesn’t like him, then perhaps she herself is to blame for that as well. Perhaps she wants her confessor to approve of her willfulness, to justify her in it. Suppose a man cares absolutely nothing for his family, and because of this, he and his wife are constantly arguing. And so this man, wanting a divorce, comes to me and starts complaining about his wife, expecting me to take his side. If I reply, “You yourself are to blame for this whole situation,” then, not realizing his own guilt, he will say that my answer did not sit well with him. In other words, some people say they don’t like their spiritual father because spiritual fathers won’t let them do whatever they please.

If a spiritual father justifies every person’s passions, he may win everyone’s favor, but people derive no benefit from this. If we want to please everyone in their passions, then let’s “please” the devil as well. For example, you come to me and start complaining: “So-and-so sister was rude to me.” —“Oh,” I say to you, “don’t pay any attention to her.” In this way, I justify you, and that suits you just fine. A little while later, the sister who was rude to you comes to me and starts complaining about you: “So-and-so did such-and-such.” — “Come on, really! — I say to her. — Don’t you know what kind of person she is? Don’t take her seriously.” In this way, I’ve excused this sister too, and she likes that as well. So, everyone likes me, but at the same time, I’m tripping them all up! Whereas I should respond to you like this: “Come here! If the sister spoke rudely to you, it means you gave her a reason!” Hearing these words, you’ll be more likely to realize your fault and make amends. After all, once a person realizes their fault, everything goes well.

True inner peace comes when a person takes the correct [spiritual] stance. Our task is to find peace in Paradise, not on earth. Some spiritual fathers reassure people and justify their thoughts, leading them to say, “I really like this spiritual father!”—yet such a person remains uncorrected. But spiritual fathers must help a person identify their shortcomings so that they may correct themselves, and then guide them by setting the right course. True peace comes only in this way. And justifying a person in their passions is not helping them. For me, this is a crime.

In order for a spiritual father to help two people who are connected to one another, he must have a relationship with each of them. For example, upon hearing that two people disagree in their thoughts, the spiritual father must know the soul of each one, because each may present the matter in the way they themselves understand it. A spiritual father should undertake to resolve these people’s disagreements only when they agree that he will resolve them in accordance with the Gospel. Because all other decisions will be a never-ending headache, and one will have to constantly take aspirin. Furthermore, the spiritual father must put each of the disputing parties in their place; he must not excuse anyone. He must point out each person’s shortcomings. In this way, both sides’ flaws will be smoothed out, and people will come to agreement and mutual understanding.

I have not a single good quality except for this one: I never make excuses for anyone—even if the person is not at fault. For example, when women come to me and start complaining about their husbands, I give them a good scolding. When men come to me and complain about their wives, I scold the men. I don’t soothe their feelings, but I point out each person’s shortcomings; I tell each person exactly what they need to hear so that it will be of use to them. Otherwise, both husband and wife leave the person they came to for advice feeling reassured, only to start arguing with each other once they get home: “No, the priest was right after all when he told me who you really are!” one reproaches the other, and in response hears: “And you know what he told me about you!” What I mean to say is that I do not excuse anyone for their passions. And not only do I not excuse them—I scold some people very harshly—understandably, for their own good—and they do indeed leave feeling inwardly at peace. That is, they may leave me feeling upset, yet they understand that my bitterness is greater than their own.

— Geronda, some people, even when you rebuke them, still feel as if they’re behind a stone wall.

— Yes, because I don’t rebuke a person in a dry, formal way. I tell them that they have virtues from which they should draw benefit, and shortcomings that need to be corrected. If you don’t tell a person the truth, then at some point, not hearing the flattery they’ve grown fond of, they’ll lose their balance.

How to Treat People Who Have Fallen into Despair

Once, a distraught young man came to me and said, “Geronda, I’m unable to improve myself. My spiritual father told me, ‘It’s all hereditary…’” Those words plunged the young man into despair. If someone confides their problems to me, I’ll tell them, “This is happening for such-and-such a reason. In order to change, you must do such-and-such.” For example, a person comes to me who is tormented by a certain thought and cannot sleep. He takes pills for headaches and stomachaches and asks me, “Maybe I shouldn’t take them?”—“No,” I reply, “keep taking the pills for now. Get rid of the thought that’s tormenting you, and after that you can stop taking the pills. If you don’t get rid of that thought, your condition won’t change; you’ll continue to suffer.” After all, what good will it do this person if he stops taking the pills but doesn’t stop holding onto the thought that’s tormenting him?

It’s good if the confessor doesn’t let things get to the point where he has to “flag down” the penitent, but instead approaches certain matters with patience. But, of course, the penitent himself must also make the proper effort to receive help. Once, a young man began pressuring the girl he was engaged to about a certain issue. Who knows what he said to her… She got angry, got in her car, drove off, and crashed on the way. After that, the young man wanted to take his own life because he felt he was responsible for her death. He came to me and told me about it. Essentially, he had committed a crime, but I comforted him and helped him return to a normal state of mind. However, after that, he stopped thinking about the incident altogether, became a completely indifferent person, and even started seeing another girl. And so, when he came to me again three years later in that same state, I gave him a good scolding, because there was no longer any danger that he would take his own life. He didn’t see it, didn’t admit his guilt, and that’s why the scolding was necessary. “Don’t you understand,” I said to him, “that last time you committed murder and caused that girl’s death?” If this young man had worked on himself properly, he would have continued to suffer without forgetting that incident; however, for that suffering, he would have been rewarded with divine consolation, and then he would not have sunk to such cynical indifference.

Therefore, we must be very careful. After all, when someone commits a sin, they fall into despair. At that moment, you can comfort them, but for them not to be harmed, their own love for God is also required. Once, a young man came to my cell who had fallen into carnal sin and could not free himself from this passion. The poor fellow had fallen into despair. Before coming to me, he had seen two spiritual fathers who had sternly tried to explain to him that he was committing a grave sin. The young man had lost all hope. “Since I know I’m sinning,” he decided, “and I can’t correct myself, then I’d better sever all ties with God.” When I heard what was happening to him, my heart ached for the poor soul, and I said to him: “Listen to me, blessed soul. Never begin your struggle with what you cannot do, but begin with what you can do. Let’s see what you’re capable of, and you’ll start with that. Can you go to church every Sunday?”—“I can,” he replied. “And can you fast every Wednesday and Friday?” I asked again. “I can,” he replied. “And can you give a tenth of your salary in alms, or visit the sick and help them?” — “I can.” — “And can you—even if you fall into sin—pray every evening and ask, ‘My God, save my soul’?” — “Geronda, ,” he told me, “I’ll do all of that.” — “Well then, — I said, — start doing everything you can right from today, and Almighty God will do the one thing that is beyond your power.” The unfortunate young man calmed down and kept repeating, “Thank you, Father.” You see: he had a loving heart, and the Good God helped him.

We must be strict with the shameless and lenient with the virtuous

If a person, having a good will, did not receive help in childhood, then telling him about the good that you see in him [something good] will not be flattery or sycophancy. For from this, a person receives help and changes, since he, too, has a right to Divine help. I said to one man, “You are a good person, after all. What you’re doing doesn’t befit you.” I said this to him because I saw [in his heart] a good field and an evil seed sown in it. I saw that inside, he was good, and the evil he was doing was merely external. I told him he was a good person—not to flatter him, but to help him, so that love might begin to work within him.

Some people live by the following “rule”: regardless of whether a person has talent or not, they tell him in any case, “You’re talentless”—supposedly so that he won’t become proud and be led astray. In other words, they treat everyone the same. However, if a person despairs both because of the evil they do and because of the good they possess, how can they gain the confidence necessary to eagerly undertake a spiritual endeavor? But if you tell a person about the good within them and cultivate in them a love of virtue and nobility, then they receive help, grow, and succeed.

My approach is this: if I see that a person possesses a certain gift or is succeeding in the spiritual struggle, I tell him so. But if I see crookedness in him—I take up a heavy club... I do not worry that either the first or second approach might harm a person’s soul, because love is present in both cases. If they are harmed by the way I treat them, it will mean that they were already damaged within. For example, if a nun paints a beautiful icon, I’ll tell her that the icon is well painted. But if I see that she has become proud and a bit arrogant, then from then on I’ll keep a certain distance in my interactions with her. Of course, if a nun serving in the icon-painting workshop becomes proud, her brush will produce caricatures rather than icons, and she’ll get a scolding from others as well. But if she humbles herself again, she’ll go back to doing good work. I have no patience for unhealthy tendencies. I can’t stand all sorts of ugly antics. I’ll try, one way or another, to bring everything back to normal. How else could it be? To cover up all sorts of unhealthy deviations from the norm?

— Geronda, what if a shameless person, when shown compassion, becomes even more shameless—how can we help him?

— Let me tell you this: if I see that my compassion, kindness, and love are not benefiting a person, then I decide that I have no closeness with that person, and I am forced to stop treating him with kindness. According to [spiritual] law, the more kindness people show you, the more you must change, crumble to dust, and melt away, like a candle.

A long time ago, I met a certain person, and at the beginning of our acquaintance, wanting to help him, I told him about some Divine events I had experienced. However, instead of thanking God—“God, how can I thank You for this comfort...” — and prostrate himself in gratitude, this person gave free rein to his impulses and began to behave arrogantly. At that point, I took a firm stance toward him. “I will help him from afar, through prayer,” I decided. And I did so not because I did not love this person, but because such behavior was for his own good.

— Geronda, what if a person realizes his mistake and asks for forgiveness?

— If he understands her, that’s a different story. Then we can reach a mutual understanding. Otherwise—if my kindness doesn’t benefit him, I don’t see any reciprocity in that person and don’t feel a connection with him. If a person possesses kindness and humility and is free from arrogance, then you, too, will behave simply toward him. With everyone, I initially behave with warmth and simplicity. I give myself entirely to the other person so that he may receive help and so that the atmosphere of love [that has developed between us] may have a chance to grow. And then, little by little, I begin to point out the person’s shortcomings. Depending on the age of the person I’m speaking with, I view them as my brother, father, or grandfather. I warm the person like the sun so that all the snakes, scorpions, and beetles—that is, their passions—come out into the open, and then I help the person put them to death. However, if I see that this person does not appreciate [my love for him] and does not benefit from my behavior, but—taking advantage of my simplicity or my genuine love—begins to act insolently, then I gradually distance myself from him so that he does not become even more insolent. But at first I give myself entirely to the person, and that is why my conscience remains clear. While living at the Stomion Monastery, I took in a young man to help him and, at the same time, teach him the carpentry trade. I treated him kindly and considered him a brother. However, I saw certain qualities in the young man that I did not like. Once I asked him, “What time is it?”—“Time’s stuck in your head!”—he replied. Well then, I thought to myself, “No, it’s better not to continue in this vein. I need to use my own ‘head’ a little, too, because otherwise the boy will be ruined.” After all, I treated him in such a way that if he had any sense of gratitude, then according to [spiritual] laws he would have had to fall to the ground in gratitude. However, I saw that he couldn’t grasp it, didn’t understand me. And then he left me of his own accord. I didn’t drive him away. You see: patience and love make the shameless even more shameless, and the virtuous even more virtuous.

Kindness harms the unrepentant person

— Geronda, I remember how you scolded me once...

— If necessary, I’ll scold you again so that we can all go to Paradise together. But this time I’ll take drastic measures!… After all, this is my usual approach: first I let a person know that he needs to be scolded, and only then do I give him a good thrashing. Isn’t that a good method? I see someone commit some serious transgression, I scold them for it, and—naturally—I become the “mean one.” But what can I do? Should I appease everyone in their passions just to seem nice, only to end up in hell with the whole bunch of us? When a person whom I’ve scolded or reprimanded gets upset, my conscience never troubles me over it, because I scold them out of love for them, for their own good. I see that they don’t understand how much they’ve wounded Christ by what they’ve done, and that’s why I scold them. When I scold someone, I feel pain and become exhausted, yet my conscience does not trouble me over it. Afterward, I can calmly—without confession—receive Holy Communion. I feel comfort and joy within myself. And for me, that comfort and joy are the salvation of my soul.

— Geronda, sometimes a thought tells me that you speak to me so comfortingly either because I cannot handle strictness, or because you have already told me something many times and, since I have not followed through, you have decided to give up on me.

— What a blessed soul! Do you really think I would play games with the salvation of your soul? Only someone inexperienced would conduct such experiments. But a mature person has the capacity for judgment and walks the straight path, veering neither to the right nor to the left. Feel safe at . If I see something amiss in you, whether I am near or far from you, I will tell you about it. Have confidence and peace within yourself. Ah, you haven’t understood me at all yet! Do you really think I’ll so easily soothe your thoughts? What do you think I’ll say to a person when I see that his soul is [excessively] sensitive or that it is shaken by the realization of his sin? In that case, I comfort the person so that he does not fall into despair. However, when I see that a person’s heart is hard as a stone, I speak sternly to him in order to shake that stone loose and move it from its place. For if, seeing someone walking toward a precipice, I were to say to him, “Go on, go on—you’re on the right path,” wouldn’t that be a crime on my part? But some people have this bad trait: when you tell them not to worry, they don’t believe you and torment themselves. Surely, if I see something bad in a person, I won’t fail to tell them about it? How could I possibly not stop someone who is heading toward the torments of hell? Since you bear responsibility for a person, when necessary, you’ll even shout [in an effort to save them]. Of course, for me personally, it’s better to remain silent, but I cannot remain silent because I bear responsibility for others.

For example, you do me some wrong, and I forgive you. You do me yet another wrong, and I forgive you again. I’m fine, but if you don’t mend your ways because I forgive you, then your situation is very dire. It’s a different matter if you [want to mend your ways] but can’t quite follow through. However, you must try to mend your ways as much as possible. You must not lull yourself into complacency and say, “Since he forgives me, everything is wonderful and there’s no reason to worry. There’s no need to be upset.” A person may sin, but when they repent, weep, ask for forgiveness with contrition, and want to make amends, then they have an awareness of their sin, and the spiritual father must forgive them. But if a person does not repent and continues with their behavior, then the one who bears responsibility for their soul cannot treat this lightly or with laughter. Kindness harms an unrepentant person.

Respect for Another’s Freedom

— Geronda, is it possible for a person to deliberately hide his fall from his spiritual father?

— Yes, that is possible, but even if the spiritual father knows or suspects the person’s fall, there is no point or benefit in speaking to the fallen person about it. Often, when I see that something has happened in a person’s spiritual life—whether I suspect or know that they have done something—out of respect for them, I say nothing to them about it unless they bring it up themselves. I consider it an act of coercion and a dishonor to tell a person about something at a time when he himself does not want me to know about it. This is a delicate matter, because by telling a person about something that has happened to him against his will, you expose him to ridicule. Is it right to coerce another person? Human freedom exists. I will tell a person that I know something about them only if I see that they are in danger and there is no other way to help them. Or I will do so if I see that they are in the dark and may suffer complete failure and perish.

It is better—if the person asks you for it—to make him understand where he is at fault, so that he himself may begin to strike down his old self, for then he will experience less pain. Consider this: after all, if a child falls on his own and hurts himself, he does not cry as much as if he had fallen because another child pushed him. For one person to tell another what to do, the listener must be humble, and the speaker must be ten times more humble than the listener; moreover, the speaker must strive to apply in his own life what he teaches the other. If I advise someone to do something one hundred percent, that means I myself am doing it one hundred fifty percent. But even in that case, I’ll still consider whether it’s worth mentioning it to them.

Of course, in any case, one can only rebuke those who are close or known to him. A spiritual father must take into account what authority the person has granted him over himself and what responsibility he bears for that person. If a spiritual father has taken responsibility for someone’s soul, he is obligated to rebuke them—naturally, with reasoned argument. However, there is no benefit in becoming someone’s teacher and rebuking the bad habits of a person who has not granted you the right to do so. It’s as if someone were to walk into my cell and start rearranging everything to suit themselves: moving the oil lamp, shifting the bed over to that corner, and hanging the rosary on that nail—all without asking me first.

The Spiritual Father’s Love for the Penitent

A grace-filled spiritual father loves the soul and cares deeply for it, because he knows its great dignity. He helps the soul in repentance, brings it relief through confession, frees it from spiritual anxiety, and leads it to Paradise. A spiritual father is called a “spiritual father”—therefore, he must strive to be a true father: to instruct his children with divine love and tenderness. He must put himself in the place of every person who comes to him for confession and feel their pain so that they may see their own pain reflected on the spiritual father’s face. This is especially necessary in our age, when people need fresh water, not strong vinegar. Most people, being under demonic influence, find it difficult to accept spiritual advice or correction. Therefore, even when rebuking people, one must do so with love: pointing out their mistakes subtly and tactfully, softening the blow with laughter or a joke.

If someone has love, it is evident to others; but if someone is driven by emotional passions, they give him away. If we lack love, then when we offer someone a “kind” remark, they get defensive and put up a fight. Whereas, if we rebuke someone with pain and love, they may get upset, but deep down it doesn’t hurt them, because they feel the love. I know a spiritual father who is very overweight. Of course, one reason for his weight is his constitution, but aside from that, perhaps Father should be a little more mindful about his diet... However, do you know how this Father cares for his neighbor, how he looks after those who are suffering? This spiritual father possesses humility because, while not engaging in many ascetic practices and reproaching himself for it, he simultaneously possesses considerable kindness. And that is why many people find greater peace for their souls with him than with some ascetic spiritual father.

If a spiritual father lacks the resolve to go even into the torments of hell for the sake of love for his spiritual children, then he is not a spiritual father.

[1] In the patristic ascetic lexicon, the word “thought” can refer both to a simple idea that arises in the mind and to a spiritual impulse directed toward good or evil. Furthermore, “thought” can be understood as a good or evil inclination formed through the mind, conscience, emotions, and will. Every action is preceded by thoughts; therefore, for the spiritual struggle to be proper, it must be directed first and foremost toward examining thoughts, so as to cultivate good thoughts and drive out evil ones. All Christians should engage in this practice, but monks devote themselves to it with particular depth. (Hereafter, the notes of the Greek editors are given without reference.)

[2] The Fourth Book of Maccabees has not been translated into Russian. – Translator’s note.

[3] See 2 Macc. 6:7 in the Russian translation.

[6] See Matt. 3:16; Mark 1:10; Luke 3:22; and John 1:32.

[7] Philotimo (φιλότιμο). This word appears repeatedly in the writings of Elder Paisios, who emphasizes the importance of philotimo in the spiritual life. There is no direct equivalent for the word φιλότιμο in modern Russian. In a non-literal sense, it can be translated as magnanimity, a disposition toward self-sacrifice, or a disregard for material things in favor of a moral or spiritual ideal. — Translator’s note

[8] Uranopolis—the secular settlement closest to the Holy Mountain, a small village on the southeastern coast of the Athos Peninsula. — Translator’s note.

[9] Afoniada (the Athonite Ecclesiastical Academy)—a boarding school for boys located on Mount Athos. Founded in 1753. In addition to the subjects included in the high school curriculum, students at the Athoniada study theological and ecclesiastical disciplines (Scripture, the lives of the saints, liturgy, Ancient Greek, Byzantine church chant, iconography, etc.). — Translator’s note.

[10] As recounted in one of the ancient monastic narratives, the leader of a band of robbers once planned to raid a well-fortified women’s monastery. To this end, he disguised himself in monastic garb, came to the monastery gates, and asked to spend the night there. The abbess and the sisters received him with great honor—as if he were a great abbot. All the nuns of the convent gathered to receive his blessing. The water used to wash the “abbot’s” feet was kept by the nuns as a sacred relic. One paralyzed sister, acting in faith, washed herself with this water and was healed of her ailment. To everyone’s amazement, she rose from her bed and approached the “Abba” herself to receive his blessing. The miracle that had taken place brought about an inner transformation in the bandit leader. He repented and threw away the sword he had hidden under his monastic robe. Before long, both he and his accomplices became monks and began to lead a strict ascetic life.

[11] Equivalent to the 6th grade of a Russian secondary school. – Translator’s note.

[14] Nilevs Karamados—a renowned Constantinopolitan cantor of the second half of the 19th century, composer of many church hymns, and theorist of Byzantine church chant.

[15] See St. Gregory the Dialogist. A Discourse on the Lives of the Italian Fathers and on the Immortality of the Soul. Moscow: Blagovest, 1996. p. 54.

[16] This is how the Elder referred to the devil.

[17] That is, spiritual prerequisites—reverence, humility, obedience to the Church—or external prerequisites—education, abilities, knowledge of the Greek language, etc.—Translator’s note.

[18] In the Greek text: “διά της ταπεινώσεως, καὶ ὄχι διὰ της περιφρονήσεως.” In S. I. Sobolevsky’s Russian translation: “When you overcome the passions through humility, and not through pride.” Cf. Abba Isaac of Syria. The Ascetic Discourses. Letter IV. Ed. “Aster.” Athens, 1961, p. 329, and in The Ascetic Sayings of Our Holy Father Abba Isaac the Syrian. Moscow, 1993, p. 255.

[19] The opening words of the irmos of the first ode of the canon for the Annunciation of the Most Holy Theotokos.

[20] In ascetic terminology, a “temptation” (Greek: προσβολή) refers to a thought of the mind or a movement of the heart that is not accompanied by images. The emergence and persistence of sinful images and fantasies indicate “consent” (Greek: συγκατάθεση) to the thought, which constitutes an inner concession to sin and requires healing through repentance. See St. Mark the Ascetic. 200 Chapters on the Spiritual Law. Chapters 139–142 and The Love of Goodness (Russian translation). Vol. I. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1992. p. 532. — Translator’s note.

[21] The feast day of the Holy Martyr Cyprian is celebrated on October 2.

[22] The feast day of the Venerable Moses of Murin is celebrated on August 28.

[23] See Memorable Tales of the Asceticism of the Holy and Blessed Fathers. Moscow, 1845. p. 147.

[26] After the laity have received Communion, the dismissal of the Liturgy, and the distribution of the antidoron, the priest or deacon consumes the Holy Gifts remaining in the Holy Chalice.

[30] Elder Charalambos (1914–1998)—a monk of Mount Athos who lived at Kapsala, a contemporary of Elder Paisios. — Translator’s note.

[31] Famous words from the Akathist Hymn to the Most Holy Theotokos, praising Her Divine Conception, Nativity, and Immaculate Virginity.

[32] A porridge-like mixture made from sesame seeds. — Translator’s note.

[34] Wordplay: The word “volkolyot” (λυκόφτερο), coined by the Elder, is homophonous in Greek with the word “helicopter” (ἑλικόπτερο). — Translator’s note.

[35] Tenants of residential and commercial properties are entitled, under the lease law, to renew their lease even after the previous term has expired.

[36] One of Greece’s central prisons. — Translator’s note.

[37] “Evergetinos” is a systematic collection of ascetic teachings of the Holy Fathers, compiled around the 11th century by Paul, the founder and abbot of the “Evergetis” Monastery in Constantinople, and first published in the late 18th century by the Venerable Nicodemus of Mount Athos.

[39] When speaking of Europeans, the Elder does not disparage the peoples of Western Europe, but wishes to protect us from the spirit of rationalism that prevails in those countries.

[40] Humanism—a cultural movement centered on the self-governing human being, that is, one detached from God and the Church—developed in the West during the post-medieval era.

[41] One day in 1950, when Elder Paisios first came to the Holy Mountain of Athos and was looking for the path leading from Kausokaliivia to the Skete of Saint Anne, he met a hermit whose face radiated light. “He looked to be about seventy years old, and from his attire one could conclude that he had no ties to people… It was evident from everything that a saint stood before me.” When Elder Paisios asked the hermit where he lived, the hermit replied, “Here”—and pointed to the summit of the Holy Mountain. Later, experienced elders confirmed to Father Paisius that twelve hermits lived in obscurity at the summit of Athos. See Elder Paisius. The Fathers of Mount Athos and Stories of Mount Athos. Holy Trinity Sergeev Lavra, 2001. pp. 45–47.

[43] A self-supporting (autonomous) monastery is the opposite of a communal (kinovial) monastery. It is a monastery that has no abbot and is administered by trustees. The inhabitants of self-supporting monasteries follow their own schedule of monastic life, do not share communal meals, and receive monetary compensation from the monastery for performing their duties. The last self-supporting monastery on Mount Athos was converted into a communal monastery in 1992.

[45] Vigla—a mountainous, desert-like region in the southeastern part of the Athos Peninsula.

[46] Spiritual brothers—monks who received their monastic tonsure from the same elder.

[49] The Elder makes a play on words: “Τὸ ‘ἀλλά δέν ἔχει ἀλάτι καὶ ὃλα τὰ ἀλλοιώνει’.” — Translator’s note.

[53] The liturgical master is a monk responsible for ensuring compliance with the liturgical order and, more generally, for maintaining order in the church.

[54] A stremma is a unit of area equal to 1,000 m². — Translator’s note.

[56] Greek: “πολυεύσπλαχνος”; Church Slavonic: “much-mercying.”—Translator’s note.

[57] “Λαμπικάρισμα,” from the verb “λαμπικάρω”—to purify, to distill; to cleanse, to strain; to become transparent. — Translator’s note.

[58] In the army, the Elder served as a radio operator.

[59] The Jesuits—a Catholic religious order founded by Ignatius of Loyola in the 16th century, known for its strict internal discipline and the use of extreme measures to achieve its goals. Figuratively, the term “Jesuits” refers to people who strictly observe the rules of formal piety but lack the corresponding inner state.

[64] See The Ancient Paterikon. Moscow, 1899. p. 87.

[65] See Εὐεργετινός. Vol. I. Athens, 1996. p. 34 ff.

[66] See Elder Paisios. The Holy Mountain Fathers and Stories from the Holy Mountain. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 2001. p. 63.

[69] Epirus is a region in Western Greece. — Translator’s note.

[70] The Elder is referring to the techniques of yoga and meditation that followers of Eastern religions use to attain the state of so-called nirvana, which they understand as liberation.

[72] Konitsa is a small town in western Greece where Elder Paisios spent his childhood and youth. — Translator’s note.

[73] The Vlachs are a Balkan ethnic group living in the mountainous regions of Greece and speaking a Romance dialect. — Translator’s note

[74] Kastoria is a city in western Greece and a major center for fur processing. – Translator’s note.

[75] Cf. The Ascetic Sayings of Our Holy Father Isaac the Syrian. Moscow, 1993. p. 97.

[76] St. Gregory of Nyssa. On Prayer. Discourse II, PG 44, 1141 A; cf. St. Gregory of Nyssa. Works. Part I. // The Works of the Holy Fathers in Russian Translation, published by the Moscow Theological Academy. Vol. 37. Moscow, 1861.

[79] Cf. The Love of Goodness (in Russian translation). Vol. I. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1992. p. 560.

[82] Cf. Memorable Tales of the Asceticism of the Holy and Blessed Fathers. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1993. p. 42.

[83] In this instance, the Elder is referring not to a person’s fate after death, but to the sinner’s rise from his fall and the transformation of his earthly life. – Translator’s note.

[84] See the Canon of Supplication to the Most Holy Theotokos, 7th Ode.

[88] In this context, when saying, “The Grace of God comes,” the Elder means that the Grace of God is once again at work, manifesting Its power in the repentant sinner.

[90] See the Octoechos, Tone 1, at the Ipakoi of Sunday Matins.

[91] Georgios Karaiskakis (1782–1827)—a national hero of Greece and a prominent figure in the Greek Revolution of 1821—Translator’s note.

[92] Theodoros Kolokotronis (1770–1843)—a national hero of Greece and a prominent figure in the Greek Revolution of 1821. —Translator’s note.

[95] Cf. The Ascetic Words of Our Father Isaac the Syrian, in The Holy Fathers. Moscow, 1993. p. 11.

[97] See The Book of Rules. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1992. p. 101. Rule 61 of the Sixth Ecumenical Council.

[99] Canon 61 of the Sixth Ecumenical Council stipulates that “makers of protective amulets” are to be subjected to a six-year penance, and if they remain unrepentant, they are to be excommunicated from the Church. The canon refers to sorcerers who make amulets or talismans into which they insert various magical objects (such as hair, wool, claws, snake or bat bones, etc.). The sorcerers first subject these objects to demonic influence through sorcery.

[100] Daphne—the central pier of Mount Athos. —Translator’s note

[101] Archondariki—a reception hall for guests in Greek monasteries. —Translator’s note.

[102] Augustine (Kandiotis) (b. 1907)—Metropolitan of Florina from 1967 to 1999. — Translator’s note.

[103] That is, Saint Arsenius of Cappadocia.

[106] Luke 8:30; legion (Church Slavonic: legeón) – a unit of the Roman army consisting of 3,000 to 6,000 soldiers.

[107] The elder said that a mentally ill person needs medical care from a good, believing psychiatrist and spiritual guidance from a confessor, whereas a person possessed by an unclean spirit (provided their reason remains intact) must identify their own guilt—the reason they became possessed—repent, and confess their sins in order to be freed from the unclean spirit.

[108] The Elder is referring to the information contained on some CDs, which is perceived by the listener on a subconscious level. In the book by the Greek rock music researcher E. Dadi, *Rock Music*, 16 specific examples are given of songs and albums by well-known Western and Greek rock and pop artists that contain subliminal messages urging listeners to worship Satan, use drugs, engage in debauchery, and so on. See El. Dadi. *Rock Music*. Thessaloniki, 1993. — Translator’s note.

[109] Nikos Kazantzakis (1885–1957)—a well-known Greek blasphemer and anti-Christian writer, author of the highly blasphemous novel *The Last Temptation* (known to many from the film by M. Scorsese) and other books that revile Christ, the Church, and the sacred symbols of the Christian faith. — Translator’s note.

[110] The commemoration of St. Parthenius of Lampsacus is observed on February 7.

[111] See Elder Paisios. The Fathers of Mount Athos and Stories of Mount Athos. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 2001. p. 101.

[112] In many Greek monasteries outside Mount Athos, on the fasting days of the week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), the monastery gates remain closed all day so that the monks may avoid contact with the outside world on these days and devote themselves to spiritual self-improvement. On other days of the week, the monastery gates are open at specific times when pilgrims can visit the monastery and venerate its holy relics. — Translator’s note.

[113] The Elder referred to asceticism and self-denial practiced as an end in themselves—rather than as a means to purify the heart and attain perfection in Christ—as “dry.”

[114] The feast day of the Venerable John the Bush-Dweller is celebrated on January 15.

[115] The feast day of the Venerable Maximus of Kavsokaliv is January 13.

[121] The Holy Kinot of Mount Athos consists of representatives from the 20 communal monasteries of Mount Athos. At the meetings of the Holy Kinot, general issues concerning the life of the Mount Athos monasteries are discussed, their activities are coordinated, and so on. To address day-to-day matters, the Holy Epistasia is appointed annually, consisting of four members—the epistates. The Pro-Epistate is the chairman of the Holy Epistasia and the Holy Kinot. — Translator’s note.

[123] Pentecostals—a Protestant sect founded in the United States in 1907. According to the heretical views of the Pentecostals, they accept “baptism in the Holy Spirit,” as a result of which they allegedly receive charismatic gifts: “speaking in unknown tongues” (so-called “glossolalia”), prophecy, and others. The Pentecostals recognize the characteristics of the Church only in their own sect, adhere to chiliastic views, do not recognize Sacred Tradition, etc. — Translator’s note.

[124] “Firewalkers” (Greek: ἀναστενάρια) — adherents of the pagan custom of walking on burning coals, widespread in some villages of Thrace and Macedonia (Northern Greece). — Translator’s note.

[125] Reincarnation is a false religious belief according to which, after physical death, the soul enters the body of another person or animal, undergoing an endless cycle of births and deaths.

[126] Nasser Gamal Abdel (1918–1970) – President of Egypt from 1956 to 1970 – Translator’s note.

[127] What the Elder says in this chapter applies not only to Hinduism but also, more generally, to New Age religious movements that use yoga and meditation techniques.

[128] Karayoz is the main character in Greek folk shadow theater, a jester. — Translator’s note.

[131] The Theological School on the island of Chalki (the Princes’ Islands, near Constantinople) is an educational institution of the Ecumenical Patriarchate. Founded in 1844, it had three gymnasium classes and four academic classes (similar to Russian theological seminaries and academies). The theological department was closed by the Turkish government in 1971, and the gymnasium department in 1984. — Translator’s note.

[132] It is known that God can reveal His will in various ways to a person who is well-disposed toward Him. One of many examples is the donkey that spoke with a human voice in order to dissuade Balaam from actions contrary to God’s will (see Num. 22:18–35).

[133] See *Euchologion to Mega*. Published by “Aster.” Athens, 1986. p. 591.

[135] At the Esfigmen Monastery in 1953–1956.

[136] Ierissos—a small town in Chalkidiki, not far from Mount Athos. —Translator’s note.

[138] Cf. St. Mark the Ascetic. To Those Who Think to Justify Themselves by Their Deeds, Chapter 155. The Love of Goodness (Russian translation). Vol. I. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1992. p. 553.

[139] Cf. Greek “εξομολογούμαι.”

[141] For more on Elder Tikhon, see the book: Elder Paisius. The Holy Mountain Fathers and Stories of the Holy Mountain. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 2001. pp. 13–39.

[145] “However, it is fitting… to measure healing not by time, but by the manner of repentance.” See: St. Basil the Great. First Canonical Epistle to Amphilochius, Bishop of Iconium. Rule 2 in *The Book of Rules*. Holy Trinity St. Sergius Lavra, 1992. p. 310. See also: St. Basil the Great. Third Canonical Epistle to Amphilochius, Bishop of Iconium. Rule 74.

[146] “Pidalion” (literal meaning: rudder, ship’s helm) is the most complete and authoritative collection of the Sacred Canons of the Orthodox Church with commentaries, compiled around 1793 by the Venerable Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain and the monk Agapios. A Russian translation of the “Pidalion” is being prepared for publication by the “Holy Mountain” Publishing House.

[147] Wordplay: “ἂν ὁ πνευματικός χρησιμοποιη τοὺς κανόνες σάν κανόνια.”